pregnancy weight loss delivery
Infertility, people dont always assume youre going through it, especially if youre over 40
Oh, I remember as if it were yesterday...we were with my husbands sister and her family at an event. They had also invited other friends and, of course, it was a family oriented extravaganza.There I was, minding my own business, waiting for the show to start and one of the other people there says...
"I bet you guys have a bunch of kids right?”
Silence.
“Uh no, actually we dont have any”....more silence....”Um how many do you have? “Four”.
I dont know why that blindsided me, but it did. After that experience we went to most events by ourselves and I made a mental note to come up with a “canned” response to the “do you have children” question.
Be prepared for the "when are you going to have a baby" or "do you have children" question
Preparation is really the key to getting through tough situations. I found the worst part of any encounter of this nature was being unprepared. I know the last thing people want is to make you feel bad, and even now, after everything Ive gone through, I frequently ask people if they have kids...I dont automatically assume that theyre struggling with infertility. I have even asked if theyre planning on having a baby.The fertile world doesnt know how you feel and you are hypersensitive right now
You have to remember you are hypersensitive right now and people in the fertile world just don’t know how it feels just as you may not understand certain aspects of their life.You are probably feeling angry and frustrated and it’s hard not to transfer that on to others. If you say something rude or nasty to someone who makes a comment that hurts you, you will probably feel worse about yourself later which will add to your stress. I know the feeling of being on the edge of saying something I would regret later.
Responses to the having a baby or child question
First let me tell you my response to the “having children” question:“We got married later in life and by the time we really considered it, we felt we were on a different path.”
Yes, I lied and a little white lie now and then is OK. The reason I gave this response is it seemed any other response would give people more information than I wanted to share. I really didn’t want people to know I was trying to get pregnant because I was so sensitive about my age. I also found this response stopped this line of questioning dead in its tracks. If you do get pregnant and you see these people again, you can say, “what a pleasant surprise!” and you won’t be lying!
Other responses I’ve heard include:
We’re trying
Not yet
Someday
We can’t
Apparently not!
We’re very blessed with what we have
Babies seem to come when they’re good and ready
When we decide (or when we do), you’ll be the first to know!
SEE ALSO: SHARING INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR INFERTILITY (getpregnantover40.com)
If you share information about your struggle with infertility, others will know what questions not to ask, thereby avoiding uncomfortable situations. They will hopefully be more sensitive to your needs and they will be less likely to hurt your feelings with needless “kiddie” talk. This also gives you the opportunity to talk freely about your feelings and release some of your stress which can ultimately help you relax. The downside of telling others is they may purposefully avoid talking with you about certain subjects which can leave you feeling isolated and like somewhat of an outcast. To me, there would be nothing worse than finding out a mutual acquaintance is pregnant and then find out everyone was trying to keep it from me. Only you can decide the right way to handle this dilemma for yourself, but my best advice is to plan it out ahead of time so youre prepared when the question arise.
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