baby weight loss nhs | Pregnancy Blog Week 33

baby weight loss nhs

Hello week 33 and goodbye to being able to see my toes, I could have hobbit feet down there for all I know!  I feel like my bump has really grown this week.  Simple tasks such as getting my socks on cause quite a commotion and I think my husband thinks he is watching a comedy show as I huff and puff getting dressed. Its all glamour here.  

I also might as well tell you that I am out of breath.  Alot. In fact, if you want to know my precise location just listen closely. I think my mum thought she had a nuisance caller ring her earlier this week because I was breathing so heavily down the line. I am definitely in the last trimester now! 

The nursery is almost complete! Almost! The painting is all done now and we just  need to assemble the cot and then find the Moses basket which I am sure I stored safely away in the loft.  

Why do people put all the old baby things in the loft when in fact that is the worst place to put them? No pregnant lady in their right mind would ascend our loft stairs and fumble about in the dark. Every home should have a baby bunker where you store things and then when you are pregnant again you can waddle in and out to your hearts content. Instead, Im waiting for my husband to give me the nod and Ill hold the ladder for him whilst shouting at him I dont want the Christmas decoration box.  Not yet anyway. 

I dont think Im actually waddling...yet.  Im pretty sure my walk is normal. Though others might say different. 

Im looking forward to my 34 week midwife appointment next week, it feels like it has been so long since I saw her. 

My rib-pain hasnt been too bad this week, and my heartburn has been OK too.  Could this be a sign that baby has moved lower down? We shall see! 

My hospital bag is still not packed (theres a surprise)...but...I have bought a lovely overnight bag for myself that I will show you when its all actually packed.  I know I have my priorities all completely wrong here.  My husband rolled his eyes when I told him I wanted a nice overnight bag and offered me his old gym bag.  Erm, no thank you.   

Ive had a person ask me if Im excited this week (groans...you can see why I hate that question here), and then someone has commented on how big I look (more groans).  So the inappropriate comments keep on coming.  I clearly soon shall be so big that I will be visible from space! 

Thanks for reading and have a fab weekend whatever youre up to, 

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baby weight loss normal | Beautiful easy to make paper flowers

baby weight loss normal

We recently made these lovely paper flowers for my daughters Abuela (Spanish grandma) as a birthday present.  The end result was a pretty vase of hand decorated flowers which she absolutely loved. After trawling the internet, and many flowers gone wrong following dodgy tutorials, I finally perfected how to create these flowers, and its so easy! 

I thought this was a lovely and thoughtful, yet simple idea to make for a birthday or maybe just to cheer someone up, so heres how we did it. 

You will need (to make four flowers):

Twelve squares of plain paper approx. 8cm x 8cm (You can use larger or smaller sheets depending on how big you would like your flowers to be)

Scissors

Colours to decorate the paper 

PVA glue, (or any runny glue) 

Bamboo skewers for stems 

My daughter started by decorating the paper and colouring patterns and swirls on one side. I found just doing this on one side of the paper was enough, but, you could decorate both sides if you wished.  You repeat this for all twelve squares. 

Next, you fold one square in half diagonally, going from corner to corner.  If you have only decorated the paper on one side, make sure the pattern is on the inside. 

You repeat this folding process twice more going diagonally and corner to corner, so in total you have folded the paper three times and you are left with a small triangle. 

Keep an eye on which corner is the centre of the paper whilst you are folding, it is from this point of the triangle that you want to just cut the end of the paper off.  Dont cut too much off. This will be the place you thread the petals onto the stalk. 

With the other two sides, cut a petal shape going from each of the points.  When you open the paper out, you should have a flower shaped petal with a small hole in the centre. Repeat this process with two other sheets of paper, then lay the three petal shapes out. 

From the first petal, cut out one petal along the fold lines.  From the second petal, cut out two petals from the fold lines.  And on the third petal, cut out three petals. 

Next, place glue along one side of all petals and fold over to create six little cones of different sizes. 

These cones can now be threaded onto the stem.  I found bamboo skewers worked really well, but you could use gardening wire or pipe cleaners.  Start with your smallest cone, and apply more glue to its centre. Thread onto the stick and add more glue around it if needed. 

Repeat this process, adding more glue each time, using the next smallest petal until all petals have been threaded on. I found it easiest to thread from the base of the skewer. 

And ta-dah! A beautiful paper flower! A gorgeous and pretty gift. You could also use wallpaper or patterned paper to make these flowers, and the best bit? They will never ever wilt! 

I would love to see your creations, so be sure to tag me on Instagram or Twitter if you make any! 

Thanks for reading,  

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pregnancy weight loss stories | Tears Are A Language

pregnancy weight loss stories

Tears. Tears have been a language to me. A way for my heart to speak, when I dont know what to say or cant say. Even after they spill over my cheeks, running down my chest, I can feel the cold air of the room letting me feel the patterns theyve left on my face. The skin on my face feels cold and tight, but theres some sort of comfort in that? Then, all of a sudden my face is warm again, more tears. 

Miscarriage has been one of the scariest of words to me. Its also a word that I never thought would be a part of my life story, but who ever thinks it will be?  

1 week late. 2 weeks late. 3 weeks late. I knew it. I knew my body felt different. I knew what "this" kind of "different" was. I was pregnant. Was I pregnant? Denial. My first set of thoughts were a mixture of "what the holy heck!!!??" a twinge of excitement, and Eeeee! Then, all out fear set in as I thought of the knitty gritty. I was in a tango of passionate, flip-flop emotions.

This called for a crying session on my back porch, one evening, in the middle of the maybes and might- bes. I let the fears gush out, that had piled high during my pregnancy with Káel and his birth. (I had a really emotional and stressful pregnancy with Kael and one heck of a labor experience. If you arent familiar with it, you can go and read about it here and here.) Only Jesus and the little night critters in our woods were listening. Sam was inside. I had snapped at him, which was another clue that my body was out of kilter. Not the hormones again! Im just starting to feel normal! The swing I was laying on had damp cushions from the rain that wed had earlier in the day. My shirt was slowly starting to feel cold and wet. I didnt care. This was real and I had to address my heart. After the last sob ebbed, I looked up and watched the tops of the trees rock back and forth. The sound of their leaves were soothing, like the sound of the ocean. I felt a wave of comfort. Jesus was calming and kissing my soul. It was a really beautiful time of healing for my heart that Ill treasure forever. It was ok if I was pregnant.  I got up from my porch swing, ready to do this, still freaked out, but ready. Samuel was as supportive as ever.  I was holding my breath.  

A few days later, 2 faint lines on 2 separate pee sticks, confirmed what what my body had been telling me. I was pregnant. Sam was so excited. I cried a few tears with one of my best friends as the reality hit me. Then, we switched into gear with a snap. Samuel started telling me names that he liked. I started envisioning a wee baby and a sibling for Forest boy. We were ready to have another baby and it was amazing. That same day, I saw a few of my closest girl friends and I blurted out the news. Squeals erupted! We planned on telling our family at Thanksgiving, as we all sat around the table telling each other what we were thankful for. I even posted a fake "Aunt Flo" status on Facebook to throw my family off. I felt like this time around was going to be so redemptive and lovely. I was so sure. 

"Dear Little Darling, 

Today I found out that you are here. I told a few of  my closest friends about you. Your Daddy is so excited and so am I. I was afraid at first. But now, Im SO excited. One day we will laugh together about today. I already feel your goodness and the beauty thats inside of you. I love you. 

-Momma"

I went to bed and smelled the most awful smelling discharge. I thought it was strange but, just brushed it off as a pregnancy thing. Sam and I had sparkles in our eyes and I made myself close the name book and go to sleep. I was going to call my midwife tomorrow. She was going to be so excited. I woke up the next morning and there was blood, lots of it. I ran to the bathroom and started crying. Samuel was trying to figure out how to help me. What does this mean? Maybe I was never pregnant? The lines were really faint, right? No, my heart was already committed to this. I had taken 2 tests. There was no easy out. I called my sweet midwives and an agonizing week of 50/50s and maybes began. Apparently 50% of women bleed in their pregnancy and they are fine. My midwife told me that it was most likely my body moving the embryo out of my body. But, she said that I could come in for an expensive blood test to confirm or wait a few days.

 I tried to convince myself that I wasnt pregnant at all. It would be easier to deal with. This couldnt be happening to me, could it? But my body and so many other things were telling me that wasnt the case. This was happening. The torture of finding a place to put my emotions was awful. Do I mourn?  Do I hope? How can you do both at the same time and still function? I wrote this during that week, "The heart leans into hope with a fierceness, even when its afraid of it." I was terrified of hoping because, what if my baby was already gone and I would have to go through the initial pain all over again? What if I dont hope and write it all off and theres a baby in there needing some love and help? But like I wrote, my heart is geared to hope. So, I waited and tried to embrace being vulnerable. But, oh this torturous limbo.

"Im laying here, bleeding and with every cramp, a shockwave of sadness hits my heart...I was so excited and so sure about you and the future moments I was going to have with you. The limbo is the worst. Maybe youll be fine, maybe my body will keep rejecting you. Im sorry. Ive tried to sleep. Im afraid to change my pad because Im afraid to see tissue which would be you. Please no." 

Being vulnerable is a beautiful, ugly and terrifying place to be. It feels like weakness. It is. It feels like youre left unprotected, open to any and every hurtful thing. Which, you are. For me, embracing being vulnerable is the only way my heart can heal and grow. If Im in denial and I wall off (which I am very good at doing) my heart cant thrive, live or heal. It stunts me. I embraced being sad. Even in the unknowing.  Jesus would have to be something for my heart that I couldnt be for myself, and I wasnt about to try.

I kept bleeding, having to keep an eye out for tissue. I kept trying not to hope but, at the same time not to loose hope. How the heck does that even work?  I dont know. Up and down, back and forth, I felt like my heart was on the rack, being pulled in two extremes. Id be at the sink doing dishes, and tears would start pouring down my face. I didnt even know how in the world to pray. My tears were my heart praying, only what He knew I needed to say. I started feeling stressed that maybe I had caused all this because I was freaked out at the thought of being pregnant again. My mom told me that if that were the case, half of the people alive right now, wouldnt be. It kind of made me giggle. 

After several days, my bleeding pretty much stopped although the cramping continued. It was all so weird. I took a digital test and "not pregnant" showed up. I thought I would be ok. I mean, its not like I was 20 weeks pregnant or something. No, the heart is an amazing thing and mine had bonded with this baby or the idea of this baby, lightening fast. The little face that I had started to picture, was gone. I had blocked some of my heart from emotion and, my strongest wall couldnt hold it back now. The next couple of days were the roughest. I still had cramping and some pregnancy symptoms. It was like a cruel joke. Out of the blue, heavy, silent and sometimes loud wails started to buckle me over. This is a different kind of sadness. I dont really have a grid for this. Those closest to me were and are a dream, encouraging me to take as long as I need to process and heal, however I need to. This is a journal entry the day I had taken the last test that showed negative. 

"I was sobbing really hard today, after I took another test. As I sat there, tears dripping from my face, non-stop, Káel walks over to me and lovingly started patting my leg with his little hand. Just like I pat his back after hes fallen and I hold him. He did this 3 different times. Comfort is precious and beautiful." 

In the backdrop of my mind, theres one part of my heart that has worried people wont know what to say to me, or will be awkward around me if they know whats been going on behind the doors of my heart. Quite honestly, Ive felt awkward around me through this. But you know what, this is life. We were made for relationships and we walk through life together in all its awesomeness and in all its suckiness. Then another part of my brain thinks my pain is over dramatized. Which, apparently, Im learning, is a pretty common feeling for women who experience loss, early on in their pregnancy. 

Is there beauty in this?  I cant see it in every moment. But, being real is beautiful. And for me, being heartbroken is real.  I can truly say, as Im still processing everything, that beautifulness has and is coming from this experience. Its awful, but now my heart can more understand others who have experienced loss, in a way that I would never have been able to fully empathize with or relate to. Ive got a gapping hole inside my heart. Whod have thought something so brief and small, could leave that large of wanting. But, for every emotion of pain that Ive felt and feel, there is a tangible promise and reality of love and goodness that I am embracing and throwing myself into. Grace.

Now I know that my heart can be excited about having another baby without fear or hesitation. 

The past couple of months, Ive been reading the book "1000 Gifts" which has been a life line of good to my soul and even giving my heart the cush for this confusing time. The author says at one point in the book that everything is grace. It is. Everything is grace, the good, the pain, the beauty, the awful, the bearable, even the unknown. Even in the middle of all this crap, I look around and I see so much wonderful. So much love. So much grace. My son and his thriving sweetness, good Lord! My husband and his heavenly devotion and encouragement, my family, my amazing community and the friends of my heart that are as constant and bright as stars. So much beauty, so much new life, and that makes me happy. Ive purposed my heart to not live in an unrealistic dream land through all of this though. If I need to feel sad, thats ok. Loving the good doesnt mean I dont acknowledging the hurt. I can mourn and process all the emotion of not understanding and letting go while seeing the kisses blow my way.

"Well little darling, you were like a small breeze. You came and went. But, you created a storm of love in my heart. This has been so hard. Im sorry. Im sorry I didnt get to hold you and kiss your face. Maybe I will one day? I love you my wee little Windland. Goodbye. -Momma"

I wrote this blog not knowing if Id ever press the publish button. I wrote it mostly just for my heart to process some thoughts and emotions. This is me being real, kind of raw and its me being vulnerable. So, There are so many things in life I dont understand. This is one of a million of them. I have so many questions. "God is always good, and I am always loved." I believe this. I know this. (quote from 1000 Gifts)  I heard someone say recently that "There can be no music without tension." Unless a string is wound tight with tension the bow cant release the melodies. Unless there is tension, the fingers cant pluck out the notes. That right there has been on repeat in my mind. It doesnt explain anything really, but in a way it comforts me. This is my tension in life right now. Im listening to hear the music. 

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newborn baby weight loss | Tears at Pre school

newborn baby weight loss

When you become a parent you know that you would do anything to keep your little one safe and happy.  You are their protector, you are the one they run to when they need a cuddle.  You will wipe their tears and make it all better.  So when your little one goes to pre-school or nursery for the very first time and it doesnt quite go to plan, it can be one of the hardest things.  

                       

My three year old daughter has been attending pre-school since Easter, and this month we increased her hours to two full days and a morning.  We had a wobbly beginning at the start of the year, and she would get anxious before going to pre-school and then tearful as I left. Id ring up the pre-school after 30 minutes and they would reassure me that she was fine and had settled well.  Sure enough, when I would pick her up she would be running and laughing with the other children and wouldnt even notice I was there.  

Those drops off when she would cry would break my heart.  Id come home questioning if I was doing the right thing by sending her, if I should just wait a few more months. But the drop-offs got easier. She got used to the routine and began to happily run in.   

Last week though after 6 weeks off, at drop off, my daughter burst into tears and cried and screamed, mummy, mummy dont leave me.  It was awful. What I wanted to do was scoop her up and tell her that it was ok and we would go home together and play.  But I knew that wasnt the best thing to do.  

As the parent, I know that she enjoys pre-school and that it is good for her.  I knew that she had to get used to the routine again. But in that moment I felt so guilty and heartbroken that my little baby was upset.  I just about made it out of the door before bursting into tears myself.  

I rang up the pre-school after 30 minutes and they told me she was laughing and dancing.

The next day, she was absolutely fine at drop-off and toddled in to sit next to her friend.  Today, she had a little cry but went with one of the teachers to go and paint a picture as I left. 

I know for some children going to pre-school is not a big deal. That they take to it quickly, kiss their mum and dads goodbye and laugh and giggle on their way in. 

But I think for some, its not that easy.  And thats ok. 

As parents I think we think we must be doing something wrong.  That our child is clingy. That maybe they arent ready if they cry when we drop them off.  But I think thats wrong. 

Every child is different.  

I want to tell those parents that you have to give it time and allow them that chance to settle in.  Only you can know if your child is ready.  But guess what? Even if they are ready they can still become upset and tearful saying goodbye.   

I know my daughter is definitely ready for pre-school and I know that in a few weeks she will no longer cry as I say goodbye. 

My daughter runs out of pre-school with about 6 paintings she has done for me.  And yesterday she started singing in the bath a song about the jungle which shes never sang before.  I was so proud of her! 

My advice is hang on in there.  Tears at the doors are ok and in time they will soon turn into happy smiles and excited tales of the days adventures. 

Here you can read about my daughters first day at preschool and an update from earlier in the year. 

Thanks for reading, 

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