2 year post pregnancy weight lose | Mommy courage

2 year post pregnancy weight lose

One of my good friends is doing MOPS this year and has been talking to  me about their theme: being brave as a mother. I can think of several times as a mother that I have had to be braver than I thought I could be, the first coming to mind when one of our sons was in the PICU for 4 days with RSV and there was nothing else the doctors could do for him. Since then there have been other things: asthma flare ups, injuries, sickness, late nights, solo parenting... Then there have been other times where the lines arent as clear and Im praying and praying that Im making the right choice: disciplining a 6-year old {very different than disciplining 2 and 3 year olds}, disciplining 3 children, speaking up for my parenting choices to others when Id prefer to stay silent... Last night was a new one for me: having the courage to enjoy the holiday.

It has been 4 years since my husband has been on a submarine-- 3 years of college and now going through the officer pipeline. When we first moved to North Carolina for him to start college, I was so jealous of his time. After coming from a fast attack submarine, I wasnt accustomed to him being around much. I tried to soak in every weekend, every weeknight, every time he could go to lunch with us... I wanted to do everything together and I felt panicked when our plans separated us or when we had too many plans in a weekend, even if we were doing them together. We are both homebodies and I felt like we should be home together, making the most of it.

My husband is the sweetest person I know and so loving. He eventually had a little chat with me about how much time we have together with the STA-21 program and that it is okay to enjoy life, doing things together or apart. I slowly relaxed {slowly}. I still sometimes would feel that panicked feeling in my chest if I was at a Bible Study and he was at home doing nothing {my husband is HOME and I am NOT THERE-- what am I doing here???}. By the time we left North Carolina, doing things separately wasnt a big deal. He started power school and golfed, did wood working; I hung out with girlfriends, worked on my writing. Of course I still have issues when we are too busy-- I know our children want to spend time with both of us together and, since quality time is my love language, I love when we do things as a family.

I suppose the foreshadowing for last nights feelings happened last week when I sat down to figure out our Thanksgiving plans. With shiftwork, I didnt want to be struggling to make Thanksgiving dinner with children underfoot only for him to eat and leave at odd hours. I kept thinking that I wanted to do something more than eating take out or a casserole because it might be our "last Thanksgiving together for awhile." That thought just kept bouncing around in my head. I found a recommended restaurant with traditional Thanksgiving fare that would give us the holiday feel without me stressing over a ginormous meal for just our family. I wanted him to enjoy this Thanksgiving because next year... where will he be next year? On a submarine. Home? Deployed? Underway? We dont know. We dont even know where we will be living next year.

Last night we were getting ready to go trick or treating. My husband was tired from shiftwork. Our children were over excited about a holiday-- dressing up, something new, general excitement. I was a little stressed because one of our boys-- the one who tends to randomly projectile vomit when over excited or after eating junk food-- wasnt eating his dinner and I didnt want him binging on candy later without "real food" in his stomach. The baby needed to be fed. All 3 older boys were covered in dirt and sand from head to foot after playing outside before dinner and I needed to give them baths before costumes. It was a busy start to the holiday, but one to be expected with 4 children. My poor husband-- who is genuinely tired from shiftwork-- pulls me aside and says he doesnt want to trick or treat long because he really wants to go to bed early. The panic hit my chest, "We have to trick or treat! We need to do this with the boys. They want to do it with you. We are going to do it as a family." He says he knows, but he doesnt want to be out all night. {Funny conversation in hindsight-- we set out with a 6-year old who falls asleep standing up at 8 pm, two 3-year olds who hadnt napped, an infant who wanted to eat, and my husband who is on rotating shiftwork.} We agreed to hit a few houses in our neighborhood, coming home in time for the kids bedtime.

I kept thinking as we were trick or treating, "Enjoy this night. Next year youll be doing this alone. Next year-- if hes home-- hell be on 3 section duty days, but hell probably be underway or deployed. If were lucky hell be home on shiftwork. Make the most of tonight." Thinking like that is so paralyzing. I knew I wanted us to stick together-- no breaking off and trick or treating with neighbors. We are doing this together, dammit. I felt that panic hitting my chest. Should I let our oldest go trick or treat with his friends? I mean, that is part of normal life, right? But hes only 6-years old, its fine if we tell him no and have him go with us. I know my husband wanted to do this with all his boys, so it is good we said no, right? Ugh. Yes? No? Panic rising again-- he wont be home next year! Enjoy this year!

For me, this became a courageous parenting moment. I realized that my fears that we wouldnt be together next year {the unknown future} were taking over my ability to enjoy and live in this moment {the present}. And while I wasnt walking around telling our children, "You must enjoy this time with your father. He will probably be underway next Halloween," I wasnt exactly letting them spread their wings and just be. I had expectations of the evening that I wanted met. How is that fun for a kid? Trying to fit into a box his mom has made for the day? While I was thinking all that, I also realized that I dont want to teach my children to think this way. I dont want to train them to have those panicked feelings of making the most, clinging on so tight that they cant see what is in front of them. I know they will have struggles as military children, but why should I compound that by teaching them new things to be afraid of? To dread? Teaching them to regret how they spent a holiday-- time they spent-- before theyve even had a chance to experience the day? My love language is quality time. Regret and anxiety are not quality time.

Remember Finding Nemo? Marlin tells Dory regarding his son Nemo, "I promised Id never let anything happen to him." Dory replies, "Hmm, thats a funny thing to promise... you cant never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little [Nemo]."

And as I write this blog post, we are watching The Croods. Eep says to her father, "You have to stop worrying about us." Her father replies, "Its my job to worry! We have to follow the rules." Eep goes on to say, "The rules dont work out here." Eeps father interjects, "The rules kept us alive!" to which Eep replies, "That wasnt living! That was just... not dying."

Last night when it looked like our night was going to go downhill before 7 pm-- fussy baby, cold family, tired husband-- I felt myself getting upset, "This isnt how I want tonight to go!" But when does life ever happen exactly how we want it to? I took a deep breath and let it go. I let go of my expectations for the evening, the panic that we have to make the most of tonight because of the unknowns of next Halloween, the desire for tonight to be perfect. When I did that, the evening was perfect. The boys sprinted from house to house (we were glad that we stuck together as a family in the end). We dropped the stroller off and held the baby, warming up my husband and actually putting the fussy baby to sleep. We ended up back home before 7:30 pm, letting the boys eat some of their Halloween candy while passing out candy to the last few trick or treaters. The kids were in bed on time; my husband was in bed before 8:30 pm. It all ended up working out and even I enjoyed myself once I let go, once I stopped clinging to everything so tight.

I curled up next to my hubby with my book last night as I fed our baby happy. Who knows where we will be living next Halloween or if my husband will be home. I do know that if hes underway, hell be thinking of this Halloween and how our boys kept taking off as fast as their legs could carry them from house to house. How we had a hard time keeping track of our Captain America and Buzz Lightyear, but our Big Al {Alabama Crimson Tides elephant mascot} was easy to spot. How baby #4 calmed as soon as he was picked up by his daddy and promptly fell asleep on his shoulder. How my husband spent the rest of the evening with one hand free, the other holding the baby, but how all the baby needed right then was his daddy. How the boys screamed with delight when we told them they could eat all the candy they wanted last night and how they compared and shared all their treats-- without us asking. How they fell asleep not 10 minutes after we put them to bed. Who could ask for a better Halloween?

Now, while it took a lot of courage to let go on Halloween, it was fairly easy to remember with all the Elsas wandering the neighborhood. I will have a much harder time when Thanksgiving and Christmas come around. Hopefully I can breathe in, breathe out, and enjoy those days for what they are as well.

Do you find it hard to live in the present as a military family?

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bikram yoga post pregnancy weight loss | Upcoming PCS

bikram yoga post pregnancy weight loss

Our 2-year olds wrestling on a hotel room couch last PCS ;)

I wrote a blog post before titled, "PCSing tips from a Navy wife and mother of three." We have a PCS coming up in the next couple months and so I wanted to write another blog post about how we start preparing several months before an upcoming PCS.

Move Notebook?

The most important aspect to a smooth PCS is organizing all your paperwork which is why the move notebook is so important. I wrote a blog post called "Write it all down" where I explain how I organize our move notebook. The other day I spent the morning getting our move notebook ready for our next move: throwing out and filing paperwork from our last PCS, printing off new note taking pages, adding sections for our new kitten and baby #4. Move notebook: ready.

Donating HHG?

The next step {and one you can never start too early-- seriously} is going through your household goods (HHG). One of the difficult aspects of being a Navy family is you never know where your next PCS will be. We will find out roughly 2 weeks before we PCS where we are going. I dont want to donate our winter coats because 1.) I dont know where our next move will be and 2.) I dont know where we are going after that. When we lived in Hawaii, our hall closet was stuffed with winter jackets from living in New Hampshire/Maine. Our storage unit in North Carolina was lined with boogie boards from Hawaii, that we then used here in South Carolina. I know everyone manages their HHG differently, but, man, I hate rebuying things every time we PCS. So, while keeping in mind that while we might not need our boogie boards/swim suits or scarves/winter coats at our next PCS, I still follow a few rules when combing through our HHG:

• When you last lived in that climate, did you actually use those items?
  I just went through my closet and found a whole bin of hideous scarves and hats. I never wore them in New Hampshire, I never wore them on the cold days in North Carolina, and I definitely dont plan on wearing them in the future. Some things that never were in style will definitely never be in style again. If you find beach toys that you never took to the beach when you lived 10 minutes from it, get rid of them.
• Follow the rules of fashion: if you havent worn them in 2 seasons, out they go.
  If you have gone through 2 seasons with your fall wardrobe and havent pulled out an entire drawer of sweaters, pare them down. If you have skipped over certain items for 2 seasons, you will never wear that item again. If you need help going through your closet with a critical eye, I highly recommend Tim Gunns Guide to Quality, Taste, and Style. Tim Gunn has all the answers.
• Most important question: how easy is that item to replace?
  Being a moving military family, this is the most important question to me when looking at an item and weighing whether it should stay or go. I dont like donating items that I immediately need to replace when arriving from a PCS (moving is expensive enough already without creating expenses). My husband hates one of the end tables in our family room. I agree with him that it isnt a quality piece of furniture. However, I do not want to move to our next house missing end tables; I need somewhere to put my coffee. That is an item that I would keep and replace... eventually {probably never-- haha!}. Our winter jackets also fall in that category. My husband and I both have very nice winter jackets; our childrens winter jackets have all only seen a season or two, meaning our younger sons have quality hand-me-down jackets. It would cost more for me to throw them all out then keep them and hand them down to our younger children. Several things that didnt make the cut: surplus outdoor toys, a large quantity of toys from our playroom, a whole bin of spare picture frames, cookbooks that I rarely-- if ever-- use, etc.

Going through your HHG is something that takes time. We did spend the couple weeks after baby #4 was born going through every drawer and closet in our house, tossing out the junk, organizing all our paper files. That was very productive, but, since then, we have gone through even more stuff. We keep a donate box in our garage so that we can continuously add to it. Yesterday alone I found literally 20 pounds of things to donate in our office, a room that we have already combed through. I look at it this way: when you first walk into a room like our playroom, it is hard to discern what we truly need to keep. The first wave is the most obvious for removing junk. The second wave is when we start picking through and really organizing. The third wave we can go through with a fine tooth comb and eliminate almost all of the junk.

Use up your liquids

 

This is a really helpful blog post on PCSing, "Army Wife Network: PCS Guide." It states:

Be aware that most moving companies will not transport candles, batteries, live plants, and liquids.  They will however pack non-perishables.  If you have any of these items you will have to make other arrangements to get them to your new home or give them away.

Sounds simple enough, but take a close look at how many liquids you have in your home, starting in the kitchen: oils, condiments, vinegars, alcohol, dressings, jars of pickled products, etc. Move to the bathroom: lotions, hair products, shave products, bath and body products, etc. Move to the garage: paint, finishes, aerosol cans, gas, cleaning products, etc. This is obviously not a process that you should start the week before you pack out.

Some people get really frustrated that those items wont be packed out. I agree.. It is hard to throw those all away each and every time you move. On the flip side, how would you feel PCSing from Hawaii and having your household goods packed in a crate with someone elses household goods and one of their boxes exploded, leaking 409 all over your couch for 2 months? Or a bottle of olive oil saturating a box of books? When we left Hawaii, one of our movers left a bag of individually wrapped chocolates on our couch. 3 months later when our couch was delivered to North Carolina in July, we had an epic mess on our hand that literally coated our small living room in our apartment. (The chocolate had coated the couch and the paper that the couch was wrapped in, spreading all over the carpet, the couch cushions... It was a mess.) So I understand why these items arent moved. I also am excited when some of these items accidentally do get packed and survive in one piece-- "Score! A box of household cleaners that I dont need to go out and buy!"

I 100% agree with passing out things you cant move to your friends-- freezer items, cleaning products, hair products, any and everything. I believe in paying it forward. I believe in donating things you dont need anymore or cant use. I also believe in cutting down on waste and using what you own. It is still so frustrating throwing out so much waste every time we move. No matter what we pass out to friends, we still end up with waste each and every time. Some moves it cant be helped. We found out we were moving in 2 months when we left Hawaii, fast forwarding our move date by over a year. My husband was underway while I was setting up our move and we had a lot of ducks to get in a row for the STA-21 program. Im not sure we used up much of our perishables before we moved. I remember boxes of cleaning products I handed out and throwing away so much food, even after passing out so much food.

Here are my tips on using up your liquids:

• Take inventory
  What items do you own that actually cannot be moved? Check your freezer. Check your pantry. Check your bathrooms. Check your garage. Figure out what you have and what you need to use up. Write a list if it helps. Figure out how to use up the cleaning products you own and, if you run out before your PCS, buy multi-purpose cleaning products that will be easier to consume before your move date. Make meals that use your perishables.
• Start early
  I have found that, for our family, the last month before we move is not a good time for us to use up our products. We are busy cleaning. Our friends want to go out to eat with us. I am spending time setting up the move, confirming dates, refiguring everything when I get a call that the pack out is moved by a week or two, etc. That last month never goes as planned and our freezer suffers for it. Plan early-- start 3 months ahead truly consuming what you already own. Make it a goal. With 3 months before you move, pull out those perishable items from your pantry that must be consumed-- condiments, dressings, etc-- and get creative. In your bathrooms, set out the liquids that cannot move and start using them! Make a point of using these things.
• Figure out what you wont use
  Despite our best efforts, there will still be things that we will not use. For instance, my husband has lots of finishes and paints in our garage. He will not be completing any more woodworking projects before we move. I have lots of shampoos and conditioners that I will most likely not use. Make a game plan for those items. Since I plan on visiting my parents, I know that I can bring our unopened condiments, bath and body products, etc, to their house and I know what will get used there. For the other things, we plan on passing those things off to our friends, especially in the last month when it is obvious we will not be using them. A big note is do not wait to hand it all out the week before you PCS. As well-meaning as people are, everyone is busy. You may have a free afternoon to hand out your household cleaners and bath and beauty products, but your friend has school pick up/drop off and doctors appointments. Dont wait until the last minute when your only option is to throw it away.

Make reservations

 

Im not sure how well it comes across in my blog, but Im a planner. I like making lists, schedules, keeping notes, hanging reminders. I like having a game plan. PCSing can be really hard because moving plans are contingent on all the other parts of the move: the pack out date, when HHG are picked up, etc. If you have a moment, Ill take you on a little walk through my over-planning mind.

• Set up the outgoing hotel:
  
  I am a huge fan of booking directly through companies. I never use third party sites, such as Travelocity or Kayak or whatever. My favorite hotel companies for PCSing are Marriot and Hyatt {both have military rates}. As soon as I have an idea of when we might possibly have a good chance of maybe PCSing, I book our hotel. Why? Because I familiarize myself with the hotels cancellation policy. Marriot and Hyatt give you 24 hours before your check-in time to cancel a reservation.
  
  How do I make this work for me? Lets say that I think we are PCSing at the end of November (which we arent). I would go on the computer now, compare rates, book an outgoing hotel reservation for 2 weeks at the hotel of my choice, and then continue to monitor hotel prices. When PCSing with pets and children, sometimes it costs far less to stay at a hotel that does not accept pets and board the animals than it does to stay at a hotel with a pet deposit and a pet fee each night; sometimes it isnt. It also takes some planning to figure out if it would be more convenient to board the animals or keep them with us-- where is the pet boarder located in relation to our hotel and home? How much will it cost to board our pet? What is the pet fee/pet deposit at our hotel?
  
  I also like to call local military hotels, such as Navy Lodge or any hotels on base. Many of those hotels have deposits that you pay when you make the reservation, but they also usually have a similar cancellation policy as the larger chain hotels. I like to check out those hotels because they are usually less expensive, generally centrally located, and often pet friendly. The downside to the military hotels is that they are quite often just hotel rooms whereas with a Residence Inn I can get a 2-bedroom suite that comfortably accommodates the whole family or a Hyatt Place room with somewhat divided spaces that works well for a short stay.
  
  And here is why I never use third party sites: as the move gets closer, I adjust our reservation when our dates become firmer. I never cut down the length of our stay. I always make sure to make our reservation at least 2-3 days past when I think I will need it. {When PCSing with a family, dont make it more difficult by setting it up so you have to change rooms in the middle of a hotel stay.} I carefully mark my calendar as to where I have made reservations and the cancellation dates. This makes it much easier for me to guarantee lower fares, comfortable accommodations during a PCS, and a convenient location {I like an included breakfast, lunch and dinner within walking distance, and centrally located to the other aspects of our move}. With third party sites, they often do not allow cancellations or adjusting the stay. It is often very difficult to do this as well, resulting in long phone calls through automated systems (my nemesis).
  
  It is much easier to book our outgoing hotel in advance. I generally have to wait until the month before our PCS to book our incoming hotel. We do not like to stay at our home once our pack out begins because it is often dangerous keeping track of the kids with moving boxes, etc. Our outgoing hotel begins the day of our pack out and ends when we leave town, usually right after our final walk through. {I love when we can book our final walk through in the evening the night before we check out of our hotel-- that is perfect PCS timing.} The incoming hotel is contingent on when we are actually moving to our next duty station-- when our household goods will be delivered, my husbands report date, etc. That I have to wait on until we have a firmer idea of when things will take place, but I book that as soon as we have an inkling as well.

 

HANG IN THERE

?

 

I hear a lot as we get ready to move that "it will all work out." We had a really crappy situation when PCSing from North Carolina to South Carolina (read "Living on borrowed time"), but it worked out. It always does. Its stressful to not know where the next move is or when exactly we are moving or being able to look up housing at our next place {my fingers are itching to start searching Zillow}. For now Im content channeling my energy into these tasks. Eventually the  move will hit and Ill earn more PCSing gray hairs. For now there is no stress-- no dates to keep track of, nothing broken in a move, no overbooked hotels, no missing POAs, no housing wait lists... Just a looming move.

 

What are your pre-PCSing tips? How do you get ready for an upcoming PCS?

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weight lost during twin pregnancy | Mommy guilt part II

weight lost during twin pregnancy

Motherhood teaches you a lot about yourself, about character flaws you didnt realize you had previously. For one, Ive had to develop a thicker skin. I know, more than once, I had to consciously not take it personally that our son decided to say "Dada" before "Momma." Ironically, when he said "Dada," he wasnt even spending anytime with Daddy. Daddy was out to sea! As a logically thinking parent, it is wonderful that your son is saying Daddy. As a tired woman balancing a toddler, the Navy, and living away from family, why cant your son recognize all the hard work you put in and say "Momma"? Not only have I needed to put small things like that in perspective, but the larger things have forced me to thicken my skin and stand my ground as well.

We recently went to parent orientation at my sons preschool. The teacher explained that on the first day, the students will be given a card to write their name on that will sit on the front of their desk. My heart sank. My four-year old should already know how to write his name? She went on to explain that many students do not yet know how to write, which is perfectly normal, and that by the end of the year each of the preschoolers will be able to write their name. I saw other moms smile and nod, content that their children-- who may or may not know how to write-- will be able to write their name at the end of the year. Where was my mind still? "Why havent I taught him to write his name yet?" I am in the midst of reading The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling by Debra Bell. In Chapter 3 on page 39, she writes as she realizes the fact that she had yet to teach her daughter cursive in third grade, "I was almost hyperventilating over the panic attack that ensued-- if I could forget cursive, what other venal or mortal oversight was I capable of? Would my daughter ever recover? What doors were now swinging shut because of her mothers incompetence?"

And it happens with our 16-month olds as well. Now that they are toddlers, there are expectations on their development from seemingly everyone we meet. "You have beautiful boys! What words do they say?" "They are darling. I remember my son at that age loved rectangles." "How sweet! Twins? My sisters toddler twins love counting everything."

Ive written before about "Mommy guilt." I dont feel like Mommy guilt really covers the depth of the feelings you get when you are faced with a parenting situation you arent sure of. Should my child already know how to count to thirty? Should he know how to write his name? One of my 16-month olds says sit, shoes, and Momma. The other only says Momma, though I think Ive heard him say, "Up, Momma," once. And possibly "ay" for "eight." Should my 16-month olds have a better vocabulary? Should the know to hold still for diaper changes? Should the be able to put a puzzle piece in its proper place?

Other times, there are restraints on you that you cant control, such as finances. I absolutely love our stroller. I have written several blogs mentioning how much I love our stroller and give glowing reviews of our stroller when stopped out in public. We only own that stroller because of the generosity of my family. My granny and my parents purchased a large portion of the stroller and we bought accessories for it along the way. But we were on our own for carseats. Every mom seems to own Britax carseats. They receive glowing reviews. However, I cannot afford a $229 infant carrier. For my oldest, we bought a Chicco travel system. Our travel system was about $300, at the time. This came with a stroller, a carseat base, and an infant carrier. The price online, now, is $349.00. When he outgrew his infant carrier, I bought the best convertible carseat that we could afford for him, a $160 Safety 1st Alpha Omega Convertible Carseat. I felt great about our carseat choices with him. I talked to my "mom friends" to see what they recommended. I talked to our pediatrician, bought the seats and moved on with my life. When I had twins, I spent much more time researching carseats. We were still confident in our choice of the Chicco infant carriers. We purchased a second one at an online baby sale on Target.com. It was about $130 for the carseat and carseat base. When it came time to buy convertible carseats, what was the best convertible carseat? A $344 Britax Boulevard? And what about the high-end Clek Foonf selling for $474 at our favorite baby boutique? Ive never even heard of that thing, but was it better? We were always happy with our Alpha Omega for our oldest. He was actually still using his Alpha Omega Safety 1st carseat when we were carseat shopping for our twins, meaning we needed two new convertible carseats (not that you would neccesarily want to hand down a convertible carseat used by a toddler for almost two years). And buying a used carseat isnt something that we are comfortable with. Even our "reasonably priced" Safety 1st Alpha Omega carseats tallied $320 when buying two, on top of our monthly double diaper bill and expensive formula. All this input and I even began doubting whether or not I had bought the best for our oldest! It was exhausting. Finally I threw the extra input out the window, followed our budget and my gut, and bought the Safety 1st Alpha Omega Convertible Carseats at our wholesale store for $80 a piece with a coupon. Fabulous. $160 for two carseats. And a carseat that I was satisfied with for two years with our oldest son!

A couple months ago our oldest approached the 45-lb mark. We had a dilemma: he was over the 40-lb weight limit for his five-point harness. I consulted with several of our friends as to what they thought. We received input from a few friends that he needed to remain in a five-point harness. Several other of our friends with kids Ds age or older felt we were at the point to put him in a belt-positioning booster seat, especially since he was almost four-years old. This is when we started hearing all this information about new laws in North Carolina regarding the five-point harness and belt-positioning boosters. Friends told us, "Children need to stay in a five-point harness until five-years old or 80 lbs..." My husband and I were floored at the input and seriously felt like horrible parents that we were considering to move him to a belt-positioning booster. Do we really need to buy another five-point harness carseat for our three and a half year old? Carseats with upper-weight limits between 80 to 100 lbs are expensive! So we consulted our pediatrician and researched the North Carolina state laws and what was recommended by AAA (our go-to for child carseat safety). North Carolinas BuckleupNC.org website clearly states its laws did not change. I quote, "The NC Child Passenger Safety Law has not changed." It goes on to say:

A properly used child restraint device (CRD) is required if the child is less than 8 years old AND weighs less than 80 pounds. Most parents and other care givers will be able to comply by using belt-positioning booster seats for children between 40 and 80 pounds. The child must be within the weight range for the child restraint/booster seat and it must meet Federal standards in effect at time of manufacture.

HealthyChildren.org discloses the AAP update recommendations regarding forward-facing carseats and belt-positioning boosters:

Children should transition from a rear-facing seat to a forward-facing seat with a harness, until they reach the maximum weight or height for that seat. Then a booster will make sure the vehicle’s lap-and-shoulder belt fit properly. The shoulder belt should lie across the middle of the chest and shoulder, not near the neck or face. The lap belt should fit low and snug on the hips and upper thighs, not across the belly. Most children will need a booster seat until they have reached 4 feet 9 inches tall and are between 8 and 12 years old

The article also quotes Dennis Durbin, MD, FAAP:

Parents often look forward to transitioning from one stage to the next, but these transitions should generally be delayed until they’re necessary, when the child fully outgrows the limits for his or her current stage... For larger children, a forward-facing seat with a harness is safer than a booster, and a belt-positioning booster seat provides better protection than a seat belt alone until the seat belt fits correctly.

The AAA Carseat Saftey How-To Guide states, "It is safest to keep your child in a forward-facing seat with a harness until he or she reaches the seat’s maximum height or weight (40 to 65 pounds) limits." Regarding belt-positioning boosters, it says, "Children can use a booster seat when they have outgrown the weight or height limit of their forward-facing harnesses, which will be between 40 and 65 pounds."

Finally, our pediatrician confirmed that our son was ready for a belt-positioning booster. With all of these facts supporting us to move our three and a half year old son who had outgrown the weight limits of his convertible carseat, we still felt like horrible parents because of the well-meaning comments of people telling us he needed to stay in a five-point harness. There was this lingering question in our minds, "Are we making the right decision?" We found no state laws requiring him to stay in a five-point harness until he was five-- not one. I couldnt even find anything mentioning a recommendation specifically mentioning five-years old. The carseat displays in every store tell us upper-weight limit or 40-lbs for a belt-positioning booster. Our pediatrician knew of no new law and told us we could move him at the upper-weight limit of his convertible carseat (which he exceeded). Mommy guilt ate away as I buckled him into his belt-positioning booster, which cost us much less than a new five-point harness carseat with a higher weight limit. On top of that, I again doubted whether we bought the right convertible carseats for our twins.

Why? Why cant I research and make a good purchase in our price range? Why cant I consult with our pediatrician and make a grounded decision? Why do the comments from people, even well-meaning comments, take root in our mommy minds and make us doubt our decisions? Of course our childrens safety is a priority. We always double-check their restraints when we buckle them in (or when someone else buckles them in). It just is silly that Mommy guilt can gnaw away at me internally when logically I know I made a right decision. Why, as moms, do we allow guilt to take over when we know--we know deep down to the core of our being-- that we are making the right decision? And we know that we cannot do everything. Yes, I know that I am not required to teach my preschooler how to write before he actually attends his first day of preschool while managing a household and also parenting toddler twins while I balance my own interests and those of my husband. But it still bothers me that there may be other kids in his class who can write and D cant. And I still feel embarrassed around our friends who told us to keep him in a five-point harness, that we bought a belt-positioning booster instead. And I still feel the need to explain that, oftentimes, twins are delayed, consecutive children are delayed, boys are delayed, and they were five-weeks early. What?! My twins are 16-months old and I am already willing to give them a label of "delayed" to a total stranger just to justify why the only word they consistently use is "Momma"? And I still feel the need to explain why we ended up using formula instead of breastfeeding, even though we are long past that phase.

I dont think Mommy guilt is ever healthy. No, we shouldnt ever bury our heads in the sand and blaze our own trail. We need to support each other and hear each others input. As mothers we need to fully understand that what works for us, may not work for someone else, or, conversely, what works for someone else may not work for you. There are some things that we cannot change. A child needs to remain rear-facing until the age of 2 or until they reach the upper-weight limit of their rear-facing carseat. To quote AAA Carseat Safety: A How to Guide:

The rear-facing position supports a child’s head, neck and spine and helps reduce stress to the neck and spinal cord in a crash. Children should ride in a vehicle’s back seat in rear-facing safety seats from birth until age 2, or until they reach their convertible seat’s upper weight limit, which should be around 35 pounds. Be sure both age and weight requirements are met before a child is moved to a forward-facing seat.

Other things, like our decision to follow the law and allow our oldest to move to a belt-positioning booster instead of buying another five-point harness with a higher weight limit, is our personal decision. It really is crazy how the devil can sneak in your head and gnaw away at your resolve. Moms are especially weak to the "what-ifs" that plague our consciousness. Good thing my next read is Every Thought Captive: Battling the Toxic Beliefs That Separate Us from the Life We Crave by Jerusha Clark...

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post pregnancy weight loss youtube | Unique to twins

post pregnancy weight loss youtube

There are a lot of things about having twins that are hard to put into words or hard for people without twins to understand. For some things, parenting twins is double the work. For other things, it is half the work. I absolutely love being a momma to identical twins.

However, I read some of these articles about parenting twins or talk to some people with multiples and it feels like they are trying to make parenting twins far more unique or unusual than it is. Some of the things involved in parenting twins applies to parenting more than one child. Having twins in itself is special and unique. Why make it bigger than it is? Why say things in a way that puts down other moms, especially since most moms are moms of singletons? It feels like it is making a divide, when there is no need to create more mommy competition than there is already.

I was reading this article and it seemed to cover all the bases for most of the "unique" twin things I hear a lot, "9 things only parents of twins will understand," by Megan Shauri on FamilyShare. I went through the points she made regarding "unique twin things" and expanded on them, since many of them are not twin-exclusive, and some apply to sibling groups but are a little different for twins.

1. "People will ask inappropriate questions."

Totally agree with this one. We have heard some wildly inappropriate questions-- especially in front of our children-- as to how our twins were conceived. Even now I get asked if they are natural. But now that we have 4 children, we hear a lot of inappropriate comments, especially because they are all boys, these also said in front of my four precious children. Comments Ive heard from strangers:

"If I had 4 boys, Id put a gun in my mouth."

"Having 4 boys is the worst thing that I think could ever happen to me."

"Are you an alcoholic? I would be if I had 4 boys."

"God bless you because I cant think of a worse thing than having 4 boys."

"Better you than me because that sounds miserable."

I know the author was referring to fertility/conception when stating the inappropriate questions. When people ask about our boys ("Yes, all boys, all mine") they usually notice two are the same height and look the same ("Yes, they are identical twins") and I will sometimes hear if we "planned" them-- because using our magic looking glass we knew down the road that our 4th child would be another boy? So we thought lets do twin boys for children #2 and #3?

"Good Lord, Im so thankful I dont have twin boys."

"Twin boys! That is horrible. Wow, I have always wanted twins, but never twin boys."

"Im surprised you are out of the house and dressed. If I had twin boys, I would stay in bed crying all day."

Note on that: people really need to stop using the Lords name in vain to curse my blessings.

2. "You have to learn to speak twin."

This is the first point she makes that I truly dont agree with. Twin language? Really? This is one that just makes me shake my head...

Anyone who has raised a toddler knows how language gets warped and distorted as their child learns words. Dirty diaper becomes "bo bo;" water becomes "wah." Ive met people in adulthood who are still called by the name they referred themselves to when they were three-years old, unable to pronounce their full name.

Then you take two children learning language at the same time who spend all day together... yeah, they babble and sometimes it appears they have invented a little language. But they havent. They are babbling. We have taken our boys-- all 3 of the older ones-- on playdates where they are playing with their peers and their friends even seem to know what they are talking about.

I attribute this to the fact that these children are just used to not understanding a lot of what is being said to them. Up until that point in their cognitive life, they have had a world of people talking over them and at them. And so they are imitating what was modeled for them, just like they do with everything else. You give them a pot and a spoon, they pretend to cook {until they start beating their brother with the spoon...}.

Our boys have all gone to speech therapy. With our oldest, we were taught not to encourage his mutated words. Even when he said words in an absolutely adorable way, we were to repeat it back to him correctly so he learned the correct pronunciation. With our twins, we were taught not to encourage their "twin speak," even when it was hilarious. When one babbled a word incorrectly, we were to repeat it back correctly.

Honestly, we never had an issue with "twin talk." I have met many people that strongly believe in twin language. Strongly. We have had age appropriate babble from our children that seemed to be understood by each other-- even our oldest. Our twins would be fussing in their high chairs, yelling some undecipherable stream of words, and our oldest would say, "Mom, he wants the red car and he wants his blanket!" after my attempts of appeasing them failed. Our oldest would diligently fetch these items; his brothers would take them and instantly stop fussing, their attention fully absorbed in their treasures.

As our twins have grown, we have encouraged correct language. When we figure out a hard to pronounce word that they have been struggling over, we learn to recognize it in their speech and work with them on the correct pronunciation. It doesnt make sense to me to latch on to toddler speak and dub it twin language.

When I tell people, no, our twins do not have a secret language, they usually launch into how their cousins twins could read each others minds. One would just burst out crying and the other would go get a certain toy and the twin would stop crying because they just knew. My sisters and I were always very close and always anticipated/knew what the other sister wanted, just from our surroundings/past experience/knowing each other. Siblings have a bond. Twins have a leg up on this sibling bond because from their moment of conception they have been thrown together as a pair, even in familys where the sibling bond is often ignored or left to grow on its own without parental guidance.

3. "You will never stop being asked if they are twins."

My sisters and I look like replicas of each other. We used to find it so amusing when people asked us if we are twins. Sometimes we said yes; it was all a game to us. Now that Im grown with a set of identical twins... it isnt the game it was then. Our boys are three-years old and Im not sure I can really convey how often we are asked if they are twins. It isnt that I mind talking to people or that Im not friendly; I feel like I am very friendly and open. I love our boys and love talking about all of them. It is just that we get asked at every store, at every errand, at the guard shack driving on base, at Chick-Fil-A when we walk in the door, when we order, when we are sitting at our table, by the parents in the play area, by the fellow patrons around us, on our way out to the parking lot... We seem to go in waves of being asked if they are twins. We will only get asked on some of our errands and then other times we are asked e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e every time we go out. {Mind you, I do not dress our twins alike. I sometimes put all of our boys in matching/coordinating outfits for events and such, but not our every day wear.}

4. "There is no such thing as just running to the store quickly."

This point made by the author was one of those comments that make singleton parents glare at twin parents. Because leaving the house with one child is so easy and singleton parents have no idea how easy they have it?

As a parent of singleton first, I can tell you that it is not that easy. Our first child was a breath holder from 6 weeks to 3 years. It was intense. And going from buckling no car seats as a free agent adult to buckling a car seat every time you leave the house, it is a big change.

Now as a parent of 4, I can tell you leaving the house with one child is not the chore it used to be. Buckling one car seat and taking one child in when I have 3 more children in car seats staying home with Dad feels like much less work. That sounds like Im saying that one car seat is easy...

No, what Im saying is that it is relative. Having your first baby is a major learning curve. Having your fourth baby is much easier. Things dont surprise you so much. I expect to have some fussiness in the store, maybe some crying in the car. I expect babies to be loud and disruptive in public and know what age appropriate behaviors from our toddlers are. I enjoy going out and having one on one time with just one child and appreciate not having to do zone defense down the aisle of the commissary.

If I could go back in time there are so many things I would be much more relaxed about with our first, but I cant because I was figuring it out then. I had no idea what to expect at each of the ages and stages. There are definitely times now that I hear a mom of one complaining to me about how their house is a mess and I do want to laugh out loud, thinking about the uphill battle I have at home with our 4 children. But I have been in that moms shoes. I know how that mom feels and I know those feelings are real.

5. "The learning curve for sibling rivalry happens much sooner."

I think this really sums up a lot of the differences between twins and singletons, not the sibling rivalry, but that things happen much sooner. Instead of easing into balancing sibling groups, you are thrown into it. We went from one child to three children-- a big transition! As someone who rarely pushed a stroller with our first, I was then taking a stroller that could hold three children everywhere we went-- two infant carriers, two bottles, two sets of baby toys and blankets to keep track of, three children to balance. And when our twins became mobile it was much more difficult finding a place for our oldest to do toddler activities, like Playmobile sets. He would pull his toys away from one baby only to be accosted by the other baby. It was a lot for him to take in. Our style of parenting changed a lot going from one child to three children, though there has been a much smaller shift going from three children to four.

6. "They truly love being together."

This one is another stretch. How is this just twins? Our boys fuss and fight and bicker all day long. But they freak out if one of them leaves. They worry about the baby when I leave the house with just him, "Dont forget to feed him while you are gone!" Thank you, 6-year old; I will remember to do that! They worry when my husband leaves with any combination of them-- our 6-year old and a 3-year old; both the 3-year olds... They are so excited when their brothers come home after any amount of time away. "Where did you go?! Did you have fun?!" Whenever we go anywhere-- doctor appointments, piano lessons, etc-- and the one with me is offered stickers or suckers or treats, he demands 3 more for his brothers. They all look out for each other. We have encouraged from the beginning the sibling bond, the band of brothers. It is so important for brothers to have each others backs.

7. "It feels like your kids grow up faster."

It is weird to me having two pass through the phases together. It feels... different. We seem to hit the phases fast and furious. We binged on toys to make our day easier; we have so many baby toy hand-me-downs, two of everything, because it was easier to give them each a toy in their Bumbo. We had two swings, two bouncey seats, two, two, two. Two push lawnmowers, two Fisher Price poppers, two Fisher Price school buses... And then they grew out of it all and it is passed down to baby #4 who finds far more entertainment in his brothers than his toys.

Looking at baby #4, Im amazed at how old our twins are. We are out of the baby stage with them-- they are 3 years old! We are moving into the preschool years. How did we fly through that? I still remember the long evenings, double the colds, double the diapers...

And suddenly they are playing games with their big brother and our house is now three of everything. This was a Christmas of threes. Our garage has shifted from toys for our oldest {one of each} plus toys for our twin toddlers {two of each} to toys for our boys {three of everything}.

I think maybe now they are older and out of the extreme hands on baby phase, maybe it will feel more normal to have two children pass through the stages together. Maybe it will feel a little less intense than when it was two babies. I dont know. I am just floored that our oldest is now 6 years old. SIX. Not the tiny baby on my hip. Our twins are 3 years old. THREE. Not the round babies in cribs and diapers. And we have a fourth baby. What? How time flies!

8. "They will always be compared to each other."

There could be a whole article on this one alone. Yes, yes, yes, yes, a million times YES. We have 4 children and we have heard, "Does he sleep like the other ones? Does he eat like the other ones? Is he a good baby/bad baby/same baby as the other ones? Does he look like the other ones?" Normal, right? Yup.

But for twins, it is different. We hear that and then some. If one of our twins falls off the slide and starts crying, I hear, "Is he the sensitive twin?" If one of our twins is wearing mismatched clothes and the other twin is wearing what I picked out, I hear, "Is he the rebellious twin?" If one of our twins is throwing a fit in public, I hear, "Is he demanding twin?" If one of our twins says hi to the people asking if they are twins, I hear, "Is he the outgoing twin?" The are just labeled. Labeled everywhere we go no matter what they are doing. They are labeled as the twins and then people want to attribute each and every one of the smallest behaviors they are exhibiting at any given moment to which twin they are.

And when our oldest is noticed in the midst of the twin labeling, he gets asked, "Are you a good helper with your brothers?"

{Face palm}

9. "You will always be teaching people about twins."

Yup.

"My dad is a twin so I was sure I would have twins."

"My brothers cousins wife had twins, so I know my turn is next."

Read my blog post, "Identical or Fraternal {revised}."

What do you think of this list and of her article? Do agree that these are unique to twins or do you think they cover sibling groups as well?

 

View Megan Shauris article here: "9 things only parents of twins will understand," by Megan Shauri on FamilyShare?

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extreme weight loss during pregnancy | Potty training twins part 1 No plan

extreme weight loss during pregnancy

As a mother to three children with another on the way, I know the importance of planning. As a mother of twins, I know the importance of planning. And now, as a mother to children growing more and more independent each day, Im learning the importance of going with the flow, trying things out, and seeing where life takes us-- essentially, throwing out the plan and flying by the seat of our pants.

We have already potty trained one child. I wrote three blog posts about the experience:

• Try to see it my way
• Why not?
• Follow-up on potty training

With him, he really didnt want to potty train. He liked diapers and was fine with how things were going. As his parents, we were the ones ready to be done with diapers. If you read the blog posts on potty training D, you know that he was ready to potty train and capable to do so. The thing that I liked about potty training him was that he was ready and so when we finally did it, we were able to do days, nights, naptime, out and about... It all just feel into place.

As for potty training our 2.5-year old twin toddlers, I came up with a plan. I wanted to wait until they were the same age our oldest was when we potty trained him, a couple months past 3 years old. I did have other reasons for wanting to wait as well, such as their vocabulary and their maturity level. (Read my blog post "Potty training 2.5 year old twin boys?")

My plan has gone out the window! One of our twin toddlers, C, decided that he wanted to potty train. He even said that, "I want potty train now." {Face palm.} I put it off. We played along with his desire to use the potty, feeling like it was helping him understand the concept of eventually potty training. He wanted his diaper changed after each time he tinkled. He would tell us before he would poop, after he pooped, waddle to the diaper changing basket, pull out a clean diaper and wipes, and demand we promptly changed him. Sometimes he would tell us before he would poop or pee and demand to use the potty. I was doing everything I could to prevent him from potty training. What changed my mind?

A couple weeks ago the toddlers vocabulary and communication skills leaped forward. It felt like one week we were totally frustrated that they wouldnt use their words to communicate-- depending on temper tantrums to express themselves-- and a week later they were chatting with us about their day. C started expressing more and more his desire to potty train-- which I listened to-- but what really convinced me to let him try was when I started being able to negotiate and reason with him. One morning we were rushing out of the house. The toddlers were feeling hurried and stressed as I searched for shoes and dressed them quickly. C started screaming and flailing when I attempted to strap him into his car seat. I took him out of the seat and stood him in the driveway next to our van and began to reason with him. He listened! We came to an agreement and I was able to peacefully strap him his car seat. That conversation was the turning point for me. I realized that if I could explain to him why I needed him to buckle up, I could explain to him the fundamentals of potty training.

I made the decision to make a new plan for potty training: No Plan.

This past Thursday, we had an afternoon at home. I put both the toddlers in underwear and explained to them that they cannot go potty in their underwear; they must use the toilet. They agreed. C was beaming; he was so thrilled to finally be in underwear! I remembered how well the timer system worked with their older brother so I set the timer on the microwave. The timer works great for two reasons:

1. it isnt you harassing your child every couple minutes, "Do you have to go potty? Hey, do you have to go potty? Love, do you need to go potty?"
2. it puts them in charge, "Momma! The timer went off! Time to go potty!"

I figured that when the timer went off, we would all trudge into the bathroom and try to go potty. It didnt work well.

For C, our toddler who wants to potty train, he felt too much pressure. He wanted to go potty. When I brought him in the bathroom at intervals, he felt like I was telling him that he had to go then. He would try and try and when he couldnt produce even a drop, he would look so sad and disappointed. He didnt throw a fit or burst into tears; he would just look up at me with big eyes brimming with tears, "Momma! I no have to go!"

For O, our toddler who we only put in underwear because we were letting his twin brother attempt to potty train, it was boring. It became a game: do not use the bathroom when the timer goes off. He would run and hide when he heard the timer, or, worse, try to be the first to the bathroom so he could attack the toothpaste tubes before I got in there (as a rule, none of our boys are allowed to loiter in the bathroom when their business in there is done). Every time he stood in front of the toilet, he said he did not have to go. He did hold it for an impressively long time Thursday afternoon. It all blew up in our face though. By Thursday evening, he had a series of accidents, the first standing in front of the toilet and the next 3 anywhere that he wanted to in our house, all after denying the need to go in the first place, "No have to go, Momma. No need potty, Momma. No baf-room, Momma!" My poor husband had his hands full with O that night. Graciously, he allowed O to keep trying and let him put on underwear again and again, patiently explaining the process after each "accident" (in quotes because that child had no intention of ever using the toilet that day). After 3 accidents in a row though, even my optimistic husband couldnt justify putting O in underwear again and O was put back into a diaper. When O finally crinkled back to the table wearing a diaper, both his brothers looked at him. Finally D, their older brother, said, "Uh-oh. O isnt potty training anymore?" O didnt seem to mind; he acted almost relieved that he was no longer part of the potty training charade.

Thursday night, our first day potty training, my husband and I discussed how things were going and how we wanted to proceed. We came to the decision that we would continue potty training C and we would keep O in diapers. That is how we arrived at potty training one of our 2.5-year old twins and the other toddler is remaining in diapers. Im in no hurry to push O because I dont think hes ready. While his vocabulary has grown, he doesnt communicate or negotiate as much as C does. Im not saying that he wont or that I feel he is somehow delayed or that C is advanced; I just dont think hes ready to potty train. If he was not a twin and his identical twin brother wasnt potty training at the moment, I wouldnt even consider potty training him. And that is how Im going to treat them: like individuals. Just because one twin is doing something doesnt mean that the other must. Just because one twin is ready to potty train now, doesnt mean there is something wrong with the twin not potty training. We have been very careful around here not to use language that is comparing them. "O, do you see what C is doing? Do you want to potty train too?" While my husband and I have discussed that seeing his 2 brothers in underwear could possibly motivate him to potty train sooner than later (never underestimate the power of monkey see/monkey do), we havent vocalized this to the boys. Our 5-year old has asked a couple times, "Why is C potty training and not O?" And our answer is, "Because C wants to potty train right now and O doesnt, which is okay."

So how have been managing this? Yes, it gets chaotic having two toddlers in the bathroom. Just because O isnt potty training and their older brother D has been potty trained for 2.5 years now, doesnt mean when C has to go potty that it is just me and him in there. Nope, all the boys make their way into the bathroom. This stressed me out at first. There was just too much going on in there until I realized that when we go out of the house, this is how it will be. Now I dont stress about them being in the bathroom. They need to leave C alone while he goes potty. No toys are allowed in the bathroom (not that we ever really allow toys in the bathroom, but when 2 boys follow their brother into the bathroom, they have a tendency to want to drag the house in there with us). I do allow O to be curious in there. While we are not pushing to potty train him, I dont want him to feel that the toilet is off-limits for him. I allow him to watch and ask questions. However, we have rules in the bathroom. While I know how clean our toilets are at home, we arent sure how clean public bathrooms are. We dont allow any of the boys to touch the toilet (well, more than necessary-- toddlers and toilets are just a bad combination in general). We believe in teaching them bathroom etiquette at home that can be applied out in public. I have our oldest stand like a gentleman if he wants to come in the bathroom with us while Im potty training C. If O wants to watch as well, I usually have him sit on one of the bathroom stools or stand with D. I do not let D and O rough house while standing in the bathroom with us (yup, siblings have a gift for constantly messing with each other, "Im not touching you... Im not touching you... Im not touching you..."). We have bathroom rules and we are strict in enforcing them. If they dont follow the rules, they have to leave the room.

Potty training, no matter how eager the child, requires spending a lot of time in the bathroom. We learned a long time ago that we need a chair in the boys bathroom. Ive spent a lot of time in that chair the last couple days. Thursday I completely cleaned the bathroom, even the baseboards. Friday was busier with a full day in underwear; it passed in a blur. (Amazing how some days fly by and some days drag on when you are a stay-at-home mom!) Saturday was great because my husband was home to help take C to the bathroom; I felt like I finally got to spend time in other rooms of our house. :)

Overall, Im very pleased with how potty training is going with C. He really desires to be potty trained and is working very hard at it. Hes had minimal accidents, none of them messy. Hes actually taken to potty training so quickly that I put him in underwear all day, from the time he wakes up to the time he puts on pajamas. He took a 3 hour nap on Friday and stayed dry the whole time. Saturday we ran errands-- 2 different stops, out of the house for 2.5 hours-- and he was dry the whole time, even using the public restroom while we were gone. When we arrived at a store, we took him to the restroom and we took him again before we left. (Note: I only braved leaving the house this early in the potty training process with all the boys in tow because my husband was home to help. One of us was able to quickly get him to the restroom when C needed to go potty while the other stayed with his brothers.) Right now Im feeling like we are going to hold off on nights. Im not sure hes ready to be in the bathroom unsupervised, especially if he has a fellow 2-year old following him in there. For now we are taking baby steps, seeing what works, seeing what they can do with the freedom we are handing over to them. When we tackled nights with our oldest, he was waking up dry night after night. C is not waking up dry every morning, so Im not sure when we will do nights. Again, my plan is No Plan-- well just see what happens.

As for a rewards system, we havent had to be as creative with our rewards system with C as we were for his older brother. Cs ambition to potty training is really driving us this time around. We do have a jar of gummy candies sitting on the counter as his treat, but we havent had to do something different for pooping or peeing-- he does both on his own accord in the toilet. The only problem with "treat," as the he calls it, is that O gets quite upset when his brother is picking out gummy candies that he cant have. Occasionally our 5-year old asks if he can have one, but he is more accepting of our answer than his 2.5-year old brother. Because we dont want our toddlers to feel that they are being compared against each other as twins, we are careful how we word our reasoning as to why C gets a treat and O doesnt. When O starts reaching for a treat, I tell him that these are Cs treats. When he demands further explanation, "Why I not get treat, Momma?" I politely tell him that C is potty training right now, which is the truth. O has said to that that he wants to potty train, which he doesnt. As I wrote this, he insisted on trying to go potty after seeing C get a treat, only to get in the bathroom and fidget around, refuse to go near the toilet, and try to grab the toothpaste tube. Now when I tell him that C is potty training right now, I quickly add that he will potty train soon too and will get treats then as well. I briefly entertained the idea of finding some sort of consolation treat for D and O, immediately shooting down the idea. We dont give all 3 boys medicine when only 1 child needs medicine. We arent going to reward all 3 boys because 1 is potty training successfully. We are loving but firm and the technique is working thus far.

Wish us luck! We are breaking on to day 4 of potty training and-- knock on wood-- so far no accidents today! :)

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baby weight loss in first few days | Mommy sick day

baby weight loss in first few days

Sick day? As a stay at home mom? Hahahahahaahahaha!

Weve caught a couple small colds this year, but nothing serious or long until this past weekend. Saturday we all felt fine. Sunday I woke up with a miserable cold. Im not sure how much truth is in this, but I feel like colds hit me hard when Im pregnant. In any case, this one definitely knocked me off my feet. The toddlers just had drippy noses, though we could tell they werent feeling well by how long they slept. Our 5-year old and my hubby, thankfully, still have not shown any symptoms.

Sunday my hubby took our 5-year old to church. They then went to lunch and ran a couple errands we needed done. Afterwards, he dropped our 5-year old off at home and went to school to study for a couple hours. Monday was a regular school day for him. (My hubby is currently going through power school.) And this pregnant, under the weather momma was taking care of a 5-year old and 2-year old twins alone.

Sick days are one of those things that really truly have gotten better as the kids have gotten older. Even back when our oldest was an infant, it is hard taking care of an infant when you dont feel well. They cant do anything for themselves. If they are crawling, they are pulling up on things and falling over or putting themselves in harms way. You have spoon feeding, bottle feeding, constant diaper changing, rocking to sleep, nap schedules, and, Lord forbid the infant gets sick when you do! A fussy infant when you are also sick is so hard to manage. Then we had twins and it became exponentially more difficult. Instead of caring for one infant, we had two. Two infants when you are sick are an extreme juggling act, especially if they come down with it too! You can sometimes do fine taking care of two well babies when they are on the same schedule, but when they are both sick, they both want to be held and they both have needs that can be hard to meet when you are under the weather. On top of that, I was also taking care of a toddler, bouncing around and wanting something to do. I remember many colds where I was sitting on the floor with a box of tissues and two crying babies in my arms while my oldest rolled around on the couch watching movies.

These past two days Ive been home sick with a 5 and a half year old and two 2 and a half year olds. It really has been one of those times when having twins is a major benefit and they entertain each other. Our toddlers spent much of the past two days pushing trains together and playing house in our playroom. Occasionally they would bring out their "babies" for me to ooh and aah over, little stuffed panda bears and dinosaurs cradled in their arms. They would chase each other around our family room and play hide and seek with each other. (Strangely, those types of games arent usually too wild with two two year olds, but as soon as you throw a five year old in there it reaches a whole new level of wild.) I still had to take care of them and change their diapers. However, toddlers dont fly through diapers like infants do, so the diaper changes were less frequent. I left snacks and drinks within their reach and could direct them to the snack pile when they told me they were hungry, "Its on the table, love." They brought me diapers and wipes to change them when they told me they were stinky. If they got too wild, I redirected their play without having to get up from the couch, "Boys, too wild. Can you go find your trains to push?" When they woke up from nap fussy and groggy (they have a mild version of my cold), they came out of their bedrooms and stumbled over to me on the couch for after nap cuddles-- I didnt need to go get them out of cribs and immediately start on diaper changes and getting bottles ready.

As for our 5 and a half year old, he has been awesome. Seriously. I have been singing his praises for the past couple days. I put the art box in the office for him where his Legos and KNex are. He has been making me "get better soon" hearts and cards since I got sick. Yesterday he even made me a paper rose. Ive let him play out front and at the park behind our house. He wears a watch and I tell him what time he needs to check in with me, "When the long black hand is on the 9, you need to come in and check up with Momma." He has religiously come in at the correct times. I do believe he feels he is coming in to check on me and not check in with me as every time he enters the house he quietly comes in the family room with a, "How are you feeling, Momma?" and lays his hand on my forehead. He can make sandwiches for himself and for his brothers, as well as get tangerines and such from the fridge and peel them for all 3 of them. He has brought me blankets, pillows, Kleenex, water... All with the sweetest attitude. He is so excited we have another baby on the way and I think he has been practicing his caretaking skills. I woke up from a short nap on the couch to find him rubbing my feet. When he saw I was awake, he said, "Hey, Momma! Im trying to help make you feel better" He has played with his brothers, watched movies with me, played outside when he felt cooped up, and spent a lot of time building and drawing in the office.

Those have been the easy times, the things-went-perfectly times. Of course over the past two days weve had crazy times. Sunday night a little before my hubby came home, I started feeling so overwhelmed. With a pounding head and 3 kids running around wrestling and misbehaving, I didnt know how we would get through the rest of the evening. I wanted to curl up in bed with a box of tissues and some Vicks, not patrol toddlers who kept jumping on the couch. I felt too tired to talk, let alone get the boys ready for bed. Yesterday one of the toddlers fell down and bumped his knee. I came in the playroom to see if he was okay only to discover that instead of playing quietly with their cars and trains, the toddlers had dumped all of our board games out of their boxes into a pile on the floor, including 3 of our 5-year olds puzzles. Oh, I felt so deflated. It was time for their nap anyway; after tucking them in, I sat on the playroom floor with a pounding head, running nose, and started sorting through all our game pieces. Sunday afternoon while my hubby was out with our 5-year old, I heard a stool scraping on the kitchen floor. I told the toddlers to come on out of the kitchen and got the reply, "One minute!" Suspicious, I walked in the kitchen to find them with a box of markers and one of my Lennox bowls, pilfered off the counter. Theyve all 3 been bored at times over the past 2 days, Momma too sick and tired to plan anything during the day. They come whining over to the couch, "Moooooomma.... I want to cuddle...." which really means they want to crawl under the blanket with me and start using it as a play fort, wiggling and squirming and starting tickle fights. Silly when I am well, uncomfortable (and irritating) when Im sick and 18-weeks pregnant. And over the past 2 days we have found so many tissues shredded by our dog, no matter how hard I try to pick them up.

Thankfully today Im feeling better. Still congested, still a little groggy, but much, much better. Our 5-year old let out a cheer when he saw me come in the kitchen this morning and eat a big breakfast. "Are you feeling better, Momma? Yay!!" Even more exciting, the Navy has given my husband 2 days off due to the weather advisory, so Ill have lots of help today. There has been a festive air in our house all morning with Momma feeling better and Daddy home to eat breakfast with us.

Here are some of my tips when home sick:

• Dont do any unnecessary household chores. If you dont have to do it, dont do it. Wait until you feel better.
  I did no dishes yesterday. When my husband came home, he cleaned up the kitchen, which was fabulous. However, if he hadnt have done the dishes last night, I would do them today when I had my energy up. Laundry... shudder. Ill be catching up on that today too.
• Snacks, snacks, snacks, snacks, and sandwiches.
  Perhaps my children have been carb loading for the past 2 days, but go for easy food. I kenneled the dog and put a small supply of snacks within their reach. No, I do not normally give them snacks-- firm believer in mealtimes as a family-- and, no, they are not normally allowed to eat anywhere except the kitchen table. However, it was so nice not to have to get up and make food all day. I tried to give them foods that werent too messy: sliced apples, granola bars, bananas, tangerines, slices of bread, etc.
• Put water within their reach.
  Again, not normally something I am big on. I do not like our toddlers to have unrestricted access to something that will make a mess (or ruin our household electronics). Since our 5-year old can reach the kids cups and fill his own cup, I only put water out for our toddlers. I filled two water bottles up and set them on a coffee table within eye sight of the couch. That way I could see the water bottles and keep an eye on them while drinking them. When I got up to fill my own water, I checked to make sure they had water, that way I wouldnt hear, "Momma, more water!" after I was all settled in to my couch nest.
• Close off areas of the house.
  While they may have "free reign" of the house while you are stuck on the couch, they dont need access to the whole house. I even locked several of the doors of the house that I didnt want them in, including some of the bathrooms that our toddlers could make a mess in (no, thank you to toothpaste squeezed all over the bathroom!). I also closed off the master bedroom, the laundry room, and our guest room.
• Find what is entertaining and bend the rules.
  I dont like the television on all day. And I dont like the boys to be able to reach crayons whenever they want to. And I dont like our family room littered with toys (thats what the playroom is for!). But the past couple days, we watched kids movies and shows in the morning; I watched my shows in the afternoon during nap/quiet time. I put crayons on the kitchen table for our toddlers and the art box in the office for our 5-year old. I let the boys play in the hallway to the guest room and push trucks all over the house. Yes, we keep sitting on Legos in our couch cushions, but they all played and we all made it through the cold. I received a lot of artwork the past couple days since they could reach crayons and paper whenever they wanted too-- mostly "get well soon" cards and that really helped me feel better. :)
• Try to take care of yourself.
  Man, there have been many colds that I powered through and tried to do business as usual. The colds dragged; I was exhausted at the end of the day and for more days. Something about being pregnant helped me be a little more selfish, rest more, drink more water, put things off that really didnt actually need to get done (ahem, laundry). I took short naps when the boys were watching a movie and slept when the toddlers napped, having my 5-year old go play quietly in the office or sitting in the family room with his picture books. I told the boys that I wasnt feeling well and needed to rest when they pleaded with me take out Play doh (a hands on activity when you have two year old twins). Thankfully our fridge is stocked as I recently went grocery shopping, so I didnt feel bad about not cooking meals; we had plenty of supplies for sandwiches and pasta. (Plus our fabulous neighbors brought us over tons of food when they found out I was sick-- THANK YOU!)

Best of luck to all you sick mommas out there. Hope you feel better soon!

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pregnancy yoga weight loss | Boys will be boys

pregnancy yoga weight loss

If you follow my blog, you might have read my post, "Mom to all boys." In it I say:

Why does it bother me so much hearing "boys will be boys?" Because, in my experience, people do not use that expression in regards to positive behavior demonstrated by my children.

To be honest, most of the time when I hear boys will be boys, parents are using it to justify their childrens bad behavior. It really bothers me.

I come back to that expression time after time and each time it just makes my skin crawl. Why are we teaching a future generation of men that their behavior is okay or justified due to their sex? It makes me think back to various jobs Ive held when men touched me inappropriately or said inappropriate things, once to a point that I had to report a guy. What if the manager had said, "Boys will be boys"?

I am not under some illusion that males and females think/act/are exactly the same and we need to drop all gender references. As our boys have grown, I have noticed our playdates with girls and boys have changed. In truth, our playdates {not everyday play in our own home or for our friends everyday play in their homes} have only really changed this past year. The boys and girls-- through no direction from the parents-- tend to split off or assign various roles to each group. The boys say, "We are knights and are defending the castle! The playground is the castle!" and they are off roaring around the playground with sticks and swords and imaginary bows and arrows. The girls say, "We are the princesses!" and they go in the castle, assigning bedrooms and nurseries and describing the imaginary dresses each of them are wearing. But this extreme division is only starting now. The younger siblings are following suit with the older siblings. When our oldest was 3 years old, he happily joined in on the game with whatever the boys or girls were doing. Now that our oldest is 6 years old, his little brothers trudge along after him, waving swords and occasionally wandering over to check out what is happening in the castle.

My problem is not with boys preferring one game over another or boys playing differently than girls. Our boys spend a lot of time sword fighting. All day long we have wrestling, sword fighting, bloody noses, fat lips, questionable injuries {"Is it broken? Is he fine?"}. Every thing that enters into our house is literally made into a weapon: stuffed alligators are swords, paper towel rolls are swords, paper folded round and round is a sword, pencils are swords, really short pencils are guns... Everything is a weapon. Even our 3 year olds grab long strands of grass and try to tie them to sticks to make bows and arrows. If you know me, you know I am not a fan of weapons. When I take our boys to play with other boys their age, they seem to all do this. They want to protect, to serve, to fight, especially these military children of ours who hear military talk all day {Soldiers! Sailors! Airmen! Marines! Duty! Honor! Courage! Commitment!}.

My problem is when all of the above behavior is immediately dismissed, justified, or permissible due solely to gender. Our oldest is 6 years old; our twins are 3 years old; our baby is 6 months old. We are still in the realm of "little kid play." Why is it okay for big boys to tackle our little boys to the ground as theyre crying and beat them with a foam sword? Why is it okay for big boys to chase a 3 year old down pelting him with Nerf bullets as the 3 year old screams in terror? Why is it okay for little boys to chuck rocks at our stroller with the baby inside? Why are we-- WOMEN-- justifying this behavior in front of our future generation of men by saying "hes all boy?" Since when is it okay for men to throw rocks at babies????

As a woman, that makes me angry. Why are we using our roles as influential women in these mens lives {because our boys will grow up to be men} to ingrain gender stereotypes in them?

Our boys are allowed to explore their creativity to the full extent. Our oldest has started playing Destiny {in small doses} with his dad and grandfather, an activity beloved by the men in my family. He plays Minecraft and revels in his successes. Our boys do wild sword fights where they make tents in their room and battle all afternoon. When we watch Lord of the Rings, they make KNex swords and reenact all the battles they see on the screen. Our 3 year olds are constantly on an Orc hunt. They are given the freedom and space to behave in the way that they wish.

However, we still have house rules. Older children must watch out for younger children. All children must have respect for babies. Respect is very big in our home. It is never acceptable to point guns or weapons at adults or babies, with the exception of adults who are willingly and knowingly joining in their game {such as a Nerf gun war}. We do not allow wild horseplay in our family room, where we have guests and babies, but we have a playroom and their bedroom for such activities. We feel that, especially indoors, they need to find appropriate ways to channel their behavior.

Dont get me wrong, our children do their fair share of far too rough play at home and at the playground. They do their fair share of hitting instead of using their words or sword fighting with unsuspecting friends. What I do is help teach and guide them on how we play with friends. "Why dont you ask her if she wants to play battle with you?" "When you pushed past him to go down the slide, you hurt him. Would you like it if someone did that to you?" "When we dont get our way, we use our words not our hands. You need to say that you are sorry and then take a rest with me for a few minutes."

Last night our boys were playing wildly with stuffed animals and one of our 3 year olds took it way too far. All the stuffed alligators {aka alligator swords} were taken away. We have rules for indoor play. "Do we play like that in the house? Is it okay to hit your brother when hes asking you to stop or not playing your game?" We have outlets for them. Our boys are allowed to play on our back porch where I can supervise them and they can get a little wild. We have games they enjoy doing, like puzzles, KNex, trains, cars, Legos, coloring. When they get too wild all together {as sibling groups can easily do}, we break them up and have them do some quiet activities on their own until they can play together and follow the rules. When it has gone so far down hill that they all just need a rest, I either send them all to sit on their beds {which means they took it way too far} or I have them take a break and watch a movie or read stories.

When we discuss their behavior with them, we do not make them feel that they are destined to be a certain way because of their gender. How would it make them feel being put in a little box due to their gender? And how does that make them relate to others based on their genders? We talk to them based on the incident, just like how we do all areas of our parenting-- not dragging in far past incidents, not heaping more and more trouble on them-- but discussing what happened then. "Do you think that you treated your brother fairly or unfairly?" "It is never okay to behave that way towards a baby. That was far too rough of play for a baby." There are definitely behaviors that we have constant issues with that we are continually working on. For instance, our oldest lately is playing way too rough with his brothers when they all go into their room {aka the coliseum}. We are really working on that because he views them far more as peers than as younger children-- when there is just over 2 and a half years between them in age. "If you want to go play in there with your brothers, you will follow the rules or you will have to find something else to do."

Why is this so important to us? Because we arent raising boys to be boys; we are raising boys to be men. We dont want them to be limited in their views or the future generation of old men to make racist/sexist/bigoted comments towards young mothers in Target {which I have had my fair share of}. Right now, being so young, they obviously dont have any bias regarding race or gender. We are starting to hear comments like, "This is the boys table, Momma," but our boys still happily play with all their little girl friends. One of our 6 year olds best friends is a little girl who trudges through our front bushes finding weapons with him one minute and then the next is teaching him all sorts of cool gymnastic/dance moves, which according to our oldest are very useful in battle.

As for race, our boys are still blissfully unaware of skin color-- or, rather, experience of racism. Our oldest is really drawn to Martin Luther King Jr right now {actually wants us to throw a birthday party for him}. When we read stories about him, he gets emotional that anyone would treat someone badly based on their skin color; I think it is hard for his little 6 year old brain to fathom tolerating or practicing racism. So far we have stuck to picture books on Martin Luther King Jr and the book "Pink and Say." We feel that equality is a conversation that is worth starting now, to get the vocabulary and understand that we are all people, that Christ died for us all.

Picture books are a great way to initiate these conversations and to help bridge any gaps that our children may encounter. As boys, they have encountered far more "bully" behavior than anything else. They get frequently told that behavior inflicted on them is okay because they are "boys playing with boys," mostly in playground situations where we are playing with strangers. For bully behavior, I love "Llama Llama and the Bully Goat." That book is great at pin pointing behaviors that our children frequently encounter and also helps outline a great way to help diffuse bully behavior. In the book, the bully goat has to sit next to the teacher through recess and for the rest of the day so she can help navigate his interactions with the other kids. When our boys have "bully goat behavior," as weve come to call it, I explain to them that they need to take a break for awhile with momma, mostly applicable to our 3 year olds who are still figuring life out. It has been a great resource for our oldest to recognize behaviors that he previously had a hard time processing. It upset him to have kids treat him in a way that hurt his feelings {or his body} and then have their parents tell him to suck it up because he is a boy. Now hes feeling far more confident in telling a child that he doesnt want to play with him anymore and moving away from him or alerting an adult of what is going on.

For gender issues, we focus on modeling the attitude we expect. They hear positive things about girls at home and do not hear gender stereotypes from either parent. We read books and encourage open play. Our boys have baby dolls and a variety of toys. The book "Just Like Me" actually sparked a lot of conversation regarding girls and boys as well as interaction with siblings. The twin girls talk about their similarities, but also their differences. All of our boys, twins and singletons, talked about how they are like that-- the same, but different. They also talked about how they are a lot like the girls in the book, which then evolved to how girls and boys have a lot of similarities and differences as well. This topic has been one that we try to let naturally penetrate our interactions with peers because we want them to see it in action, to respect males and females alike, and to recognize we are all people, despite our differences.

We have taken a similar approach with race as we have with gender-- that we model the attitude we expect. For our 3 year olds, we have followed the same path we took with our oldest at that age. We focus on the Bible, how Christ loves all of us, we are all people. As our oldest has grown, the conversation has changed, mostly due to his questions. Weve talked about how sometimes appearance and skin color is an indicator of your culture and different regions of the world. Weve talked about how America is a melting pot and weve even dove into some of the more sordid aspects of our history. A hero is always welcome to a 6 year old and so weve introduced him to Martin Luther King Jr, a hero he has really taken to. While with gender we have really tried to just let the conversation be without pushing any agenda, race is something that we have focused on introducing. We want them to be aware and conscious of how they treat others, as well as biases that they will need a response to.

In our house, "boys will be boys." We are proud of our boys. We love parenting boys and we want them to embrace who they are: young men. But we are going to do our best to raise these boys to be Christ following, conscious men who exude love, peace, faithfulness, and self-control.

To quote the movie Little Women:

Marmie: "Feminine weaknesses and fainting spells are the direct result of our confining young girls to the house, bent over their needlework, and restrictive corsets."

Meg: "Marmie, must you speak to everyone about corsets?"

Marmie: "Oh, Meg. Do I?"

Some things are worth talking about.

 

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