weight lost during twin pregnancy | Mommy guilt part II

weight lost during twin pregnancy

Motherhood teaches you a lot about yourself, about character flaws you didnt realize you had previously. For one, Ive had to develop a thicker skin. I know, more than once, I had to consciously not take it personally that our son decided to say "Dada" before "Momma." Ironically, when he said "Dada," he wasnt even spending anytime with Daddy. Daddy was out to sea! As a logically thinking parent, it is wonderful that your son is saying Daddy. As a tired woman balancing a toddler, the Navy, and living away from family, why cant your son recognize all the hard work you put in and say "Momma"? Not only have I needed to put small things like that in perspective, but the larger things have forced me to thicken my skin and stand my ground as well.

We recently went to parent orientation at my sons preschool. The teacher explained that on the first day, the students will be given a card to write their name on that will sit on the front of their desk. My heart sank. My four-year old should already know how to write his name? She went on to explain that many students do not yet know how to write, which is perfectly normal, and that by the end of the year each of the preschoolers will be able to write their name. I saw other moms smile and nod, content that their children-- who may or may not know how to write-- will be able to write their name at the end of the year. Where was my mind still? "Why havent I taught him to write his name yet?" I am in the midst of reading The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling by Debra Bell. In Chapter 3 on page 39, she writes as she realizes the fact that she had yet to teach her daughter cursive in third grade, "I was almost hyperventilating over the panic attack that ensued-- if I could forget cursive, what other venal or mortal oversight was I capable of? Would my daughter ever recover? What doors were now swinging shut because of her mothers incompetence?"

And it happens with our 16-month olds as well. Now that they are toddlers, there are expectations on their development from seemingly everyone we meet. "You have beautiful boys! What words do they say?" "They are darling. I remember my son at that age loved rectangles." "How sweet! Twins? My sisters toddler twins love counting everything."

Ive written before about "Mommy guilt." I dont feel like Mommy guilt really covers the depth of the feelings you get when you are faced with a parenting situation you arent sure of. Should my child already know how to count to thirty? Should he know how to write his name? One of my 16-month olds says sit, shoes, and Momma. The other only says Momma, though I think Ive heard him say, "Up, Momma," once. And possibly "ay" for "eight." Should my 16-month olds have a better vocabulary? Should the know to hold still for diaper changes? Should the be able to put a puzzle piece in its proper place?

Other times, there are restraints on you that you cant control, such as finances. I absolutely love our stroller. I have written several blogs mentioning how much I love our stroller and give glowing reviews of our stroller when stopped out in public. We only own that stroller because of the generosity of my family. My granny and my parents purchased a large portion of the stroller and we bought accessories for it along the way. But we were on our own for carseats. Every mom seems to own Britax carseats. They receive glowing reviews. However, I cannot afford a $229 infant carrier. For my oldest, we bought a Chicco travel system. Our travel system was about $300, at the time. This came with a stroller, a carseat base, and an infant carrier. The price online, now, is $349.00. When he outgrew his infant carrier, I bought the best convertible carseat that we could afford for him, a $160 Safety 1st Alpha Omega Convertible Carseat. I felt great about our carseat choices with him. I talked to my "mom friends" to see what they recommended. I talked to our pediatrician, bought the seats and moved on with my life. When I had twins, I spent much more time researching carseats. We were still confident in our choice of the Chicco infant carriers. We purchased a second one at an online baby sale on Target.com. It was about $130 for the carseat and carseat base. When it came time to buy convertible carseats, what was the best convertible carseat? A $344 Britax Boulevard? And what about the high-end Clek Foonf selling for $474 at our favorite baby boutique? Ive never even heard of that thing, but was it better? We were always happy with our Alpha Omega for our oldest. He was actually still using his Alpha Omega Safety 1st carseat when we were carseat shopping for our twins, meaning we needed two new convertible carseats (not that you would neccesarily want to hand down a convertible carseat used by a toddler for almost two years). And buying a used carseat isnt something that we are comfortable with. Even our "reasonably priced" Safety 1st Alpha Omega carseats tallied $320 when buying two, on top of our monthly double diaper bill and expensive formula. All this input and I even began doubting whether or not I had bought the best for our oldest! It was exhausting. Finally I threw the extra input out the window, followed our budget and my gut, and bought the Safety 1st Alpha Omega Convertible Carseats at our wholesale store for $80 a piece with a coupon. Fabulous. $160 for two carseats. And a carseat that I was satisfied with for two years with our oldest son!

A couple months ago our oldest approached the 45-lb mark. We had a dilemma: he was over the 40-lb weight limit for his five-point harness. I consulted with several of our friends as to what they thought. We received input from a few friends that he needed to remain in a five-point harness. Several other of our friends with kids Ds age or older felt we were at the point to put him in a belt-positioning booster seat, especially since he was almost four-years old. This is when we started hearing all this information about new laws in North Carolina regarding the five-point harness and belt-positioning boosters. Friends told us, "Children need to stay in a five-point harness until five-years old or 80 lbs..." My husband and I were floored at the input and seriously felt like horrible parents that we were considering to move him to a belt-positioning booster. Do we really need to buy another five-point harness carseat for our three and a half year old? Carseats with upper-weight limits between 80 to 100 lbs are expensive! So we consulted our pediatrician and researched the North Carolina state laws and what was recommended by AAA (our go-to for child carseat safety). North Carolinas BuckleupNC.org website clearly states its laws did not change. I quote, "The NC Child Passenger Safety Law has not changed." It goes on to say:

A properly used child restraint device (CRD) is required if the child is less than 8 years old AND weighs less than 80 pounds. Most parents and other care givers will be able to comply by using belt-positioning booster seats for children between 40 and 80 pounds. The child must be within the weight range for the child restraint/booster seat and it must meet Federal standards in effect at time of manufacture.

HealthyChildren.org discloses the AAP update recommendations regarding forward-facing carseats and belt-positioning boosters:

Children should transition from a rear-facing seat to a forward-facing seat with a harness, until they reach the maximum weight or height for that seat. Then a booster will make sure the vehicle’s lap-and-shoulder belt fit properly. The shoulder belt should lie across the middle of the chest and shoulder, not near the neck or face. The lap belt should fit low and snug on the hips and upper thighs, not across the belly. Most children will need a booster seat until they have reached 4 feet 9 inches tall and are between 8 and 12 years old

The article also quotes Dennis Durbin, MD, FAAP:

Parents often look forward to transitioning from one stage to the next, but these transitions should generally be delayed until they’re necessary, when the child fully outgrows the limits for his or her current stage... For larger children, a forward-facing seat with a harness is safer than a booster, and a belt-positioning booster seat provides better protection than a seat belt alone until the seat belt fits correctly.

The AAA Carseat Saftey How-To Guide states, "It is safest to keep your child in a forward-facing seat with a harness until he or she reaches the seat’s maximum height or weight (40 to 65 pounds) limits." Regarding belt-positioning boosters, it says, "Children can use a booster seat when they have outgrown the weight or height limit of their forward-facing harnesses, which will be between 40 and 65 pounds."

Finally, our pediatrician confirmed that our son was ready for a belt-positioning booster. With all of these facts supporting us to move our three and a half year old son who had outgrown the weight limits of his convertible carseat, we still felt like horrible parents because of the well-meaning comments of people telling us he needed to stay in a five-point harness. There was this lingering question in our minds, "Are we making the right decision?" We found no state laws requiring him to stay in a five-point harness until he was five-- not one. I couldnt even find anything mentioning a recommendation specifically mentioning five-years old. The carseat displays in every store tell us upper-weight limit or 40-lbs for a belt-positioning booster. Our pediatrician knew of no new law and told us we could move him at the upper-weight limit of his convertible carseat (which he exceeded). Mommy guilt ate away as I buckled him into his belt-positioning booster, which cost us much less than a new five-point harness carseat with a higher weight limit. On top of that, I again doubted whether we bought the right convertible carseats for our twins.

Why? Why cant I research and make a good purchase in our price range? Why cant I consult with our pediatrician and make a grounded decision? Why do the comments from people, even well-meaning comments, take root in our mommy minds and make us doubt our decisions? Of course our childrens safety is a priority. We always double-check their restraints when we buckle them in (or when someone else buckles them in). It just is silly that Mommy guilt can gnaw away at me internally when logically I know I made a right decision. Why, as moms, do we allow guilt to take over when we know--we know deep down to the core of our being-- that we are making the right decision? And we know that we cannot do everything. Yes, I know that I am not required to teach my preschooler how to write before he actually attends his first day of preschool while managing a household and also parenting toddler twins while I balance my own interests and those of my husband. But it still bothers me that there may be other kids in his class who can write and D cant. And I still feel embarrassed around our friends who told us to keep him in a five-point harness, that we bought a belt-positioning booster instead. And I still feel the need to explain that, oftentimes, twins are delayed, consecutive children are delayed, boys are delayed, and they were five-weeks early. What?! My twins are 16-months old and I am already willing to give them a label of "delayed" to a total stranger just to justify why the only word they consistently use is "Momma"? And I still feel the need to explain why we ended up using formula instead of breastfeeding, even though we are long past that phase.

I dont think Mommy guilt is ever healthy. No, we shouldnt ever bury our heads in the sand and blaze our own trail. We need to support each other and hear each others input. As mothers we need to fully understand that what works for us, may not work for someone else, or, conversely, what works for someone else may not work for you. There are some things that we cannot change. A child needs to remain rear-facing until the age of 2 or until they reach the upper-weight limit of their rear-facing carseat. To quote AAA Carseat Safety: A How to Guide:

The rear-facing position supports a child’s head, neck and spine and helps reduce stress to the neck and spinal cord in a crash. Children should ride in a vehicle’s back seat in rear-facing safety seats from birth until age 2, or until they reach their convertible seat’s upper weight limit, which should be around 35 pounds. Be sure both age and weight requirements are met before a child is moved to a forward-facing seat.

Other things, like our decision to follow the law and allow our oldest to move to a belt-positioning booster instead of buying another five-point harness with a higher weight limit, is our personal decision. It really is crazy how the devil can sneak in your head and gnaw away at your resolve. Moms are especially weak to the "what-ifs" that plague our consciousness. Good thing my next read is Every Thought Captive: Battling the Toxic Beliefs That Separate Us from the Life We Crave by Jerusha Clark...

Do you find information about weight lost during twin pregnancy are you looking for? If not, below may help you find more information about the weight lost during twin pregnancy. Thank you for visiting, have a great day.

unintentional weight loss during pregnancy | Marthas and Marys

unintentional weight loss during pregnancy

Picture taken by A McTaggart

I just finished reading this book called When Mothers Pray: Bringing Gods Power and Blessing to Your Childrens Lives by Cheri Fuller. Wow. Inspirational book that I highly recommend to every mother, grandmother, godparent, aunt... anyone who has a child in their life that they pray for.What I loved about the book is how it helped me go from random, all over the board prayers, "Please help my babies to sleep tonight" or "Please help my son grow in your word," to focused prayers with a purpose. She gave specific prayers for young children, school age children, grown children... I just loved this book. It lit a fire in my prayer life and has led to even deeper prayers in other areas of my life. For instance, a friend of mine asked me to pray for her as she makes a big decision. I have been exercising the four steps of prayer for her: praise, confession, thanksgiving, and intercession. As for these Moms In Touch groups Cheri talked about throughout the book, I am so interested in finding other mothers to pray with. The chapter titled "Sending Your Child to School" on page 67 says, "One of the most remarkable things about praying with other moms is that you think you know what your child needs-- until another mother prays for something youve never thought of. Then a third mom prays for you childs needs from a different angle, and you being to sense the Spirit covering your child." As a praying mother, it gives me chills to think about other peoples prayers wrapping around my children and sensing the Spirit covering my child. I have women who pray for my family and friends who I see frequently that I will give our prayer requests, but, with our family schedule and young children (and friends who also have multiple young children), we have not attended a Bible Study since I was pregnant, over a year ago. Ive gone to a couple mom Bible studies in the evening when my hubby is home to watch the kids. I just havent attended a long-term, week to week, really get-to-know-ya study.

And that family schedule (really, family logistics-- to bring the preschooler and two 16-month olds or to find a sitter that we cant afford?) is talked about in this book. Cheri Fuller calls it the "Martha Syndrome." Remember Martha? Luke 10:38-41:

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary who sat at the Lords feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, dont you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

With two younger sisters, I always related to Marthas feelings. Why does my sister get to cuddle up with my dad while I carry laundry upstairs? But Jesus isnt talking about comparing what you are doing with what others are doing. Hes talking about making time to spend with the Lord. Psalm 127:1-2:

 Unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat--
for he grants sleep to those he loves.

God wants me to make time for him! Every mother knows, every mother of twins knows, every mother of three children knows, every military wife knows-- heck-- every woman knows that the to-do list is never ending. As soon as you finish laundry, its time for the kids to get ready for bed and suddenly an entire laundry hamper is full again! Or your husband comes home from an underway and you have a seabag worth of laundry to catch up on. Or your husband calls and says, "Hey, this guy from my division needs to stop by and give me some things. Would you mind if he stays for dinner?" as you are standing in the middle of chaos: sink full of dirty dishes, fridge empty, children still in pajamas, yourself in dire need of a shower (okay, dire might be a little dramatic). How on earth can you find time to sit at Jesus feet as Mary did, which Jesus clearly feels is the better option?

Yesterday I was hanging out in the backyard with the boys. Well, the toddlers were hanging off the side of the deck and my preschooler was driving his John Deer Gator around the backyard while I kept hollering, "Watch out for your brothers! Watch out for the dog!" I noticed that my husband had draped our outdoor mat on the side of the deck instead of putting it away, this big tarp-like thing with weights in the corners that we use underneath their splash pool. I was trying to fold that thing up while keeping the toddlers safe (why, oh, why is hurling yourself off the deck a fun game?). I heard D saying something as he drove by and I kept saying, "Yup! Good job, bud!"

Finally he stopped the tractor and hollered, "Momma! Look at me!"

I immediately replied, "Just give me one second, bud. I almost have this thing folded."

He persisted, "Momma, I want you to cheer for me!"

His request touched my heart. While I had been folding this over-sized outdoor mat and chasing two 16-month olds, he had been doing something he found difficult. There is a slope in our backyard. He figured out dropping to a lower gear, he could climb the slide of the slope. He practiced this until he had mastered the slope. To a four-year old, this was a big achievement. Instead of getting praise, he had a mom who was distracted and brothers who werent even watching. He didnt care that the blue outdoor mat was an eye-sore on the side of the deck or understand how dangerous wooden stairs are for adventurous toddlers. He just wanted to know that I was cheering for him.

Picture taken by A McTaggart

Prayer is that cheer squad. Knowing how important this is for my children, how can I not find time for this? And so, with renewed resolve, I am praying for my children. Yes, Im still doing the minute-by-minute "dart prayers" Cheri talks about in the book. But Im going to make sure that Im spending time at Jesus feet, as Mary did.

This isnt easy for me to do. Tonight we have one of Ds friends spending the night (two preschoolers + two toddlers = chaos at playtime, dinnertime, and bedtime). Before dinner, my husband wanted to check his email and I wanted him to wake the toddlers up. Immediately I was irritated, not just the roll-your-eyes-at-his-timing irritated, but irritated. In my head I had the timing worked out perfectly: he goes and gets the toddlers while I dish the meals, macaroni cools, add veggies, husband sets the table while I pour the milk, husband supervises hand washing for preschoolers, all sit at the table while I serve food. As he checked his email (a necessary task for him, I will add in his defense), my blood boiled. Instead of voicing my concerns, I started going to the toddlers bedroom to get them up. I now pictured my husband jumping on Facebook while I brought the toddlers out, dished their meals while they fussed, the macaroni still not cool enough for them, the preschoolers coming to the table with unwashed hands, me pouring milk instead of sitting down to eat with everyone, the veggies still on the cutting board... I didnt even think through the tasks logically. I just wanted his help and didnt want to wait. Why wasnt he helping?

I dealt with my frustration the same way Martha did, "Lord, dont you care that my husband has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell him to help me!" save for one thing: she actually talked to Jesus about it and I just fumed internally. He quickly checked his email and then got up to assist me with the toddlers. He took over on the toddlers and I was able to get the food ready as I had planned. The toddlers were so groggy post-nap that they just sat and stared from their highchairs. The preschoolers cheerfully washed their hands. The macaroni had ample time to cool on the stove and was served at acceptable temperatures for our temperature-picky preschooler. And, since he checked his email then, he didnt need to jump on the computer again this evening.

It is hard for me to not let that running to-do list take over. If I sit and relax for a few minutes, I think about all of the things Im not getting done. As I write this blog, my mind keeps moving to the pot in the sink that needs to be washed and the laundry that needs to be moved. Because my household is so active, the to-do list often takes second place to our schedule, a great source of guilt. I feel like Im constantly dropping the ball. If I get all the kids dressed and sunscreened, our lunches packed, and head over to the park for some outdoor time, Im not putting the piles of laundry away or unpacking from our recent trips (yes, our suitcases are still on the floor). Now, waiting and quieting myself before the Lord can feel impossible. Here is an example of my thoughts while I pray, "Lord, you are the creator of heaven and earth... ew, when is the last time I cleaned this table? Lord, focus my mind on you, let my thoughts be your thoughts.... what is D doing in there? I think hes jumping on the couch... Let me get to know your heart, God, so that my heart patterns itself after you... is that a stain on the carpet? I think Im out of Spot Shot... I really need to run to Target... Are the toddlers still napping?" On and on. I swear, even if I was alone in the house I could find distractions.

But my sons need me to cheer for them. My husband needs me to cheer for our marriage. My friends need me to cheer for their success. If praying for those around me causes my dishwasher to sit with clean dishes an hour longer than it should, why not? Why not move the laundry later to spend some extra time with God? If I were to look back on my life a year from now, will I have a long list of answered prayers or a clean house? (And how long does a clean house stay clean?) Yes, there is much more to being a stay-at-home mom then dishes and laundry. In my schedule, I happen to have a solid amount of time where both of the toddlers are napping and I am able to find something to entertain my preschooler, either his Playmobile pirates or a Netflix. Usually I use this "free time" to get things done around the house.

I felt motivated to write this blog today, of all days, because God blessed the quiet time I had with him today. I put the toddlers down for an early nap and surveyed the disaster zone. I saw my Bible on the kitchen table and the mess that needed to be cleaned up. My heart told me to pray and my mind demanded I get to work. I followed Gods lead and my devotional, coincidentally, covered the above verse in Psalms regarding constantly toiling instead of trusting God. I felt a calling to pray for my one of my sisters, yet couldnt resist glancing at the time. How much longer will the toddlers sleep? Again, I followed God and prayed. I then cleaned up and jumped in the shower, toddlers still asleep. Im not expecting the schedule to go so smoothly everyday. My devotionals are usually here and there or I clean up while the kids are awake so I can do my devotional during naptime. The point is that today I followed Gods lead and he provided the time for me to come before him. When we apply ourselves to his will, he provides.

Its time for us, as mothers, to cheer for our children.

Do you find information about unintentional weight loss during pregnancy are you looking for? If not, below may help you find more information about the unintentional weight loss during pregnancy. Thank you for visiting, have a great day.