can weight loss occur during pregnancy | The best things in life are free

can weight loss occur during pregnancy

 

My husband and I have had a tight past couple years. We didnt think we made a lot of money while he was an E-5 on a submarine. We lived in Hawaii with a toddler and-- I admit it-- I am horrible at sticking to a budget. Well, moving to North Carolina for the STA-21 program, we lost our sea pay, sub pay, nuke pay, sea pay kicker, COLA... And then we had twins. And moved locally-- twice. Of course we feel that the STA-21 program is worth it and we are exceedingly grateful that the military is paying Hubby to get his degree. However, weve had many, many, many late night talks about the budget. Weve struggled over how we should spend our money and what expenses are necessary. It is amazing what I feel is necessary and what he feels is necessary.

For instance, last semester, he took a very heavy load at school, being his senior year. He left in the morning before preschool started and came home after the kids were in bed. Near the end of the semester, he wasnt getting home until 10 or 11 oclock at night. Most of his classes involved group projects. Since most of the students in his class are single college-age kids who work to pay for school, it was hard finding time that all the group members could get together. He would meet group members weeknights after they got off work and most Sunday evenings. The only upside to this schedule was taking the kids to campus to meet him for the odd-mealtime. They love seeing where Daddy "works" and getting tours. Anyways, I was taking care of the kids from the time they woke up to the time they went to bed all by myself, plus trying to accommodate Hubbys schedule, staying up later to see him and driving the kids over to campus when possible. I was burning myself out. I hired a weekly baby-sitter. Im telling you, that became my favorite day of the week. I loved knowing that she would come over to feed the kids and put them to bed, even though it was just that one day. I loved having another adult to chat with while I got my things ready to go. Even better, I loved how much the kids loved having her over. She played games with them and made the evening activities feel fun and new. That day renewed me and gave me something to look forward to. Since Hubby wasnt home with the kids all day, it was harder for him to understand justifying the expense. To his credit, he didnt say anything negative to me about it. That simple act of supporting me in the expense really made me fall in love with him all over again.

This semester isnt as stressful as last semester. The bulk of his courses are electives toward his degree. Being a mathematically minded person, it is much more time-consuming reading than he prefers. The thing I like about it is that he can read at home. A lot of days he locks himself in our bedroom to do homework-- but hes home. He doesnt need to meet up with groups or get help with equations. Weve continued having a baby-sitter come over. Weve gone out to dinner together, ran errands, and spent time with our oldest outside the house. It has been a blessing for us. (I really think the toddlers, especially, are starting to love the sitter more than us! Haha!) This expense has fallen into the category of something we can both agree on.

Other things arent so clear, like ordering in, picking up take-out, or eating out. The expense of feeding all five of us out is much greater than when it was just Hubby and I eating out. Even then, we felt that it wasnt a justified expense. Eating out is fun-- and should stay fun-- but it is expensive. Lately, I havent had the time to cook for all of us. Im so sick of fast food and frozen food options. They all start tasting the same. I havent had time for grocery shopping, so Ive been tossing together simple meals when I can. Some meals have been delicious, like the broiled salmon with the buttery, crispy skin. I need to take some time to buy ingredients for meals I can make and freeze. I agree that the expense for eating out isnt always worth the convenience. When I get behind the ball, I dont know how to get the kids to calm down so I can prepare something to get on the table. I prefer for eating out to be a fun family experience, where we feel like it is a fun treat, not hungry, fussy kids struggling through a meal. I need to get my act together; really, I need to pull out the crock pot again!

Nothing can divide two people like finances. We can have a wonderful evening with the kids, but once they are in bed and he logs on to the bank, the questions start. I get defensive, he gets frustrated, and there is an argument. So far, every challenge in our marriage has brought us closer. This money challenge has been no different. While it hasnt always been easy, we have been able to communicate with each other our points of view. Ive told him where Im struggling and hes explained where hes struggling. It helps so much to understand where the other person is coming from.

So what am I loving this Valentines Day? My husband. Hes my best friend and we are living this life together. We dont always agree with each other, but we respect each others opinion and do our best to work as a team.

And, in all honesty, we love, love, love our baby-sitters! :) Happy Valentines Day!

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is weight loss during pregnancy bad | Homeschooling kindergarten

is weight loss during pregnancy bad

We have started our oldest sons kindergarten year. I was a little nervous about starting kindergarten, not that I felt it would be hard, but that it is the first year that actually "counts." I put counts in quotations because there seems to be some debate in the South Carolina homeschool circles about whether or not you need to join an accountability group for kindergarten. I prefer to error on the side of caution, so I joined an accountability group for kindergarten. Thus, for us, this is the first year that counts. (Check out HSLDA for homeschooling laws: link to South Carolina homeschooling laws.)

I really like this post by Simple Homeschool called "The truth about preschool." The post is about homeschooling preschool and how most of preschool lessons are learned organically. I loved it and totally agree. I wrote a post awhile ago called "Homeschooling 5-year old preschool." I think it is really important at these ages for school to be fun. I view kindergarten as the beginning of a lifetime of schooling. My husband is in school right now with the Navy and, as he put it, training never ends for nukes. Why turn them off to school now? So we make it fun.

To make school fun, I really tried to focus on our sons style of learning and what he does well with. He loves structure, a regular routine (knowing what to expect), and a challenges in areas that he understands. He will avoid concepts that dont come naturally to him. He loves pleasing others and positive attention.

To make school easy for me, I wanted something flexible. I stay at home with our 4 children. My husband is going through the training pipeline and just started prototype, meaning long hours and rotating shiftwork. Since we plan on homeschooling for the next couple years (for now-- we are always open to what God planned for us), I want something that I can eventually use with our other children. I decided against a boxed curriculum and went with things that suited our oldests learning style, my learning style, and would be flexible and inexpensive enough to use with our other children. I love this post by The Busy Mom on "Choosing Curriculum the Simple Way." In that post she has this picture:

Picture courtesy of The Busy Mom

I love that. It is a good reminder. As a side note, you really should be following The Busy Mom on Facebook. She is wonderful. :)

Last year for 5-year old preschool, I used Saxon Math K Home Study Teachers Edition. My son and I really liked it. I really liked the lessons. I did not always follow the scripts, but felt the lessons gave us purpose and direction when sitting down together to work on math, even when I just used the book as a jumping off point. I also felt the lessons challenged him. I decided to continue with Saxon Math and bought Saxon Math 1 Home Study Teachers Edition. I dont like to buy anything I dont need, so I didnt buy the work books or the meeting book when I bought the teachers edition. Once I flipped through the book, I realized I would need the work books, so I bought them. When we actually sat down to do math I realized I needed the meeting book. I found all of them on Amazon after some searching. The work books were a little harder to find, but I did find them for a good price.

About a year ago I stumbled upon Sing, Spell, Write Level 1 for a great price at a homeschool consignment store. It was the entire kit so I bought it. I havent used it yet for reading this year. I decided to wait on that until I had built up his confidence in reading. He enjoys the sense of accomplishment when he reads a book, but he really only looks forward to math! I bought the Bob Book Kindergarten series at Costco; I love them! They really help him build on words and sounds he knows. It may not be his favorite part of the day, but listening to him read is my favorite part of the day. I love sitting down with him and helping him through a Bob Book. The best part is that I dont really need to help him that much! He doesnt even realize how much knowledge hes drawing from as hes reading through them. We have the pre-readers that we used last year. Im going to start doing some of those with our 3-year old toddlers. We are nearing the end of our kindergarten set so Im going to order the Beginning Readers and 1st Grade sight words for him next. After he feels like he has a good handle on reading, Im going to start Sing, Spell, Write. To help him with his phonics, weve been using the Star Wars Workbook Kindergarten Phonics and ABCs. When we were working through the Bob Books, he would get stuck on certain sounds-- like "ou" or "th." The Star Wars Phonics has helped him work on letter sounds even more in a way that he enjoys. Last year we took Ruth Beechicks approach to reading, which I liked; I just have been struggling with him and phonics. He didnt have much of an interest in reading until I combined it with Star Wars! ;)

For writing, weve been using a good old fashioned composition book. Ive been combining social studies and writing a lot by having him write down his address, his full name, his parents names and phone numbers, etc. Now we are working our way through the alphabet. We also do a lot of practical writing. He helps me write our shopping lists, notes to his dad, notes to our relatives, thank you cards, and the like. There is so much writing in day to day life. We write in his field trip notebook. He writes his name on top of his math worksheets. Ive tried to make the writing in the composition notebook short. Each day he heads his paper with his name, the date, and the subject. Then we write our sentence. For the alphabet, we write the letter is for blank. I have him pick what each letter is for. "B is for basketball." "D is for dude." "G is for Gatorade." It gets him thinking about letter sounds as well. What starts with a "G" sound? G-g-g-Gatorade. G-g-g-good, girls, golf, Granny... He comes up with all sorts of words that start with the sound before he decides on the word he wants to write down.

Science and social studies are pretty easy for us right now. My husband is in the military so social studies is part of our every day life. When he started prototype we read about submarines for awhile and their job. We talk about what it means to be in the military all the time, about public servants and various types-- government workers, EMTs, firemen, police officers, etc. We recently visited a Fire Museum and worked on our fire plan at home. Our boys are very interested in these types of things right now so we have long conversations about them.  When we pull over on the side of the road to let an ambulance pass, they ask, "Why did we pull over for the ambulance, Momma?" Science also happens organically at our house. Bike riding, tractor driving, KNex roller coasters, Legos, Matchbox car tracks, water table, Slipnslide, Play Doh... on and on. "If I do this, this will happen... Why?" Their minds are naturally curious right now. We conduct experiments. I ask our kindergartner to help me solve a problem. "My cookbook wont stay open. Can you help me?" He figures out how to keep it propped open or builds me something with KNex to do the job or thinks of some other solution. Sometimes I present them with a problem. "I cant get the Play Doh out of the bottom of this tube. What should we do?" And they give me solutions. I love to have them help me cook. So many learning experiences happen in the kitchen. "This pot is hot. Do you know why?" "What does half of a cup mean?" "How do they make flour?"

Our entire homeschool day takes about 1.5 to 2 hours from start to finish. With 4 kids, we like to do things that are fun for everyone. Right now, our 2 month old just wants to eat and sleep. We start off our homeschooling by saying the Pledge of Allegiance to the little flag weve attached to the top of our fruit stand. All 3 of our older boys participate in this. We then sit on the couch and someone says a prayer for the day, usually our kindergartner. The toddlers love crossing their little hands and bowing their heads. I think they feel like big kids, so they are usually content with that job and dont mind their older brother saying the prayer. I usually nurse our baby during this time. We then read a story from our One-Year Childrens Bible. We talk about what happened in the story, briefly. We then do our boys favorite part of the day which is reading a poem from Where the Sidewalk Ends. If it is a short poem with lots of imagery, I have them close their eyes and imagine the action of the poem. If it is longer with a picture (Shel Silverstein has awesome pictures), I hold the book so they can see the picture or let them discuss the picture before I start the poem. After I read the poem, I ask them what happened. For instance, we read a poem yesterday called, "Its Dark In Here." Basically a little boy gets swallowed by a lion and writes a poem from inside the lion. All he says in the poem is that it is dark in here and he stood too close to the lions cage. Asking what happened in the poem gets them thinking about the meaning of what they heard, re-telling me the story in their own words after they have digested it on their own. "When he stood too close to the lions cage, the lion grabbed him and ate him for lunch!" I love hearing how they interpret the action. The best part is that I then have them act it out. They love acting it out. Some of the poems lead in to other discussions, like, "If you were in this poem, how would you do it differently?" They love it. They love all getting a turn and hearing each other talk. They laugh a lot. I laugh a lot. It is one of my favorite parts of homeschooling, sitting with all our kids and laughing as they tell me stories and run wild with their imaginations. After we finish all this on the couch (and I feed the baby), we move on to the calendar and memory verse. I try to ask our oldest throughout the day what our memory verse is. Right now we are working on Psalm 91:14 and 15. I add pieces to it each week until he eventually learns the whole thing. We did this last year and he still has most of those verses memorized! Ill ask him his memory verse as we transition activities. About mid-way through this year, Im going to start giving our toddlers memory verses as well. Right now our oldest works very hard to teach them his memory verses. For our pocket calendar, I give them each a job-- the calendar helper, the days of the week helper, and the weatherman. The days of the week helper gets the calendar pieces out. Then we all go to the calendar and sing the days of the week song. Then the calendar helper puts the numbers in the calendar; the days of the week helper moves around the days of the week; the weatherman tells us what today looks like and puts in the appropriate weather tiles. After we are finished I use the Saxon Math script to discuss what today is. Then the calendar helper puts away the calendar pieces.

After all of that, I do school just with our kindergartner and set our toddlers up with something fun for them to do. Often they sit at the table and do "school" too. They get out their backpacks and crayons and paper and color while we work. Sometimes they do puzzles in the family room. Whatever they do, the rule is they do it quietly. Most of the time one of our toddlers works diligently at the table and the other builds with Legos in the playroom. This is when I either put our baby in the Tula or swing, depending on his disposition.

I start off kindergarten with writing in the composition book just how I previously described. He does that as I prep math and reading. After he writes, he does his Star Wars Phonics workbook and then we read the Bob Book. I try to do these first when he is freshest and most focused because he likes doing the other subjects more. After we finish that, we start on math. The lessons dont take very long at all. Then we do the worksheet front and back. If our day went slower than usual or his attention is elsewhere, I sometimes just have him do one side of the worksheet and have him finish the other side later or the next day. I check all his work, the composition book, the Star Wars book, and the math worksheets right after he fills them out. I let him make the mistakes as he goes and do not interfere. He often catches his own errors. When he gives me his work to check, I have him fix his errors and then give the satisfactory work a sticker. He likes to put the stickers on the top of the sheet. Then we move on to the next thing. After we have done all his work, we clean up our school supplies. If we did school in the morning, I have him practice his piano after school. He practices his lesson book and presentation piece and does his flash cards. If we did school in the afternoon, I have him go play for a bit before sitting down at the piano, let him clear his mind some. We usually do the theory book before I start cooking dinner or he works on it while I prep dinner. For science and social studies, I let those organically happen in our day. I look for opportunities to bring them into our play and conversation.

If we went on a field trip, we pull out the field trip notebook. Some field trips arent an entire days worth of school, like our nature bike ride at the park. We just drew pictures of what we saw in the field trip book. That trip is helping build the ground work for a unit study I am going to do on habitats with the all the boys. We are going to conclude our unit study with a trip to the zoo, but we have been talking about habitats without ever using the word or officially studying it since we started school August 4th. When we went to the Fire Museum, that was our whole day of school. We discussed dates and passing time (math), "Is this fire truck newer or older than that fire truck? How do you know?" I had him read the signs to me, read the pamphlet to me, all while making school fun. We came home and worked on our fire escape plan (social studies) and then wrote in our field trip notebook, drawing a picture of our favorite fire truck (science-- "How does that fire truck work?"). I love having them talk about what they liked best and hearing how they internalize books we read, stories they hear, or outings we take because I feel it helps them develop a love of books-- really feeling and connecting with stories.

I keep track of everything we do in the Homeschoolers Journal. I really like how it is laid out. It works well for me and is compact, which I like. I liked it for lesson planning last year with our preschool. I did a lot of unit studies last year. This year I plan on doing some. I like how unit studies are easy to involve both the age groups of our kids while still emphasizing with each child the concepts they need to learn, often in a hands on, natural way.

I also rely heavily on Smart Play by Barbara Sher. I stumbled upon this book in a used bookstore and bought it because it was cheap. I dont know why anyone would get rid of this book! It has the best ideas for fun, impromptu learning games with lots of kids. The other day we did our math lesson and then went outside for "Math Kung Fu." Hilarious! The boys were cracking up and counting karate kicks in the backyard. We have a lot of fun in this book.

A lot of our day is transitioning and waiting your turn. They are learning to listen to each other and respect what each of them has to say. They are learning to verbalize their thoughts and to speak up. It has been a lot of fun working with them on these concepts. Of course we carry this over into the non-schooling hours of our day, like when they help with chores and cooking. We have been putting a huge emphasis on cleaning up after ourselves. Weve been handing over responsibility to them and they have been rising to the occasion. I recently read Emma Jenners book Keep Calm and Parent On. This book is an amazing read for parents and especially homeschooling parents with more than one child. Your kids can and should help you! :) Weve been giving them responsibilities and expectations and are floored at how they have met each challenge. It makes our day-- my day-- so much happier and smoother when they are assisting me in real, practical ways, plus I think they are happier because they have more freedom (and less time outs). If I were to write a parenting book, it would read much like Emma Jenners philosophies. I wholly agree with her.

I hear a lot from people, "I cant believe you homeschool!" Homeschooling has been a blessing for our family. We didnt have an overly structured day last year when we homeschooled preschool, but it gave our play purpose. This year is much of the same. It has provided structure to our day. I burst into tears when we sat down on our first day of kindergarten this year and saw how our 6-year old had remembered all the letter sounds weve been working on and read-- actually read-- a book. It was amazing. I love those moments where I feel, "I taught him that?" I love when I see him applying things he learned from his dad. He changed the batteries in the swing by himself the other day as I made dinner. While he did that, he soothed the baby and then got the baby back to sleep once the batteries were changed. Its amazing to see our children behave like little people, little citizens finding their place in the world. I love that homeschooling allows us to play to our childrens strengths and to take things at our own pace. I know many of his 6-year old friends are entering kindergarten and first grade this year. Many already know how to read, but last year I could tell I was forcing reading on him and he was rejecting it so we switched gears and focused on letter sounds. This year he is ready for reading and is easily applying the phonics we learned last year. I love that we are teaching it to him in a way that makes complete sense to him and is enjoyable, not just for him, but for all of us.

The other nice thing is that there is a chance we will be moving this year. We started the year early so we could get as many days in as possible before my husband started rotating shiftwork. We also want to be able to take as much time off as we want for moving while still getting in our 180 days of school. When we move, we will be able to start school back up right where we left off, plus, when my hubby is on rotating shiftwork, our kids will be home to see their dad as often as possible. I feel like homeschooling really goes well with my husbands Navy career.

So thats our kindergarten plan! School has just started, but we are looking forward to the rest of the year! :) How are you homeschooling this year?

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best weight loss during pregnancy | All we are saying

best weight loss during pregnancy

 

 

Motherhood is challenging to navigate. There is so much out there on, well, everything.

 

"You must buy this!"

 

"If you want your baby to grow up feeling loved, do this..."

"Remember to always speak this way."

"Its the little things that count."

Even on this blog I talk about how I do things and about the products that I have liked with our boys.

But thats what they are: things that I liked.

That doesnt mean that you will like them or that you should parent how I do. It doesnt even mean that you should do things how I do. Im talking about things that work for me and my family.

Why?

Because I like reading about how other people do things. I like talking to other people and finding out about how they solve some of the more difficult challenges of motherhood, how they fix the small and big stuff. I like hearing other peoples family schedules. I like knowing that I am not the only one trying to solve a certain problem-- why are shoes always missing when it is time to get in the car? Why do our toddlers throw a fit during mealtimes? Why are organic foods so dang expensive? How is potty training so hard this time around when it went so well the first time around? Am I the only one sick of hearing the same twin comments over and over again and does it really matter who is older?

There is so much mommy judging out there, real and perceived. Sometimes comments that arent meant to be judgmental at all are taken that way.

For instance, we are a Navy family that has decided to go career. I hear from other military families, "We are finishing this tour and then hes getting out. We dont want to go career and put our kids through all that. It is too hard on them." Those people are not talking about my family. When I hear those comments, they arent talking about how my husband is going career and looking forward to putting our kids through deployment. No, they are discussing with a fellow military wife their own choices for their own families.

I hear, "I would have waited to have another baby after having twins as well." But they dont know that I had a miscarriage and a molar pregnancy. Im always surprised at how much this comment hurts. No, they do not know my history and they dont need to, but it always makes me want to share with the world about this baby that did exist, not for them, but for me. It was real and it happened.

Other comments are puzzling and hard to figure out their intended meaning.

"Thats great you are breastfeeding. It is so good for the baby." What does this mean? Do I need to fill them in on my breastfeeding history with my three other children? Or the fact that while I believe in benefits of breastfeeding, I think it is ludicrous that you cannot discuss breastfeeding without saying, "Of course I believe in the benefits of breastfeeding!" or giving a reason why you are bottle feeding. Heres what I think, mommas, truly and really: feed your babies how you feel is best. It is no one elses business.

"Im glad you arent one of those homeschooling families. You are only homeschooling this year, right?" Hmm. By "those" homeschooling families, do you mean Weird and Unsocialized Homeschoolers? And weve loved homeschooling so far. Not sure how long we will homeschool, but it seems to fit in with my husbands Navy career well. The kids and I love doing it. Im not sure what the future holds for us, but Im open to wherever God leads us.

And another hot topic, working inside the home versus working outside the home: "I could never stay home all day. I need to engage my brain/stay busy/do something..." or "I stay home because I want to be there to watch my children grow up..." Sigh. Moms, dont tear each other down. Sometimes those comments are not made at all to be a dig towards anyone else or their choices, current or planned. Yes, I stay at home, and, yes, I have my reasons why I stay at home with my children, but the reasons why I stay at home may not be the reasons why you stay at home. And the reasons why you work outside the home may not be the reasons why other moms work outside the home.

We are all moms and we are all working hard, whether we are working in the home, working outside the home, homeschooling, or getting the kids ready for school outside the home each morning-- public or private. Breastfeeding is hard; pumping is hard; exclusively pumping blows my mind; and bottle feeding... bottle feeding is hard (and expensive and time consuming). Twins are hard. Singletons are hard. New babies are hard. Toddlers are hard. Kindergartners... easier and harder all at once. One child is hard. Ive heard going from one to two children is way harder than going from two to three. Three children, hard. Four children, hard. Being a military wife-- hard. I know talking to my civilian friends that its not easy on the other side of things either. You know, marriage is hard.

There are so many challenges in life. So many hard times that you are brought to your knees and crying out to God to hold you and carry you through. There are so many unexpected speed bumps.

We need to stop judging either. We need to be careful how we phrase things. Yes, it is wonderful Im breastfeeding this baby; glad it worked out. Yes, the space between our twin toddlers and our newborn has been nice. Sometimes Im glad they are over three; sometimes I think it would have been easier if they were under three, like the gap between our oldest and our twins. We need to make sure that we arent wording the choices that work for our family in a way that sounds like we are judging other families. We also  need to make sure that we dont easily take offense. The best thing about life-- our freedom in Christ-- is that we are free to make the choices that God leads us to. We are free to go career Navy, free to get out, free to look at our children and say, "Okay, we need to switch gears. The path we are on is not working for us." We are free to homeschool using a boxed curriculum or piecing it all together. We are free to stay at home or free to work outside the home.

Be friends with who you connect with. Multiple mommas need singleton momma friends. Big families need small family friends. Working mommas need stay at home momma friends. Homeschooling mommas need public school momma friends. Mommas need friends without kids. Make friends with people older and younger than you, who have kids older or younger than yours. Be friends with positive people that lift you up and support you. The best friends you will make are the ones that pray for you and encourage you.

We are all in this together. Give peace a chance.

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pregnancy hormone weight loss drops | WOMAN GETS PREGNANT NATURALLY AT 50

pregnancy hormone weight loss drops

Pregnant Naturally at 50

Getting pregnant naturally at or over the age of 40 doesnt surprise most people, but what about getting naturally at 50?

Yes, it happens...I myself had a surprise pregnancy at the age of 49  but I miscarried click here for more on my surprise pregnancy at 49 -getpregnantover40.com). My point here is that it does happen - sometimes when you least expect it. Here is one womans story:

This baby was a complete surprise. Id tried to have another baby after my son was born when I was 41, but after four miscarriages I finally gave up hope that I would have another child. My periods stopped abruptly when I moved to the East Coast to take a new teaching job, and I accepted the fact that I had started menopause.

SEE ALSO: WOMEN WHO GOT PREGNANT NATURALLY OVER 50 (getpregnantover40.com)

My husband, John, and I were in New York for a weekend workshop when I noticed that my breasts had started swelling and felt tender. "Maybe Im pregnant," I quipped to John, not really believing it. Then I squeezed a nipple and got a little milky fluid. "Oops! This doesnt feel like menopause!" I said.

I felt very ambivalent about being pregnant again. If the pregnancy continues, I thought, fine; Ill have another baby. If it doesnt, thats fine, too, because I can pursue my new career. After four miscarriages, I was afraid to get very excited. I didnt want to be disappointed again.

I felt a little embarrassed going to the doctor and admitting I was pregnant at my age. Then I asked the important question: "Given my history of miscarriage, do you think I can carry this baby to term?" The doctor was matter-of-fact: "I dont see why not." I asked her about checking my progesterone level to make sure it was high enough to maintain the pregnancy during the first trimester. She didnt seem very concerned. However, I was; so every time I felt a twinge that resembled a cramp, I rubbed natural progesterone cream on my belly. I have no idea if it helped prevent an early miscarriage, but it did ease my mind somewhat.
 mothering.com

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pregnancy losing weight first trimester | FERTILITY CHARTING BBT MAY NOT WORK

pregnancy losing weight first trimester

I know many women and couples rely on fertility charting to determine the best days to conceive.  I tried this method for a while but I wasnt very successful with it.  I found it difficult to really know if I was getting an accurate reading of my temperature...that is if I remembered to do it at the right time.

The problem with charting is that it detects a change in temperature after ovulation has occurred.  Most experts agree, and most studies support that sperm need to be ready and waiting before a woman ovulates.  Many couples who use the charting BBT method as a form of birth control have many unplanned pregnancies due to its unreliability.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE ON FERTILITY CHARTING AND ITS PITFALLS (getpregnantover40.com)

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post pregnancy weight loss foods | ARE ONIONS AND GARLIC GOOD FOR FERTILITY

post pregnancy weight loss foods

Yes! Onions and Garlic have many healthy qualities especially if you are trying to get pregnant. When I was trying to conceive, I would put onions and garlic in everything I could think of. They’re great raw or cooked in most recipes. Onions and garlic are a great way to season most dishes because they have so much flavor, you can use less salt and fat. Onions and garlic are in the “allium” family. These are rich in sulfur-containing amino acids and the anti-oxidant quercetin that helps regulate estrogen.
Much has been written about the medicinal qualities of both onions and garlic and they are also phytoestrogens. There are xenoestrogens (bad) and phytoestrogens (good).

SEE ALSO: FERTILITY DIET, FERTILITY FOODS (getpregnantover40.com)

Xenoestrogen literally means “foreign estrogen”. These xenoestrogens mimic estrogen in your system contributing to estrogen dominance. Xenoestrogens are stored in the body for an extended period of time leading to a number of conditions which ultimately contribute to infertility.

Phytoestrogens, on the other hand, are plant based substances which also mimic estrogens (phytoestrogen means “plant estrogen”), however they are weaker and they differ from xenoestrogens because they are actually beneficial. Phytoestrogens bind with estrogen receptors keeping out the stronger more harmful estrogens (like xenoestrogens). Phytoestrogens are not stored in the body and are easily broken down.

So if youre looking to regulate your estrogen, throw onions and garlic in all your cooking! If youre worried about your breath, brush your teeth and tongue with baking soda afterward. Bon Apetit!


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pregnancy weight loss dvd | HOW ARE THE MOON AND WOMENS FERTILITY CONNECTED

pregnancy weight loss dvd

Did You know Women Can Be Fertile Twice a Month?

Guest Post By Nadia MacLeod

Its true... and its all because of the moon.
Most women watch their menstrual cycles and are taught that their prime time to fall pregnant is during mid cycle or biological ovulation.
What they might not know is that the moon can trigger ovulation and bring on fertility at any time during the menstrual cycle including before, after or even during your menstrual period. It all depends on what phase the moon was in when you were born.
The moon has been linked to female fertility for thousands of years. In fact, the ebb and flow of the moon is responsible for the spawning, mating and birthing behaviour of many creatures on our earth. So really, why should we humans be any different?
Intuitively, women have always understood that the moon, their menstrual cycles and fertility are intimately connected. In folklore and ancient traditions the connections between the three are taken as fact.

SEE ALSO: SHORT CYCLES AND FERTILITY (getpregnantover40.com)

Consider the following:

• A healthily fertile womans menstrual cycle runs its course in about twenty-nine days, one lunar cycle.
• A standard healthy pregnancy runs for 42 weeks or 10 lunar months.
  
• The relationship between the moons cycles and menstruation is so basic that our words, menstruation, moon and month all come from the Greek word for measure of time.

picture: earthsky.org

Recent scientific research has revealed how the moon plays its part in female fertility. They have discovered that the production of the hormone Melatonin is controlled by the amount of moonlight reaching the eye.
The Body Clock, which is also responsible for our sleep / wake cycle, responds to the levels of moonlight reaching the eye to produce varying amounts of Melatonin. These Melatonin changes tell the ovaries, through other hormones to develop the egg at the beginning of the menstrual cycle and to release the eggs at mid cycle, so ovulation will occur.
When we all lived in huts or caves without artificial light, women generally bled on the new moon and ovulated and gave birth on the Full Moon. Thats just the way it was.
But as humankind has embraced artificial light, the female fertility clock has been disturbed. Women now ovulate and give birth at any time during the lunar month. This means that women now have two fertility cycles to work with.
The truth is that the FULL Moon still exerts a powerful influence on women even if they were not born under that phase.
Many women find that they do in fact ovulate with the full moon. But if they were not born under the full moon phase then they will have a SECONDARY LUNAR fertility pattern that can and does trigger spontaneous ovulation.
Remember the moons trigger effect is increased by two factors - stress and sexual intercourse. That is, if you are having sex during your lunar fertile time, the chances of ovulation being triggered and conception occurring increase.
This can come as quite a surprise to many people and can be very worrying for women who are not looking to get pregnant.
Being aware of lunar fertility and synchronising you biological cycle to your lunar cycle can be beneficial for many women.
For example:

• if you are trying to avoid pregnancy it is essential to know when your natal lunar fertile time occurs so you are prepared with appropriate contraception.
• if you are trying to fall pregnant, synchronising your cycle maximises your chance of falling pregnant at your fertile time, and
• if your menstrual cycle is irregular then using the moon can be a simple, non invasive technique to help you get regular again.

.
Nadia MacLeod is the founder and creator of the ultimate menstrual web resource http://www.menstruation.com.au Quite simply, our aim is to provide you with information, products, and an alternative viewpoint about menstruation so that you can feel great about being a woman every day of the month!
Copyright 2006 - Nadia MacLeod.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nadia_MacLeod

http://EzineArticles.com/?Did-You-know-Women-Can-Be-Fertile-Twice-a-Month?&id=373493


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weight loss pregnancy hormone hcg | BIRTHDAYS ARE HARD WITH INFERTILITY

weight loss pregnancy hormone hcg

Trying To Have A Baby Over 40?  Dont Focus On Your Age

Well,  I recently had another birthday...and I got to thinking how birthdays are so traumatic for women who are obsessed with their biological timeclocks.
Ill admit, I had a good cry every birthday over 40 when I was trying to conceive. I even said that I was moving on to childfree right before my 44th birthday (and of course I conceived my daughter right after that).

In retrospect, I can say that having an obsession with age only added to my stress and desperation. If you think about it, youre not really a year older on your birthday, youre just a day older than yesterday. Ive never been one to discuss my age because I think our society is WAY too age obsessed. Once people know how old you are, youre automatically put into a "category". Unfortunately, the perception is that young is better than old. But one thing I have noticed as a teacher of college kids (aged anywhere from 18---60) the lines between young and old seem to be blurring. I frequently think the young ones are older and older ones are younger. Shows what I know! In terms of trying to conceive, its the age of your eggs that count. Ive known many cases of younger women who have premature ovarian failure and older women who get a little lax with their birth control and get pregnant. As a matter of fact, the number of unintended pregnancies in women over 40 is second only to teenagers! I myself got pregnant again by total surprise when I was 49 (even with only one fallopian tube - see post here)

So if you have a birthday coming up. Go have yourself a party...age really is just a number and I have numerous posts about women getting pregnant over 40 and even over 50.  Attract success in your life not desperation!

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weight lost during pregnancy boy or girl | Let it be

weight lost during pregnancy boy or girl

"When I find myself in times of trouble,
Mother Mary comes to me.

Whispers words of wisdom,

Let it be.

Let it be; let it be; let it be; let it be.

There will be an answer.

Let it be."?

-The Beatles

After such a stressful month, it was time to give ourselves a break, get out of our routines, and have fun together. My parents graciously let us use their time share again (we used it last year as well). Even better, they came with us. I dont know if you ever outgrow wanting your momma when youre broken hearted. It was so good seeing them and our family had a great time at the indoor waterpark, especially our oldest. Whenever we had down time in our room-- like when the toddlers were napping-- my hubby would take D down to the arcade where they had a ropes course and a blacklight miniature golf course as well. I dont think D wanted to leave! It was good for us to just forget about everything else for awhile and have fun.

I forgot to take pictures of the timeshare, which was wonderful. It was bigger than our old 3-bedroom apartment. My parents had the master suite, which had a jacuzzi tub and a large walk-in shower. There was a second bathroom by the second and third bedrooms, but the kids loved bathing in my parents big bathtub! We slept in the large second bedroom on a king bed. Im not sure how many times my husband and I said we are excited to buy a king bed while we were there (we currently have a queen). The boys all shared the third bedroom. We brought the toddlers packnplays and wedged them in the empty spaces of the room. D slept in a double bed. Some mornings they were up earlier than usual, but, for the most part, they slept together great. (This gave us hope because we are hoping to get all three of them in one room when we move to South Carolina.) It was nice to have a room to ourselves. We brought our air mattress with us just in case it didnt work having all the boys in the same room and D needed to sleep on our floor. I loved that the timeshare was basically a 3-bedroom apartment. The boys slept down a hallway, away from the living space, making naptime possible even away from home. I also loved the full kitchen. We made BLTs one night and bread pudding another night; we also ate breakfast and lunch in the timeshare. We could walk indoors from our room to the timeshare, so, even though there was snow outside, the boys were in swim trunks and flip flops for most of the trip! D loved the waterpark immediately. The toddlers took awhile to warm up to the loud music and shrieks from people riding the slides or in the wave pool when it started up; I think they were a little over stimulated. I also think they are a little unsure about how they felt in the water. D was a toddler living in Hawaii; we were beach bums togethers. The toddlers, however, only went to the pool twice last summer! Their "water experience" is exclusively from the bathtub.

Here they are in the kids area with their daddy:

 

Here are a few more pictures taken on my camera from the vacation:

 

?It was a great trip. My parents even drove home with us to stay for a couple days after the waterpark. I really needed the family time and the away time. Thank you to my parents for letting us use your timeshare. Thank you for spending the week with us. We had a great time!! :)

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weight loss during pregnancy success stories | Preschool schedule

weight loss during pregnancy success stories

“Its bad enough wasting time without killing it.”
? Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth ?

Preschool... wow. In all honesty, I was really looking forward to the one-on-two time with my toddlers that preschool would give me, since my four-year old would be there for half a day. Now that weve been on the "preschool schedule" for the past couple weeks, I am looking back slightly longingly at the easy-breezy summer days!

Considering driving time, I essentially have a little over two hours while our oldest is in school. So, if I run one errand and it takes me an hour and fifteen minutes--our usual Target time-- I have 45 minutes left to... do what? I cant grocery shop in 45 minutes. I cant go home and let the toddlers nap in 45 minutes. Wherever I drive to, it will take about 10 minutes to unload and 10 minutes to reload, leaving 25 minutes to do something with two toddlers. Some days I do this accelerated shopping trip where I give myself 45 minutes in this store and 45 minutes in that store (these stops are usually for one thing, like PetsMart for dog food or Target for diapers); other days we slowly meander through whatever errand we are running that day to take up the entire 2 hours. The other day at the mall, I let both the toddlers walk. A man came up to me and grumbled, "This is ridiculous! It will take you hours to shop at this pace! Put those boys in the stroller!" First of all, Im not too sure why it bothered him so much that the boys were toddling along behind me (they were actually being surprisingly well-behaved). Second of all, that was kind of the point. The biggest problem with this awkward amount of time is that I end up sitting outside of the preschool long enough for the toddlers to take a 20- to sometimes 40- minute nap, with driving and wait time.

If you arent reading Honest Toddler, you really need to be. He opens up about "The Truth About Car Sleep" and now I finally understand why a 40-minute nap in the car means no 3-hour nap at home.?

Along the lines of "Car Sleep," having a set schedule also keeps my days flying by. We wake up, do our morning routine, spend the 2+ hours D is in preschool doing something, pick D up from preschool, go home to finish lunch, lay the toddlers down for their 3 to 3 and a half hour nap (oh, that part is deliciously sweet), then its time to make dinner and start our evening routine! Throw in evening plans two nights a week and suddenly its Thursday night and I thought it was still Tuesday! Where does the time go?

And our morning routine is horribly flawed, Ive come to realize. Im still not exactly sure how to get three kids out the door in a way that works for everyone. Either they are puffy-faced from crying or I look like I just rose from the dead. This morning was a little of both. The toddlers spent the morning stealing each others toys; the preschooler spent the morning following me around while not following directions; the dog was all over the place (I think he wanted to ride with us?). In the end, I had enough time to dab concealer under my eyes and brush my teeth and the toddlers had enough time to somehow work a fat lip in there. Im feeling like I am probably going to have to start setting an alarm and getting myself ready before all the kids wake up, instead of doing it after I get all of them dressed as I have been doing.

Perhaps Ive just come to realize that childrens school schedules are intense, even just with drop-off and pick-up. Perhaps I really can figure out a way to get us all happily out the door in the morning. Perhaps it really isnt as stressful as I think it is and Im really just stressed about my husbands crazy-busy senior year schedule (our third and final year of STA-21). Perhaps I just need a weekend away with good friends and good wine... Okay, I would even take just good friends and decent wine at this point. Whatever the reason, I need to find my stride. I feel like Im living in fast-forward!

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pregnancy weight loss after delivery | Homeschooling 3 and 4 year old preschool

pregnancy weight loss after delivery

Ive received several emails and Facebook comments lately regarding homeschooling preschool. I wrote a post called "Homeschooling 5-year old preschool." I feel 5-year old preschool was different from his previous years of preschool because he was technically old enough to be a kindergartner, but we decided against doing kindergarten that year. Instead we did another year of preschool with him, just with a more focused direction; he is a child that loves order, structure, and routine.

When considering preschool, there are many different schools of thought. Some really focus on early learning and some focus on play based learning and some on "unschooling." I dont like labels, so I will just describe our thinking when it comes to preschool. I think preschool should be fun. I think it should be play based learning. I think that preschool should focus on character building and how to interact with others. I think it should build a childs confidence and get them excited about learning. Preschool should incorporate the fundamentals of learning-- ABCs, 123s, shapes-- in a fun, play based environment. I referenced this article in my last post on kindergarten, Simple Homeschools "The truth about preschool." That article entirely sums up my thoughts on preschool.

When our oldest was 4-years old we put him in a church preschool program. At that time, our twins were keeping me very busy and I felt like I needed him in something that helped him with his desire for a routine. The program was great. I was surprised, however, at how hard it was to find a preschool program that didnt have a curriculum or focus on subjects. One preschool even had math worksheets-- excessive! We eventually found a program that worked for us-- play based, focusing on character development, interacting with others, and fostering their independence. It was a great program for him and I got a lot of great ideas from it for how I want to homeschool. I really loved how the teachers merged play with learning. When we moved from North Carolina, I was sad to leave the school because I was planning on having him attend their 5-year old preschool program.

One thing that I do not miss about preschool is the preschool schedule. (Yes, I wrote a whole blog post on it, "Preschool schedule.") After we moved last year and were doing 5-year old preschool, we had a lot of hits to our daily routine and by the end of the year we didnt have too much of a daily routine. I had several things on our schedule each week, like a park playdate and storytime, but the middle of the day was often chaotic. Mealtimes slipped into snacktimes; naptimes became movie times on the coach while I napped. The joys of my husbands power school schedule and pregnancy! By the beginning of the summer I was ready to have my body back (being pregnant in the south in the summer is not ideal) and ready for a regular routine. I debated over the summer if I should try to sign the boys up for drop-off camps over the summer, but not knowing if my husband was going to start prototype early in the summer (he didnt) and the unknowns of our routine once baby #4 came prevented me from committing to any day camps. The memory of how inconvenient pick ups and drops were in our day for his 4-year old preschool year is still fresh in my mind. Ive loved that homeschooling happens at our kitchen table, sometimes in pajamas and sometimes over pancakes-- no interruptions to our schedule!

So the big question: what are we doing for preschool this year? What materials are we using for preschool?

To answer the first question, we are doing what we normally do for preschool this year-- life as usual. I didnt have our oldest in a preschool program at 3-years old. I dont plan on putting our toddlers in a preschool program this year. Our big plan for preschool this year is to incorporate their learning in our daily life. I do involve them in some of our homeschool day. If you read the blog post, "Homeschooling kindergarten," I explain that I have all 3 boys say the Pledge of Allegiance, pray for our day, listen to our Bible story, read a poem together and act it out, and do the calendar each day. They are involved in that because that is what Im doing with their older brother for kindergarten. To answer the second question, I have not bought them any special preschool materials and dont use any curriculum with them, not even the Saxon Math book that I used for 5-year old preschool and no special books.

This year with the toddlers we are really focusing on independence. If they want to wear socks, they must put them on. I will help them if they are truly stuck, but they must try first. We problem solve. "If your sock isnt going when you pull it on that way, why not try a different way?" We focus on cleaning up the mess they make. "That was really fun to play with the cars and trucks. Now we get to put them away! How about you start on the cars and then do the trucks?" I help them break down the mess in their mind so they are able to tackle it-- clean up the cars, then clean up the trucks. Once the big toys are put away, they are able to pick up all the smaller action figures quite easily. I involve them in making lunch and baked goods. We work on taking our time and doing things right, "Can you carefully pour the sugar in the mixing bowl?" We work on them following directions, even when it is hard, "Before you go outside, lets get the family room tidied up, please." A big one that has been challenging for all 3 of them is assisting others, which teaches sympathy. "Your brother is sad. Why dont you go ask him what is bothering him and see if you can help?" "I think your brother is having a hard time cleaning up his mess. Why dont you go see what you do can to help him?" Most of the time I hear, "But I didnt make that mess!" Im really surprised at how they have responded to this last one. Im hearing them more and more slow down to help each other out, "Whats wrong, brother?" and I love their sense of pride and camaraderie once the job is done, "I helped him put away his blocks! We were a team!" "He helped me! Thank you, brother!" We put a lot of emphasis on waiting your turn. "Excuse me, your brother wasnt done telling his story. Lets let him finish and then I would love to hear what you have to say." I love Emma Jenners book, Keep Calm and Parent On, for setting expectations on our kids.

The other things we are learning through our everyday life-- shapes, ABCs, and 123s. We read about them in our stories before nap and before bed. We talk about them as we do art, make cookies, go to the park. We talk about colors. We do puzzles. We do all this stuff for fun. We just play and I bring in the learning, drawing their attention to something they are naturally connecting. "My blanket is the same color as a fire truck." Well, what color is the fire truck?

I mentioned in my blog post "Homeschooling kindergarten" that later this year I will have them start memorizing memory verses. This is something that we have been doing with our oldest since he was 3-years old. We used the verses he was learning at AWANAS, which we have not been able to fit into our schedule last year or this year, and discussed them throughout the day. I love memorizing Bible verses with the kids because I feel that it teaches lots of things. We write the verse down and will point to it as we say it-- it teaches words have meaning. When they see the memory verse card, they often start recognizing letters, "Thats an A, Momma!" They see the letters outside of their alphabet books and puzzles and start looking for them everywhere, "Momma, I see another A!" I also love that it helps them learn to retain things I teach them. The other thing about memory verses is that choosing key verses helps teach them things about their own behavior and Gods character. We learn to forgive because God forgives. We learn to examine our own actions, was I being fair to my brother? We learn to say Im sorry without prompting from a parent. Right now we talk about their older brothers memory verses and we use various phrases when dealing with conflict with each other, "Was that a kind thing to do to your brother? Do you think that made him feel happy or sad?" "How do you think we could show your dad we love him when he comes home?"

Next year our toddlers will do another year of preschool. They will be 4-years old at the beginning of the year and turn 5-years old during the year. I will probably start some of the methods that I used doing 5-year old preschool with their older brother. We will do letters of the week or colors of the week. Preschoolers love show and tell. During Red Week, Ill have them show and tell us about something red. During "A" week, Ill have them show and tell us about something that starts with an A. Ill probably use our Saxon Math K book again. Ive liked Saxon Math because the scripts are there to help explain something if you want them. I also like that it completely explains a certain activity, like introducing them to money or manipulating linking cubes or using counting bears. I like the Math K book because it was a great resource for me to find ideas for an activity if I needed help coming up with some sort of lesson for the day. I could open up Saxon Math K, read a lesson that involved counting bears, pull out the counting bears and say, "Okay, lets play with these for awhile." Then I could guide the play in a way that taught the lesson. That is how I most often used the book-- getting ideas, reading the scripts, and then applying it in a way that fit our preschool technique.

I really like unit studies for preschool. One unit study we did last year was on water. We just talked a lot about water. What happens if we get water really hot? What happens if we get water really cold? What letters are in the word water? What makes letter makes a "whu-" sound? Where do we find water? What animals live in water? Lets read books that have water in them. What movies have water in it? What do we call water that comes from the sky? What is water good for? On and on and on... So many fun experiments and lessons you can do in a unit study. Library trips. Movies. Books. Unit studies are great too because it really lets the preschoolers imagination run wild and lets them ask questions and find answers. (Unit studies are also a great way to include kids of different ages!)

How do you keep preschool fun?

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pregnancy weight loss stories | Tears Are A Language

pregnancy weight loss stories

Tears. Tears have been a language to me. A way for my heart to speak, when I dont know what to say or cant say. Even after they spill over my cheeks, running down my chest, I can feel the cold air of the room letting me feel the patterns theyve left on my face. The skin on my face feels cold and tight, but theres some sort of comfort in that? Then, all of a sudden my face is warm again, more tears. 

Miscarriage has been one of the scariest of words to me. Its also a word that I never thought would be a part of my life story, but who ever thinks it will be?  

1 week late. 2 weeks late. 3 weeks late. I knew it. I knew my body felt different. I knew what "this" kind of "different" was. I was pregnant. Was I pregnant? Denial. My first set of thoughts were a mixture of "what the holy heck!!!??" a twinge of excitement, and Eeeee! Then, all out fear set in as I thought of the knitty gritty. I was in a tango of passionate, flip-flop emotions.

This called for a crying session on my back porch, one evening, in the middle of the maybes and might- bes. I let the fears gush out, that had piled high during my pregnancy with Káel and his birth. (I had a really emotional and stressful pregnancy with Kael and one heck of a labor experience. If you arent familiar with it, you can go and read about it here and here.) Only Jesus and the little night critters in our woods were listening. Sam was inside. I had snapped at him, which was another clue that my body was out of kilter. Not the hormones again! Im just starting to feel normal! The swing I was laying on had damp cushions from the rain that wed had earlier in the day. My shirt was slowly starting to feel cold and wet. I didnt care. This was real and I had to address my heart. After the last sob ebbed, I looked up and watched the tops of the trees rock back and forth. The sound of their leaves were soothing, like the sound of the ocean. I felt a wave of comfort. Jesus was calming and kissing my soul. It was a really beautiful time of healing for my heart that Ill treasure forever. It was ok if I was pregnant.  I got up from my porch swing, ready to do this, still freaked out, but ready. Samuel was as supportive as ever.  I was holding my breath.  

A few days later, 2 faint lines on 2 separate pee sticks, confirmed what what my body had been telling me. I was pregnant. Sam was so excited. I cried a few tears with one of my best friends as the reality hit me. Then, we switched into gear with a snap. Samuel started telling me names that he liked. I started envisioning a wee baby and a sibling for Forest boy. We were ready to have another baby and it was amazing. That same day, I saw a few of my closest girl friends and I blurted out the news. Squeals erupted! We planned on telling our family at Thanksgiving, as we all sat around the table telling each other what we were thankful for. I even posted a fake "Aunt Flo" status on Facebook to throw my family off. I felt like this time around was going to be so redemptive and lovely. I was so sure. 

"Dear Little Darling, 

Today I found out that you are here. I told a few of  my closest friends about you. Your Daddy is so excited and so am I. I was afraid at first. But now, Im SO excited. One day we will laugh together about today. I already feel your goodness and the beauty thats inside of you. I love you. 

-Momma"

I went to bed and smelled the most awful smelling discharge. I thought it was strange but, just brushed it off as a pregnancy thing. Sam and I had sparkles in our eyes and I made myself close the name book and go to sleep. I was going to call my midwife tomorrow. She was going to be so excited. I woke up the next morning and there was blood, lots of it. I ran to the bathroom and started crying. Samuel was trying to figure out how to help me. What does this mean? Maybe I was never pregnant? The lines were really faint, right? No, my heart was already committed to this. I had taken 2 tests. There was no easy out. I called my sweet midwives and an agonizing week of 50/50s and maybes began. Apparently 50% of women bleed in their pregnancy and they are fine. My midwife told me that it was most likely my body moving the embryo out of my body. But, she said that I could come in for an expensive blood test to confirm or wait a few days.

 I tried to convince myself that I wasnt pregnant at all. It would be easier to deal with. This couldnt be happening to me, could it? But my body and so many other things were telling me that wasnt the case. This was happening. The torture of finding a place to put my emotions was awful. Do I mourn?  Do I hope? How can you do both at the same time and still function? I wrote this during that week, "The heart leans into hope with a fierceness, even when its afraid of it." I was terrified of hoping because, what if my baby was already gone and I would have to go through the initial pain all over again? What if I dont hope and write it all off and theres a baby in there needing some love and help? But like I wrote, my heart is geared to hope. So, I waited and tried to embrace being vulnerable. But, oh this torturous limbo.

"Im laying here, bleeding and with every cramp, a shockwave of sadness hits my heart...I was so excited and so sure about you and the future moments I was going to have with you. The limbo is the worst. Maybe youll be fine, maybe my body will keep rejecting you. Im sorry. Ive tried to sleep. Im afraid to change my pad because Im afraid to see tissue which would be you. Please no." 

Being vulnerable is a beautiful, ugly and terrifying place to be. It feels like weakness. It is. It feels like youre left unprotected, open to any and every hurtful thing. Which, you are. For me, embracing being vulnerable is the only way my heart can heal and grow. If Im in denial and I wall off (which I am very good at doing) my heart cant thrive, live or heal. It stunts me. I embraced being sad. Even in the unknowing.  Jesus would have to be something for my heart that I couldnt be for myself, and I wasnt about to try.

I kept bleeding, having to keep an eye out for tissue. I kept trying not to hope but, at the same time not to loose hope. How the heck does that even work?  I dont know. Up and down, back and forth, I felt like my heart was on the rack, being pulled in two extremes. Id be at the sink doing dishes, and tears would start pouring down my face. I didnt even know how in the world to pray. My tears were my heart praying, only what He knew I needed to say. I started feeling stressed that maybe I had caused all this because I was freaked out at the thought of being pregnant again. My mom told me that if that were the case, half of the people alive right now, wouldnt be. It kind of made me giggle. 

After several days, my bleeding pretty much stopped although the cramping continued. It was all so weird. I took a digital test and "not pregnant" showed up. I thought I would be ok. I mean, its not like I was 20 weeks pregnant or something. No, the heart is an amazing thing and mine had bonded with this baby or the idea of this baby, lightening fast. The little face that I had started to picture, was gone. I had blocked some of my heart from emotion and, my strongest wall couldnt hold it back now. The next couple of days were the roughest. I still had cramping and some pregnancy symptoms. It was like a cruel joke. Out of the blue, heavy, silent and sometimes loud wails started to buckle me over. This is a different kind of sadness. I dont really have a grid for this. Those closest to me were and are a dream, encouraging me to take as long as I need to process and heal, however I need to. This is a journal entry the day I had taken the last test that showed negative. 

"I was sobbing really hard today, after I took another test. As I sat there, tears dripping from my face, non-stop, Káel walks over to me and lovingly started patting my leg with his little hand. Just like I pat his back after hes fallen and I hold him. He did this 3 different times. Comfort is precious and beautiful." 

In the backdrop of my mind, theres one part of my heart that has worried people wont know what to say to me, or will be awkward around me if they know whats been going on behind the doors of my heart. Quite honestly, Ive felt awkward around me through this. But you know what, this is life. We were made for relationships and we walk through life together in all its awesomeness and in all its suckiness. Then another part of my brain thinks my pain is over dramatized. Which, apparently, Im learning, is a pretty common feeling for women who experience loss, early on in their pregnancy. 

Is there beauty in this?  I cant see it in every moment. But, being real is beautiful. And for me, being heartbroken is real.  I can truly say, as Im still processing everything, that beautifulness has and is coming from this experience. Its awful, but now my heart can more understand others who have experienced loss, in a way that I would never have been able to fully empathize with or relate to. Ive got a gapping hole inside my heart. Whod have thought something so brief and small, could leave that large of wanting. But, for every emotion of pain that Ive felt and feel, there is a tangible promise and reality of love and goodness that I am embracing and throwing myself into. Grace.

Now I know that my heart can be excited about having another baby without fear or hesitation. 

The past couple of months, Ive been reading the book "1000 Gifts" which has been a life line of good to my soul and even giving my heart the cush for this confusing time. The author says at one point in the book that everything is grace. It is. Everything is grace, the good, the pain, the beauty, the awful, the bearable, even the unknown. Even in the middle of all this crap, I look around and I see so much wonderful. So much love. So much grace. My son and his thriving sweetness, good Lord! My husband and his heavenly devotion and encouragement, my family, my amazing community and the friends of my heart that are as constant and bright as stars. So much beauty, so much new life, and that makes me happy. Ive purposed my heart to not live in an unrealistic dream land through all of this though. If I need to feel sad, thats ok. Loving the good doesnt mean I dont acknowledging the hurt. I can mourn and process all the emotion of not understanding and letting go while seeing the kisses blow my way.

"Well little darling, you were like a small breeze. You came and went. But, you created a storm of love in my heart. This has been so hard. Im sorry. Im sorry I didnt get to hold you and kiss your face. Maybe I will one day? I love you my wee little Windland. Goodbye. -Momma"

I wrote this blog not knowing if Id ever press the publish button. I wrote it mostly just for my heart to process some thoughts and emotions. This is me being real, kind of raw and its me being vulnerable. So, There are so many things in life I dont understand. This is one of a million of them. I have so many questions. "God is always good, and I am always loved." I believe this. I know this. (quote from 1000 Gifts)  I heard someone say recently that "There can be no music without tension." Unless a string is wound tight with tension the bow cant release the melodies. Unless there is tension, the fingers cant pluck out the notes. That right there has been on repeat in my mind. It doesnt explain anything really, but in a way it comforts me. This is my tension in life right now. Im listening to hear the music. 

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weight loss during second pregnancy | You know you are a twin mom when

weight loss during second pregnancy

My own list of "You know you are a mother to twins when..."

1. You automatically start calculating how long something will last.

Example 1:
"A bag of 6 apples will last the toddlers 3 days, throw in the preschooler and the husband and it will last one day with two remaining apples... Okay, 2 bags for 2 days."

Example 2:
"I want to buy this shirt for me, but it has sequins (aka baby magnets) and must hang dry... I could probably wear it twice. Lets go with this one. I wanted another plain, washable t-shirt anyways..."

2. You buy two of everything.

Two loaves of bread (which lasts about a week), two bunches of bananas (four days), two gallons of milk (almost a day and a half), two bottles of Ibuprofen (for the momma who is carrying around two 25 lb toddlers)...

3. You are always hungry.

You sit down with a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of yogurt for the toddlers along with a yogurt and piece of toast for yourself. The toddlers wolf down the oatmeal and yogurt, scream when the see you take a bite of your yogurt, so you feed them the yogurt, only to have the same thing happen with your toast... When you look at the clock, you see you are running late so you finish your coffee, get everyone dressed, and realize only once you get to the car that you had one bite of yogurt and one bite of toast for breakfast. Nice.

4. You are always late.

Why? I dont know. You set an alarm. You lay out clothes the night before. The lunches are packed and waiting in the fridge. You already have the address programmed in your GPS. No matter what you do, you always leave the house late.

5. You refer to your children in the plural, even when you only have one.

Example 1:
Stranger: "Aw, he is so cute!"
You: "Thank you. They look just like their daddy."

Example 2:
Doctor: "How long has he had this rash?"
You: "They came down with a fever on Friday, but the rash didnt show up until Monday."
Doctor: "They both have a rash?"
You: "No, only he does."

Example 3:
Friend: "How long has he been walking?"
You: "They started walking between 13 and 15 months."
Friend: "Oh, wow."
You: "Well, he started walking at 13 months and he started walking at 15 months."
Friend: "Okay..."

6. You operate like a small business, complete with business hours.

Example 1:
Your mom: "Hey, can you send me an email with so-and-sos address?"
You: "Sure. I will be on the computer from 1:30 pm to 2:15 pm. I will send it to you then."
Your mom: "Sounds... great... thanks?"

Example 2:
Friend: "We should get our kids together for a playdate!"
You: "I would love to! We are free Tuesday from 3:00 pm to 4:30 pm, Wednesday from 10:30 am to 11:45 am, or anytime Friday if you would like to come to our place."

Example 3:
Husband: "Can you drop this off at the post office for me?"
You: "No problem! I will be at the post office next Monday or two weeks after that on Thursday..."

7. You plan your outings, much like a special forces team.

You to your husband: "Okay, we are going to leave the house at 1045, head straight to the grocery store. Ill run the Redbox in while you wait in the car with the kids. Then well head over to Petsmart. We will use a shopping cart and the Buggy Bench. You take the boys to the back and look at the fish while I get the dog food. We will be in the store for about 15 minutes. After Petsmart, well give the toddlers a snack. Well save the preschoolers snack for Target, in between trying on jeans, which he will not think is fun. At Target, well use the stroller. The best way for us to pick out and try on jeans is if you take the boys while I..."
Husbands jaw drops as you describe the layout of the boys clothes department.

8. Your family questions your sanity.

Example 1:
Your mom: "How was your day?"
You: "Really good! The boys only cried for half the day."

Example 2:
Husband, at dinner: "What did you guys do today?"
You: "Well, both of the toddlers were constipated, so we had to come home and give them some pear juice. It really seemed to help. About an hour later, they both had movements which looked like..."
Husband puts fork down.

Example 3:
Your sister: "I dont know how you do it with three."
You: "Well, the crying really doesnt bother me anymore and I just made sure to find friends that know that I will run late or cancel."

Example 4:
You, covering the mouthpiece while on the phone with the insurance company: "Baby, we dont ride our brothers like horses."
Insurance agent: "Maam? Would you like to call back?"
You: "Oh, no! Its okay."

9. You dont get embarassed while out in public, no matter what happens.

Example 1:
Store employee: "Maam, is that, um, poop... on your... shirt?"
You: "Yes. It is. Where can I find Wellness dog food?"

Example 2:
Checking out at the grocery store while one baby is systematically throwing everything he can reach from the Buggy Bench out of the shopping cart and the other is screaming at full volume in the child seat, you to the cashier: "How are you doing today?" (Big smile on your face.)
Cashier: "Um, good?"

Example 3:
One toddler is screaming pitifully in the stroller while the other toddler empties a magazine rack. You are trying to pay for the three things (and ripped magazines) you came in for. The woman in line behind you suddenly lets out that breathy sigh-- you know the one: "Oh, twiiiins? My mother is a twin..."
You, with a smile on your face: "That is wonderful! You have a blessed day! Can you guys wave bye-bye?"
The toddler in the stroller looks up at you, red faced and soaking wet with tears. The toddler at the magazine rack flings a magazine down defiantly. You smile sweetly to the now puzzled woman who is shaking her head at "parents these days" and drop your purchases in your stroller as you leave the store.

10. You have great looking arms.

Example 1:
You decide to walk into the dollar store with both toddlers, no stroller. Your plan is to use a shopping cart once inside. As you cross the parking lot, one of your toddlers decides he doesnt want to walk. The other decides he also doesnt want to walk. Meanwhile a car is waiting to drive past. You have no issue flagging that car to stop, a look on your face so severe they wouldnt have tried to drive past even if they wanted to, while you stop in the road to pick one toddler up with one arm and scoop the other toddler up with the other arm. Into the store you go with two 25 lb babies!

Example 2:
Your morning routine consists of picking one toddler up with one arm, walking to the other toddlers crib and scooping him up with the other arm. Every morning. Without issue.

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