pregnancy weight loss smoothies | Parenthood or the MI5

pregnancy weight loss smoothies

Let me start this post off with a little disclaimer.  I love being a mum. I really, really do.  I feel so blessed and happy that I have this little and incredible person in my life. But. There are times where I find myself lying on the floor, looking to the sky, and wondering what the hell I did wrong in a previous life.  I found myself lying on the floor doing exactly that this week.  Twice. 

On Wednesday I decided to have a bit of a Spring clean. My daughter was in particularly high spirits that morning and was very keen to help with the dusting.  I had ran out of cloths (she also likes to hide as many cloths as she cleans with) so I popped into our garage that you access via a locked door by the kitchen.  In I went to hunt for the cloths, and then I heard it.  A familiar clicking sound.  No, I thought.  Oh no,no,no. Surely not.  I walked calmly ran like a woman possessed back to the garage door and turned the handle. It was locked. I was locked in the garage, with no way into the house (always security conscious the front door was locked too!). 

My first instinct was to roll on the ground and weep, but I didnt.  I took a deep breath.  Can you open the door for Mummy?, I called. No, came the reply. I whispered some expletives at this point which I wont repeat here.  I took another deep breath.  Can you let me out and then we can have a snack?, I called. Ok, came the reply.  My daughter then proceeded to try and unlock the door, but it appeared her toddler fine motor skills only allowed her to turn a key to the locked position (for the record, that to me seems to be the worst case of toddler evolution. Ever).  My daughter then began to panic as the realisation came that her mummy was locked in the garage.  That or the fact that she couldnt have her snack. Its ok,  I called,  Dont worry.  Go and get your little stool and see if you can turn the key then.  Off she toddled to get her stool and she tried again.  She still couldnt do it and she started to cry.

Luckily for me, I could get out of the garage to the front of the house. I still couldnt get in, but at least I had access to help. Aside from scaling the 15ft drainpipe to the front of our house, I came up with no bright ideas.  My neighbour came out just as I was staring blankly at the front door.  She too tried to coax my now hysterical daughter into turning the key.  Maybe I could ask her to scale drainpipe? No, no, bad idea, shes 80.  There was nothing else for it.  My neighbour lent me her phone as I called my husband at work and informed him our darling two year had locked me out of the house.  Twenty minutes later and I was safely back inside the house with a very upset toddler and a bemused husband. 

To be completely honest, I felt that this level intense pressure was enough to satisfy my toddler that I am good enough to be in sole charge of her daily.  But she wasnt quite finished. Oh no. My toddler had one last trick up her sleeve.  

We both popped into town on Friday and whilst we were in a very busy M&S store (Valentines £20 meal deal anyone?!) she declared she needed the toilet so we wandered to the toilets and got in line.  Did I say it was really busy?! We went into our cubicle where there isnt room to swing a cat, and my daughter went first and then I went.  But, during my allocated time on the said toilet, my daughter decided she had clearly had enough of waiting a mere 30 WHOLE SECONDS and she opened the door and then proceeded to wander out of the cubicle!!! This left the cubicle door wide open, me...well, rather exposed and a toddler on the loose.  Again, my immediate reaction was to drop to the floor and weep (after pulling up my jeans), but lets just say in the blink of an eye I had simultaneously grabbed my jeans, my daughters arm and the cubicle door.  I can only pray the other people in the queue had bad eyesight.

I have passed, or failed enough toddler tests for one week.  I feel I have demonstrated calmness, the use of more whispered expletives than is humanly possible, extreme dexterity and the ability to multi-task.  Not to mention the ability to turn the colour of a beetroot in a nano-second. I have a feeling the entry tests the MI5 set are a hell of alot easier than the tasks my toddler kindly sets for me.  I need a lie down.   

Any toddler tests you would like to share? Comments below please and as always thanks for reading, 

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