2 year post pregnancy weight lose | Mommy courage

2 year post pregnancy weight lose

One of my good friends is doing MOPS this year and has been talking to  me about their theme: being brave as a mother. I can think of several times as a mother that I have had to be braver than I thought I could be, the first coming to mind when one of our sons was in the PICU for 4 days with RSV and there was nothing else the doctors could do for him. Since then there have been other things: asthma flare ups, injuries, sickness, late nights, solo parenting... Then there have been other times where the lines arent as clear and Im praying and praying that Im making the right choice: disciplining a 6-year old {very different than disciplining 2 and 3 year olds}, disciplining 3 children, speaking up for my parenting choices to others when Id prefer to stay silent... Last night was a new one for me: having the courage to enjoy the holiday.

It has been 4 years since my husband has been on a submarine-- 3 years of college and now going through the officer pipeline. When we first moved to North Carolina for him to start college, I was so jealous of his time. After coming from a fast attack submarine, I wasnt accustomed to him being around much. I tried to soak in every weekend, every weeknight, every time he could go to lunch with us... I wanted to do everything together and I felt panicked when our plans separated us or when we had too many plans in a weekend, even if we were doing them together. We are both homebodies and I felt like we should be home together, making the most of it.

My husband is the sweetest person I know and so loving. He eventually had a little chat with me about how much time we have together with the STA-21 program and that it is okay to enjoy life, doing things together or apart. I slowly relaxed {slowly}. I still sometimes would feel that panicked feeling in my chest if I was at a Bible Study and he was at home doing nothing {my husband is HOME and I am NOT THERE-- what am I doing here???}. By the time we left North Carolina, doing things separately wasnt a big deal. He started power school and golfed, did wood working; I hung out with girlfriends, worked on my writing. Of course I still have issues when we are too busy-- I know our children want to spend time with both of us together and, since quality time is my love language, I love when we do things as a family.

I suppose the foreshadowing for last nights feelings happened last week when I sat down to figure out our Thanksgiving plans. With shiftwork, I didnt want to be struggling to make Thanksgiving dinner with children underfoot only for him to eat and leave at odd hours. I kept thinking that I wanted to do something more than eating take out or a casserole because it might be our "last Thanksgiving together for awhile." That thought just kept bouncing around in my head. I found a recommended restaurant with traditional Thanksgiving fare that would give us the holiday feel without me stressing over a ginormous meal for just our family. I wanted him to enjoy this Thanksgiving because next year... where will he be next year? On a submarine. Home? Deployed? Underway? We dont know. We dont even know where we will be living next year.

Last night we were getting ready to go trick or treating. My husband was tired from shiftwork. Our children were over excited about a holiday-- dressing up, something new, general excitement. I was a little stressed because one of our boys-- the one who tends to randomly projectile vomit when over excited or after eating junk food-- wasnt eating his dinner and I didnt want him binging on candy later without "real food" in his stomach. The baby needed to be fed. All 3 older boys were covered in dirt and sand from head to foot after playing outside before dinner and I needed to give them baths before costumes. It was a busy start to the holiday, but one to be expected with 4 children. My poor husband-- who is genuinely tired from shiftwork-- pulls me aside and says he doesnt want to trick or treat long because he really wants to go to bed early. The panic hit my chest, "We have to trick or treat! We need to do this with the boys. They want to do it with you. We are going to do it as a family." He says he knows, but he doesnt want to be out all night. {Funny conversation in hindsight-- we set out with a 6-year old who falls asleep standing up at 8 pm, two 3-year olds who hadnt napped, an infant who wanted to eat, and my husband who is on rotating shiftwork.} We agreed to hit a few houses in our neighborhood, coming home in time for the kids bedtime.

I kept thinking as we were trick or treating, "Enjoy this night. Next year youll be doing this alone. Next year-- if hes home-- hell be on 3 section duty days, but hell probably be underway or deployed. If were lucky hell be home on shiftwork. Make the most of tonight." Thinking like that is so paralyzing. I knew I wanted us to stick together-- no breaking off and trick or treating with neighbors. We are doing this together, dammit. I felt that panic hitting my chest. Should I let our oldest go trick or treat with his friends? I mean, that is part of normal life, right? But hes only 6-years old, its fine if we tell him no and have him go with us. I know my husband wanted to do this with all his boys, so it is good we said no, right? Ugh. Yes? No? Panic rising again-- he wont be home next year! Enjoy this year!

For me, this became a courageous parenting moment. I realized that my fears that we wouldnt be together next year {the unknown future} were taking over my ability to enjoy and live in this moment {the present}. And while I wasnt walking around telling our children, "You must enjoy this time with your father. He will probably be underway next Halloween," I wasnt exactly letting them spread their wings and just be. I had expectations of the evening that I wanted met. How is that fun for a kid? Trying to fit into a box his mom has made for the day? While I was thinking all that, I also realized that I dont want to teach my children to think this way. I dont want to train them to have those panicked feelings of making the most, clinging on so tight that they cant see what is in front of them. I know they will have struggles as military children, but why should I compound that by teaching them new things to be afraid of? To dread? Teaching them to regret how they spent a holiday-- time they spent-- before theyve even had a chance to experience the day? My love language is quality time. Regret and anxiety are not quality time.

Remember Finding Nemo? Marlin tells Dory regarding his son Nemo, "I promised Id never let anything happen to him." Dory replies, "Hmm, thats a funny thing to promise... you cant never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little [Nemo]."

And as I write this blog post, we are watching The Croods. Eep says to her father, "You have to stop worrying about us." Her father replies, "Its my job to worry! We have to follow the rules." Eep goes on to say, "The rules dont work out here." Eeps father interjects, "The rules kept us alive!" to which Eep replies, "That wasnt living! That was just... not dying."

Last night when it looked like our night was going to go downhill before 7 pm-- fussy baby, cold family, tired husband-- I felt myself getting upset, "This isnt how I want tonight to go!" But when does life ever happen exactly how we want it to? I took a deep breath and let it go. I let go of my expectations for the evening, the panic that we have to make the most of tonight because of the unknowns of next Halloween, the desire for tonight to be perfect. When I did that, the evening was perfect. The boys sprinted from house to house (we were glad that we stuck together as a family in the end). We dropped the stroller off and held the baby, warming up my husband and actually putting the fussy baby to sleep. We ended up back home before 7:30 pm, letting the boys eat some of their Halloween candy while passing out candy to the last few trick or treaters. The kids were in bed on time; my husband was in bed before 8:30 pm. It all ended up working out and even I enjoyed myself once I let go, once I stopped clinging to everything so tight.

I curled up next to my hubby with my book last night as I fed our baby happy. Who knows where we will be living next Halloween or if my husband will be home. I do know that if hes underway, hell be thinking of this Halloween and how our boys kept taking off as fast as their legs could carry them from house to house. How we had a hard time keeping track of our Captain America and Buzz Lightyear, but our Big Al {Alabama Crimson Tides elephant mascot} was easy to spot. How baby #4 calmed as soon as he was picked up by his daddy and promptly fell asleep on his shoulder. How my husband spent the rest of the evening with one hand free, the other holding the baby, but how all the baby needed right then was his daddy. How the boys screamed with delight when we told them they could eat all the candy they wanted last night and how they compared and shared all their treats-- without us asking. How they fell asleep not 10 minutes after we put them to bed. Who could ask for a better Halloween?

Now, while it took a lot of courage to let go on Halloween, it was fairly easy to remember with all the Elsas wandering the neighborhood. I will have a much harder time when Thanksgiving and Christmas come around. Hopefully I can breathe in, breathe out, and enjoy those days for what they are as well.

Do you find it hard to live in the present as a military family?

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zumba pregnancy weight lose | Cloth diapering an infant BumGenius Elementals and Freetimes

zumba pregnancy weight lose

I need a break from housecleaning, so blogging it is. :) We have officially switched from covers and prefolds with baby #4 to our BumGenius Elementals and Freetimes. I decided to stick to all-in-one cloth diapers. Without getting in to a world of details, there are a lot of ways that you can cloth diaper. The most popular way is a pocket style diaper where you stuff a pocket inside a cover with absorbent inserts, such as the BumGenius 4.0. There are also systems like the Grovia Hybrids or Flip covers and inserts.... It just all felt like a lot. I have heard great things about those systems and people love them. I just really love the idea of all-in-ones; they work just like disposables.

While we do own 2 Freetime diapers, we mainly use Elementals. For our 4-month old, we have 9 Elemental diapers (11 diapers total and Im going to buy Stellar and Jolly when they are released in December... only because I love their colors-- haha!). For nights we are still using Thirsties fitted diapers (now in size 2) and a Flip cover. I have 2 Thirsties fitted diapers and 1 Flip cover.

BumGenius Elementals

So what does an Elemental diaper look like? This is BumGeniuss Elemental print Martin. The Elemental diaper has 2 layers of organic cotton attached inside a Flip cover. There is no stuffing in inserts or putting a cover over type. It is an all-in-one system and basically works like a disposable-- you take the whole thing off for each change (as compared to covers and prefolds). I love organic cotton. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is so absorbent and Ive had no issues with it on baby #4s skin. These are my favorite diapers. Why do I own Freetimes? Because Elemental diapers take a lot longer to hang dry-- almost a day and a half if you do not put them in the dryer at all. I usually let them do one run in the dryer so they come out damp, then I let them hang dry in the sun. This cuts down the drying time to about half a day.

 

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BumGenius Freetimes

 

What does a Freetime diaper look like? This is BumGeniuss Freetime print Sassy. The Freetime diaper has attached inserts that you fold over each other to put on the diaper; it doesnt matter which one you put down first-- works the same either way. The Freetimes are also an all-in-one system-- no stuffing of inserts, no putting on covers. They also work a lot like disposables-- you change the whole diaper at each diaper change.

 

 

 

The top of the insert is a sueded material that pulls moisture down towards the microfiber underneath the insert. Because of these microfiber inserts, the diaper dries super fast after washing. If I take it out of the washer in the morning, it will be dry by the afternoon without any time in the dryer. I keep 2 Freetimes because of how quickly they dry. I dont want to get stuck without diapers!!!

 

 

On the outside, the Elemental and the Freetime looks a lot the same. Another reason why I favor Elementals over Freetimes is that they do not have a "fluffy butt" like Freetimes do, especially on our 4-month old. I feel like it might be less "fluffy" when he gets older, but, for now, Elementals are a much trimmer fit.

 

 

 

Adjustable size

 

BumGenius advertises on their diapers that they work from 7 to 35 lbs. They have a fancy snap system on the front to adjust to your babys size. The gal at my favorite local store said that covers and prefolds work a little better for the newborn stage, that these are a little bulky for the newborn babies. After comparing covers and prefolds with the all-in-ones, I agree.
{Check out my blog post: "Week 2 of cloth-diapering a newborn."}

 

 

 

The snaps on the front of the Elementals and Freetimes are the same. This is how I snap up the diapers for our 15-pound 4-month old. These are the snaps that I snap up to adjust the diaper to his size. Once I have them snapped, I do not unsnap them for washing or anything. They stay snapped, so this is a one-time thing-- no complicated snapping at each diaper change.

 

 

I snap the very bottom snap up to the top snap to make it smaller to fit him and do the same all along the row. This is the diaper with the first snap snapped up....

 

 

...the second snap snapped up...

 

 

...and the third snap snapped up.

 

 

And that is how I adjust each new diaper that I buy for baby #4. As I said, I only do this once. The diaper stays snapped up for the washing and wearing. To fasten the diaper on our baby, our baby doesnt need the flaps brought all the way across. I leave 2 snaps in the middle. I love how adjustable the diaper is to the babys size making a personal, no-leak fit. This is a picture of how I snap the diaper to fit our baby during wear.

 

 

Diapering an Elemental

 

Now that we have gone over the differences between Elemental and Freetime all-in-ones, Ill show you why I love all-in-one diapers. They are so easy to change and work essentially like a disposable diaper. Starting with the Elemental {my favorite}, I lay the diaper on the changing table, the side with the closure snaps goes in the back.

 

 

I bring the front of the diaper up and snap one side close. I count up 4 snaps on each side.

 

 

I snap the other side closed, counting 4 snaps on this side too. This leaves 2 snaps in the middle, just like I pictured above, which is how the diaper best fits our baby.

 

 

Just like with other cloth diapers, it is important that the inserts are tucked into the cover. Since the insert is what absorbs all the moisture, if it is poking out, it will saturate babys clothing.

 

 

I just do a check to make sure the inserts are all tucked in. Rarely does an insert poke out when I put on the diaper-- they are very easy to put on-- but I like to check to make sure.

 

 

I am still using the exact same wipe system as I did with covers and prefolds-- cloth wipes at home and disposable wipes out of the house. To see pictures of how I use our wipes, check out my blog post "Week 2 of cloth-diapering a newborn." To change the Elemental diaper, I change as usual then throw the entire soiled diaper and cloth wipes in the diaper pail.

 

 

Diapering a Freetime

 

To put a Freetime diaper on, I fold the inserts into the diaper as pictured above {where I show what a Freetime diaper looks like}. It does not matter which insert is on top or bottom when you fold them into the diaper. I lay the diaper on the changing table with the snaps in the back.

 

 

 

I fold the front of the front of the diaper up...

 

 

...count 4 snaps on one side and snap closed...

 

 

...then count 4 snaps on the other side and snap closed. This leaves 2 snaps in the middle which is how the diaper best fits our baby. Just like with the other diapers, it is important to check and make sure the inserts are all tucked inside the diaper.

 

 

To change the diaper, I throw the entire soiled diaper in the diaper pail.

 

 

Baby #4 is still exclusively breastfed. As I talked about in "Cloth diapering a newborn {logistics}," breastmilk stool is water soluble. I throw the entire soiled diaper in our diaper pail without rinsing. This brings me to my next topic: laundry.

 

Laundry: washing Elementals and Freetimes

 

I wash our diapers first thing in the morning, right after I change his night diaper. I know many people that wash their diapers at the end of the day, but, for us, it works best to do our diaper load first thing in the morning. That way, right after breakfast, the diapers have washed and I can hang them to dry. When I change our baby, I throw his clothing laundry into our diaper pail as well. I wash our Planet Wise pail liner roughly every other day or as needed.

 

I put the contents of our diaper pail in the washer and run a rinse cycle. After that cycle has run, if the load is sparse, I throw in our toddlers clothes hamper contents as well. Then I wash the diapers on heavy duty, which is a hot cycle, with our cloth diaper detergent.

 

I have heard that detergents leave a build up in your washer and can affect absorbency for cloth diapering. I do use a cloth diaper detergent when washing a load of diapers. For our regular household laundry sans diapers, I use our homemade laundry detergent. I have read conflicting information as to whether Borax is cloth diaper safe or not. However, because of the other ingredients, I do not worry about this detergent building up in our washer and affecting the absorbency of our cloth diapers.

 

 

Side note: If you read my blog post "Homemade household cleaners," you know that we have switched to all homemade and biodegradable household cleaners. The cloth diaper detergent is the only household cleaner that I buy. Since bleach is not biodegradable, I have not used it on my diapers yet. I know that we have only recently switched to Elementals and Freetimes and that baby #4 is only 4-months old and exclusively breastfed... Im not sure if/when or why I would pour bleach in with our diapers. I figure if we start having problems with absorbency {or maybe bleach is for a smell in the cloth diapers?} Ill start troubleshooting our wash routine. For now, I make sure to give our diapers a lot of sun time to kill any bacteria that may be on the diapers which hasnt been a problem for us here in South Carolina-- lots of sunshine!

 

 

BumGenius prints on their tag that Elemental diapers are safe to go in the dryer. Im a little skeptical on drying the all-in-ones, but for the sake of expediency, I do throw the entire load into the dryer, pulling out the Freetimes. I run the Elementals in the dryer once. The rest of the load dries fine, but the Elementals are never dry after one pass through the dryer. With them slightly damp, I hang them on our drying rack.

 

This is how I hang dry our Freetimes. This way...

 

 

...or this way.

 

 

This is how I hang dry our Elementals.

 

 

As breastfeeding mommas know, breastmilk stool stains. I like to sun bleach our diapers on sunny days regardless of whether they are stained or not {kills any bacteria on the diapers}. If I have a stained diaper, I position it so it can absorb the most rays possible. Every breastmilk stool stain that Ive had on our Elemental diapers has come out with just a few good hours in the sun.

 

 

Laundry: prepping Elementals and Freetimes

 

While we are on the subject of laundry, Ill discuss prepping the diapers. Prepping the Thirsties fitted diapers, the Flip covers, and the Freetimes is easy-- wash once. I just throw the new diapers in with a load of our regular household laundry. Prepping the Elemental diapers is a little different because their inserts are made with organic cotton. When you wash the organic cotton, it will release its natural oils. If these oils get on your other synthetic diaper fabrics, like microfiber, they will make them unabsorbent-- not cool for a diaper. I wash our Elemental diapers 5-7 times before wear. If I only wash the diaper 5 times before I put it on our baby, I make sure to change that diaper about an hour after hes worn it. Organic cotton becomes more absorbent the more it is washed. Before the diaper has been washed 7 times on high heat, I make sure to wash it separately from our Thirsties fitted diaper and our Freetimes. Since we have 6 people in our house, finding loads of laundry isnt a challenge for us. I keep the new diaper in the laundry room and throw it in when I do a load of laundry for our boys or when Im washing a load of diapers without any of the aforementioned types. After I have washed an Elemental diaper 7 times, I throw all our diapers-- Elementals, Freetimes, Thirsties fitted, and Flip covers-- in our diaper pail after changing and wash them all together as I described previously. I cannot emphasize enough how much more absorbent organic cotton is than other types of materials. I love it. Since I dont know the science behind why organic cotton is that much more absorbent, it stands as a magical mystery to me.

 

Overnights

 

Our night diaper routine is exactly the same as described in "Cloth diapering a newborn {logistics}." I have pictures in that blog post of the Thirsties fitted diaper and the Flip cover. The only difference now is that we have a Thirsties size 2 fitted diaper instead of a size 1.

 

Out and about with cloth diapers

 

In "Week 2 of cloth-diapering a newborn," I discuss getting out of the house with cloth diapers. The only difference to that routine is that now I make sure I have 2 clean all-in-ones with me for normal excursions with the kids. If Im going to be out of the house for a longer amount of time, I might pack 3. I also like to put baby #4 in a fresh diaper before we leave the house.

 

Available prints

 

And now for an adorable cloth diaper picture. :)

 

Baby #4 in Marie

Here are the prints available in Elementals, Freetimes, and Flip covers. My favorites are Hummingbird, Sassy, and Martin. Our boys always pick out Spence {aka "pirate booty"} for baby #4, which we have in Elemental and Freetime. For some of the older out of stock prints, like the Chelsea Perry Artist Prints or Jules, check out Facebook BumGenius buy/sell/trade pages.

 

To view all my posts on cloth diapering baby #4, check out my Popular Posts tab and scroll down to "Kimbers Posts on Cloth Diapering."

 

Do you cloth diaper? What would you add to this post? I love to hear from you!?

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weight loss after pregnancy reclaiming your body | From 3 to 4

weight loss after pregnancy reclaiming your body

What has changed for us now that we have 4 kids?

1. My mom is always right.

Dont tell my mom that. And maybe not always, but... yeah, my mom is always right. While Im close to my mom anyways, I find myself calling her more and more to find out exactly what I should do, not get her advice and consider it, but, "Hey, Momma, what would you do? Tell me everything." My hubby isnt home for everything and I love having my mom by my side {even from a distance}.

2. Always looks on the bright side of life.

Life is busy and messy and, well, sometimes not fun at all. While every week is pretty much one thing after another, this week was one of those weeks where it was one.thing.after.another. I psyched the kids up for a day and a half to go to the pumpkin patch with our homeschool group...and then our van broke down and was out of commission for 2 days. Because I was sick last week, I had rescheduled everything to this week; I had to then re-reschedule everything to next week because of our van issues. Our cat was spayed-- sat in traffic to drop her off and pick her up, and then dealt with 4 kids at the vet to pick her up (that is about as much fun as it sounds). I had to take our baby to urgent care (hes fine) and his cold has kept me up for the past 5 nights, not to mention hes somehow managed to reintroduce a night feed we had previously dropped. My husband was dealing with a shift change through all of this at prototype. We ran over a nail after getting our van back from the shop and it took 3 hours at Costco to get it repaired; the kids screamed and fussed and fought the whole time we were there. My husband and one of our toddlers both dislocated a finger this week. Our other toddler had a speech therapy assessment and his stutter is worse than I thought and now I need to work a weekly speech appointment into our calendar. And weve been finding time for an hour and a half of homeschool each day through all this... Life is just messy. Being a Monty Python fan, Ive had this song stuck in my head all week: 

"If life seems jolly rotten 

Theres something youve forgotten

And thats to laugh and smile and dance and sing...

Always look on the bright side of life..."

Sometimes you just gotta look at the bright side of life.

 

3. Nothing will ever go as planned.

 

Im not saying things went as planned before-- they didnt. But now it is a toss up. I take the kids to the park and one is throwing sand in his brothers face while another is climbing the play structure and another is crying -- or -- they all go and play happily -- or -- two of the boys play happily and two fuss and cry. Last night we planned on going to a fall festival. It became apparent about twenty minutes before we needed to leave that it just wasnt in the cards for us last night. We made the smart call and didnt push it-- better to have our plans fly out the window than have a super stressful time getting everyone dressed and ready to go only to come home to a messy house with hungry children.

 

4. Nothing will ever go as planned.

 

Yeah, it is on there twice just to really drive home the point that nothing ever goes as planned. Ten minutes before it is time to go out the door, the toddlers who were fully dressed are now naked and claiming they need to use the restroom, even though they already did. The baby poops and needs a diaper change. The dog needs to go out. The doorbell rings and wakes up my husband who needs to sleep due to shiftwork. The kitten goes missing. I mean, nothing ever goes as planned. I try-- and I often do-- get to places on time, but inevitably something happens. On the flip side,  I am constantly surprised and pleased with how well our boys handle various situations. We just did weeks of road tripping and visiting friends and family. Our boys did amazing! I was blown away by how well they did. It gave me so much confidence that we can handle traveling and this Navy life.

 

 

 

5. 4 isnt that different from 3...

 

We never had 2 kids, so Im not sure how that goes. But I did have 3 kids. There was no strapping on the baby and following after the older sibling or my husband supervising one and me the other. There was no holding both my childrens hands as we crossed the parking lot (2 kids, 2 hands). There was no standing near one on the playground and keeping an eye on the other. We jumped straight from have a "one and only" to zone defense. Managing 2 babies at the playground while our toddler played to watching 2 toddlers and keeping an eye on our preschooler to now having a kindergartner, 2 toddlers, and an infant. Thankfully now I have my Tula and am pretty good at keeping up. It is also nice that this time we have a baby and toddler twins {instead of toddler and infant twins like last time}, so I can wear the baby and hold our toddlers hands; our oldest is very good about keeping close. Still playing zone defense though.

 

 

6. ..except for the times when it is very different.

 

Baby #4 is the best baby weve had. I totally relate to Horney Moms blog post. But, yeah, there are times where the baby is crying to be fed, the toddlers are at each others throats, our kindergartner fell off his bike, the dog is trying to sneak all the food off the table (and throw it up later)... Or the other day when one of our toddlers was stung by a bee while I was out shopping. I had to carry him back to the car while I held the other toddlers hand, baby #4 strapped in the Tula, my oldest keeping close and carrying all my purchases. Also, when my husband and I split up the kids, we view keeping 1 or 2 kids very differently than we used to. Now he says, "Yeah, Ill take our 6-year old and a 3-year old to the barber shop," when 4 years ago I cant imagine either of us thinking hair cuts would be a great time to spend a little individual time with 1 or 2 of the kids (or that staying home with 2 would be somewhat of a "break").

 

7. Different strokes for different folks.

 

You know what moms of 4 know? That every child is different and every time in your life is different and it is A-Okay to be different-- and not just doing things differently each time, but doing things differently than other families. What works for your family might not work for another family. What works with one baby might not work with the next. What came easy with one baby might not come easy with the next. Having identical twins also is a good lesson in that-- what works for one doesnt always work for the other. Husband underway? Take it easy. Rough night? Have cookies for breakfast. Its okay. We know that it all works out. Just because you are taking some shortcuts now (maybe even a lot of shortcuts) doesnt mean that you will later. Seasons of your life.

 

8. It really is just a phase.

 

Speaking of seasons of your life, we also know that it really is just a phase. Your toddler refuses to eat anything, like a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. He will eat again. Your baby is up all night. You will sleep again. Your 3-year old throws fits all the time. He wont behave that way forever. Doesnt always make the phases we are going through easier to manage, but it does help keep it in perspective. Weve gone through those phases before, we know to expect them and have the foresight to anticipate their arrival, and then we have the patience to let them ride. Ive found that because of this Im able to enjoy myself a lot more with our boys-- even with our 6-year old who goes through each stage first. Ive seen how quickly these rough infant and toddlers phases pass and it helps me focus on the good aspects of each phase instead of dwelling on the bad.

 

9. No mommy judgment.

 

Im sure youve seen these types of blogs posted before: "10 Signs Youre a Parent to 3 Kids" or "Things Moms of Four Kids Do." Yeah, if youve read those, you know we arent judging you. If your kid walks into my legs as hes looking the other way at the mall, I honestly dont mind. No need to apologize when you interrupt my shopping trip to ask what kind of stroller or baby carrier I have. Ive been there; I did my research when making baby purchases as well. Within reason, I understand when kids start getting too rough on the playground and I definitely understand temper tantrums. Ive been there. Weve done on demand schedules and strict schedules with our kids-- I get it. I get when you need to cancel last minute or when you are running late. Ive had "those kinda days" as well. It happens. I have spent hours crying in the bathroom too. I have laughed at the ridiculous things my kids have said. I have been embarrassed, under prepared, caught off guard, tired, exhausted, deflated, over joyed, fulfilled, content, heart broken, irritated, and more by motherhood. Ive held my baby for the first time and felt my heart run over. Ive watched my baby labor to breathe. Ive seen ultrasounds with no heartbeats. Ive carried flailing children out of stores and restaurants. Ive walked stolen merchandise back into shops. Ive repeated myself all day every day and still felt like I wasnt heard. Ive prayed from early in the morning to late at night and still felt like I wasnt enough or couldnt do it. So I get it. When you want to talk to me about how your one baby isnt napping or how hard you have it with your two children, and then apologize because "I must think you are ridiculous," I dont. I understand. Im looking to make the same "mommy connections" as you. I want friends just as bad as you do and I too want to be supported and feel like someone else "gets it."

 

10. Let it slide.

 

While Im sure we still make our lives more complicated than they need to be, we do have the experience to let some things go. We dont force toddlers to eat when it is pointless and we have the benefit of not stressing about it either. We dont get our panties in a knot over every cold. We expect a certain level of craziness everywhere we go, so toddlers banging spoons on tables or the occasional drink spilling doesnt stress us out. We put far more emphasis on growing independence than doing it perfect, such as having children dress themselves and actively participate in household chores. Weve {somewhat} learned that some behaviors are far better to ride out until they go away on their own instead of fussing and fighting over them. Ive also found that when Im talking to my mom about a discipline issue that Im struggling with and she says, "Oh, it will work out," Im able to let it go. My mom always tells me to pick my battles and were finding that we are better able to decipher which battles are worth picking and which battles are just a massive waste of energy for us.

 

All our babies

How have things changed for you the more children youve had? Do you have 4 kids? What would you add to this list?

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