Showing posts with label battles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label battles. Show all posts

Sunday, April 3, 2016

is weight loss okay during pregnancy | Pick your battles

is weight loss okay during pregnancy


 
Discipline... Perhaps with our oldest we focused too much on discipline. Sometimes, I really feel that way. That we expected too much, that we wanted him to behave more than was age appropriate, that we were too strict. I think that dads have a tendency to do that, but I really think I put a lot of expectations on him as well. The past couple weeks, I remembered a few specific times where I wish I had cut him a break. And then there are other times where I see his behavior now and I think, "Man, all that hard work has paid off." He is respectful; he is working on his table manners. He follows instructions (for the most part). And he knows that we are serious when we tell him yes or no.

I feel that with the toddlers, we let a lot of things go. The other night O was throwing a tennis ball in our living room. I cannot stand things being thrown in the house. It absolutely drives me crazy. I especially do not want things thrown near our television or lamps or other various electronics. No, no, no, no. My husband and I were distracted with the other boys when O started this, so we didnt notice until he had been throwing for a few minutes. I tell him, "We dont throw. Put it away!" He picks the ball up, smiles, and throws it again. Hubby, who was sitting on the floor, reaches over and points to the dog toy basket. "Can you put the ball away, O?" O shakes his head no and throws the ball again. I count, "Put it away, O. 1... 2... 3..." While I count, he stands with a goofy smile on his face, waits until I get to three, then throws the ball. I stand up and reach to take the ball from him. He dashes to the ball and runs out of my reach. He races over to a resuable handle bag that has for some reason taken residence by the side of our couch and tosses the ball in. I want to take the ball from him (you disobey, you dont get fun things), but Hubby says, "Good job, O." Case closed. Hubby leaves the room to take care of C, who is having difficulties, while O drapes the handle bag over his arm, takes the ball out, and resumes throwing. I take the ball from him and set it up high on a bookcase. O chases after me and starts holding his breath. Later I tell Hubby that we probably should have taken the ball from O in the first place and he agrees, adding, "I heard C screaming in the other room and wasnt really thinking about what to do with O." Exactly my problem.

The other night I was giving O his nebulizer treatment. D was watching his Super Hero Squad on Netflix, snuggled up under a blanket in the corner of the couch. C saunters in as only C can saunter in, surveys the room and decides he wants to curl up next to D, harmless enough. No, he turns his body and starts kicking his toddler legs as hard as he can on his unsuspecting older brother. D tells C to stop and scoots away from him. C follows. I, of course, am telling C to stop. I really think he knew I was tethered down with this nebulizer treatment and thought he could get away with it. I tell D to come sit next to me. C then jumps down from the couch, picks up one of the dog toys, and starts hitting D with it while D is sitting next to me. Why? I dont know. I reach for C and tell him sternly, "No, sir!" He lunges out of my reach and takes off giggling across the room. I turn off the nebulizer and do a time out with C.

Grrrr. Sometimes with them, I really feel like I have some things down. I take these logistic challenges and make it work. But figuring out how to enforce our house rules is quickly getting out of control. I am consistent with some things (do not play in the Tupperware cabinet) and confusing on others (dont do that...except when Im too busy to come stop you). And giving toddlers time outs is so time consuming! They dont understand the process and completely forget why you are even giving them a time out. They dont connect sitting on the steps with throwing the train at his brothers head, which makes me feel like that it is totally pointless. We do a lot of distraction tactics ("Can you find the ball?") and taking away problematic toys ("If you cant play with trains without throwing them, then you dont get to play with trains"). Sometimes I feel like these really work and let them know that we do not continue with bad behavior. Other times I feel like we are glossing over the problem.

I recently read Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman and one of the points in the book was building a "frame." You have a frame of behavior that doesnt change, rules that dont bend, behavior that you expect, but within that frame you are lenient. I do feel like we have a frame of behavior we expect from the boys and that we are lenient on the other things. As my mom always tells me, I need to pick my battles. But it feels like that middle stuff is just getting crazy! What is the frame of behavior for two toddlers screaming bloody murder over one locomotive at the train table? Take the locomotive away? And when they move on from the train table to arguing over who goes down the slide first? And then their older brother starts playing blocks that they immediately go to throw and knock over? And then one of the toddlers throws himself on the floor in a temper tantrum and the other takes off running? And their older brother is mad because his brothers took his blocks?

I dont want to regulate their play every time they play. I dont want to sit on the sunroom floor every time they play out there. I think they are old enough to start listening. I think they need to learn not to climb on the kitchen table and not to hit each other with toys. Sometimes it feels like they spend all their time banging against the frame of behavior we have set for them instead of enjoying the freedom they have inside the frame.

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Monday, March 7, 2016

weight loss during pregnancy sign of miscarriage | Miscarriage

weight loss during pregnancy sign of miscarriage


So Ive been conflicted for the past couple weeks about whether or not I should blog about our miscarriage. On one hand, I would love to talk about it because it is so isolating. On the other hand, it feels so personal. In the end, I think talking about it is the best thing to do.

From the beginning, this pregnancy was showing signs of problems. My OB/Gyn does a first trimester ultrasound. The ultrasound had abnormalities... the weeks werent lining up right... we did blood tests... the numbers went up, but not as much as they wanted... more ultrasounds... After several weeks of this up and down, one step forward and two steps back, it was clear the baby was not developing and was in fact miscarrying. We decided to try the medication, this pill you put on your cervix, to try and have the miscarriage at home without surgery. This way we wouldnt have to line up a sitter for an early morning surgery with recovery time. The pill didnt work and I ended up still needing a D&C because my uterus did not clear. Thankfully we were able to line up childcare. Our baby-sitters are absolutely wonderful. I cannot begin to express how nice it is to lay down to rest in my bedroom and hear my children giggling with joy because their baby-sitter is playing a fun game with them. They have been such a blessing to us.

This is actually my second D&C. I miscarried during our first pregnancy, a little after 12 weeks. It is so heartbreaking to see a baby on the ultrasound and never get to hold it. I started bleeding over the weekend. After a frantic ER visit and daily blood tests, it was confirmed I was miscarrying. It was the same situation where my uterus did not clear and I needed a D&C. Since it was our first child and it felt so late to miscarry, I remember feeling horrified to have a D&C. This time felt different. Perhaps because there were problems from the beginning and so we at least had an idea this was coming.

Miscarrying is a hard thing for people to address. It is emotionally devastating to go through. We were trying to have babies both times we miscarried. It was hard to let go of that dream, that child, that we wanted to hold so badly. It drains you as a mother. I feel like these are children of mine I will never get to meet. I hope I can hold them one day in heaven. I dont know if that sounds silly, but that is how I feel. You want people to say something to you about your loss, but then you hear things like, "At least it happened early in the pregnancy" or "You can try again soon." Those things, while well-meaning, feel like a pat on the head, as if I didnt just lose a baby. And I know that to other people that a baby in the first trimester, before Im even showing, might not feel like a baby to them. But it did to me. And it is hard for my husband. I remember when our first son was born. My husband held him in his arms and said, "Can you believe that we have a baby?" I had to laugh because I felt like I had a baby the moment I saw two pink lines; I was just waiting for him to be born! I know it is different for men. My husband through this whole process has been wonderful. He has held me when I needed a cry and has cheered me up with movie nights, chocolate, and refilling my water every time he gets up. Sometimes though, I feel like life has just moved on for him during this miscarriage while I feel stuck. I dont know if I want to move on without this baby.

Wonderfully, through my husbands love and support, hes really helped me focus on the blessings I do have. With gentle patience, I have seen his love for me each day these past several weeks as we worried and prayed over this pregnancy. I am so blessed by him. I cherish him every day. And I hope and pray our sons turn out like him. I love our three boys. I cant wait for them to all be big brothers (hopefully to a little sister!). This time just wasnt the time.

We didnt see this miscarriage coming. We thought our first miscarriage was "common," being our first pregnancy. We heard that happens often. We felt we had gotten it over with and that now we would have normal pregnancies. We brought our four-year old with us to the first trimester ultrasound, hoping to get him excited about this budding addition to our family. I had been feeling awful: exhausted, nauseous, throwing up. I thought this would be a great way for him to connect with the baby and maybe feel sympathetic towards Mommy. Instead we had bad news. He didnt understand what the doctor was saying, nor did we explain it to him until we had confirmed that it was indeed a miscarriage, which was nearly three weeks later. From the beginning he had named the baby "Baby Flowers." He said he wanted to name it Flowers because girls like flowers and he wanted a baby sister. To quote him, "I have enough brothers!" Every day he prayed for Baby Flowers, that she was having a good day in Mommys tummy and that she knew how much he loved her. It was precious. When we told him that we werent having a baby right now, he asked why not. I told him that God wanted Baby Flowers to come live with him. He turned his little face to me and said with tears in his eyes, "But cant I hold her first before she goes and lives with God? Cant you tell God we want her?" My heart broke. We told him we would have another baby soon and he said he would name that baby Baby Flowers too. My husband then brought out the Legos and all was well, but, man, those words have hung with me. Next time we are going to wait to tell him about my pregnancy.

Im doing better now. It was really hard two weeks ago, around 10 weeks, when we tried that medication. I did not want to do it. I cried as I waited for it to work, thinking, "I dont want a miscarriage!" At the follow-up ultrasound, I saw the 12 weeks 1 day mark on the screen and wished that it were different, that I wasnt miscarrying. But I cant change it. I can only trust God and know He has a plan for us. At 12 weeks 2 days, I had the D&C. I really am feeling better. It helps me to think of these babies weve lost as our children, as babies we have lost. I let myself grieve the past couple weeks. I was surprised that I was grieving over our first miscarriage again. Those feelings came back up and I remembered how I felt leaving the ER when I first started bleeding. I remembered how terrified I was to have a D&C. But I also remembered all the good things that happened because of it. I met two wonderful women who have become my best friends. I became pregnant with a beautiful baby boy, our firstborn, the first month we could start trying again. Over the past couple years, Ive been able to talk about that miscarriage with other women who have gone through the same thing. I know God has a plan and that this will turn out for good.

I always find comfort in my favorite Psalm, Psalm 91. Here is an excerpt:

"Because he loves me, says the Lord, I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."


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