major weight loss during pregnancy | STA 21 Officers Program

major weight loss during pregnancy

We are reaching the end of our time here in North Carolina. My husband has been working on his mechanical engineering degree as part of the STA-21 "Officers" program. Ive made many civilian friends here. During this time, most of them have been uncertain about what his active duty status has meant ("Will he be deploying soon?") or what happens once we move ("So hell deploy when you get to South Carolina?"). I thought I would do a recap of his schedule the past three years for fellow STA-21 wives and a summary for all the civilian friends we have made, help spread some awareness of what it means to be a military family.

My husband has been enlisted in the Navy for 9 years this summer. We have been married for the last 6 and a half years. During that time we have not done a deployment. We have done two Change of Homeports, one tour in shipyard where his submarine had a complete overhaul, and countless underways and fast cruises. I even stayed with my parents for a little over 6 months shortly after our oldest was born because his schedule was so intense. When we lived in Hawaii, he was gone nearly 75% of the time we were there between underways, fast cruises, and just general boat life. A fast cruise is when the boat "pretends" to be underway, in laymans terms. They run and test certain systems in preparation for real underways. (Note: A submarine is called a "boat." A surface ship-- air craft carriers, destroyers, etc-- is called a "ship.") If he had not been picked up for the STA-21 program, he would have gone on deployment, which, for his boat, would range from 5-6 months. Needless to say, I was ecstatic when he got picked up and "got out of" deployment. He was less than thrilled having spent the past couple months doing all the work for deployment without getting the chance to go on it. Not only do deployments offer "exotic" port calls, but they are great chances to get qualifications completed. The other big difference between our college life here and real Navy life is duty days. On a boat, duty days mean spending the night on the boat, the frequency depending on what duty rotation they are on. If he is on 2-section, every other night he stays on the boat, complete with work days before and after. If he is on 3-section, every three nights. 4-section is every four nights. While on a boat, they do not work 9-5 jobs, especially since he was a nuclear mechanic in the engine room (where everything goes wrong-- at least, thats how it felt to me! lol!). He has musters, sometimes shift work, sometimes just long, long, long hours-- and duty days. We have not done a proper shore tour yet, so Im not sure of the differences between the hours and duty days. From talking with my girlfriends, it really depends on the shore tour. (Note: Sea tour is when you are attached to a boat. Shore tour is the "break" between sea tours. These shore tours vary by duty assignment-- and they can really vary.)

All in all, we were on his first boat for 3 years before coming to North Carolina, where weve been for 3 years. Our next move this August will be our 3rd PCS (Permanent Change of Station, which means you are moving on orders). Altogether, this will make 7 moves since marrying my sailor:

1. To New Hampshire when we first got married
2. To my parents house after having our first born
3. To Hawaii-- PCS #1
4. To North Carolina (our 2-bedroom apartment)-- PCS #2
5. To a 3-bedroom apartment in North Carolina
6. To our house with a fenced in backyard in North Carolina
7. To South Carolina-- PCS #3

This will be our first PCS where he is moving with us. All the other times he was underway. I am so glad he is moving with us because this is our first move across state lines with three children. Our oldest was the same age our twins are now that we are moving away-- a lot has changed these past three years!

After graduating in August with his mechanical engineering degree (which he got in three years, a stipulation of the STA-21 program), my hubby will be commissioned as an officer in the Navy. He will then have to complete three Navy schools: nuclear power school, prototype, and SOBC (Submarine Officer Basic Course). I have really enjoyed reading this blog about what it is like to go through these schools: "(Very) Unofficial Submarine Officer Pipeline Rundown." Prototype sounds like it will be much more time consuming than power school, from this guys blog posts; he also includes a post on SOBC. Power school is roughly 6 months long, as is prototype. SOBC is 10 or 12 weeks long and in Connecticut. We are moving to South Carolina for him to go to power school and there is a chance he can complete prototype there as well. However, they may send him to upstate New York for prototype. We would move with him if that happens and it may be good thing because we would be closer to him while he went to SOBC. I think SOBC is an unaccompanied move for him (meaning the Navy will not move his family there). Even if they do, I hear they will only put the family up at the "chalet," which is a hotel room. We will find out more details about where he is going to prototype as he gets closer to completing power school. The next year or so for us will be very "wait and see."

Once he completes power school, prototype, and SOBC, he will get orders for his first sea tour as an officer. At some point we will put in a request for our top 3 choices. Weve done some chatting about where we would want to be stationed. Our list waffles between wanting to be within driving distance of family, traveling abroad while our kids our so young and flexible, and his dream boat assignments. I dont know what we will finally put down when we do put in our request or the types of assignments available when the time comes; I also dont know how loyal the Navy will be to honoring those requests. From chatting with my friends and reading Navy wife forums, it sounds like they do their best to honor those lists, but every once in awhile pull the "for the needs of the Navy" card and send you where they want. :)

My local civilian friends have asked me how I feel about moving, if I have any trepidation about starting over in a new place or if Im used to it. I felt very nervous moving here, away from the support of the military community. I wrote a blog post called "Making friends" about the subject. Now that weve been living psuedo-civilian lives for the past three years, it makes me sad to think about what we are "missing." Our friends here are settled. They have houses they own and school districts picked out. They have neighbors they plan on living next to for years and years. It makes me think of my childhood and how our childrens childhood will be very different. D had lived in three different states by the time he was two. On one hand, I am very excited to get back to that sense of community offered by fellow military families and, on another, I am sad to close this chapter of our lives. We have enjoyed our family time here and the friendships we have made.

Both my husband and I will be very glad to have his bachelors degree behind us. Dont get me wrong-- we have absolutely, 100% loved having family time (and getting a break from boat life). I have loved-- loved, loved, loved-- a reprieve from duty days. But we had a huge pay cut coming here with the STA-21 program. It was also exceedingly stressful for him balancing family life and his college career. We had to extend his contract to come here, committing ourselves to the Navy until 2018. If he couldnt get his degree in three years, if his grades slipped, if whatever worst case scenario happened, he would get sent back to the fleet at his old rate and fulfill his contract. I cant imagine putting myself under that level of stress-- a mechanical engineering degree in three years with a family of five (a wife and three kids) plus the threat of being sent back to the fleet if you failed. 

While his Navy schedule has not been demanding here (he PTs twice a week and has a once a week Navy lab in the evening), Ive found myself sometimes struggling with his school schedule. It was much easier being understanding of a schedule imposed on him-- 20 hour work days on the boat followed by a duty day versus 2 classes in the morning, studying all afternoon, and meeting up with a group to complete a project in the evening. There were many days we argued because I wanted help with sick kids and he needed to get some reading done. There were many times we argued over finances. There were many times I felt like, "If I cant deal with this schedule, what am I going to do when we get back on a boat? What are we doing this for?" His senior year was really, really difficult. He had group projects in almost every class during the fall semester and his senior design project due in the spring semester. Our twins first year was busy, but senior year was the hardest to get through for us. Thankfully we were both willing to roll up our sleeves and work on our marriage. Weve communicated our thoughts and feelings and have come out on the other side of this as an even better team.

All in all, the time here flew by. For us, the first year was a huge adjustment. We were getting used to living under one roof without duty days and underways interrupting our time. The second year we had twins and that was a big adjustment, going from one child to three children plus hubbys school schedule. The third year was his senior year and was an absolute whirlwind. We have no regrets how we spent our family time, but still feel like we should have explored our local area more. Weve lived in North Carolina for three years and have made it to their beautiful beaches once. We live in prime BBQ land, but stick to one restaurant (a very, very good restaurant at that). I suppose there are always those "I wish we had..." when you are a military family and preparing to PCS.

Ive written a few blog posts about our time here in North Carolina--including why we moved so much locally-- and the STA-21 program. If you would like to read them, here are the links:

"Making friends"

"No longer the new girl"

"Across town move"

"Two years of STA-21"

"In my life"

"With a little help from my friends"

"Three years of STA-21"

"I hope youre having fun"

"Murphys Law"

"Living on borrowed time"

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weight loss during 7th month pregnancy | Impossible

weight loss during 7th month pregnancy

The boys and I just went out of town for a week with my family. My hubby came for the weekend, but he had to head back for summer school (he is in the STA-21 program). Our living situation was great in that we were in a three-bedroom timeshare with lots of living space. We did have a few issues stemming from our twin two-year olds.

The toddlers would not stay in their PackNPlays. Every time I put them in they would climb right out. I ended up putting them down to sleep in the king bed in their room. It was the first time they ever slept in a real bed, not a crib or PackNPlay. The first night took a little over an hour to get them to sleep. I tucked them in the bed, a wall of pillows on the side of the bed and piled on the floor around the bed. They climbed right out-- screaming. I went back in, tucked them back in, closed the door. They climbed out-- screaming. Over and over and over again until they finally stayed in bed. They woke up at 6 am the first night they slept in the king bed. They went right to sleep the second night in the king bed, perhaps because they refused to nap. They also slept in an hour later to 7 am. They did nap the third day in a pile right inside the door. The last day we had them in the king bed they did nap. I was so proud of them for napping in the king bed. It was really hard having them not nap while we were there. At home C naps for 4.5 hours every day. O naps for 45 minutes to 3 hours. It was a big change for them to not nap at all that caused them to be very grouchy.

And then their age. I was talking to a gentleman the other day who told me, "Trying twos, terrible threes, and fantastic fours." With my oldest, D, two was rough. There were a lot of tantrums (a lot). I mentioned in my blog post "Comments" that he was a breath holder. I liked what this gentleman said because two really was nothing compared to three with him. Three was flat out, hands down rough. I felt like it was the same tantrums as two except he had more words and more thoughts to throw tantrums about. Four was hard because he wasnt much of a self-entertainer and so he would want to play Legos or Playmobile pirates, but he wanted me to play with him-- nearly impossible to do every single time when you have twin toddlers. (Plus, self-entertaining is a skill he needed to learn!) Fours all in all have been fantastic because of how much his mind has developed. I love listening to him so much now at four that it makes me excited to watch him grow.

Presently I have two two-year olds. [Note: Im really praying that they will entertain each other at three and maybe threes wont be so rough with twins? Fingers crossed?] Things that worked with my first dont work the same with twins. For instance, on the trip we were walking through an outside shopping area. D wanted to go in the toy store and the toddlers were running in an open square. I went to put the toddlers in the stroller and they evaded me. I tried to put C in and he was pointing at something in a store window. As I strapped him in, he was getting more and more upset that we arent looking at what is in the store window. I tried to comment on it, but he didnt want to talk about it, he wanted to go look at it. Except O was running around like a wild man and D was getting impatient to go to the toy store. I told C that what he found was very neat and then tried to get O in the stroller. O wanted me to see the bug he had found on the ground and follow where it is going. Well, I didnt have the time to watch where the beetle was going as C was getting more and more upset in the stroller. I strapped O in and he was then angry that I put him in. I offered a bribe, "Hey, you guys are sitting in the stroller, want a piece of candy from Mommas purse?" They both threw the candy. They didnt want the candy. C wanted to look at the store window and O wanted to follow the beetle. D still wanted to go in the toy store. So I moved forward and hoped to be able to distract the toddlers with fun-to-look-at things in the toy store. They were both so worked up by then from being strapped into the stroller that they were angrily pointing at everything they saw. They cried looking at the wind up trains. They cried looking at the stuffed animals. They cried looking at the books. They then start screaming. I realized I couldnt stay in the store. Not only could I not shop when they were trying to grab everything within reach, but I couldnt think straight with the two of them screaming at the top of their lungs in such a small shop, especially as my 4.5-year old ran from toy to toy begging, "Momma, can we buy this soldier? Momma, can we buy this drum? Momma, hey, Momma, look at this, Momma!"

What would I have done there if I only had one two-year old? I would have told D that I needed to look at the store window first or follow the beetle before we go in the toy store. Sometimes I can do those things with the toddlers. Sometimes I can interest both toddlers in what one of them is interested in, "Hey, O, come and see what C found in this window!" or "Hey, C, come see where this beetle is going with us!" That doesnt always work though. I can reason with D and tell him, "I understand that you want to go in the toy store now, but I need to do this first." But the toddlers are both two and they are not always easily distracted. I also dont always have the time to play out what they want to the extent that they want it. I cant follow a bug for 10 minutes every time one of them finds a bug, especially as the other two-year old is more than likely taking off in a different direction.

Other times I just have my hands full, as I often hear. We went out shopping at an outlet mall. We planned our trip at a "good time" for the kids. First store we walked into the toddlers started screaming. I tried to let them out of the stroller in the dressing room and they went crazy-- pushing the stroller, crawling under doors, wrestling. I got them back in the stroller and they grabbed things on racks and screamed at the top of their lungs. My granny took them outside and starting walking around the mall with them. It worked, though she had to keep them moving. As soon as she stopped they would start crying again. Even more inconvenient, they couldnt see me without crying. I had to slip in and out of the stores without them seeing me in order for them to be happy. We didnt want to shop long. We werent looking to do an all-day-shop-till-you-drop marathon. No, we wanted to meander in an outlet mall, get some lunch, see what was there. Something to do one of the days of our trip before we had to head back for an attempted naptime. For some reason, they just decided the outlet mall was a great place to have huge tantrums, forcing us to cut our outing short.

My husband and I have always said we wanted our kids to be part of our life, not be the end of our life for 18+ years. We want to go places and do things with them. I heard often when I was out pregnant with twins, "Oh! You wont be doing this [whatever it was] once those babies come!" "Better enjoy it now before those babies are born!" On and on, all these comments that our life would be over once we brought the twins home. Ive written many blogs about our schedule their first year and how happy I was when I felt we finally had some flexibility (read "Light at the end of the schedule"). We did make changes once they were born, but they were not abrupt-- twin pregnancy has a way of slowing you down. At home, I do take the kids out, planned around naptime. We go to the childrens museum, to the park, to friends houses. We go to restaurants I can manage the kids at. However, this trip was one of those times where I felt like, "Whoa! This is a little crazy!" They clung to me and refused to nap. They cried nearly every time we went out. They cried through bath time. They didnt eat meals well. I just felt like they were a little all over the place.

I also feel like I was a little hard on my oldest since the toddlers were keeping me so busy. I felt like I needed him to understand and wait nearly every time whereas at home I try to balance it. Sometimes D needs to work on sharing with his brothers (building with Lego Duplos in the family room of the timeshare) and sometimes his brothers need to give him space (hes sitting on the couch watching shows and they climb on him to wrestle). I felt like every time I asked him to be understanding-- a 4.5 year old on vacation with his grandparents. He was excited to be somewhere new just as much as his brothers were yet I asked him to slow down while his brothers smashed his block tower or refused to leave him alone as he sat on the couch. Logistically, I didnt know how to separate all of them. The toddlers were tired from not napping and there wasnt a place I could pen them up as I can at home-- gating off their toddler-proof play room. There were also three children two and under (my twin two-year olds and my sisters one-year old) and only one 4.5-year old. The activities at the timeshare were much more geared to their age group than his. I felt like I didnt have a lot of options for them all and explaining to D how I needed him to behave was the most sensible solution. It was one of those times where I felt some serious Mommy guilt from not being able to do all the things I wanted to do with each of my kids as I wanted to do them. I still dont know what would have been the better option. They wouldnt stay in their PackNPlays, so would sitting with them screaming in my lap so he could build a tower without their interference have been a better choice? I dont really want that to be the standard.

I am determined to get out and enjoy life. I want them to go places and vacation with their grandparents. I loved watching them play with their cousin and so enjoyed spending time with my sister. My parents were a lot of help, as was my sister. This was just one of those trips where we all collapsed on the couch after the kids went to bed and said, "Whew! That was quite a day!"

I really hope they have better dispositions on our next trip!

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