post pregnancy weight loss youtube | Unique to twins

post pregnancy weight loss youtube

There are a lot of things about having twins that are hard to put into words or hard for people without twins to understand. For some things, parenting twins is double the work. For other things, it is half the work. I absolutely love being a momma to identical twins.

However, I read some of these articles about parenting twins or talk to some people with multiples and it feels like they are trying to make parenting twins far more unique or unusual than it is. Some of the things involved in parenting twins applies to parenting more than one child. Having twins in itself is special and unique. Why make it bigger than it is? Why say things in a way that puts down other moms, especially since most moms are moms of singletons? It feels like it is making a divide, when there is no need to create more mommy competition than there is already.

I was reading this article and it seemed to cover all the bases for most of the "unique" twin things I hear a lot, "9 things only parents of twins will understand," by Megan Shauri on FamilyShare. I went through the points she made regarding "unique twin things" and expanded on them, since many of them are not twin-exclusive, and some apply to sibling groups but are a little different for twins.

1. "People will ask inappropriate questions."

Totally agree with this one. We have heard some wildly inappropriate questions-- especially in front of our children-- as to how our twins were conceived. Even now I get asked if they are natural. But now that we have 4 children, we hear a lot of inappropriate comments, especially because they are all boys, these also said in front of my four precious children. Comments Ive heard from strangers:

"If I had 4 boys, Id put a gun in my mouth."

"Having 4 boys is the worst thing that I think could ever happen to me."

"Are you an alcoholic? I would be if I had 4 boys."

"God bless you because I cant think of a worse thing than having 4 boys."

"Better you than me because that sounds miserable."

I know the author was referring to fertility/conception when stating the inappropriate questions. When people ask about our boys ("Yes, all boys, all mine") they usually notice two are the same height and look the same ("Yes, they are identical twins") and I will sometimes hear if we "planned" them-- because using our magic looking glass we knew down the road that our 4th child would be another boy? So we thought lets do twin boys for children #2 and #3?

"Good Lord, Im so thankful I dont have twin boys."

"Twin boys! That is horrible. Wow, I have always wanted twins, but never twin boys."

"Im surprised you are out of the house and dressed. If I had twin boys, I would stay in bed crying all day."

Note on that: people really need to stop using the Lords name in vain to curse my blessings.

2. "You have to learn to speak twin."

This is the first point she makes that I truly dont agree with. Twin language? Really? This is one that just makes me shake my head...

Anyone who has raised a toddler knows how language gets warped and distorted as their child learns words. Dirty diaper becomes "bo bo;" water becomes "wah." Ive met people in adulthood who are still called by the name they referred themselves to when they were three-years old, unable to pronounce their full name.

Then you take two children learning language at the same time who spend all day together... yeah, they babble and sometimes it appears they have invented a little language. But they havent. They are babbling. We have taken our boys-- all 3 of the older ones-- on playdates where they are playing with their peers and their friends even seem to know what they are talking about.

I attribute this to the fact that these children are just used to not understanding a lot of what is being said to them. Up until that point in their cognitive life, they have had a world of people talking over them and at them. And so they are imitating what was modeled for them, just like they do with everything else. You give them a pot and a spoon, they pretend to cook {until they start beating their brother with the spoon...}.

Our boys have all gone to speech therapy. With our oldest, we were taught not to encourage his mutated words. Even when he said words in an absolutely adorable way, we were to repeat it back to him correctly so he learned the correct pronunciation. With our twins, we were taught not to encourage their "twin speak," even when it was hilarious. When one babbled a word incorrectly, we were to repeat it back correctly.

Honestly, we never had an issue with "twin talk." I have met many people that strongly believe in twin language. Strongly. We have had age appropriate babble from our children that seemed to be understood by each other-- even our oldest. Our twins would be fussing in their high chairs, yelling some undecipherable stream of words, and our oldest would say, "Mom, he wants the red car and he wants his blanket!" after my attempts of appeasing them failed. Our oldest would diligently fetch these items; his brothers would take them and instantly stop fussing, their attention fully absorbed in their treasures.

As our twins have grown, we have encouraged correct language. When we figure out a hard to pronounce word that they have been struggling over, we learn to recognize it in their speech and work with them on the correct pronunciation. It doesnt make sense to me to latch on to toddler speak and dub it twin language.

When I tell people, no, our twins do not have a secret language, they usually launch into how their cousins twins could read each others minds. One would just burst out crying and the other would go get a certain toy and the twin would stop crying because they just knew. My sisters and I were always very close and always anticipated/knew what the other sister wanted, just from our surroundings/past experience/knowing each other. Siblings have a bond. Twins have a leg up on this sibling bond because from their moment of conception they have been thrown together as a pair, even in familys where the sibling bond is often ignored or left to grow on its own without parental guidance.

3. "You will never stop being asked if they are twins."

My sisters and I look like replicas of each other. We used to find it so amusing when people asked us if we are twins. Sometimes we said yes; it was all a game to us. Now that Im grown with a set of identical twins... it isnt the game it was then. Our boys are three-years old and Im not sure I can really convey how often we are asked if they are twins. It isnt that I mind talking to people or that Im not friendly; I feel like I am very friendly and open. I love our boys and love talking about all of them. It is just that we get asked at every store, at every errand, at the guard shack driving on base, at Chick-Fil-A when we walk in the door, when we order, when we are sitting at our table, by the parents in the play area, by the fellow patrons around us, on our way out to the parking lot... We seem to go in waves of being asked if they are twins. We will only get asked on some of our errands and then other times we are asked e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e every time we go out. {Mind you, I do not dress our twins alike. I sometimes put all of our boys in matching/coordinating outfits for events and such, but not our every day wear.}

4. "There is no such thing as just running to the store quickly."

This point made by the author was one of those comments that make singleton parents glare at twin parents. Because leaving the house with one child is so easy and singleton parents have no idea how easy they have it?

As a parent of singleton first, I can tell you that it is not that easy. Our first child was a breath holder from 6 weeks to 3 years. It was intense. And going from buckling no car seats as a free agent adult to buckling a car seat every time you leave the house, it is a big change.

Now as a parent of 4, I can tell you leaving the house with one child is not the chore it used to be. Buckling one car seat and taking one child in when I have 3 more children in car seats staying home with Dad feels like much less work. That sounds like Im saying that one car seat is easy...

No, what Im saying is that it is relative. Having your first baby is a major learning curve. Having your fourth baby is much easier. Things dont surprise you so much. I expect to have some fussiness in the store, maybe some crying in the car. I expect babies to be loud and disruptive in public and know what age appropriate behaviors from our toddlers are. I enjoy going out and having one on one time with just one child and appreciate not having to do zone defense down the aisle of the commissary.

If I could go back in time there are so many things I would be much more relaxed about with our first, but I cant because I was figuring it out then. I had no idea what to expect at each of the ages and stages. There are definitely times now that I hear a mom of one complaining to me about how their house is a mess and I do want to laugh out loud, thinking about the uphill battle I have at home with our 4 children. But I have been in that moms shoes. I know how that mom feels and I know those feelings are real.

5. "The learning curve for sibling rivalry happens much sooner."

I think this really sums up a lot of the differences between twins and singletons, not the sibling rivalry, but that things happen much sooner. Instead of easing into balancing sibling groups, you are thrown into it. We went from one child to three children-- a big transition! As someone who rarely pushed a stroller with our first, I was then taking a stroller that could hold three children everywhere we went-- two infant carriers, two bottles, two sets of baby toys and blankets to keep track of, three children to balance. And when our twins became mobile it was much more difficult finding a place for our oldest to do toddler activities, like Playmobile sets. He would pull his toys away from one baby only to be accosted by the other baby. It was a lot for him to take in. Our style of parenting changed a lot going from one child to three children, though there has been a much smaller shift going from three children to four.

6. "They truly love being together."

This one is another stretch. How is this just twins? Our boys fuss and fight and bicker all day long. But they freak out if one of them leaves. They worry about the baby when I leave the house with just him, "Dont forget to feed him while you are gone!" Thank you, 6-year old; I will remember to do that! They worry when my husband leaves with any combination of them-- our 6-year old and a 3-year old; both the 3-year olds... They are so excited when their brothers come home after any amount of time away. "Where did you go?! Did you have fun?!" Whenever we go anywhere-- doctor appointments, piano lessons, etc-- and the one with me is offered stickers or suckers or treats, he demands 3 more for his brothers. They all look out for each other. We have encouraged from the beginning the sibling bond, the band of brothers. It is so important for brothers to have each others backs.

7. "It feels like your kids grow up faster."

It is weird to me having two pass through the phases together. It feels... different. We seem to hit the phases fast and furious. We binged on toys to make our day easier; we have so many baby toy hand-me-downs, two of everything, because it was easier to give them each a toy in their Bumbo. We had two swings, two bouncey seats, two, two, two. Two push lawnmowers, two Fisher Price poppers, two Fisher Price school buses... And then they grew out of it all and it is passed down to baby #4 who finds far more entertainment in his brothers than his toys.

Looking at baby #4, Im amazed at how old our twins are. We are out of the baby stage with them-- they are 3 years old! We are moving into the preschool years. How did we fly through that? I still remember the long evenings, double the colds, double the diapers...

And suddenly they are playing games with their big brother and our house is now three of everything. This was a Christmas of threes. Our garage has shifted from toys for our oldest {one of each} plus toys for our twin toddlers {two of each} to toys for our boys {three of everything}.

I think maybe now they are older and out of the extreme hands on baby phase, maybe it will feel more normal to have two children pass through the stages together. Maybe it will feel a little less intense than when it was two babies. I dont know. I am just floored that our oldest is now 6 years old. SIX. Not the tiny baby on my hip. Our twins are 3 years old. THREE. Not the round babies in cribs and diapers. And we have a fourth baby. What? How time flies!

8. "They will always be compared to each other."

There could be a whole article on this one alone. Yes, yes, yes, yes, a million times YES. We have 4 children and we have heard, "Does he sleep like the other ones? Does he eat like the other ones? Is he a good baby/bad baby/same baby as the other ones? Does he look like the other ones?" Normal, right? Yup.

But for twins, it is different. We hear that and then some. If one of our twins falls off the slide and starts crying, I hear, "Is he the sensitive twin?" If one of our twins is wearing mismatched clothes and the other twin is wearing what I picked out, I hear, "Is he the rebellious twin?" If one of our twins is throwing a fit in public, I hear, "Is he demanding twin?" If one of our twins says hi to the people asking if they are twins, I hear, "Is he the outgoing twin?" The are just labeled. Labeled everywhere we go no matter what they are doing. They are labeled as the twins and then people want to attribute each and every one of the smallest behaviors they are exhibiting at any given moment to which twin they are.

And when our oldest is noticed in the midst of the twin labeling, he gets asked, "Are you a good helper with your brothers?"

{Face palm}

9. "You will always be teaching people about twins."

Yup.

"My dad is a twin so I was sure I would have twins."

"My brothers cousins wife had twins, so I know my turn is next."

Read my blog post, "Identical or Fraternal {revised}."

What do you think of this list and of her article? Do agree that these are unique to twins or do you think they cover sibling groups as well?

 

View Megan Shauris article here: "9 things only parents of twins will understand," by Megan Shauri on FamilyShare?

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post pregnancy weight loss yoga | Homeschool schedule

post pregnancy weight loss yoga

When this homeschool year started, I was excited. Our first "real" year of homeschooling! I opened up my calendar and my feelings shifted slightly, "Oh no! There is nothing on our calendar!" So I started adding things to our calendar.

I continued our piano lessons on Wednesdays. He is really interested in music and learning piano.

I found a fun ASL co-op class on Thursdays. He likes sign language and I thought he would enjoy doing it with other kids-- just for fun.

I found a storytime on Fridays. This is really our only "toddler-friendly" activity.

Fall started. We enjoyed our schedule.

Then we found a fun co-op class on Wednesdays after our piano lessons. We joined that.

Then one of our toddlers needed speech therapy on Mondays.

Plus we go to church on either Saturday night or Sunday morning.

Plus we still had to go grocery shopping...

...and I joined a mommy meet-up group that I never had time for.

...and a homeschool field trip group that I never had time for.

...and friends that I was having a hard time finding room in our schedule just to hang out with.

...and a house to take care of.

...and toddlers that were still napping.

...and a newborn.

Oh, yes. And homeschool to actually accomplish with our kindergartner.

Suddenly our schedule was not fun. How had kindergarten become such a chore?

At a park playdate I opened up my calendar to a homeschool mom currently homeschooling her 4 children. I figured that she is wise at planning her family calendar since her oldest 2 are teenagers. I asked her, "What am I doing wrong? We are stressed and fighting every morning when we leave the house and we are homeschooling kindergarten! I dont think it should be this hard." Bless her she went through my schedule and helped me cut it down. {Side note: be thankful for honest friends!}

We dropped piano lessons and ASL co-op to free our schedule and because winter break was a good point to drop the classes before we move.

We obviously kept church and speech therapy.

The Wednesday co-op stayed since it was one of the things that our oldest loved and really wanted to keep on the calendar, plus it wasnt too stressful to get to or be at especially after our calendar was cut way down.

Friday storytime is drop-in and so on Fridays when we are looking for something to do, we go. On Fridays where we are way to busy after a hectic week, we dont.

I dropped the mommy meet-up group and the homeschool field trip group. Even being part of them online was stressful. I never had time for the playdates, even the ones that I wanted to go to. It feels so much better not having that "failure" hanging over me. I figure that if our schedule ever dies down, then I will consider joining again, but first I want to get in the swing of things.

After such a busy schedule, I wanted to give us a chance to breathe and regroup. Our co-ops and commitments ended in December then we hit the winter holidays. I gave us the freedom and flexibility to let school happen or to take a break. We ended up doing more no-school days than school days over Christmas, which was fine. We started school early this year and have plenty of days we can take off for moving, if we need to. As we get ready to start school again post-holiday, Im keeping in mind the lessons I learned this past fall.

Dont feel that homeschooling means open schedule.

Dont fill up each day with an out of the house activity.

Dont make it harder than it needs to be.

Since Ive cut down our schedule Im being far more discerning as I put things on our calendar, especially weekly commitments:

1. Does it include all the age groups of our children? Finding activities that all our boys can participate in is wonderful, specifically our oldest 3. If I have something interesting for them to participate in, it is so much easier to get us out the door. "Lets all put on our shoes for our nature explorers park trip!"

2. If it doesnt, do I already have several things on the calendar for that age group? For instance, my schedule was very heavy with activities for our kindergartner, our "official" homeschooler. Even though we were doing things for him, I was still bringing his 3 younger siblings to all those activities and they were getting bored and tired of hanging out in the car or lobbies or sitting quietly on benches watching their brother. While I do think that some activities geared toward a particular age group are great and fine {storytime for our toddlers, co-op for our oldest}, it is important to balance how often I put things on the calendar for one age group.

3. How busy will I be? Over extending myself on weekly commitments meant a lot of the other daily tasks became much bigger chores, such as grocery shopping, house cleaning, laundry, and the kitchen. As a family, we love cooking together and eating dinner at home, but we were short on ingredients and short on time. Our dishes were stacking up. Our laundry was piling up. It was stressful because each day we had too much going on. With young children, leaving one day {Tuesdays, in my case} open wasnt much help because I couldnt count on that day being a good day to get chores done. What if the boys came down with colds? Or our toddlers were exceptionally uncooperative that day? Or the baby was up all night and I was feeling sluggish?

4. Do we have free time? I love free time. The best things happen out of free time. Our boys invent a wild game to play together. We bake together. We do crafts together. We snuggle up and watch movies and eat popcorn together {we love watching movies together!}. When our schedule was so full, free time was miserable. The boys were tired and always fussing at each other. I needed a break and didnt feel like engaging when I finally had a minute to myself. Free time gives us the chance to let our math lesson run over because we are having fun. Free time lets us read just one more book together. Free time allows us to throw on shoes and take a walk. Free time lets us say "yes" to our neighbor that wants to come over and hang out for awhile. I am a firm believer in free time.

What lessons have you learned regarding your family calendar and homeschooling?

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rapid weight loss diet after pregnancy | We Will Survive!

rapid weight loss diet after pregnancy

Double pink eye, cold, infection...this little boy has been having a rough time. Thankfully we just finished with the puffy pink eye business, but now his last 2 molars are throwing a fit. haha. We will survive! ;)

The past couple of weeks, our days have felt like one bug after another being fought off. Stomach flu, double pink eye, and an assortment of colds... Im in hunker down mode, stuffing our faces with vitamins and supplements, while trying to comfort whoever is sick (Im in that batch as well.) ha. I tell you what, I never appreciate my simple healthy days like I should until myself or one of my sweet ones gets sick. Ive gotten some sweet notes and comments from you lovelies asking where Im at. Ive been here, being nurse, mommy and patient. 

My sweet husband, is THE MOST AMAZING guy ever! Ladies, when I started getting sick this man tackled an extremely long grocery list that involved several stores and weird ingredients without a plight. He even brought me flowers and was super Mr. Mom for several days, all the while waiting on me hand and foot. I really dislike being sick, but one bright thing that can happen is the wonder of those you love shine a little louder and sparklier. <3

Sam has some really exciting things going on with his business that is just sending my heart over the moon. And there are so many things Im excited to share with all of you beauties about this year and our plans! Its going to be amazing!

One of my best friends is having a big birthday bash dance party this coming Saturday! (90s hip hop) A group of us girls are going to bring it with an AMAZING hip hop routine. Watch out. Ive been so sore from practicing and shaking my booty,  then getting a stomach flu on top of that. I am worn out. BUT, its gonna be SO dang awesome!!! I might put myself in quarantine to make sure I DONT catch anything else that would block me from the dance floor! ;) Just kidding. No, but really, dont you sniffles and headaches even THINK about it! ;)

I know this is random, but have any of you NOT heard about The Pioneer Woman? This amazing California girl who met, fell in love then married a cattle rancher. They moved out in the middle of nowhere and now she is the super of all women. Im serious. She is one of my new heroes. Cooking, photography, blogging, homeschooling...the woman does EVERYTHING amazing. I tried my hand at making one of her most popular recipes, chicken tortilla soup. Oh.My.Word. You just need to check her out. ;)

On sick, or yucky days, you wont really find me on my blog. But, you CAN and prob will find me on Instagram (boho baby bump) , Pintrest and Twitter! :) You can connect and stay up to date with little bits and pieces of our day that way. I hope you all have been having a fabulous January!

Lots of goodness and cheers to no more sicky bugs!

-Jess

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pregnancy yoga weight loss | Boys will be boys

pregnancy yoga weight loss

If you follow my blog, you might have read my post, "Mom to all boys." In it I say:

Why does it bother me so much hearing "boys will be boys?" Because, in my experience, people do not use that expression in regards to positive behavior demonstrated by my children.

To be honest, most of the time when I hear boys will be boys, parents are using it to justify their childrens bad behavior. It really bothers me.

I come back to that expression time after time and each time it just makes my skin crawl. Why are we teaching a future generation of men that their behavior is okay or justified due to their sex? It makes me think back to various jobs Ive held when men touched me inappropriately or said inappropriate things, once to a point that I had to report a guy. What if the manager had said, "Boys will be boys"?

I am not under some illusion that males and females think/act/are exactly the same and we need to drop all gender references. As our boys have grown, I have noticed our playdates with girls and boys have changed. In truth, our playdates {not everyday play in our own home or for our friends everyday play in their homes} have only really changed this past year. The boys and girls-- through no direction from the parents-- tend to split off or assign various roles to each group. The boys say, "We are knights and are defending the castle! The playground is the castle!" and they are off roaring around the playground with sticks and swords and imaginary bows and arrows. The girls say, "We are the princesses!" and they go in the castle, assigning bedrooms and nurseries and describing the imaginary dresses each of them are wearing. But this extreme division is only starting now. The younger siblings are following suit with the older siblings. When our oldest was 3 years old, he happily joined in on the game with whatever the boys or girls were doing. Now that our oldest is 6 years old, his little brothers trudge along after him, waving swords and occasionally wandering over to check out what is happening in the castle.

My problem is not with boys preferring one game over another or boys playing differently than girls. Our boys spend a lot of time sword fighting. All day long we have wrestling, sword fighting, bloody noses, fat lips, questionable injuries {"Is it broken? Is he fine?"}. Every thing that enters into our house is literally made into a weapon: stuffed alligators are swords, paper towel rolls are swords, paper folded round and round is a sword, pencils are swords, really short pencils are guns... Everything is a weapon. Even our 3 year olds grab long strands of grass and try to tie them to sticks to make bows and arrows. If you know me, you know I am not a fan of weapons. When I take our boys to play with other boys their age, they seem to all do this. They want to protect, to serve, to fight, especially these military children of ours who hear military talk all day {Soldiers! Sailors! Airmen! Marines! Duty! Honor! Courage! Commitment!}.

My problem is when all of the above behavior is immediately dismissed, justified, or permissible due solely to gender. Our oldest is 6 years old; our twins are 3 years old; our baby is 6 months old. We are still in the realm of "little kid play." Why is it okay for big boys to tackle our little boys to the ground as theyre crying and beat them with a foam sword? Why is it okay for big boys to chase a 3 year old down pelting him with Nerf bullets as the 3 year old screams in terror? Why is it okay for little boys to chuck rocks at our stroller with the baby inside? Why are we-- WOMEN-- justifying this behavior in front of our future generation of men by saying "hes all boy?" Since when is it okay for men to throw rocks at babies????

As a woman, that makes me angry. Why are we using our roles as influential women in these mens lives {because our boys will grow up to be men} to ingrain gender stereotypes in them?

Our boys are allowed to explore their creativity to the full extent. Our oldest has started playing Destiny {in small doses} with his dad and grandfather, an activity beloved by the men in my family. He plays Minecraft and revels in his successes. Our boys do wild sword fights where they make tents in their room and battle all afternoon. When we watch Lord of the Rings, they make KNex swords and reenact all the battles they see on the screen. Our 3 year olds are constantly on an Orc hunt. They are given the freedom and space to behave in the way that they wish.

However, we still have house rules. Older children must watch out for younger children. All children must have respect for babies. Respect is very big in our home. It is never acceptable to point guns or weapons at adults or babies, with the exception of adults who are willingly and knowingly joining in their game {such as a Nerf gun war}. We do not allow wild horseplay in our family room, where we have guests and babies, but we have a playroom and their bedroom for such activities. We feel that, especially indoors, they need to find appropriate ways to channel their behavior.

Dont get me wrong, our children do their fair share of far too rough play at home and at the playground. They do their fair share of hitting instead of using their words or sword fighting with unsuspecting friends. What I do is help teach and guide them on how we play with friends. "Why dont you ask her if she wants to play battle with you?" "When you pushed past him to go down the slide, you hurt him. Would you like it if someone did that to you?" "When we dont get our way, we use our words not our hands. You need to say that you are sorry and then take a rest with me for a few minutes."

Last night our boys were playing wildly with stuffed animals and one of our 3 year olds took it way too far. All the stuffed alligators {aka alligator swords} were taken away. We have rules for indoor play. "Do we play like that in the house? Is it okay to hit your brother when hes asking you to stop or not playing your game?" We have outlets for them. Our boys are allowed to play on our back porch where I can supervise them and they can get a little wild. We have games they enjoy doing, like puzzles, KNex, trains, cars, Legos, coloring. When they get too wild all together {as sibling groups can easily do}, we break them up and have them do some quiet activities on their own until they can play together and follow the rules. When it has gone so far down hill that they all just need a rest, I either send them all to sit on their beds {which means they took it way too far} or I have them take a break and watch a movie or read stories.

When we discuss their behavior with them, we do not make them feel that they are destined to be a certain way because of their gender. How would it make them feel being put in a little box due to their gender? And how does that make them relate to others based on their genders? We talk to them based on the incident, just like how we do all areas of our parenting-- not dragging in far past incidents, not heaping more and more trouble on them-- but discussing what happened then. "Do you think that you treated your brother fairly or unfairly?" "It is never okay to behave that way towards a baby. That was far too rough of play for a baby." There are definitely behaviors that we have constant issues with that we are continually working on. For instance, our oldest lately is playing way too rough with his brothers when they all go into their room {aka the coliseum}. We are really working on that because he views them far more as peers than as younger children-- when there is just over 2 and a half years between them in age. "If you want to go play in there with your brothers, you will follow the rules or you will have to find something else to do."

Why is this so important to us? Because we arent raising boys to be boys; we are raising boys to be men. We dont want them to be limited in their views or the future generation of old men to make racist/sexist/bigoted comments towards young mothers in Target {which I have had my fair share of}. Right now, being so young, they obviously dont have any bias regarding race or gender. We are starting to hear comments like, "This is the boys table, Momma," but our boys still happily play with all their little girl friends. One of our 6 year olds best friends is a little girl who trudges through our front bushes finding weapons with him one minute and then the next is teaching him all sorts of cool gymnastic/dance moves, which according to our oldest are very useful in battle.

As for race, our boys are still blissfully unaware of skin color-- or, rather, experience of racism. Our oldest is really drawn to Martin Luther King Jr right now {actually wants us to throw a birthday party for him}. When we read stories about him, he gets emotional that anyone would treat someone badly based on their skin color; I think it is hard for his little 6 year old brain to fathom tolerating or practicing racism. So far we have stuck to picture books on Martin Luther King Jr and the book "Pink and Say." We feel that equality is a conversation that is worth starting now, to get the vocabulary and understand that we are all people, that Christ died for us all.

Picture books are a great way to initiate these conversations and to help bridge any gaps that our children may encounter. As boys, they have encountered far more "bully" behavior than anything else. They get frequently told that behavior inflicted on them is okay because they are "boys playing with boys," mostly in playground situations where we are playing with strangers. For bully behavior, I love "Llama Llama and the Bully Goat." That book is great at pin pointing behaviors that our children frequently encounter and also helps outline a great way to help diffuse bully behavior. In the book, the bully goat has to sit next to the teacher through recess and for the rest of the day so she can help navigate his interactions with the other kids. When our boys have "bully goat behavior," as weve come to call it, I explain to them that they need to take a break for awhile with momma, mostly applicable to our 3 year olds who are still figuring life out. It has been a great resource for our oldest to recognize behaviors that he previously had a hard time processing. It upset him to have kids treat him in a way that hurt his feelings {or his body} and then have their parents tell him to suck it up because he is a boy. Now hes feeling far more confident in telling a child that he doesnt want to play with him anymore and moving away from him or alerting an adult of what is going on.

For gender issues, we focus on modeling the attitude we expect. They hear positive things about girls at home and do not hear gender stereotypes from either parent. We read books and encourage open play. Our boys have baby dolls and a variety of toys. The book "Just Like Me" actually sparked a lot of conversation regarding girls and boys as well as interaction with siblings. The twin girls talk about their similarities, but also their differences. All of our boys, twins and singletons, talked about how they are like that-- the same, but different. They also talked about how they are a lot like the girls in the book, which then evolved to how girls and boys have a lot of similarities and differences as well. This topic has been one that we try to let naturally penetrate our interactions with peers because we want them to see it in action, to respect males and females alike, and to recognize we are all people, despite our differences.

We have taken a similar approach with race as we have with gender-- that we model the attitude we expect. For our 3 year olds, we have followed the same path we took with our oldest at that age. We focus on the Bible, how Christ loves all of us, we are all people. As our oldest has grown, the conversation has changed, mostly due to his questions. Weve talked about how sometimes appearance and skin color is an indicator of your culture and different regions of the world. Weve talked about how America is a melting pot and weve even dove into some of the more sordid aspects of our history. A hero is always welcome to a 6 year old and so weve introduced him to Martin Luther King Jr, a hero he has really taken to. While with gender we have really tried to just let the conversation be without pushing any agenda, race is something that we have focused on introducing. We want them to be aware and conscious of how they treat others, as well as biases that they will need a response to.

In our house, "boys will be boys." We are proud of our boys. We love parenting boys and we want them to embrace who they are: young men. But we are going to do our best to raise these boys to be Christ following, conscious men who exude love, peace, faithfulness, and self-control.

To quote the movie Little Women:

Marmie: "Feminine weaknesses and fainting spells are the direct result of our confining young girls to the house, bent over their needlework, and restrictive corsets."

Meg: "Marmie, must you speak to everyone about corsets?"

Marmie: "Oh, Meg. Do I?"

Some things are worth talking about.

 

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