pregnancy weight loss secrets | Is this a baby group or the X Factor

pregnancy weight loss secrets

Ahh the world of parent and baby groups.  Before having a baby, I was aware this world existed, but I have to say, they only existed in my periphery.  But, after having my daughter, I was thrust into the madness of the baby group.  Dont get me wrong, I think parent and baby groups are fantastic and I have met some lovely parents at them.  I do think you have to pick which groups work for you though, because some quite frankly are plain weird.  And just so you know, the majority come with singing. 

Now, I completely understand the benefits of singing to your little one. It promotes their speech, encourages interaction and really strengthens that mother and baby bond.  There is nothing that me and daughter like doing more than putting on Mary Poppins and proceeding to dance and sing around the dog. But, my friends, there is a slight problem with my beautiful singing voice, that being, I havent got a beautiful singing voice. I cant sing.  When my daughter winced and then had a full fit of giggles as I reach my crescendo in a Spoonful of Sugar, I knew right then I had a serious problem (I think the dog howling was a little harsh).  

At some groups, I manage to mime. Ive become a bit of a pro actually.   To the point where I think I could give a good show on Top of the Pops if they gave me a backing track.  At some smaller groups I whisper like a mouse or a very quiet person (which I am not).  At some groups I completely forget and as I join in with the fifth round of Happy Birthday, (theres always about 6 birthdays per week), I frustratingly wonder why it has to go up so bloody high and I hope to God the mum sitting crossed legged next to me didnt hear my rendition (she probably did and wont sit next to me again). 

But then, one fateful day at a baby group, my usual tactics failed me. The lady leading the session, who I shall now refer to as Simon Cowell, went around the circle and asked parents to choose what song the group should sing.  Now this is fine and dandy if you are sat to her right.  Oh yes, this is all bloody well and good if you are sat to her right.  Yes, lets sing, twinkle twinkle, wind the bobbin, baa baa black sheep, and the list goes on.  But, there isnt a infinite amount of nursery rhyme songs.  When the woman next to me suggested Little Miss Muffet, I knew we were scraping the barrel.  And then it was my turn. What song would you like to sing?, Simon asked.  All eyes were on me.  What I would like to have said is, Youre bloody running the group, you pick the next song. But I didnt. Even my little daughter turned to watch what song her mummy would sing with baited breath. 

I wracked my brains.  Ah-ha! Take this Simon I thought!! How about Down in the Jungle I said.  Everyone just continued to look at me.  I had made a fundamental error.  No-one knew the bloody song.  I had got my groups muddled up and it was another group that we sang this song at. And what did Cowell do? Did she say, Oh never mind, lets sing Twinkle Twinkle again?.  No.  No, she did not.  Oooh lets hear it, she said. I cleared my throat and what happened next was the most painful minute and a half of my life and probably everyone elses.  Im sure a few stray cats even wandered into the hall to join in at what they thought was the grand master cat screeching out a cat call.  I have never been so embarrassed or so red in my life.  Why didnt I just pick the Neighbours theme tune? At least people know that. 

Needless to say we have not returned, because quite frankly, if I want to make a t*t out of myself in front of a roomful of people I will just go and audition for the X-Factor.  Take heed, dear readers. These groups are not for the faint hearted.  Either be mentally ready with every nursery rhyme ever written, oh and sit to the leaders right, or you could always just belt out, Neighbours....everybody needs good neighbours....". 

Thanks for reading and I would love to hear any of your baby group disasters to make me feel a little better! 

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pregnancy weight loss smoothies | Parenthood or the MI5

pregnancy weight loss smoothies

Let me start this post off with a little disclaimer.  I love being a mum. I really, really do.  I feel so blessed and happy that I have this little and incredible person in my life. But. There are times where I find myself lying on the floor, looking to the sky, and wondering what the hell I did wrong in a previous life.  I found myself lying on the floor doing exactly that this week.  Twice. 

On Wednesday I decided to have a bit of a Spring clean. My daughter was in particularly high spirits that morning and was very keen to help with the dusting.  I had ran out of cloths (she also likes to hide as many cloths as she cleans with) so I popped into our garage that you access via a locked door by the kitchen.  In I went to hunt for the cloths, and then I heard it.  A familiar clicking sound.  No, I thought.  Oh no,no,no. Surely not.  I walked calmly ran like a woman possessed back to the garage door and turned the handle. It was locked. I was locked in the garage, with no way into the house (always security conscious the front door was locked too!). 

My first instinct was to roll on the ground and weep, but I didnt.  I took a deep breath.  Can you open the door for Mummy?, I called. No, came the reply. I whispered some expletives at this point which I wont repeat here.  I took another deep breath.  Can you let me out and then we can have a snack?, I called. Ok, came the reply.  My daughter then proceeded to try and unlock the door, but it appeared her toddler fine motor skills only allowed her to turn a key to the locked position (for the record, that to me seems to be the worst case of toddler evolution. Ever).  My daughter then began to panic as the realisation came that her mummy was locked in the garage.  That or the fact that she couldnt have her snack. Its ok,  I called,  Dont worry.  Go and get your little stool and see if you can turn the key then.  Off she toddled to get her stool and she tried again.  She still couldnt do it and she started to cry.

Luckily for me, I could get out of the garage to the front of the house. I still couldnt get in, but at least I had access to help. Aside from scaling the 15ft drainpipe to the front of our house, I came up with no bright ideas.  My neighbour came out just as I was staring blankly at the front door.  She too tried to coax my now hysterical daughter into turning the key.  Maybe I could ask her to scale drainpipe? No, no, bad idea, shes 80.  There was nothing else for it.  My neighbour lent me her phone as I called my husband at work and informed him our darling two year had locked me out of the house.  Twenty minutes later and I was safely back inside the house with a very upset toddler and a bemused husband. 

To be completely honest, I felt that this level intense pressure was enough to satisfy my toddler that I am good enough to be in sole charge of her daily.  But she wasnt quite finished. Oh no. My toddler had one last trick up her sleeve.  

We both popped into town on Friday and whilst we were in a very busy M&S store (Valentines £20 meal deal anyone?!) she declared she needed the toilet so we wandered to the toilets and got in line.  Did I say it was really busy?! We went into our cubicle where there isnt room to swing a cat, and my daughter went first and then I went.  But, during my allocated time on the said toilet, my daughter decided she had clearly had enough of waiting a mere 30 WHOLE SECONDS and she opened the door and then proceeded to wander out of the cubicle!!! This left the cubicle door wide open, me...well, rather exposed and a toddler on the loose.  Again, my immediate reaction was to drop to the floor and weep (after pulling up my jeans), but lets just say in the blink of an eye I had simultaneously grabbed my jeans, my daughters arm and the cubicle door.  I can only pray the other people in the queue had bad eyesight.

I have passed, or failed enough toddler tests for one week.  I feel I have demonstrated calmness, the use of more whispered expletives than is humanly possible, extreme dexterity and the ability to multi-task.  Not to mention the ability to turn the colour of a beetroot in a nano-second. I have a feeling the entry tests the MI5 set are a hell of alot easier than the tasks my toddler kindly sets for me.  I need a lie down.   

Any toddler tests you would like to share? Comments below please and as always thanks for reading, 

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pregnancy weight loss shakes | The Book of You by Claire Kendal Review

pregnancy weight loss shakes

Are you looking for a sweet and romantic tale of lovers, lust and longing for Valentines? Erm, well you best be moving along.  This book is chilling, tense and absolutely terrifying.  My advice? Dont read this before going to bed.  I found I couldnt sleep.  Partly due to fear of what Id just read, and partly due to the fact I couldnt wait to keep on reading. 

The Book of You is the very chillingly debut novel of Claire Kendal.  It tells the story of Clarissa and her acquaintance Rafe, who is a stalker. You are quickly drawn into Clarissas world. Of never being left alone. Of constantly being frightened.  And before you know it, the author has cleverly made you too, look out for and fear the very disturbing Rafe on every page. Kendal tells at times the gruesome and harrowing, tale with ease and the novel takes you to a chilling and scary place.  

Intertwined with the story of Clarissa are the details of her ongoing jury service and her love of fairy tales.  Miraculously, these topics are woven seamlessly into the story and really reflect the turmoil that Clarissa is experiencing. Unlike alot of thriller books I have read, the truth behind this story with stalking at its heart really made parallels to reality, which to me, made the story all the more gripping and chilling. 

The ending certainly wasnt what I had expected.  But then I think the ending actually is very reflective of life.  And it cant be all fairy tales can it? This is an amazing debut novel and you wont be able to put it down to find out if anyone actually does live, happily ever after. 

I was sent The Book Of You by Claire Kendal to review by Mumsnet Bloggers.  The above review is my personal and honest opinion of the book. 

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