Showing posts with label let. Show all posts
Showing posts with label let. Show all posts

Sunday, March 6, 2016

maintaining weight loss during pregnancy | Time wont let me go

maintaining weight loss during pregnancy


"I am so homesick now for someone that I never knew.
I am so homesick now for someplace I will never be.
Time wont let me go; time wont let me go..."
-Time Wont Let Me Go by the Bravery



I posted awhile ago about getting "a little help from my friends." Lately, Ive really needed a little help from my friends. I have felt so stuck with this past miscarriage and molar pregnancy. I feel so sad about losing this baby and I feel so disappointed we have to wait to start trying again (thankfully, not wait as long as we were originally told, read "3 weeks, 3 months"). There is a weight on my chest and I feel like Im going through the motions.

Yesterday I took the boys to the park and let them play in the woods. They had so much fun running around together and playing. I sat down against a tree, leaned back, and let the sun shine on my face. The foliage kept whispering in front of the sun beams as the wind blew threw the trees. I felt the sunlight flicker against eyelids. It was so relaxing to just be, to hear the boys playing around me and need to do nothing but enjoy the moment.

It has been hard to talk to people about whats going on. Posting on my blog is one thing. Im not even sure how many people I know actually read my blog and Ive enjoyed writing about it. Talking about it is another thing. I feel my voice start quivering or I wonder if Im using the wrong words or if Im offending my listener. What is their story? Are my struggles acceptable to talk about? What if they repeat what Im telling them and people start gossiping about me? I start doubting myself and feeling self-conscious for wanting to talk about my raw, open feelings. I wonder if Im letting the right person in. Why are adult problems so complicated? Are they actually that complicated or am I making them complicated?

Sometimes I find myself thinking about my best friends who live so far away. I love talking on the phone with them and hearing the raw emotion in their voice, how much they care about me and feeling that surge of love because I know how much I care about them. I long to sit on their couches and sip a cup of coffee while we just be together. It is so nice to be around best friends that know-- know what you are going through inside and out, not just the "big thing" but all the little things that are making the big thing worse. I know they are praying for me and thinking about me, just as I pray for them and think about them. Distance, though... the distance is still there. We cant change distance.

And I cant change what happened. I cant turn back time and look at the ultrasound screen and see a healthy baby. I cant change that my husband is swamped in school. I cant change that the toddlers are two and suffering through "#toddlerproblems," as Honest Toddler calls them. I cant change the busyness of day to day life with three kids. I cant change that my family lives so far away and that it is a road trip to get a hug from my mom (though I can shamelessly "borrow" all the things from her that remind me of her). Ugh, and I cant change this wretched molar pregnancy diagnosis.

What I can do is talk about it. I have reached out to my local friends; Im going out on a limb. Im doing what makes me uncomfortable and letting people in. I need to let people in. Its a risk, but a risk worth taking. Ive found out that others have gone through similar things, some things more heart-wrenching than what Ive experienced. I was talking to a friend who was telling me about her mindset, or way of thinking, when dealing with life challenges. Sometimes she finds that shes approaching the problem with the wrong attitude, which really struck a chord with me. I feel like Im just focusing on what I cant change. I need to move on. I need to acknowledge my loss and... and something. Im not sure what the something is yet.

When we lost our first baby in pregnancy #1, I woke up in the middle of the night and pulled out the box of baby clothes I had bought during the pregnancy. I laid all the layettes and onsies out on the floor, thinking of the baby that would never wear them. I held the empty clothes and wept. When our first born came home from the hospital, I thought of that first baby, the one that was never born, how old that baby would have been. That baby has never left my heart, but Ive accepted the loss. I think I just need time. Time to pass and lessen the sadness. When I think of this last pregnancy, I just think of what will never be, what isnt anymore. It feels like a loss only real and present in my heart. Im afraid if I let it go that it will be like it didnt happen.

So, at the risk of sounding redundant, I havent move on yet. Im trying to get to the place that I can let go and that I can embrace the present. Ive found some comfort in talking to my local friends about the loss and hearing their stories. Ive found a lot of comfort in praying about it and journaling about it. Ive found more and more comfort in loving on my boys and going through the motions of family life.

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Tuesday, March 1, 2016

weight lost during pregnancy boy or girl | Let it be

weight lost during pregnancy boy or girl


"When I find myself in times of trouble,
Mother Mary comes to me.
Whispers words of wisdom,
Let it be.
Let it be; let it be; let it be; let it be.
There will be an answer.
Let it be."?
-The Beatles

After such a stressful month, it was time to give ourselves a break, get out of our routines, and have fun together. My parents graciously let us use their time share again (we used it last year as well). Even better, they came with us. I dont know if you ever outgrow wanting your momma when youre broken hearted. It was so good seeing them and our family had a great time at the indoor waterpark, especially our oldest. Whenever we had down time in our room-- like when the toddlers were napping-- my hubby would take D down to the arcade where they had a ropes course and a blacklight miniature golf course as well. I dont think D wanted to leave! It was good for us to just forget about everything else for awhile and have fun.

I forgot to take pictures of the timeshare, which was wonderful. It was bigger than our old 3-bedroom apartment. My parents had the master suite, which had a jacuzzi tub and a large walk-in shower. There was a second bathroom by the second and third bedrooms, but the kids loved bathing in my parents big bathtub! We slept in the large second bedroom on a king bed. Im not sure how many times my husband and I said we are excited to buy a king bed while we were there (we currently have a queen). The boys all shared the third bedroom. We brought the toddlers packnplays and wedged them in the empty spaces of the room. D slept in a double bed. Some mornings they were up earlier than usual, but, for the most part, they slept together great. (This gave us hope because we are hoping to get all three of them in one room when we move to South Carolina.) It was nice to have a room to ourselves. We brought our air mattress with us just in case it didnt work having all the boys in the same room and D needed to sleep on our floor. I loved that the timeshare was basically a 3-bedroom apartment. The boys slept down a hallway, away from the living space, making naptime possible even away from home. I also loved the full kitchen. We made BLTs one night and bread pudding another night; we also ate breakfast and lunch in the timeshare. We could walk indoors from our room to the timeshare, so, even though there was snow outside, the boys were in swim trunks and flip flops for most of the trip! D loved the waterpark immediately. The toddlers took awhile to warm up to the loud music and shrieks from people riding the slides or in the wave pool when it started up; I think they were a little over stimulated. I also think they are a little unsure about how they felt in the water. D was a toddler living in Hawaii; we were beach bums togethers. The toddlers, however, only went to the pool twice last summer! Their "water experience" is exclusively from the bathtub.

Here they are in the kids area with their daddy:

 

Here are a few more pictures taken on my camera from the vacation:




 
?It was a great trip. My parents even drove home with us to stay for a couple days after the waterpark. I really needed the family time and the away time. Thank you to my parents for letting us use your timeshare. Thank you for spending the week with us. We had a great time!! :)


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Monday, February 29, 2016

safe weight loss during pregnancy obese | Parklife

safe weight loss during pregnancy obese


"All of the people,
So many people,
Go hand in hand
Through their parklife."
-Blur

What snuggling the boys looks like
It has been awile since I posted a blog about our schedule. Scheduling a family of five is difficult. Some days we do better than other days. There is a lot that goes into a family schedule. Before I decide on a schedule for us, I think about what our family needs. My husband is busy and needs to be able to have time for his studying. Because I cant count on him to always help with bedtimes or dinnertimes, I like an easy schedule that I can do by myself. This works out well too because on those nights that my husband is home, it is nice to be able to leave him to do the bedtime routine by himself so I can have get out of the house or curl up in the fetal position on the floor-- er, I mean-- have a minute alone to read or unload the dishwasher. I really do think about the needs of myself and my husband before I start thinking about the needs of the boys. We feel that the children need to learn that they are part of the family unit and need to adapt to the rythyms of our family. That is why I loved the book 12 Hours in 12 Weeks by Suzy Giordano. I feel that book-- that schedule-- set the tone and helped the babies adapt to our family life. The first couple years are hard. As much as you dont want to just cater to your childs every whim, newborns need to eat frequently. Babies need to nap. Toddlers need to practice independence. The two books that really helped us form our family schedule and parenting attitude (besides the B-I-B-L-E) were 12 Hours in 12 Weeks by Suzy Giordano, which we relied heavily on for the first year and a half, and Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman. We didnt follow either book to the letter, though we were extremely strict about the twins schedule the first year. I really liked the foundation of both books: the children must adapt to your family schedule. As parents, it is not our job to cater to our childrens every whim for the rest of their lives. It is to teach them to become self-sufficient human beings. It makes me feel like I have a goal and purpose these busy first couple years; it keeps perspective on the long, long days; it helps me cherish those tender moments that happen in the midst of the chaos. More importantly, those books, especially 12 Hours in 12 Weeks, gave us structure so we were able to get through the days.

I posted several blogs the first year regarding our family schedule. I have found, as stated in 12 Hours in 12 Weeks, that often times people say their children sleep through the night, when really they wake up a couple times in the night or at some point come crawling in their bed (we are planning on transitioning them to toddler beds when we have to or perhaps when we move to South Carolina). We still have our 23-month old toddlers in their cribs and they sleep 12-13 hours a night. They nap between 3-4.5 hours a day. During those times of sleep I dont ever go in the nursery. I get 12 hours of uninteruppted sleep every night. Of course there are times when a baby is sick and I need to get up. Our four-year old is prone to bloody noses. When O is having a flair up (read my blog post "Follow up on reactive airways"), I tend to not sleep well; when I hear him coughing in the night I sometimes go to the hallway outside his door and listen to make sure he is okay. On the average night, we put the boys to bed by 8-- all of them have an 8 oclock bedtime-- and I do not get out of bed until 7:45 am on weekdays (preschool days) or 8:15-8:30 am (weekends). I like to get up a little before the boys to make my cup of coffee and get myself together. D wakes up the earliest. We have taught him how to get himself a snack (he can open a banana, make himself a bowl of cereal, and get himself something to drink by himself) and entertain himself in the mornings. Most mornings I find him in a "nest" in the hallway outside our bedroom doors with a picture book in his lap. O wakes up next. We have a couple toys in the toddlers cribs and he will play with his toys quietly until it is time to get out of bed or until C wakes up. C wakes up last. He loves his sleep. He takes 10-15 minutes to wake up; he needs to roll around in his crib a bit before getting up. If you interuppt his morning routine, he will be one grouchy bear. He has slept until 9 am-- not sick-- and frequently naps for 4 and a half hours, sometimes still needing a morning nap. This child loves his sleep.

In the mornings, I let the dog out, brush my teeth, primp a bit, make my first cup of coffee, eat a snack, make the boys the first course of breakfast (cut a slice of breakfast bread, open a banana, or wash some berries-- something to tide them over until their eggs are ready), and then go get the boys up. D is usually with me once I open my bedroom door. We like our time together before the toddlers get up. He tells me about his dreams last night ("I had the noddle dream!") and I tell him about mine ("I had the noodle dream too!"). If the toddlers diapers arent full, I just put them in their high chairs straight away. If their diapers are full, I change them and then do breakfast. They always eat breakfast in pajamas so they dont mess up their clothes for the day. If it is a preschool day, I pack Ds lunch while they eat breakfast. On preschool days, I usually take D to preschool with his brothers in their pajamas, slippers, and coats, then I come home and do Os medication. On weekends, we hang out in pajamas until Daddy wakes up, then Daddy does Os medication. The toddlers like to play with the train table right after breakfast. D likes his morning cartoons.


On preschool days, I like to run errands while D is in school. That way I can put both toddlers in the cart with the aid of my Buggy Bench or using a double cart and Im not dragging all three boys through the store. I find taking one age group is usually the easiest, only the toddlers or only the preschooler. If I have no errands, we hang out at home and get home things done: laundry, dishes, reading, and lots of train table time. The toddlers usually eat a late lunch, which works out since they eat a pretty late-- and large-- breakfast. If they are hungry before lunchtime, after we get D from preschool, I give them a little snack in the car while we are picking D up. We eat lunch at home after getting D from preschool. They eat at the table while D finishes up his lunch or eats a little snack. After lunch, they all like to play in the sunroom a bit before nap and quiet time. The toddlers go down to nap anywhere between 1 pm and 2 pm, if we arent out. If we are out, I can push them to about 3 pm. If they go down after 2 pm, though, they sometimes dont nap very well, especially O. I like to get them down between 1-1:30 pm. The flexible nap schedule is nice. I like not having to rush home and having freedom to say, "Yeah, lets run to the grocery real quick and pick up milk." (As if there is really a "real quick" when running to the store with three kids.) If we are out and fall asleep in the car, C is really good about moving from the car to his crib. I can count on him to fall back asleep. O, on the other hand, is a bit more unpredictable. Sometimes when I transfer him, I hear him hollering in his crib and playing for 20-30 minutes before quieting down and napping. Sometimes he never does fall asleep and just quietly plays in his crib until I come and get him. The hard days are the ones where O doesnt want to nap and screams until I come and get him. Those days are when he wakes C up and then C wont nap; then I have two angry toddlers. I try to give them a late evening nap on those days. I play with them in the sunroom, give them a snack around 3 pm, and then attempt to lay them down for a late evening nap around 3:30-4 pm. It doesnt always work, but if they do nap, it makes the evening better. I let them sleep until about 6 or 6:30 pm. C can sleep all the way to 7 pm and still go down to bed at 8 pm. O has a hard time falling asleep at 8 pm if I let him sleep too far past 6 pm. Funny how they have different nap needs, being identical twins.

D rarely, if ever naps. Some days a friend will pick him up from preschool. Shes a cool mom and will take the boys to bounce houses or the park. D looooooves going home with her. Those days he will sometimes nap. I put in a movie for him when he gets home, make a "nest" on the couch with blankets and pillows. Next thing you know, hes sound asleep watching "Sword in the Stone." If I feel bold, I turn off the movie and turn on The Beatles radio on Pandora; it is fun listening to my own music while all the kids nap. Most of the time I let the DVD menu repeat itself over and over again until he wakes up, not wanting to risk waking him. Most days he comes home with me from preschool. I insist on quiet time while his brothers are napping, giving me a couple hours to do my own thing. We pull out his playsets-- Imaginex or Playmobile-- and he will play quietly in the family room while watching a movie. We also have books on tape, puzzles, and crayons. After he has played quietly for an hour or two, we will often do something together. Lately weve been doing crafts. Most of the time he helps me with a household chore, like unloading the dishwasher or folding laundry. Im impressed that his four-year old hands can actually fold toddler shirts and pants.

After nap and quiet time we have snack. C often sleeps through this and it is just O and D having a snack. I start preparing dinner during snack time. If Im cutting up a bunch of veggies for dinner, snack is cut up veggies with milk. If not, snack is anything from cheese to leftover popcorn from Target or whatever I have on hand (healthy snacks or not-so-healthy cookies). I try to make snacks healthy. If dinner is time consuming to prepare, snack is usually something fun so they stay happy and busy. Fun can mean putting cheese on apples or eating yogurt out of a cup. Fun usually means messy, which the dog likes.

Dinner is not always fancy. Dinner is usually not fancy. I bought a few new cookbooks recently that I l-o-v-e. They are all by Southern Living: Big Book of Slow Cooking, Feel Good Food, and Fix It, Freeze It, Heat It, and Eat It. I also cook a lot from Real Simple, which I receive monthly. I also love The Pioneer Woman Cooks by Ree Drummond and Homemade by Clodagh McKenna. I love recipes that are fresh and simple with quality ingredients. To save money on whole foods, I shop online with Harris Teeter. We eat meat dishes about 3-4 times a week because buying free-range, organic meat is just pricey. A lot of our meat is just free-range since organic sometimes just doesnt fit in our budget. We also shop at Costco. They sell a 3 pack of organic ground beef for less than I pay at Harris Teeter, though I like getting freshly ground beef from Harris Teeter more. When I find quality meat at a good price, I buy in bulk and freeze what I dont use. I do the best that I can buying foods with good ingredients. Sometimes we make the "better" choice, like the Veggie Straws the toddlers love so much (they fall in the fun food category) instead of the Doritos my husband prefers. Right now we can afford to buy D his Squeezers yogurts for his lunch and the toddlers their YoBaby cups; we will probably have to make changes when all three boys want Squeezers. Often times I just buy tubs of plain organic yogurt and mix in berries or purees, which is healthier anyways. But we have a budget. The other day I chose regular eggs for about $6 for two cartons over organic free-range eggs at $14 for two cartons. We buy local milk for under $4 a gallon instead of organic milk which is $6 a gallon. I buy organic or local produce when possible (usually cant afford both organic and local), but we often have to buy conventionally grown fresh produce and organic frozen produce. We do avoid high fructose corn syrup, products with over 10 ingredients (like to stay under 5 when possible), and hydrogenated oils. Trader Joes is great because they do have convenient food with better ingredients. We have weaned ourselves from many processed food crutches, like how much cereal we used to go through and instant oatmeal (really, Quaker? Thats what you put in your instant oatmeal packets?) My favorite trick for making dinner is to make too much. I either freeze half to have for another night or re-purpose the leftovers. Chicken dishes often make great toppings or accompaniments to salad the following night. Beef dishes can usually be put on a sandwich, wrapped, or put on a crunchy toast. A lot of dishes-- vegetarian, chicken, pork, and beef-- are great leftover stir-fried with veggies. Or, my favorite way to serve leftovers: make rice and cut up some peppers. I do what I can around here. :)

I keep seeing these posts about "Facebooking." I think Facebooking falls under the same category our pastor talked about when I was growing up where your family argues all the way to church, but when you get to church you smile and say everything is "fine" when asked. I hope I dont give the impression on my blog that I make dinner every night, my kids all get along great, my husband and I have the perfect marriage, and that I love every single minute of being a stay-at-home mom. I also dont think that everyone needs to always air their dirty laundry. I think everyone knows that life is challenging, money is tight, and that family life will try your patience. Marriage is hard; being a military wife is hard. Moving is hard. Raising kids is hard. Im writing this blog while my kids eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on hot dog buns served with veggie straws and raisins. My four-year old is having a glass of sweet tea and Im on my fourth cup of coffee today (for my friends who have been following my weaning of caffeine, Ive fallen off the wagon). My husband is wearing a burnt orange colored t-shirt with a pair of red basketball shorts. Im still in pajamas. Neither of us have eaten since breakfast; his breakfast was a bowl of cereal, mine was a leftover carrot raisin muffin. Today is daylight savings and Im not entirely sure what time it is. The computer says 1 pm so my hubby and I are hoping naptime is soon. I think family life is just messy. Occasionally you hit this perfect Kodak moment that makes you smile. All the boys are squealing happily in a fort that your husband and son made. You take a picture of it and post on Facebook, "Happy boys!" Two seconds after you post the picture, a toddler hits the other toddler in the head with a block, your four-year old shoves both of them out, and your husband totally ignores the kids while focusing on the engineering side of building the fort. All this makes you start counting down the minutes until bedtime...

So we do have a schedule, but our schedule is a guideline. We do the best we can. Many days we are making judgement calls, "Okay, he needs an early nap..." and somedays we are flying by the seat of our pants, "All right, O is wheezing, C hasnt napped, D is watching his third movie in a row, Daddy is getting home late, and I havent started dinner..." Our boys have multiple minor skirmishes a day. My husband and I fight, sometimes just short sarcastic comments when we feel irritated, sometimes long drawn out arguements after the kids go to bed. Our kids sometimes get on our nerves, when they wont share, they wont listen, they keep repeating the same bad behavior, or when we just cant get something done that we want to get done. We forget to pray. We forget to be understanding. We forget that toddlerhood doesnt last forever. We stress over our budget. We dont ask for help. But the best part of family life is that we learn these lessons together. We ask for forgiveness. We rely on our friends to step in and say, "Hey, I know you wanted some time to yourself, but I gave you long enough and Im calling to ask whats going on." We have people who pray for us. We hold each other accountable. We love our kids; we love each other; we love this life that we lead together, complete with its ups and downs.

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Saturday, February 20, 2016

weight loss during 4th month pregnancy | Murphys Law

weight loss during 4th month pregnancy




 Here we are, facing another move. We have moved so many times here in North Carolina. When we moved here from Hawaii, we moved into a 2-bedroom apartment on the third floor. When we found out we were having twins, we moved into a 3-bedroom apartment on the first floor in the same complex. Then we got a dog and the twins became more mobile and it did not work for us any longer. When it came time to renew our lease, we declined and moved into a 3-bedroom house out in town with a fenced in backyard and playroom. The house has worked great for us! Plenty of storage room in the attic and garage and plenty of room for our boys to play, inside and out.

As you know, my husband was picked up for the STA-21 (seaman to admiral or "officers program") program. This June he will have served 9-years enlisted duty in the Navy. When he graduates this August with a degree in mechanical engineering, he will be commissioned as an officer and need to go through power school and prototype again, this time on the officers side of things. He will also need to complete Submarine Officer Basic School (SOBC) sometime in there, which is a 10-week course in Connecticut. We know he will be doing power school in South Carolina and we suspect he will be doing prototype in upstate New York. We wont get orders for prototype until after he finishes power school and we probably wont hear about power school until closer to his graduation. From the sound of it, SOBC can be squeezed in while waiting to start prototype or after completing prototype.

Our lease is coming to an end this August. We planned on extending our lease or doing month-to-month until my husband receives his orders. Then we got an email that threw all our plans into confusion: the homeowners are returning early-- this September-- and will not extend our lease past when it ends this August. We emailed the property management company to see if there is any way the homeowners would let us stay longer if we paid higher rent and were declined. My hubby contacted his lieutenant and detailer to see if it would be possible for him to class up for power school in October. If not, we would like to find out what our class up date so we can find new lodgings accordingly (are we looking to rent until December? February? Later?). His first choice class-up date was October anyways, his second December, and third February. However, we have heard both power school and prototype are backed up right now. We are still waiting to hear back from the Navy. (Please be understanding, Navy!)

So our big dilemma is that our lease is up at the end of August and we could still be stationed in North Carolina-- without orders-- until December or later. That means we need to pay first and last months rent at the new place. We need to find somewhere that accepts dogs (pet deposit and monthly pet fee). We need to buy boxes, rent a truck, find people to help us move, and probably get a storage unit until the Navy gives us orders and we move from North Carolina to South Carolina. The best thing financially for us would be if the Navy gave us orders for October and we could use those orders to move a bit early when our lease expires in August; this would totally eliminate the extra in-town move. The sad thing would be moving away from all our local friends earlier than we had anticipated.

My husband and I feel that we have learned a lot from all this moving we have done during our three-year stay in North Carolina. We could not have helped renting the wrong place when we first moved here. We rented a large 2-bedroom apartment expecting to have one baby-- not twins. We should not have moved to a 3-bedroom apartment from there; we should have moved into a house. And from this house, there is no way we could have known the homeowners would be returning early. We were told that they were going abroad for a couple years and we were their first renters. It feels like Murphys Law: everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. We tried very hard to rent the right places for our family and just have not done well at it! Maybe the next time we rent a house out in town we should only rent rental properties and not someones home they plan on eventually returning to? We know all too well plans change.

We debated when we moved here if we wanted to buy a house or not. We really liked the house prices here in North Carolina. The single thing that held us back was the uncertainty of selling it when we were ready to move. We knew that we would only be stationed here for three years, which still does not feel like very long to buy a home and then sell it. After seeing some of my friends deal with renting out homes they bought at past duty stations, I knew that was not a project I wanted to undertake right now in my life. We plan on having more children and it will be an adjustment for our kids to get used to Daddy being back on submarines when the time comes. We also knew homeschooling was a real possibility. With all of that on my plate, I did not also want to be managing a rental property in a different state. So I said that if we bought a home, I would want to sell it when we moved. This made us a little nervous, as we have never bought or sold a home before. Neither of us wanted a piece of property to stand in between us living together-- me and the kids not being able to move with him because the home hasnt sold yet. We decided against buying and instead rented. With all these moves weve done now in this one state at this one duty station, we are wondering if buying a home, no matter how long it took to sell, would have been the less expensive option. It feels like a gamble.

Regardless, we spend so much money moving. Hotels. Take out. First and last months rent. New closet organizers. Curtains. Door mats. Bathroom mats. Kitchen mats. Pieces of furniture to fit that new strange corner in the living room. Pictures for new, awkward walls. Throwing out and re-buying the food and cleaners the movers wont pack. From New Hampshire to Hawaii. From Hawaii to North Carolina. From apartment to apartment to house to who-knows-where in North Carolina. And we still have the move from North Carolina to South Carolina in front of us. And then South Carolina to New York. And New York to wherever his sea duty station is. Such is the life of a military family!


My blog posts on the STA-21 program:
"Two years of STA-21"
"Three years of STA-21"
And, our story, in "About Kimber"


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