pregnancy weight loss after miscarriage | The guilt nobody told me about

pregnancy weight loss after miscarriage

Before LL came along my three year old daughter was my little partner in crime.  Ive been lucky enough that since she was born Ive been able to have a career break from work. This has meant me and my daughter have been pretty much inseparable.  We have done everything together.  The good times of spontaneous picnics, girls shopping trips and farm visits, and (lets not wear rose tinted glasses here) even the not so good times, like when she spilt a whole jug of milk down me in the middle of Marks and Spencer or when she tantrum rolled herself down an aisle in Sainsburys. 

Before LL came, in those last few weeks of my pregnancy, I really treasured every moment. I knew things were about to change.  But what nobody told me is how our relationship would change, or the guilt Id feel as my role changed.  

In these first few weeks of having LL, my time has been almost entirely consumed with caring for a newborn.  With breastfeeding, changing and caring for this little bundle 24/7. And I guess that is how it should be.  Ive included my eldest in all the things youre meant to, like reading to her whilst Im feeding, including her to help care for LL.  But still, theres been a change.  

Its not me she calls for if she needs something now. Its not me she gets into the car and sits nicely for.  Its her Daddy. I feel like Im suddenly second best.  

And I know this is good.  My husband tells me its nice to finally be that person for a change, instead of it always being me.  And I know this is completely normal.  But that doesnt stop me feeling guilty when she asks for Daddy when Im stood right next to her.  Or when I tell her to wait a minute for the hundredth time as LL has just been sick everywhere again.

I know I cant do everything.  I know Im not superwoman.  But that doesnt stop me from wanting to be.  I guess I have to adjust to being a mum of two.  I just wish someone had forewarned me of this guilt I feel.  

I think the transition from three to four just takes time for us all, I just hope my eldest always knows how much I love her, even if its not just us two girls anymore when Daddy goes to work.  Its something even more special now, its us three girls.  The three musketeers.  

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post pregnancy weight loss motivation | Motherhood without a filter

post pregnancy weight loss motivation

I was in two minds as to whether to publish this blog post or not. So much of what we see and read online is about how well people are doing, happy lives portrayed and smiling perfect images.  And whilst that is all great, I also want my blog to reflect and record our lives. The good times and the tough times. So here goes.

LL is now 8 weeks old and appears to be struggling with reflux or colic. I say appears, as to be honest I really dont know whats going on. All I know is Ive got a very unsettled baby who appears to be in discomfort and who Im up most of the night with.

It all started just before Christmas, and its got worse and worse. On Christmas day she must have cried from about 4pm until midnight and then she was so exhausted she fell asleep.

I was at the GPs as soon as they opened after the bank holiday, but I came away none the wiser really.  I know she is medically well. She breast-feeds well, is gaining weight and is alert. I think we are just going through an unsettled phase.  But its so tough.

I think these last few days have been harder than when we first came home from the hospital.  Im also exhausted which doesnt help. Weve tried gaviscon and colief, which for the record are a bloody nightmare to give to a breastfed baby. At 4am this morning as LL was unsettled, I attempted to give her the colief via a syringe in warmed breast-milk.  When she then spat the lot out in my face, I threw the syringe across the room and decided I wasnt going to give it anymore. I think its causing both of us too much stress that outweighs the good its doing.

Yesterday, my eldest had a little accident and couldnt get to the toilet in time.  I was cleaning up the floor and asked her to pass me her wet knickers so I could wash them. She threw them at my head, so I got a wet slap in the face with her knickers. I just burst out laughing.  I think if I hadnt,  I may have been hysterical. Which I was today.

We had a bad night last night, so as my daughter is at preschool today,  I thought me and LL would have a lie in. What actually happened is our smoke alarm which is connected to the mains starting beeping every 5 minutes. This sent the dog mad. With instructions from my husband on how to dismantle it, I balanced precariously on a chair in my pjs.  LL started to cry, the dog was barking, and I saw two long spiders legs poking out from under the alarm.

This suddenly felt like the worst ever Bush Tucker Trial.  I half expected Ant and Dec to appear.

After some messing about with a screwdriver, I finally dismantled the alarm.  Oh wait, I missed the bit where I wailed on the floor for 5 minutes. Then I got a grip, and then I dismantled the smoke alarm.

Anyway, the whole point of this blog today is to say its tough. It doesnt matter how much I love LL, how lucky I feel to have my two girls, its still tough. And in the midst of my wailing this morning Ive decided to take each day as it comes.

Being a mum for a second time, I know this stage wont last.  I know I just have to ride it out. To all new mums, hang on in there. Being a mum is meant to be tough.  You are doing an amazing job. And if you do ever find yourself in the jungle, Bush Tucker trials arent a patch on parenthood.

Thanks for reading, 

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post pregnancy weight loss meal plan | Waving not drowning

post pregnancy weight loss meal plan

After I hit publish on my post, Motherhood without a filter, I immediately wondered if Id maybe shared a bit too much.  I worried that I would scare all the mums-to-be who read my blog, and I thought Id terrified all those mums expecting their second baby.  I dont want to be one of those scare-mongers. 

You know the ones.  The ones who are overly eager to tell you their horrendous labour story when youve only just met them and youre 9 months pregnant. Or the lady who continually complains about motherhood even though she has 5 children.  I want to be the mum who celebrates being a mum.  Who relishes having two beautiful daughters.  

But at the same time, as I mentioned in the blog post, I also want this blog to reflect real-life.  That it is hard sometimes.  But I wouldnt change a single thing.  Even the night I didnt sleep at all, I still lay on the bed the next day with LL and tried to make her smile with a toy penguin making cheeping noises (which she loves).  And when I felt ill because I was so tired, I still danced round the nursery carrying LL and dancing alongside my eldest to play that sax.

So if youre a mum to be, or going to be a mum of two, its all fine, I promise.  I hope my blog doesnt frighten or worry you. I hope instead my posts dispel this myth of the perfect mum, who doesnt, and will never exist.  I hope it reflects real-life. 

Motherhood isnt a constant state of euphoria.  It has its ups and downs, highs and lows and all those bits that fall between.  Every bit is needed and every bit is part of the journey. 

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