7 week pregnancy weight loss | Submarine officers JO tour dream sheet

7 week pregnancy weight loss

While my hubby was in prototype he came home and said it was time to fill out his dream sheet. Since this is for his JO {Junior Officer} tour-- his first tour as a submarine officer-- he was only able to rank locations and types of boats. For his JO tour, he could only pick out of the submarine bases, which there really arent that many.

Submarine bases:

1. Groton, Connecticut {Naval Submarine Base New London}
2. Norfolk, Virginia {Naval Station Norfolk}
3. Kings Bay, Georgia {Naval Submarine Base Kings Bay}
4. Bangor, Washington {Naval Base Kitsap-Bangor}
5. San Diego, California {Naval Base Point Loma}
6. Honolulu, Hawaii {Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam}
7. Guam {Naval Base Guam}

Before I get started on this guide, I want it to be known that this guide is for the spouses, not the military members. This is a very general and very brief summary of the types of boats with information on schedule and boat life. I would also like to state that the only experience my hubby and I have had on a submarine is on a fast attack {read "STA-21 Officers Program"}.

There are two different types of submarines:

1. Boomers
2. Fast attacks

BOOMERS {SSBN}?

Well start with boomers. Boomers are ballistic missile submarines {SSBN}; they are Ohio class. Their job is to keep our seas safe by guarding the perimeter. They are huge submarines and have two crews, a blue crew and a gold crew. The two crews take turns manning the boat. The crews are given a schedule ahead of time: 3 or 6 months on crew followed by 3 or 6 months off crew. As a spouse, this gives you a little planning room for when your military member will be home or away. Boomers are based out of Georgia and Washington. They are also forward deploying, meaning the crews family lives in Georgia or Washington but the boat doesnt pull into port except for maintenance; on crew flies to where the boat is {usually Guam for Washington and Italy for Georgia}.

More reading on boomers: "The US Navy: Fact File: Fleet Ballistic Missile Submarines: SSBN"

FAST ATTACKS {SSN}?

Next up: fast attacks {SSN}. Fast attacks are Los Angeles class, Seawolf class, and Virginia class submarines, much smaller than the Ohio class submarines. They have one crew and no set schedule. Fast attacks run missions. They can be underway a week, in a week, underway two months, in for a couple weeks... While underway the crew is on 18 hour days making the in and out exhausting for the crew and making a lot of the in port times revolve around catching up on sleep. As a spouse, there is little or no planning to be done around the boat schedule; basically, dont make plans that you expect your spouse to be there for because the schedule is written in sand. FRG meetings are exceedingly important on fast attacks because this is where you will receive a general idea of the boat schedule. My hubby never went on a deployment {picked up STA-21 right before the boat left on deployment}, but he was gone 75% of the time we lived in Hawaii just from underways. What I enjoyed most about fast attacks were the homecomings at the pier and watching the boat come in and out of port. It is amazing to behold. Fast attacks are stationed out of all the submarine bases.

More reading on fast attacks: "The US Navy: Fact File: Attack Submarines: SSN"

GNs {SSGN}?

Finally, GNs. Guided missile submarines {SSGN} are Ohio class submarines. How Ive had them described to me is "fast attacks on a boomer schedule." These submarines run missions, but also have a two crews and a schedule like boomers. They are also forward deploying, just like boomers. GNs have homeports in Washington and Georgia.

More reading on GNs: "The US Navy: Fact File: Guided Missile Submarines: SSGN"

Note on schedule: what is really important to remember when reading this list is that the schedule with submarines often does not go as planned. Shipyard is longer than expected... off crew gets called in... stand down gets cancelled... things change.

For more reading on submarines, check out this link: "Frequently asked questions about submarines"

When we filled out our dream sheet for my hubbys JO tour while at prototype, we ranked our choices from 1 to 10 considering location and type of boat. For example:

1. Washington-- SSN
2. Washington-- SSGN
3. Georgia-- SSGN
4. Georgia-- SSBN, etc.

{That isnt the order of our dream sheet, but an example to show you how you get to pick location and specify the boat type in the order of your choosing.}

Dream sheets are exactly that: dream sheets. The detailer will look at the dream sheet when assigning you a boat, but this might be a crash course on "the needs of the Navy," a phrase often quoted in regards to getting your bottom choice. We heard it a lot as we waited for our assignment. "I hope we get our top choice, but, you know, the needs of the Navy..." Thankfully for my hubbys class, most people were assigned one of their top choices {my hubby received his #2 choice!}.

I am nervous and excited to go back to boat life. My hubby loves his job and so Im excited for him to get back to what he loves doing. Im also very excited about living near close friends again {love our Navy family!}, but Im also dreading the return of a boat schedule and duty days. The last time we were on a boat we had one child and now we have four. I think it will be a very different experience from dealing with one infant/toddler to older children who are far more aware of Daddy coming and going.

Ive been a submarine wife for 8 years; this move will be our 5th PCS together. Im still learning new things about submarines and Navy life!

What was your experience filling out your dream sheet?

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unexpected weight loss during pregnancy | The unknown

unexpected weight loss during pregnancy

I went out on a limb, took a leap of faith, felt a little adventurous, grabbed life by the horns... whatever you want to call it. I went on multiple road trips with my multiple children. My road trip travel itinerary:

July 30th to July 31st:

made a three and a half hour drive to a friends house with the boys and our dog, stayed overnight

July 31st to August 2nd:

made a four hour drive to my parents house with the boys and our dog, stayed two nights

August 2nd to August 3rd:

made a one and a half hour drive to a friends house with the twins (leaving the dog and my oldest at my parents house), stayed overnight

August 3rd to August 10th:

made the one and a half hour drive back to my parents house. Stayed at my parents house for the rest of the trip. My husband joined us on August 9th and drove back to North Carolina with us (thank goodness).

Virginia July 2012

This past week, we went on another adventure! This time my husband was with us from start to finish (including packing, unloading when we arrived, reloading to leave, and unpacking when we got home). From August 13th to August 15th we went to the beach. It was fabulous in a we-went-to-the-beach-with-three-kids kind of way, but fabulous nonetheless.

On our drive home, my husband and I were chatting about the trip, especially dinner last night (I had a seafood platter with fried shrimp, grilled oysters, and grilled scallops and key lime pie for dessert; he had the salmon with a goat cheese fondue, grilled asparagus, and garlic mashed potatoes and chocolate cake for dessert). The trip wasnt exactly at the best time for us, only in the sense of when is a recreational trip ever at a good time with a four-year old and one-year old twins? We had to find someone to watch our dog last minute, figure out what we were going to do with the cat, and rearrange some of our scheduled plans (such as a doctors appointment for the toddlers and a class my husband is taking). We had the daunting task of looking around our home and thinking, "What exactly do we need at the beach with all these kids?" We wondered how baby proof the beach house would be... if our 16-month old twins would like the beach... if we would be able to provide enough sun protection... and attempt to pack for any possible surprises (diaper blow-outs en route, etc).

The big road trip at the beginning of August also faced many challenges. I have never stayed overnight at someones house before with the children: all three boys and the dog without my husband to help. Baby proofing was my chief concern. What if our friends make us dinner and Im chasing toddlers the whole time? What if we have epic twin toddler meltdowns at someones house? What if the night Im at their house is the night my preschooler wakes up with a bloody nose (something he is prone to)? I had an entire list of what-ifs and reasons to postpone. The closer the travel dates came, the more doubts I had.

In both cases my desire to get out of the house won out over my concerns. I wanted to see my friends who live far-away. I wanted to go to the beach. And so, we went.

Get this: we had a great time.

On July 30th, my husband waved good-bye to us on the driveway and off we went! The dog got carsick, as he always does. We had to stop multiple times for bathroom and snack breaks. We stretched legs. We got stuck in traffic. We listened to the Jake and the Neverland Pirates CD approximately one hundred million times. And we arrived at my friends house ready to get out of the van. The boys were a little unsure about their new surroundings at first. Seeing the familiar face of a family friend, they quickly warmed up and started exploring. My friends teenage sons helped wrangle babies. My snack bag supplemented the dinner that the toddlers threw on the ground. The trip was an "unknown." I think moms in general dislike unknowns. I know moms of twins try to avoid unknowns at all costs. It was an unknown that led to great conversation and delicious dinner, a late night laugh session while watching the Olympics, and warm see-you-soons the next day as we said good-bye.

? Heading to my parents house, I knew what to expect, which makes it easier to travel there. I know what to pack and what they already have on hand. I know the nearby stores and my familys schedule. Heading to the next friends house on August 2nd was much more of an unknown. Not only would I be staying overnight, we would be visiting her and her toddler at her parents house, three toddlers visiting "the grandparents." I knew I wanted to be a good houseguest. How to convey this to two toddlers? (My oldest stayed at my parents house for a little grandparent and great-grandparent time.) But, grandmothers have a way of softening even the wildest of toddler hearts. My boys had no problem going "up" to my friends parents and even shared with my friends toddler. They had a lot of fun moving from room to room, exploring new toys and playing with a new friend and new dogs. This unknown led to more great conversation and another delicious dinner, another late night with the Olympics, and warm hope-to-see-you-soons the next day (this friend actually lives across the United States and Im not sure when I will see her next). The toddlers, I think, were happy to say good-bye to each other. My boys were done sharing and her son was tired of the intruders... Oh, toddlers!

North Carolina August 2012

The beach trip was a great unknown. This time we would be going somewhere unknown with friends of ours who have triplets. Would there be ample room for all of us at the beach house? And how will five one-year olds feel about the beach? What shops are nearby? Will our schedules work well together? This trip was smooth sailing from start to finish. I think I felt the most relaxed heading out on this one. I had already dealt with two overnight trips with the boys that went great. This time, my husband would be there. Easy peasy. We packed the van great, the drive was great, the beach house was beautiful, and two of our boys (D, the oldest, and O, one of the twins) loved the beach. We had breakfast at this delicious little place that had a shop attached. I bought the boys t-shirts. We left to go spend hours at the beach. While C was not fond of the ocean, he loved the sand! Both toddlers played so hard at the beach that they fell asleep while we were packing up. We went back to the beach house to meet up with our friends, whose girls were napping. We fed babies and showered, then headed off to a restaurant. The boys were antsy at the end so I took them outside to play cornhole on the patio. That evening I went on a walk on the beach with D while my husband put the one-year olds to bed. We talked on the patio while the kids finally drifted off to sleep before opening up the bottles of wine and playing board games.

There were times on all these trips that things didnt go as planned. I held C most of the time we were at the beach. A four-year old sometimes would rather argue than obey. Our 16-month olds were so tired after the beach that they screamed all the way through bathtime. While visiting our friends earlier in the month, the boys refused most of the food offered to them. At one point-- so dramatically refusing food-- they wouldnt eat bananas, a favorite at our house. Sometimes they snacked instead of eating a formal lunch. Sometimes I gave them things that would make them happy so I could socialize (I may or may not have offered licorice during dinnertime at one point...). The toddlers occasionally became fixated on something they shouldnt (a flight of stairs, a dog dish, my glass of wine). Why kids cant just say, "Hey, I know what we are doing is out of the ordinary, so Im going to make things easy for you," I dont know.

? The unknown is scary when heading out with kids, especially when toddlers are involved. Every once in awhile it is fun to exercise your adventurous side. You may be pleasantly surprised.

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weight loss during early pregnancy normal | Potty training twins Part 3 Treats

weight loss during early pregnancy normal

The sage continues. We are now potty training both our toddlers.

You can check out my previous potty training posts here:

• Potty training twins: Part 1 {No plan}
• Potty training twins: Part 2 {The next step}

Weve been potty training one of our toddlers, C, for 22 days now. His twin brother decided this past weekend that he wanted to potty train as well. We are on day 5 of potty training O. The first couple days of potty training both toddlers were crazy. It almost felt like C regressed some when O started potty training. In my previous posts, we were considering potty training C for overnight. We arent exactly sure of the approach we want to take on nights right now. Both toddlers are waking up with somewhat wet diapers-- not really, really wet, but still a little wet. Here are the three options Im considering for potty training them on nights:

1. Training underwear and waterproof training pants.
I feel like this is the most aggressive approach, the one to really get them to potty train overnight. I used these Gerber All in One Waterproof Training Pants with our oldest son, D, when we potty trained him. When wearing the Gerber Training Pants underneath these, they are pretty waterproof. A child can have an accident in these and it will hold really well. I like this combination because it really lets the child feel wet. I feel like pull ups are basically diapers and so there isnt too much incentive for the child not to treat it like a diaper. These Gerber training pants feel like underwear and so they arent comfortable to be wet in. I would also do the mattress trick I mentioned in "Potty training twins: Part 2 {The next step}."
Downside to this option: waking up in the night if they feel wet to change training pants; waking up in the morning to change training pants to regular underwear (which I do now from diapers to underwear).

2. Pull ups
I feel like this might be the easiest option. If I do this, there is a good chance that they will keep sleeping through the night when they use the pull up. In theory, they could also pull up and down the pull up in the morning when they need to use the restroom, perhaps even if they wake up in the night and need to use the restroom. I really feel like, even if I decide to go with the first option, I will probably start with pull ups first and then move to the Gerber training pants after they are even better about waking up dry.
Downside to this option: we go from buying Target diapers at $24.99 for 138 to pull ups at $19.99 for 52. The nice thing about the Gerber training pants is that they are reusable and washable; you have to keep buying pull ups.

3. Diapers
This is what we are doing for nights now. When they wake up in the morning, they run to the restroom and I change them from a diaper to underwear. Sometimes this is at 6:45 am, sometimes at 7:30 am. They sometimes wake up shortly after we put them to bed demanding to use the restroom, but never in the middle of the night. I dont feel they are necessarily learning to potty train nights this way and they throw a fit every evening when we change them into their pajamas and diaper, "I wear underwear, Momma!" The Target brand diapers, while we have generally been happy with them after switching from Pampers, dont have the best Velcro on the side. Once you pull apart the Velcro to allow the child to use the restroom, it doesnt stick back together well. Taking on and off the diaper to allow the child to use the restroom generally means changing his diaper as well, regardless of how dry it may be. Im kind of feeling like we need to do something else than diapers.
Downside to this option: we are almost out of diapers, so I would need to head on over to Target to buy another box of diapers.

We havent made up our mind yet on what we want to do for nights. I mentioned it before, but Im dreading the idea of giving up sleep. At 22-weeks pregnant, the last thing I want to be doing right now is wake up in the middle of the night to change sheets and give quick baths. That is why I think we will switch-- next week (ever the procrastinator)-- from diapers to pull ups, try it out for a week or two, and then move up to the Gerber Training Pants option if it is going well. Otherwise, I think we will linger in pull ups. (This is kind of a big deal for me to be considering pull ups as I swore up and down when potty training our oldest that I would never buy pull ups! Ah, motherhood... you end up eating words so often.)

Before we started potty training O, C really had potty training under his belt. Very, very few accidents. He had reached the "rebellious stage" of potty training: "Okay, Ive got this. Now Im going to see what I can get away with." He wasnt very happy the day he told us that he was going to use his underwear as a diaper and then did-- only to be confronted with consequences instead of treats or "Its okay." We didnt always have a change of clothes with us when we left the house, because he was so reliable. Wed left him with a sitter; wed run errands all day; wed visited friends houses and the like. If he was doing nights, I would have considered him potty trained. And then we started potty training O. The first day of potty training O passed uneventfully. The second day, Cs potty training went out the window. Not sure what happened. O only had one accident, but C had 3 or 4, very surprising to my husband and me because we had started thinking of him as very reliable and trustworthy in underwear. We had mini panic attacks. Are we starting over at square one with C? Are we doing something wrong?

The other problem we had was the treats were well out of hand. Anytime anyone used the bathroom in the house-- myself, my husband, our oldest son, one of the toddlers-- one of the toddlers would leap up and have to use the restroom. They were getting to the point of producing a drop or two just for treats constantly. I wrote in the blog post "Potty training twins: Part 2 {The next step}" that we were out of treats by noon. I was constantly in the bathroom telling the toddlers to stop playing in the sink, stopping playing by the toilet, asking them if they actually had to go potty, perpetually bombarded with demands for "Treats! Momma, treats!" It was ridiculous. If one toddler used the bathroom, the other would as well. So the first toddler would genuinely have to go potty. I would help him in the bathroom, wash his hands, come out and do treats, only for the second toddler to see the first toddler get treats, run to the bathroom, have me help him wash hands, come out and get a treat, for the first toddler to dash back in the bathroom... Constantly, constantly, constantly. Our system wasnt working.

So what does every logical woman do when faced with a tough problem? Call her mother. My mom said we needed to do away with treats for every time they use the restroom-- totally agree. I printed off a sticker chart for both of them, each a table I made on Microsoft Word. The table has 5 rows and 8 columns. The first row lists the days of the week in each column: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and a special column for Week. The next four rows are for stickers. If they go the entire day without an accident in their underwear, they get a sticker and a special treat (O got a cookie his first day without an accident and last night they both had their pick from the leftover Valentines Day candy). If they go the entire week without an accident (a concept they havent grasped yet and we havent fully explained yet-- we will when we actually have a weeks worth of stickers on the chart), they get a very special treat, like a bowl of ice cream or something.

Happy toddlers celebrating getting stickers on their potty training charts

I think it was because we had just started potty training O, but he caught on to this system very quickly. The first day we implemented this (day 3 of Os potty training), he was on board. He went the whole day without an accident. C did not catch on the first day. This was during his potty training regression after we started potty training O, and he deliberately had 2 accidents that day. That evening when we were putting a sticker on Os potty training chart, not intentionally in front of him, just with O to celebrate going a whole day, something with C clicked. The next day, C told me first thing in the morning, "I not have accidents today. I get sticker and treat." O piped in, "Me too!" And they did-- they went all day without any accidents. We spent a long morning/early afternoon picnicking at the park and they had no accidents. (I gave them each a small treat when we got home for being dry the whole time and for using the potty once we got home. They celebrated, "Yay! Dry at park!") They both took a long afternoon nap and were dry the whole time during their nap. When they woke up, we went to dinner and ran an errand all together as a family. I was so glad my hubby was there. When we pulled into the gas station, O yells, "Have to go potty!" He took O in to the bathroom. While he was in there, C says, "Have to go potty, Momma!" I pumped the gas and told C he had to wait. When my husband came out of the gas station, he went back in with C while I buckled O up in the car seat.

I havent entirely taken away treats. I generally give them a treat for performing the larger functions in the restroom. Out of all the accidents they could have in their underwear, pooping is the least pleasant to clean up and so I feel it should be amply rewarded for being done properly in the toilet. They seem satisfied when I tell them they dont get a treat every time they go potty in the toilet. I try to emphasize that they need to do go all day without an accident. Our oldest will always add, "Or if you go poop!" That has produced several small functions in the toilet for which the toddlers demand a treat, "Tiny poop, Momma! Treat!" Overall though, the treat system is far less abused as we are doing it now than when we were freely handing out treats every time either of them used the restroom. I also try to hand out surprise treats so they feel rewarded and noticed during the day for their efforts. I gave a treat yesterday for going the entire park playdate without any accidents. Ive given treats for running errands and using the potty while we are out. I just try to keep them small and casual, not make them feel like they are entitled to a treat every time they do this. After all, potty training really is something they should learn at one point or another to do without praise or compensation. I do ponder how the treat system crumbled so completely having twin toddlers potty training simultaneously. The treat system worked great potty training our singleton and when we were potty training one of our toddlers, but not potty training both of them.

This morning both the toddlers were admiring their sticker charts. They have counted up the stickers they have earned and plan on getting another sticker for today. After using the restroom an hour or two ago, one of the toddlers came in the family room and announced, "No accidents, Momma! Sticker tonight!" Im really starting to feel that some of the darker days of potty training are behind us... well, until we start nights! :)

Im sure other moms feel this way, but I am frequently reminded of Lord of the Flies by William Golding when parenting 3 children. So heres my upbeat potty training quote: “He found himself understanding the wearisomeness of this life, where every path was an improvisation and a considerable part of ones waking life was spent watching ones feet.”

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continuous weight loss during pregnancy | Why should I shop at the commissary

continuous weight loss during pregnancy

It seems a lot of people avoid the commissaries for any number of reasons or are in support of them for the "lower enlisted." Personally, I think commissaries are full of savings that benefit all ranks, especially our family of five (soon to be six). I also think that shopping at the commissary and thus supporting it with my dollars is a way to ensure continued commissary benefits both for my family and for other military families, especially the OCONUS locations where the commissary benefits are crucial. Some of the complaints against the commissary, I believe, are made without an understanding as to how the commissary operates and is funded. I hope this blog post sheds some light on why you should shop at the commissary and how to get around the somewhat inconvenient aspects of commissary shopping, such as limited hours and tipping.

Commissaries are a non-profit organization ran by the Defense Commissary Agency (DeCA). From the DeCA website:

Although commissaries collectively realize sales of about $5 billion per year, there is no profit generated on these sales. By law, commissaries are required to sell goods at prices that are set at a level to recover the cost of goods, with no profit built into these prices. There are also very stringent legal controls on the ways that DeCA can use taxpayer monies that Congress provides to operate commissaries.

Commissaries run on appropriated funding, meaning tax payers support the commissaries and funding is regularly voted on. Remember during the sequester when all the commissaries shutdown? This was due to the fact that commissaries operate on appropriated funding (read my blog post, "Government shutdown," and Military.coms 2013 article, "Commissary Cuts Remain Likely"), unlike exchanges which operate on non-appropriated funding. The prices at the commissary also reflect a 5% surcharge on each purchase. Question and answer on the DeCA webpage, "why does DeCA make me pay a surcharge on my commissary purchase?"

Surcharge is applied to the total value of each commissary purchase because the Congress has mandated collection of surcharge (currently 5 percent) to pay for commissary construction, equipment and maintenance. All surcharge dollars collected are returned to commissary patrons in the form of continually improved commissary facilities. The amount of surcharge applied to a commissary sale transaction is shown as "SCG" on your sales receipt.

What exactly does this surcharge pay for? From the DeCA Working Capital Fund Fiscal Year 2000/2001 Biennial Budget Estimates Operating Budget, page 2:

Surcharge Collections represents a third major source for funding commissary operations. Surcharge Collections is a trust fund primarily funded by a five percent surcharge applied to patron sales at the check-out counter. This fund was established so authorized patrons share responsibility for overall costs of commissary operations, including commissary supplies, equipment, utilities at CONUS locations, information management equipment and support, and commissary construction program. This fund also receives revenue from prompt payment discounts, the sale of used cardboard and equipment, and services provided to others.

Page 3 of the same report outlines the differences between CONUS and OCONUS commissary locations and the absolute importance of OCONUS locations to military families:

OCONUS and remote locations cost more per dollar of sales than CONUS locations, using about 45 percent of available appropriated fund support to produce 22 percent of sales. These commissaries are more expensive because operating and support costs in foreign and remote locations are higher. Many locations service small-to-medium military populations with smaller sales and higher fixed costs. Additionally, there are significant support costs incurred in providing U.S. food products and household items to overseas locations, e.g., transportation of $156 million in FY 2000.

...In spite of these cost considerations, commissary operations overseas are efficient and effective because DeCA’s infrastructure provides economies that are not achievable by other alternatives. The commissary system is also instrumental in reducing cost of living allowances (COLA) overseas by providing low-cost groceries.

The commissary system is critical in supporting military members and their families overseas. This military population does not have adequate alternative shopping available. OCONUS commissaries are more than a place for acquiring groceries. They are an essential "life-line" of the overseas military community and their quality of life.

 The general rule of thumb is that shopping at the commissary will save you on average 30% than what you would pay at an average grocery store. The commissary also is very coupon friendly. Overseas commissaries even accept manufacturer coupons 6 months past their expiration date. For the complete coupon policy at the commissary, check out this link: "Coupon Use in Commissaries." One difference between couponing at the commissary and couponing at an average grocery store is that commissaries do not have loss leaders (check out the Crazy Coupon Ladys post "Whats a Loss Leader and How Do I Find One at my Supermarket?"). The DeCA website explains why the commissary does not offer loss leaders: "Because commissaries are required by law to sell items at cost-- neither higher nor lower– we cant offer loss leaders." The commissary also changes its flier on a different schedule than average grocery stores, according to their website:

Stateside commissaries change prices twice a month, as opposed to the private sector, where prices are changed weekly or more frequently. Commissary prices are changed on the 1st and 16th of each month and are usually in effect for 30 to 45 days. These price changes are generally about a 50-50 mix, with some prices being lowered as items go on a special promotion or sale and some raised as items come off a special promotion or sale. 

 Even without loss leaders, the commissary website claims:

However, although you may find selected items at lower prices in commercial stores, our price surveys provide convincing evidence that-if you shop regularly in a commissary for all or virtually all of your grocery needs--you will save 30 percent or more on your grocery bill versus what you would pay in a commercial store for the same array of items.

The National Military Associations article, "Protecting Our Commissary Savings," states:

A military family of four saves $4,500 a year when regularly using the commissary. Multiply that average savings by the number of military families who use the commissary and you see how effectively and efficiently the $1.4 billion [appropriated funding] is used.

In the About.com USMilitary "What the Recruiter Never Told You" Part 13 Military Commissaries and Exchanges article by Rod Powers, he compares commissary prices with WalMart Super Store prices:

In preparation for this article, I visited a local Wal Mart "Super Store," and bought $103.57 worth of groceries. I then made a list of the items I bought and traveled to Patrick AFB... At the commissary there, I priced the exact same items. According to DeCA, my commissary bill should have been around $70.00. Had I actually purchased the items, my bill would have been $85.52. Tack on the 5 percent surcharge, and it would have been $89.79. I wont count the baggers tip, as Commissary baggers not only bag your groceries but take them outside and load them into your car. Thats worth every penny of the tip, in my opinion. My total discount would have been 13.3 percent.

Tipping at the commissary is subjective. I typically do not carry cash. However, when checking out at the commissary, I can request specific dollar amounts of cash back when paying with my debit card. The last time I went to the commissary I requested $10 cash back in the form of one $5 and five $1. The baggers at the commissary work entirely off of tips and are not government or commissary employees. I generally put $1-$2 in the jar if I do not have the baggers take my groceries to the car and about $5 for a normal grocery load if they do. $2-$5 is generally considered acceptable when tipping at the commissary. Often times I tip more over holidays or when I have an exceptionally large or cumbersome load. Using the self-checkout at the commissary does not require tipping.
 
According to the DeCA Working Capital Fund Fiscal Year 2000/2001 Biennial Budget Estimates Operating Budget, page 3, "Commissary operating hours and days are determined by sales, patron demographics, and local installation needs. Due to funding limitations, commissaries are open an average of 48 hours a week." The same report estimates on page 22 that an average grocery store is open roughly 117 hours a week, just to compare the differences between commissary hours and average grocery store hours. While the commissary often has limited hours, they generally open their doors a half hour before the cash registers are open. This is very convenient for me when shopping with the kids. I can do my shopping when the commissary is still relatively empty and get to the cash registers right when they open, making for a speedy check out. Even so, the limited shopping hours are often inconvenient for my family. The commissary opens later than most other area grocery stores. On weekends when we are making big pancake breakfasts and run out of an ingredient, it is often before the commissary is open. Or when my hubby calls on his way home from school and I want him to swing by the commissary for something, it is often when the commissary is closing or right before, forcing him to use a different grocery store. And just like the Chick-Fil-A law (anyone else only crave Chick-Fil-A on Sundays?), we inevitably need something from the commissary on the day it is closed.
 
The previous quote from the DeCA Working Capital Fund Fiscal Year 2000/2001 Biennial Budget Estimates Operating Budget
brings up a very valid point: "Commissary operating hours and days are determined by sales, patron demographics, and local installation needs." This is where the responsibility falls on us, the commissary shoppers. If we arent shopping at our local commissaries, the hours will continue to get cut and commissaries will continue to close. While the commissary is not the vital lifeline for us here in South Carolina as it was for us in Hawaii, shopping at CONUS locations helps keeps OCONUS locations afloat, balancing out the commissaries non-profit budget. How important are these commissary locations to military families? This article on Hawaii News Now, "Milk Prices in Hawaii Go Up" by Beth Hillyer, outlines the prices of milk in Hawaii, "The highest price we found on Oahu for a gallon of whole milk was $8.99 on sale for $7.49 if you have a value card. The cheapest was Costco for $4.99 per gallon." This article obviously doesnt include commissary prices on milk, but you can see how shopping at an average grocery store in Hawaii for the basics starts adding up!

So where do I stand on commissary prices? Do I think that they are always much less than shopping out in town? Here in South Carolina, no. For the bulk of our family shopping, we go to Costco (read my post, "Family diet verses family budget"). In general, Costco has lower prices on more of the staples of our family grocery list than my local commissary. Do I think the commissary in general has lower prices than an average grocery store here in South Carolina? Yes, especially when loss leaders are not on our list and we are just getting those in-between Costco trips items or small portions of things we couldnt buy at Costco (fresh herbs, for instance). Do I think that dealing with the "hassle" of the commissary is worth supporting this service to military families? Absolutely.
 
Here are a list of common complaints against the commissary-- many of which are my own complaints when compared to an average grocery store-- and how I deal with them to continue to support this service:

 1. They do not offer online grocery shopping.
I love online grocery shopping, as Ive mentioned in several previous blog posts. Where we live in South Carolina, there are no local grocery stores convenient that offer online grocery shopping, so this really isnt much of an issue for me. If I had to choose between shopping at the commissary or placing an order online with Harris Teeter... I think it would be a much harder choice for me. As is, I have the choice to either go in to a local grocery store or to go into our commissary. I usually choose the commissary, unless it is closed or pay day.
 
2. Their check out system is ridiculous.
Well, I agree. I do not like the big ole one line system. My friends without kids tell me it moves fast. Standing in that one line with all three of my kids is about as much fun as taking the boys with me to the clinic on base (which I also do). Since our boys are so young (5-years old and 3-years old), I solve this by going early in the day, arriving when they open the door, about half hour before the registers open. Ive even taken them all on pay day-- totally unintentionally. I get our shopping done and am either the first or second person in line. When I only have one or two items I need, arriving early works great too because I can be first in line for self-check out and we really are in and out.
 
3. You have to tip the baggers.
Maybe Im frivolous, but this doesnt really bother me. I never have cash, so Im always glad I can request cash back when I check out. I generally dont like the baggers coming out to the car with me. The mini van is impossible to load groceries in with the stroller in the back and our toddlers are always a hot mess to load up. Most of the time, I have them load my groceries back into my shopping cart and put a tip in their jar. The $1-$5 doesnt feel like a big deal and the times I take my hubbys car without the kids, I like having my groceries loaded up for me.

4. The commissary is so... dark.
Yeah, it isnt bright and fancy like Harris Teeter or Whole Foods. But neither is Costco. It may not have the upscale look, but it does the job. This is our fourth duty station; weve shopped at all different types of grocery stores across the country. The commissary just really doesnt bother me.

And here are some links to help with your commissary shopping:

 

The blog "Commissary Deals" teaches you not only how to coupon at the commissary, but tips you off to current deals! Learn the commissarys coupon policy, how to navigate commissary sales, and how to make the most of case lot sales. New to couponing? Check out the Getting Started: Learn to Coupon tab. This website is seriously a treasure trove of useful links (check out the Categories and Topics menu on the right hand side of the page!).

 

SpouseBuzzs blog post, "Price Expert: Commissary vs WalMart"

 

Military.coms article, "Study Confirms 30% Savings at Commissaries"

 

InCharges article by Ellie Kay, "Go Crazy for Coupons! Commissary Shopping Tips"

 

Note: Ive mentioned it before, but I am not a couponer. I know many people coupon which is why I provided the links for couponing at the commissary. I save money when doing our family grocery shopping by sticking to our list and minimizing our trips to the store. :)

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post pregnancy weight loss youtube | Unique to twins

post pregnancy weight loss youtube

There are a lot of things about having twins that are hard to put into words or hard for people without twins to understand. For some things, parenting twins is double the work. For other things, it is half the work. I absolutely love being a momma to identical twins.

However, I read some of these articles about parenting twins or talk to some people with multiples and it feels like they are trying to make parenting twins far more unique or unusual than it is. Some of the things involved in parenting twins applies to parenting more than one child. Having twins in itself is special and unique. Why make it bigger than it is? Why say things in a way that puts down other moms, especially since most moms are moms of singletons? It feels like it is making a divide, when there is no need to create more mommy competition than there is already.

I was reading this article and it seemed to cover all the bases for most of the "unique" twin things I hear a lot, "9 things only parents of twins will understand," by Megan Shauri on FamilyShare. I went through the points she made regarding "unique twin things" and expanded on them, since many of them are not twin-exclusive, and some apply to sibling groups but are a little different for twins.

1. "People will ask inappropriate questions."

Totally agree with this one. We have heard some wildly inappropriate questions-- especially in front of our children-- as to how our twins were conceived. Even now I get asked if they are natural. But now that we have 4 children, we hear a lot of inappropriate comments, especially because they are all boys, these also said in front of my four precious children. Comments Ive heard from strangers:

"If I had 4 boys, Id put a gun in my mouth."

"Having 4 boys is the worst thing that I think could ever happen to me."

"Are you an alcoholic? I would be if I had 4 boys."

"God bless you because I cant think of a worse thing than having 4 boys."

"Better you than me because that sounds miserable."

I know the author was referring to fertility/conception when stating the inappropriate questions. When people ask about our boys ("Yes, all boys, all mine") they usually notice two are the same height and look the same ("Yes, they are identical twins") and I will sometimes hear if we "planned" them-- because using our magic looking glass we knew down the road that our 4th child would be another boy? So we thought lets do twin boys for children #2 and #3?

"Good Lord, Im so thankful I dont have twin boys."

"Twin boys! That is horrible. Wow, I have always wanted twins, but never twin boys."

"Im surprised you are out of the house and dressed. If I had twin boys, I would stay in bed crying all day."

Note on that: people really need to stop using the Lords name in vain to curse my blessings.

2. "You have to learn to speak twin."

This is the first point she makes that I truly dont agree with. Twin language? Really? This is one that just makes me shake my head...

Anyone who has raised a toddler knows how language gets warped and distorted as their child learns words. Dirty diaper becomes "bo bo;" water becomes "wah." Ive met people in adulthood who are still called by the name they referred themselves to when they were three-years old, unable to pronounce their full name.

Then you take two children learning language at the same time who spend all day together... yeah, they babble and sometimes it appears they have invented a little language. But they havent. They are babbling. We have taken our boys-- all 3 of the older ones-- on playdates where they are playing with their peers and their friends even seem to know what they are talking about.

I attribute this to the fact that these children are just used to not understanding a lot of what is being said to them. Up until that point in their cognitive life, they have had a world of people talking over them and at them. And so they are imitating what was modeled for them, just like they do with everything else. You give them a pot and a spoon, they pretend to cook {until they start beating their brother with the spoon...}.

Our boys have all gone to speech therapy. With our oldest, we were taught not to encourage his mutated words. Even when he said words in an absolutely adorable way, we were to repeat it back to him correctly so he learned the correct pronunciation. With our twins, we were taught not to encourage their "twin speak," even when it was hilarious. When one babbled a word incorrectly, we were to repeat it back correctly.

Honestly, we never had an issue with "twin talk." I have met many people that strongly believe in twin language. Strongly. We have had age appropriate babble from our children that seemed to be understood by each other-- even our oldest. Our twins would be fussing in their high chairs, yelling some undecipherable stream of words, and our oldest would say, "Mom, he wants the red car and he wants his blanket!" after my attempts of appeasing them failed. Our oldest would diligently fetch these items; his brothers would take them and instantly stop fussing, their attention fully absorbed in their treasures.

As our twins have grown, we have encouraged correct language. When we figure out a hard to pronounce word that they have been struggling over, we learn to recognize it in their speech and work with them on the correct pronunciation. It doesnt make sense to me to latch on to toddler speak and dub it twin language.

When I tell people, no, our twins do not have a secret language, they usually launch into how their cousins twins could read each others minds. One would just burst out crying and the other would go get a certain toy and the twin would stop crying because they just knew. My sisters and I were always very close and always anticipated/knew what the other sister wanted, just from our surroundings/past experience/knowing each other. Siblings have a bond. Twins have a leg up on this sibling bond because from their moment of conception they have been thrown together as a pair, even in familys where the sibling bond is often ignored or left to grow on its own without parental guidance.

3. "You will never stop being asked if they are twins."

My sisters and I look like replicas of each other. We used to find it so amusing when people asked us if we are twins. Sometimes we said yes; it was all a game to us. Now that Im grown with a set of identical twins... it isnt the game it was then. Our boys are three-years old and Im not sure I can really convey how often we are asked if they are twins. It isnt that I mind talking to people or that Im not friendly; I feel like I am very friendly and open. I love our boys and love talking about all of them. It is just that we get asked at every store, at every errand, at the guard shack driving on base, at Chick-Fil-A when we walk in the door, when we order, when we are sitting at our table, by the parents in the play area, by the fellow patrons around us, on our way out to the parking lot... We seem to go in waves of being asked if they are twins. We will only get asked on some of our errands and then other times we are asked e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e every time we go out. {Mind you, I do not dress our twins alike. I sometimes put all of our boys in matching/coordinating outfits for events and such, but not our every day wear.}

4. "There is no such thing as just running to the store quickly."

This point made by the author was one of those comments that make singleton parents glare at twin parents. Because leaving the house with one child is so easy and singleton parents have no idea how easy they have it?

As a parent of singleton first, I can tell you that it is not that easy. Our first child was a breath holder from 6 weeks to 3 years. It was intense. And going from buckling no car seats as a free agent adult to buckling a car seat every time you leave the house, it is a big change.

Now as a parent of 4, I can tell you leaving the house with one child is not the chore it used to be. Buckling one car seat and taking one child in when I have 3 more children in car seats staying home with Dad feels like much less work. That sounds like Im saying that one car seat is easy...

No, what Im saying is that it is relative. Having your first baby is a major learning curve. Having your fourth baby is much easier. Things dont surprise you so much. I expect to have some fussiness in the store, maybe some crying in the car. I expect babies to be loud and disruptive in public and know what age appropriate behaviors from our toddlers are. I enjoy going out and having one on one time with just one child and appreciate not having to do zone defense down the aisle of the commissary.

If I could go back in time there are so many things I would be much more relaxed about with our first, but I cant because I was figuring it out then. I had no idea what to expect at each of the ages and stages. There are definitely times now that I hear a mom of one complaining to me about how their house is a mess and I do want to laugh out loud, thinking about the uphill battle I have at home with our 4 children. But I have been in that moms shoes. I know how that mom feels and I know those feelings are real.

5. "The learning curve for sibling rivalry happens much sooner."

I think this really sums up a lot of the differences between twins and singletons, not the sibling rivalry, but that things happen much sooner. Instead of easing into balancing sibling groups, you are thrown into it. We went from one child to three children-- a big transition! As someone who rarely pushed a stroller with our first, I was then taking a stroller that could hold three children everywhere we went-- two infant carriers, two bottles, two sets of baby toys and blankets to keep track of, three children to balance. And when our twins became mobile it was much more difficult finding a place for our oldest to do toddler activities, like Playmobile sets. He would pull his toys away from one baby only to be accosted by the other baby. It was a lot for him to take in. Our style of parenting changed a lot going from one child to three children, though there has been a much smaller shift going from three children to four.

6. "They truly love being together."

This one is another stretch. How is this just twins? Our boys fuss and fight and bicker all day long. But they freak out if one of them leaves. They worry about the baby when I leave the house with just him, "Dont forget to feed him while you are gone!" Thank you, 6-year old; I will remember to do that! They worry when my husband leaves with any combination of them-- our 6-year old and a 3-year old; both the 3-year olds... They are so excited when their brothers come home after any amount of time away. "Where did you go?! Did you have fun?!" Whenever we go anywhere-- doctor appointments, piano lessons, etc-- and the one with me is offered stickers or suckers or treats, he demands 3 more for his brothers. They all look out for each other. We have encouraged from the beginning the sibling bond, the band of brothers. It is so important for brothers to have each others backs.

7. "It feels like your kids grow up faster."

It is weird to me having two pass through the phases together. It feels... different. We seem to hit the phases fast and furious. We binged on toys to make our day easier; we have so many baby toy hand-me-downs, two of everything, because it was easier to give them each a toy in their Bumbo. We had two swings, two bouncey seats, two, two, two. Two push lawnmowers, two Fisher Price poppers, two Fisher Price school buses... And then they grew out of it all and it is passed down to baby #4 who finds far more entertainment in his brothers than his toys.

Looking at baby #4, Im amazed at how old our twins are. We are out of the baby stage with them-- they are 3 years old! We are moving into the preschool years. How did we fly through that? I still remember the long evenings, double the colds, double the diapers...

And suddenly they are playing games with their big brother and our house is now three of everything. This was a Christmas of threes. Our garage has shifted from toys for our oldest {one of each} plus toys for our twin toddlers {two of each} to toys for our boys {three of everything}.

I think maybe now they are older and out of the extreme hands on baby phase, maybe it will feel more normal to have two children pass through the stages together. Maybe it will feel a little less intense than when it was two babies. I dont know. I am just floored that our oldest is now 6 years old. SIX. Not the tiny baby on my hip. Our twins are 3 years old. THREE. Not the round babies in cribs and diapers. And we have a fourth baby. What? How time flies!

8. "They will always be compared to each other."

There could be a whole article on this one alone. Yes, yes, yes, yes, a million times YES. We have 4 children and we have heard, "Does he sleep like the other ones? Does he eat like the other ones? Is he a good baby/bad baby/same baby as the other ones? Does he look like the other ones?" Normal, right? Yup.

But for twins, it is different. We hear that and then some. If one of our twins falls off the slide and starts crying, I hear, "Is he the sensitive twin?" If one of our twins is wearing mismatched clothes and the other twin is wearing what I picked out, I hear, "Is he the rebellious twin?" If one of our twins is throwing a fit in public, I hear, "Is he demanding twin?" If one of our twins says hi to the people asking if they are twins, I hear, "Is he the outgoing twin?" The are just labeled. Labeled everywhere we go no matter what they are doing. They are labeled as the twins and then people want to attribute each and every one of the smallest behaviors they are exhibiting at any given moment to which twin they are.

And when our oldest is noticed in the midst of the twin labeling, he gets asked, "Are you a good helper with your brothers?"

{Face palm}

9. "You will always be teaching people about twins."

Yup.

"My dad is a twin so I was sure I would have twins."

"My brothers cousins wife had twins, so I know my turn is next."

Read my blog post, "Identical or Fraternal {revised}."

What do you think of this list and of her article? Do agree that these are unique to twins or do you think they cover sibling groups as well?

 

View Megan Shauris article here: "9 things only parents of twins will understand," by Megan Shauri on FamilyShare?

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post pregnancy weight loss yoga | Homeschool schedule

post pregnancy weight loss yoga

When this homeschool year started, I was excited. Our first "real" year of homeschooling! I opened up my calendar and my feelings shifted slightly, "Oh no! There is nothing on our calendar!" So I started adding things to our calendar.

I continued our piano lessons on Wednesdays. He is really interested in music and learning piano.

I found a fun ASL co-op class on Thursdays. He likes sign language and I thought he would enjoy doing it with other kids-- just for fun.

I found a storytime on Fridays. This is really our only "toddler-friendly" activity.

Fall started. We enjoyed our schedule.

Then we found a fun co-op class on Wednesdays after our piano lessons. We joined that.

Then one of our toddlers needed speech therapy on Mondays.

Plus we go to church on either Saturday night or Sunday morning.

Plus we still had to go grocery shopping...

...and I joined a mommy meet-up group that I never had time for.

...and a homeschool field trip group that I never had time for.

...and friends that I was having a hard time finding room in our schedule just to hang out with.

...and a house to take care of.

...and toddlers that were still napping.

...and a newborn.

Oh, yes. And homeschool to actually accomplish with our kindergartner.

Suddenly our schedule was not fun. How had kindergarten become such a chore?

At a park playdate I opened up my calendar to a homeschool mom currently homeschooling her 4 children. I figured that she is wise at planning her family calendar since her oldest 2 are teenagers. I asked her, "What am I doing wrong? We are stressed and fighting every morning when we leave the house and we are homeschooling kindergarten! I dont think it should be this hard." Bless her she went through my schedule and helped me cut it down. {Side note: be thankful for honest friends!}

We dropped piano lessons and ASL co-op to free our schedule and because winter break was a good point to drop the classes before we move.

We obviously kept church and speech therapy.

The Wednesday co-op stayed since it was one of the things that our oldest loved and really wanted to keep on the calendar, plus it wasnt too stressful to get to or be at especially after our calendar was cut way down.

Friday storytime is drop-in and so on Fridays when we are looking for something to do, we go. On Fridays where we are way to busy after a hectic week, we dont.

I dropped the mommy meet-up group and the homeschool field trip group. Even being part of them online was stressful. I never had time for the playdates, even the ones that I wanted to go to. It feels so much better not having that "failure" hanging over me. I figure that if our schedule ever dies down, then I will consider joining again, but first I want to get in the swing of things.

After such a busy schedule, I wanted to give us a chance to breathe and regroup. Our co-ops and commitments ended in December then we hit the winter holidays. I gave us the freedom and flexibility to let school happen or to take a break. We ended up doing more no-school days than school days over Christmas, which was fine. We started school early this year and have plenty of days we can take off for moving, if we need to. As we get ready to start school again post-holiday, Im keeping in mind the lessons I learned this past fall.

Dont feel that homeschooling means open schedule.

Dont fill up each day with an out of the house activity.

Dont make it harder than it needs to be.

Since Ive cut down our schedule Im being far more discerning as I put things on our calendar, especially weekly commitments:

1. Does it include all the age groups of our children? Finding activities that all our boys can participate in is wonderful, specifically our oldest 3. If I have something interesting for them to participate in, it is so much easier to get us out the door. "Lets all put on our shoes for our nature explorers park trip!"

2. If it doesnt, do I already have several things on the calendar for that age group? For instance, my schedule was very heavy with activities for our kindergartner, our "official" homeschooler. Even though we were doing things for him, I was still bringing his 3 younger siblings to all those activities and they were getting bored and tired of hanging out in the car or lobbies or sitting quietly on benches watching their brother. While I do think that some activities geared toward a particular age group are great and fine {storytime for our toddlers, co-op for our oldest}, it is important to balance how often I put things on the calendar for one age group.

3. How busy will I be? Over extending myself on weekly commitments meant a lot of the other daily tasks became much bigger chores, such as grocery shopping, house cleaning, laundry, and the kitchen. As a family, we love cooking together and eating dinner at home, but we were short on ingredients and short on time. Our dishes were stacking up. Our laundry was piling up. It was stressful because each day we had too much going on. With young children, leaving one day {Tuesdays, in my case} open wasnt much help because I couldnt count on that day being a good day to get chores done. What if the boys came down with colds? Or our toddlers were exceptionally uncooperative that day? Or the baby was up all night and I was feeling sluggish?

4. Do we have free time? I love free time. The best things happen out of free time. Our boys invent a wild game to play together. We bake together. We do crafts together. We snuggle up and watch movies and eat popcorn together {we love watching movies together!}. When our schedule was so full, free time was miserable. The boys were tired and always fussing at each other. I needed a break and didnt feel like engaging when I finally had a minute to myself. Free time gives us the chance to let our math lesson run over because we are having fun. Free time lets us read just one more book together. Free time allows us to throw on shoes and take a walk. Free time lets us say "yes" to our neighbor that wants to come over and hang out for awhile. I am a firm believer in free time.

What lessons have you learned regarding your family calendar and homeschooling?

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extreme weight loss during pregnancy | Potty training twins part 1 No plan

extreme weight loss during pregnancy

As a mother to three children with another on the way, I know the importance of planning. As a mother of twins, I know the importance of planning. And now, as a mother to children growing more and more independent each day, Im learning the importance of going with the flow, trying things out, and seeing where life takes us-- essentially, throwing out the plan and flying by the seat of our pants.

We have already potty trained one child. I wrote three blog posts about the experience:

• Try to see it my way
• Why not?
• Follow-up on potty training

With him, he really didnt want to potty train. He liked diapers and was fine with how things were going. As his parents, we were the ones ready to be done with diapers. If you read the blog posts on potty training D, you know that he was ready to potty train and capable to do so. The thing that I liked about potty training him was that he was ready and so when we finally did it, we were able to do days, nights, naptime, out and about... It all just feel into place.

As for potty training our 2.5-year old twin toddlers, I came up with a plan. I wanted to wait until they were the same age our oldest was when we potty trained him, a couple months past 3 years old. I did have other reasons for wanting to wait as well, such as their vocabulary and their maturity level. (Read my blog post "Potty training 2.5 year old twin boys?")

My plan has gone out the window! One of our twin toddlers, C, decided that he wanted to potty train. He even said that, "I want potty train now." {Face palm.} I put it off. We played along with his desire to use the potty, feeling like it was helping him understand the concept of eventually potty training. He wanted his diaper changed after each time he tinkled. He would tell us before he would poop, after he pooped, waddle to the diaper changing basket, pull out a clean diaper and wipes, and demand we promptly changed him. Sometimes he would tell us before he would poop or pee and demand to use the potty. I was doing everything I could to prevent him from potty training. What changed my mind?

A couple weeks ago the toddlers vocabulary and communication skills leaped forward. It felt like one week we were totally frustrated that they wouldnt use their words to communicate-- depending on temper tantrums to express themselves-- and a week later they were chatting with us about their day. C started expressing more and more his desire to potty train-- which I listened to-- but what really convinced me to let him try was when I started being able to negotiate and reason with him. One morning we were rushing out of the house. The toddlers were feeling hurried and stressed as I searched for shoes and dressed them quickly. C started screaming and flailing when I attempted to strap him into his car seat. I took him out of the seat and stood him in the driveway next to our van and began to reason with him. He listened! We came to an agreement and I was able to peacefully strap him his car seat. That conversation was the turning point for me. I realized that if I could explain to him why I needed him to buckle up, I could explain to him the fundamentals of potty training.

I made the decision to make a new plan for potty training: No Plan.

This past Thursday, we had an afternoon at home. I put both the toddlers in underwear and explained to them that they cannot go potty in their underwear; they must use the toilet. They agreed. C was beaming; he was so thrilled to finally be in underwear! I remembered how well the timer system worked with their older brother so I set the timer on the microwave. The timer works great for two reasons:

1. it isnt you harassing your child every couple minutes, "Do you have to go potty? Hey, do you have to go potty? Love, do you need to go potty?"
2. it puts them in charge, "Momma! The timer went off! Time to go potty!"

I figured that when the timer went off, we would all trudge into the bathroom and try to go potty. It didnt work well.

For C, our toddler who wants to potty train, he felt too much pressure. He wanted to go potty. When I brought him in the bathroom at intervals, he felt like I was telling him that he had to go then. He would try and try and when he couldnt produce even a drop, he would look so sad and disappointed. He didnt throw a fit or burst into tears; he would just look up at me with big eyes brimming with tears, "Momma! I no have to go!"

For O, our toddler who we only put in underwear because we were letting his twin brother attempt to potty train, it was boring. It became a game: do not use the bathroom when the timer goes off. He would run and hide when he heard the timer, or, worse, try to be the first to the bathroom so he could attack the toothpaste tubes before I got in there (as a rule, none of our boys are allowed to loiter in the bathroom when their business in there is done). Every time he stood in front of the toilet, he said he did not have to go. He did hold it for an impressively long time Thursday afternoon. It all blew up in our face though. By Thursday evening, he had a series of accidents, the first standing in front of the toilet and the next 3 anywhere that he wanted to in our house, all after denying the need to go in the first place, "No have to go, Momma. No need potty, Momma. No baf-room, Momma!" My poor husband had his hands full with O that night. Graciously, he allowed O to keep trying and let him put on underwear again and again, patiently explaining the process after each "accident" (in quotes because that child had no intention of ever using the toilet that day). After 3 accidents in a row though, even my optimistic husband couldnt justify putting O in underwear again and O was put back into a diaper. When O finally crinkled back to the table wearing a diaper, both his brothers looked at him. Finally D, their older brother, said, "Uh-oh. O isnt potty training anymore?" O didnt seem to mind; he acted almost relieved that he was no longer part of the potty training charade.

Thursday night, our first day potty training, my husband and I discussed how things were going and how we wanted to proceed. We came to the decision that we would continue potty training C and we would keep O in diapers. That is how we arrived at potty training one of our 2.5-year old twins and the other toddler is remaining in diapers. Im in no hurry to push O because I dont think hes ready. While his vocabulary has grown, he doesnt communicate or negotiate as much as C does. Im not saying that he wont or that I feel he is somehow delayed or that C is advanced; I just dont think hes ready to potty train. If he was not a twin and his identical twin brother wasnt potty training at the moment, I wouldnt even consider potty training him. And that is how Im going to treat them: like individuals. Just because one twin is doing something doesnt mean that the other must. Just because one twin is ready to potty train now, doesnt mean there is something wrong with the twin not potty training. We have been very careful around here not to use language that is comparing them. "O, do you see what C is doing? Do you want to potty train too?" While my husband and I have discussed that seeing his 2 brothers in underwear could possibly motivate him to potty train sooner than later (never underestimate the power of monkey see/monkey do), we havent vocalized this to the boys. Our 5-year old has asked a couple times, "Why is C potty training and not O?" And our answer is, "Because C wants to potty train right now and O doesnt, which is okay."

So how have been managing this? Yes, it gets chaotic having two toddlers in the bathroom. Just because O isnt potty training and their older brother D has been potty trained for 2.5 years now, doesnt mean when C has to go potty that it is just me and him in there. Nope, all the boys make their way into the bathroom. This stressed me out at first. There was just too much going on in there until I realized that when we go out of the house, this is how it will be. Now I dont stress about them being in the bathroom. They need to leave C alone while he goes potty. No toys are allowed in the bathroom (not that we ever really allow toys in the bathroom, but when 2 boys follow their brother into the bathroom, they have a tendency to want to drag the house in there with us). I do allow O to be curious in there. While we are not pushing to potty train him, I dont want him to feel that the toilet is off-limits for him. I allow him to watch and ask questions. However, we have rules in the bathroom. While I know how clean our toilets are at home, we arent sure how clean public bathrooms are. We dont allow any of the boys to touch the toilet (well, more than necessary-- toddlers and toilets are just a bad combination in general). We believe in teaching them bathroom etiquette at home that can be applied out in public. I have our oldest stand like a gentleman if he wants to come in the bathroom with us while Im potty training C. If O wants to watch as well, I usually have him sit on one of the bathroom stools or stand with D. I do not let D and O rough house while standing in the bathroom with us (yup, siblings have a gift for constantly messing with each other, "Im not touching you... Im not touching you... Im not touching you..."). We have bathroom rules and we are strict in enforcing them. If they dont follow the rules, they have to leave the room.

Potty training, no matter how eager the child, requires spending a lot of time in the bathroom. We learned a long time ago that we need a chair in the boys bathroom. Ive spent a lot of time in that chair the last couple days. Thursday I completely cleaned the bathroom, even the baseboards. Friday was busier with a full day in underwear; it passed in a blur. (Amazing how some days fly by and some days drag on when you are a stay-at-home mom!) Saturday was great because my husband was home to help take C to the bathroom; I felt like I finally got to spend time in other rooms of our house. :)

Overall, Im very pleased with how potty training is going with C. He really desires to be potty trained and is working very hard at it. Hes had minimal accidents, none of them messy. Hes actually taken to potty training so quickly that I put him in underwear all day, from the time he wakes up to the time he puts on pajamas. He took a 3 hour nap on Friday and stayed dry the whole time. Saturday we ran errands-- 2 different stops, out of the house for 2.5 hours-- and he was dry the whole time, even using the public restroom while we were gone. When we arrived at a store, we took him to the restroom and we took him again before we left. (Note: I only braved leaving the house this early in the potty training process with all the boys in tow because my husband was home to help. One of us was able to quickly get him to the restroom when C needed to go potty while the other stayed with his brothers.) Right now Im feeling like we are going to hold off on nights. Im not sure hes ready to be in the bathroom unsupervised, especially if he has a fellow 2-year old following him in there. For now we are taking baby steps, seeing what works, seeing what they can do with the freedom we are handing over to them. When we tackled nights with our oldest, he was waking up dry night after night. C is not waking up dry every morning, so Im not sure when we will do nights. Again, my plan is No Plan-- well just see what happens.

As for a rewards system, we havent had to be as creative with our rewards system with C as we were for his older brother. Cs ambition to potty training is really driving us this time around. We do have a jar of gummy candies sitting on the counter as his treat, but we havent had to do something different for pooping or peeing-- he does both on his own accord in the toilet. The only problem with "treat," as the he calls it, is that O gets quite upset when his brother is picking out gummy candies that he cant have. Occasionally our 5-year old asks if he can have one, but he is more accepting of our answer than his 2.5-year old brother. Because we dont want our toddlers to feel that they are being compared against each other as twins, we are careful how we word our reasoning as to why C gets a treat and O doesnt. When O starts reaching for a treat, I tell him that these are Cs treats. When he demands further explanation, "Why I not get treat, Momma?" I politely tell him that C is potty training right now, which is the truth. O has said to that that he wants to potty train, which he doesnt. As I wrote this, he insisted on trying to go potty after seeing C get a treat, only to get in the bathroom and fidget around, refuse to go near the toilet, and try to grab the toothpaste tube. Now when I tell him that C is potty training right now, I quickly add that he will potty train soon too and will get treats then as well. I briefly entertained the idea of finding some sort of consolation treat for D and O, immediately shooting down the idea. We dont give all 3 boys medicine when only 1 child needs medicine. We arent going to reward all 3 boys because 1 is potty training successfully. We are loving but firm and the technique is working thus far.

Wish us luck! We are breaking on to day 4 of potty training and-- knock on wood-- so far no accidents today! :)

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weight loss exercise during pregnancy | Potty training twins Part 2 The next step

weight loss exercise during pregnancy

So our very first day of potty training our twin boys was February 6th. I wrote this blog post four days later: "Potty training twins: Party 1 {no plan}." This is part 2, day 18 of potty training.

Potty training our eager toddler C has been good-- actually, almost easy; I think because he really wants to potty train. When I potty trained our oldest, I was very stressed leaving the house with him in underwear. I had a system and a fully loaded diaper bag, ready for every possible scenario. The other day I decided to take the boys to lunch. I made it halfway into the restaurant when I remembered that I didnt have a diaper bag with me (I usually leave the diaper bag in the car since our twins are now toddlers). I took the boys back to the car and scoured around the van trying to find a change of clothes and some spare diapers in case of an accident. I feel like it has been one of those times of what you do with your first child compared to what you do with your second child. While the idea of potty training twins caused me serious anxiety, I havent been as stressed now that weve actually started.

As for our other toddler, O... I dont know if he is ready to potty train. This past weekend, a little over 2 weeks of potty training his twin brother, he insisted on wearing underwear. I actually took him to church in underwear yesterday (another example of something I never would have done with our first, "Oh, you want to potty train? Okay, well lets leave the house then."). I am not entirely on board with this because I dont think he actually wants to potty train right now. I feel like it is almost like his brothers are getting a lot of attention for potty training or being potty trained and so he is trying to jump on the bandwagon. However, he actually did pretty good yesterday. Today he has again insisted on underwear. While hes doing well, I think a lot of it is treat motivated. He keeps using the restroom and then demanding a treat, "I went again, Momma! Treat!" And then because hes using the bathroom, his twin brother C is stepping up his bathroom usage, "I went too, Momma! Treat!" Let me tell you, I thought I was in the bathroom a lot during the first week of potty training a couple weeks ago. I feel like this has become a game for them and, honestly, it is driving me slightly crazy, not to mention we are out of treats and it isnt even noon yet. Im hoping that today is just a novelty and that it will wear off soon. I am trying to be supportive of it (while tempering their desire for treats) since the end goal, even if it is just a game, could mean fully potty trained toddlers.

I am not sure of the direction we are heading with O. I feel comfortable taking C places with us in his underwear, like to our neighbors house or to the park. I feel comfortable with him in his car seat and he did great with a baby-sitter. I dont know about O... I dont know if I would want him in underwear out and about right now. He didnt have an accident in the church nursery, but I think that was because he had just used the bathroom. I dont know if he would have told them that he had to go. He seems 100% motivated by whatever he has to do to get treats, not the desire to potty train. Today we are hanging around our neighborhood and so Im letting him dabble in potty training. If he has accidents on our walk or at the park, Ill probably put him back in a diaper until he actually is ready to fully potty train-- for reals.

As for fully potty training C, he is acting like he wants to take the next step: nights. While not having 2 kids in diapers during the day is excellent, I dont really consider a child fully potty trained until they are going days and nights in underwear and are trustworthy in those underwear. These are the questions I ask myself to determine if our boys are trustworthy in underwear:

• Would I let him sit on our couch in underwear?
  O- yes, but only if supervised and we know when he last used the bathroom
• Would I let him ride in his car seat in underwear?
• Would I let him watch a movie in our guest room in underwear, on our guest bed for an hour and a half?
  C- not quite there yet. Ive been keeping him out of the guest room
• Would I let him hang out on my husband and Is bed in underwear?
• Would I let him hang out on my parents Tempur-Pedic mattress in underwear?

I feel like these kind of questions get progressively more difficult and require a greater degree of trust. Obviously only our oldest is a "yes" to all the questions.

The idea of potty training C during nights right now doesnt thrill me. When we potty trained our oldest for nights, he was just waking up every morning with a dry diaper, so, really, there wasnt much potty training required. We told him what to do if he had to use the restroom at night and it pretty much happened from there. We did do the whole protecting the mattress trick. The mattress was protected in a zipped vinyl mattress protector. Then I made the bed with a fitted sheet and a loose sheet. Over that I put a fitted waterproof mattress protector. On top of that, I again made the bed with a fitted sheet and a loose sheet. On top of the loose sheet, I laid a waterproof mattress pad. On top of that I put his comforter. The idea was that if he had an accident at night, the comforter would be protected by the waterproof mattress pad and I could just strip the bed of the first layer of messed sheets and have a second layer already made on the bed (no making a bed in the middle of the night). It worked great. The few times he had an accident, it was usually just a little bit, enough to wake him up and alert him he needed to use the restroom, and it didnt happen more than once in the night.

C is not waking up in the morning with heavily wet diapers, but they are still not dry. However, every night when we put him in a diaper before bed he gets quite upset and insists he wants to wear underwear all night. He is taking his afternoon quiet time in underwear. Some days he just stays in his room and plays for an hour, heading to the restroom if he feels he needs to go potty; some days he actually takes a 2-4 hour nap and is dry the whole time. Im completely on the fence about whether or not he would do well in underwear at night. Even more so, Im concerned about how well his brothers would handle him using the restroom at night. Since they all 3 share a room, would he wake up his brothers? Would I have 2 toddlers playing in the bathroom at 2 am? Would I be struggling to get 3 boys back to bed after changing sheets in the middle of the night? Im just not sure how it will go. I think I would feel more adventurous and cavalier about trying out nights if I wasnt almost 22 weeks pregnant. Sleep has become quite important to me.

My husband and I talked about it and we feel like if C is really wanting to do nights, we should let him. He may surprise us, just like O may surprise us by actually being ready to potty train. Im at a point in this pregnancy where I feel pretty good. I have energy during the day. Im taking it a bit easier than usual, so we are home more. Why not let them potty train if they are ready? They will be turning 3 mid-April and so the alternative is to wait and potty train them when I am huge pregnant in my third trimester or, even less desirable, when we have a newborn, who will most likely be arriving this June.

We have already decided to go into this with our plan thrown out the window and this is just another example of seeing where the potty training road takes us...

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weight loss during pregnancy due to healthy eating | Yelling

weight loss during pregnancy due to healthy eating

I suppose every mommy blogger at some point has to write a post on yelling. Is it possible to raise kids without yelling? Im throwing this out there: no.

I know that there is someone reading this right now with a look of indignation on their face, "What?! I would never yell at my kids!" Good for you.

Now before I get lots of mommy judging, we really put forth an effort to not be a yelling family. My husband is just naturally gifted at not yelling. His even temper is one of the things I love most about him. It genuinely takes a lot for him to lose his cool, so much so that in our seven and a half years of marriage I can count the number of times that I have heard him raise his voice at me. I mean, we are talking about a very mellow guy. Me? Yeah... I am a lot like that. Except opposite. I would describe myself as a passionate person, which is why my husband and I work well together. I bring the passion; he brings the logic.

Frustrated or angry feelings toward our children demand a different form of communication though. (Not saying I just yell at my husband, but he at least can rationalize and understand when I do. Read my blog post on "Marriage.") They arent my peers. Their brains dont work how my brain works; they truly dont think how I do. Half the time, they dont fully understand what it is that they have done wrong or what has irritated/upset me so much. Even worse, sometimes they havent even done anything wrong. They are just being toddlers-- while frustrating, totally age appropriate. (Read Hands Free Mamas blog post, "The Important Thing About Yelling.") Simply put, yelling at them isnt fair in those situations, nor does it actually get through to them. I can actually see the point when they have totally checked out of my message and they are just wondering when Mommy is going to stop being mad at them.

But is yelling always wrong? No, I honestly dont think so. I feel that there are very appropriate times for yelling, especially when you dont yell all the time. When all my boys are screaming over each other, one darting off with a toy he stole from his brother and the other chasing after screeching at full volume while the last is hollering it is his turn... I can try at that moment (and I do try) to get their attention. Sometimes I am able to get the attention of the bandit, but not always, especially now in my third trimester. I cant chase a child, nor do I feel that as the mother it teaches them to listen when I chase after them. So I either yell, "STOP!" or the name of the child absconding with the goods. I dont keep yelling. Im yelling to get their attention. Once I have their attention, I speak to them. Other times I feel yelling is appropriate in some danger situations, not all. If the child is teetering towards, say, an open flame, yelling could startle the child into falling in. When our boys are rough housing as we unload the van and no one is listening to my instructions to calm down and hold hands, yes, yelling is appropriate, "STOP NOW!" Once I have their attention, I can get them to follow instructions and we can safely cross the parking lot.

I try to stick to three rules when yelling at our kids: 1. Yelling to get their attention and 2. Dont yell in anger and 3. Dont yell when it is not getting through. The first rule is what I just described, yelling a childs name or a command, "Stop!" "Wait!" "No, sir!" And, as I said, once I have their attention I speak to them. Continuing to yell completely loses the message. They are not going to listen to a long tirade. Im not saying I dont use the "Mommy No-Nonsense Voice." I most definitely do. If the boys are pushing their boundaries and I need to get their attention and reprimand them, Im not using the same voice I use when suggesting we all head over for a picnic at the park. No, they are hearing the voice of, "If you do not stop, we are leaving." But that is not yelling. Different tones help convey different messages and let them know where their behavior is falling. Getting their attention doesnt always mean a reprimand. It can mean a loud, "HEY! You guys need to follow me to the back porch like gentlemen and we can all have freeze pops." It all depends on the circumstance.

The second rule is pretty easy to understand. Dont yell in anger. This is where you can get into trouble yelling. Again, Ive most definitely yelled at my children in anger. Ive yelled out of frustration. "WHY CANT WE USE LISTENING EARS TODAY? IS THAT SO HARD?" It happens. We all get upset sometimes. We all sometimes say things we didnt mean to say in a tone we didnt mean to say it in. After losing my temper one day I called my mom. She wisely told me that it is bound to happen when you spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with someone. The most important thing to do after losing your temper is to own up to it and apologize. "I am sorry for yelling at you earlier. I did not handle that well and I am sorry. Will you please forgive me?" When I do yell at our kids this way, which I do not do often, I make sure that I never put the blame on them. "I am sorry for yelling at you when you spilled my sweet tea. Next time you should be more careful so I dont lose my temper like that." It is never our kids fault when I lose my cool. I did not yell because our child did something-- I yelled because I lost control of my temper. I love watching 19 Kids and Counting on TLC. I am always impressed with how Michelle Duggar handles their household. On her blog post, "Michelle Speaks About Motherhood," she is asked by Melissa at MOPS, "How did you learn to speak to your children softly, even when you are angry?" One of the things I love about Michelle Duggar is that she is always honest, so of course she answers honestly:

I haven’t mastered this one yet. Just the other day, several of my boys made a mess in the living room. It was just normal kid stuff, but I got angry and overreacted to the mess. But I feel that by God’s grace, he is giving me some success over yelling. There are times I have to whisper to myself, “I’m not going to lose it. I am going to stay calm.” 

On my page tab, "How do you do it?" I have the verse: ??Psalm 121:1-3, "I lift my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber." I too depend on Gods grace.

The third rule trumps the other two rules. If we are out at the park and I keep having to yell at the boys, "Stop!" "Wait!" "Hold on!" It is time to go. If my instructions are not getting through and they are immediately disregarding what Im saying to them, it is time for a complete change of activity. If we are at home and Im trying to get ready and the boys are all ignoring the house rule of "no rough housing in the family room," I will probably holler from my bedroom, "Boys! Calm down!" That usually will get them to stop. If I have to holler again, I come out and calmly issue a warning, "You guys either need to sit and watch your show or go play in the playroom." The third time I come out, I turn off the television and tell them it is time to go play somewhere else. Sometimes they will happily go play in the playroom or back porch and I can finish getting ready. Sometimes they just move from being way too rough in the family room to being way too rough in the playroom or back porch and Im constantly interrupted (and thus unable to finish getting ready) by tears and arguments. This is when I know that Im not getting through to them and they need to go sit on their beds. This is definitely a time where I start feeling frustrated. I feel like Im giving them great options-- watching shows, playing in the playroom, splashing in the water table on our back porch-- and instead they want to fuss and fight and yell and scream. It is frustrating. Its been really important for me to figure out a solution that doesnt upset me because when I am interrupted every thirty seconds by yet another fight, it gets exhausting. That is why I have them sit on their beds in their own space and I can take the 10 minutes I need to pray, refocus, get ready, and face the day still fresh without feeling like we got off on the wrong foot (which, as every mom knows, has a tendency to affect the outcome of the rest of the day). This third rule also helps when I break the second rule. If I feel myself getting frustrated and raising my voice too much, it really helps to remind myself that this is not getting through to them. All I am doing is yelling to hear my own voice, let out my frustration. It is time for a different plan of action that is less frustrating for everyone. If I am feeling frustrated by how they are behaving, they are probably feeling frustrated with our current activity. If a free-for-all in the playroom is making them fuss and fight, they are probably needing something more structured. If our outside play time is dissolving in tears and toy battles, it is probably time to switch activities. Getting angry and yelling at them will not make them get along better if they themselves are done participating in our current activity.

For me, my biggest obstacle is feeling frustrated, especially lately. Weve really been focusing on our household rules now that we are rapidly approaching the arrival of baby #4. We dont want baby #4 to arrive on the scene with a bundle of new rules that suddenly all his siblings have to follow. Some of the rules have been our rules for all time-- such as no rough housing in the family room-- but are harder for the boys to follow now that they are 5-years old and 3-years old (the couch is more fun when all the pillows are on the floor and you are jumping on them...). Some of the other rules are new but will be sanity savers when baby #4 arrives, such as playing quietly in their room until a certain time each morning. Feelings of frustration are normal in parenthood. It is hard not to feel frustrated when you get every one out of the house for a fun day at the park and all your toddlers want to do is cling and whine. It is hard not to feel frustrated when Daddy gets home from a long, tiring day at work to walk into a house of screaming, fighting children who are whining that they arent tired. It is very hard not to feel frustrated when I really need to rest my almost 32-weeks pregnant self and the boys are screeching for help in the restroom or battling to the death over a toy in the playroom; it is hard not to feel like, "Dont I ever get a break?"

Times like that are when I turn to God. It sounds cliché, but I remind myself of the verses on love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I cant create that type of love on my own; that kind of love comes from God. Knowing that this is the love that he puts in my heart to share with my children is how I humble myself to stop when I realize how Im behaving is wrong. Would love feel this angry over a lost Croc? Would love continue to yell at 3-year olds who were being more curious than naughty? Would love remind our 5-year old how he failed earlier that day? No, when I think of these verses, I am reminded that when our boys are feeling frustrated with each other and fussing and whining, sometimes they just need a hug. When I am having a day where I just really feel frustrated and short-tempered, love is what motivates me to talk about it with my girlfriends because it really helps to have someone pray for me, offer sweet words, or simply relate. Im far, far, far from perfect, but I love, love, love these children that we have been blessed with and I hope and pray that every day we show them how big Gods love is.

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