weight loss with pregnancy hormone injections | Submarine Officers Basic Course SOBC

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My husband was picked up STA-21. Ive written several blog posts about our STA-21 journey and going through the officer pipeline: power school and prototype in South Carolina. It is surreal to me to be writing this post about the last piece of his STA-21 journey, going to SOBC in Connecticut. It doesnt seem that long ago that we received the news that he was picked up STA-21. It was such a whirlwind leaving Hawaii to move to North Carolina for him to get his degree in mechanical engineering; all too soon he graduated college and we were off to South Carolina going through the officer pipeline.It is crazy to me that in a few short weeks we will be back to the fleet. When we left the fleet for the STA-21 program, I felt we had all the time in the world. I tried to remind myself along the way that the time would slip away from us, but it is one thing to know it and another to live it.

But I digress. Right now my hubby is at SOBC (Submarine Officers Basic Course). This is an unaccompanied school in Connecticut. Unaccompanied means that the Navy does not move the family up while the service member attends this school. The school is about 9 weeks long. It seems the service members can attend SOBC at various points while they are going through the officer pipeline: before power school, in between power school and prototype, or after prototype. It also seemed that the most common time to attend SOBC was in between power school and prototype or after completing prototype. My hubby attended SOBC after graduating prototype. While we were in South Carolina, it seemed most spouses chose out of the following options while their service member was at SOBC:

• If the service member went to SOBC in between power school and prototype (attending prototype in South Carolina, not moving from South Carolina to upstate New York), they stayed put in South Carolina.
• If the service member went to SOBC before power school and prototype or after completing power school and prototype, they would pack up their house (or leave their HHG in storage for a bit) and go with their spouse on their own dime to SOBC. As far as I know, this means staying in the Chalet (a Navy hotel on base) for a couple months with their spouse.
• If the service member went to SOBC after completing power school and prototype, moving to the next duty station on orders.
• If the service member went to SOBC after completing power school and prototype, packing up their house, putting their HHG in storage, and moving back home with their family while the service member is at SOBC.

I also noticed that it seemed that a lot of the families without children had more flexibility when it came to living arrangements during SOBC. For instance, it is much easier to live in a hotel room with your spouse for 2 months when you do not also have lots of little kids to contend with. They also had a better ability to travel during those times, visiting their spouse for a week or two in SOBC or packing up their house, putting their HHG in storage, and living half of the time with family back home and half of the time with their spouse at SOBC.

As for the day to day life while at SOBC, I recommend reading A (Very) Unofficial Submarine Officer Pipeline Rundowns blog post "Submarine Officer Basic School (SOBC) Rundown." After prototype, we packed out our house and I went to live with my family while he went to SOBC. I have not been to Connecticut and do not know what life is like there or about life in the Chalet. Here are our reasons for moving in with family while he is at SOBC:

• A lot of the people we knew had already moved/were moving soon from South Carolina. Because we had gone to South Carolina for him to complete power school and prototype, when he finished those schools his classmates also left for SOBC or to go to the boat. That meant that I was saying good-bye to a lot of the friends that I had made.
• We have 4 children and the idea of living in the Chalet (a hotel room) with a 6-year old, twin 4-year olds, and a baby for 9 weeks just didnt sound very appealing.
• We have orders to the west coast and our family is on the east coast. We dont know when we will fly back to visit, especially since we also dont know the boat schedule (or how boat life will be). It seemed like a good idea to spend some time with family before moving so far away.
• A small bonus to this would mean that our HHG will definitely be at our next duty station when we arrive after SOBC.

Those were our reasons for moving in with family while my hubby went to SOBC. However, I have heard from several spouses how they always move together, even with kids, even if it means staying the Chalet for months, even if they have to pay for themselves to be there. Ive heard from other spouses that they always stay in their home for as long as possible, even if they are living there alone. As with all things, I think it is important to make the best decision for your family. This was the best decision for us.

The other nice thing, for us, was that my family lives a heck of a lot closer to Connecticut than where we were living in South Carolina. This meant that my hubby was able to make a couple weekend trips to come visit me and the children. Unlike power school and prototype, SOBC is a Monday through Friday affair and the service members have weekends off. This facilitated the weekend visits. We took advantage of that and visited friends stationed nearby.

The bad thing about that was that we were not there to enjoy that schedule with him. He got out early most days while at SOBC and had the weekends off. It has been heartbreaking at times dealing with life with 4 children while Daddy is away. The SOBC schedule has been a breath of fresh air compared to the schedules weve been contending with the past couple years. I wish that we were closer to enjoy it as a family. The weekends have been nice and he went out of his way to drive and see us often. Because we are not together, we did make a conscious effort to enjoy this time as best we could. When he wasnt visiting us, he would go to Boston or New York City with his friends at SOBC. I took advantage of living with family and have been going out in the evenings and to visit friends over the weekends-- often without any kids in tow! (That is huge for a Navy wife accustomed to living far away from family or with a trusted baby-sitter.) Even with all those fun things on our calendar, I sorely wish that we were together and could be using this free time to be together doing nothing since I know that boat life is going to be challenging. Ive felt frustrated getting early afternoon phone calls that hes out of school and I just wish, wish, wish that we were doing life together right now, taking advantage of that schedule. A family we went through prototype with is also at SOBC, but they have orders to a boat in Connecticut so they PCSd to Connecticut after completing prototype. I am envious that they have their house set up there and get to enjoy the SOBC schedule. This time apart has been a little hard on me knowing what we have ahead.

Sometimes I had serious doubts as to whether or not we made the right decision not going with him. With all the changes, this time was pretty hard on our kids-- packing up our things in South Carolina, moving in with family, Daddy being away, and this "move to Washington" hanging over them. I have rolled around our options often in my head. Would it have been better to have stayed in our house in South Carolina? No. We wouldnt have family nearby and Daddy wouldnt be able to come for weekends and our friends were all moving away. Would it have been better to have gone to the Chalet in Connecticut? No. I cant imagine how my sanity would have survived sharing a one room hotel room for 2 months with our 4 boys. We cant move ahead to our next duty station; we are in the process of building a house there. This was our best option, being surrounded by the support of our family and having this time with them. Yes, this has all been hard on the kids, but I think that this was the best option for us, even with the challenges.

There is a graduation at the end of SOBC, but I will not be attending. It is the same time as kindergarten graduation and so we are tied up here.

How was your experience going through SOBC? Did you go the Chalet with your military member or live apart? Did your spouse attend SOBC before prototype or after?

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post pregnancy weight loss plan while breastfeeding | Duty stations Charleston South Carolina

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I havent ever done a blog post on the places weve lived, but I have been wanting to write one about Charleston, South Carolina. Ive felt that most of the places weve lived were pretty straight forward. Charleston is a very unique city and it was an experience to get the opportunity to live there.

From the get-go, we heard how lucky we were to get stationed in Charleston. Everyone told us how beautiful the city was, how much the loved it, how it is their favorite place. We were excited to move there. As people who try to make the most of wherever the Navy brings us, we felt we had a leg up moving somewhere everyone loves. And then we got there and it was nothing like I expected.

Ive done a lot of thinking about Charleston. Ive even written a blog post about it is not my favorite duty station. I struggled for awhile when we lived there. I didnt have that "I belong here" feeling. Eventually I was able to buck up and make the most of it-- I mean, we only lived there for 1.5 years. However, part of what helped me was to let go of my expectations. Here is what we heard about Charleston and our experience with living in Charleston as a young family of 6.

1. "The city is beautiful."

Yes, Charleston is absolutely beautiful. But when we first moved to Charleston, my grandmother broke her hip and recovered at our house for months. Then I got pregnant with baby #4 and it was impossible to get around downtown with our brood. Our twins were 2-years old at the time-- too young to be running out of the stroller and me chasing them (while pregnant)-- and the cobblestone sidewalks were too narrow for even my fabulous double stroller. This left me with the option to either walk in the road downtown with 3 children (a 5-year old and 2-year old twins? No, thank you) or somehow manage wandering downtown with no stroller and 3 children (a 5-year old and 2-year old twins while pregnant? No, thank you). My husband doesnt enjoy meandering like I do-- especially in a crowd with young children-- and so it wasnt something I liked pushing on him, though I did insist on a few meandering Charleston walks. As someone who loves getting out with the kids and exploring, I found this to be a difficult city to navigate by myself with young children. Even if we could go back now, with a 6-year old, 4-year old twins, and a baby, I feel like I could navigate the city a bit better than I could when our twins were 2-years old.

2. "There is so much history and the plantations are a must-see."

Again, the city is absolutely beautiful and there is so much history there. It was also so expensive. It cost our family over $100 to do a carriage tour downtown. Admission to the plantations ran me about $35 at least (and often not including parking) just to get in the door-- and that was by myself with the children, as the only adult. Some of them ran even more than that. When I started adding up the prices for all the different plantations, it was staggering. Then there are the annual passes that you can buy to tour the plantations, which all add up because there isnt one pass that will get you in all the plantations. On top of this, we had a membership to the Childrens Museum of the Lowcountry and the Charleston County Gold Pass Membership. I considered getting us an aquarium membership, which I thought we would use more than a plantation pass, but it was all starting to be a bit much since I really couldnt picture myself hitting those places up that often. When the summer came, I was excited to start going to the Charleston County Parks Whirlin Waters Waterpark because we had bought the Gold Pass and-- guess what!-- you need a separate membership to get into that! Hitting up these places as a family of 6 without memberships starts getting really expensive and into the territory of we spend nearly as much on admission for one day as we would for an annual pass. In the end, I went on zero plantation tours (though we did do Thanksgiving at Middleton Place with all the kids and it was fabulous) and I just made the most out of the memberships that we had (highly recommend the Charleston County Gold Pass Membership!!!).

3. "The food is amazing!"

No denying it, Charleston has some amazing restaurants. We had so many restaurants that we wanted to eat at or that were recommended to us. Tell people you are moving to Charleston and you will immediately start hearing, "Oh! You have to go eat at..." or "I saw this place on Food Network..." or "Omigosh, my favorite restaurant is there! You must go..." Every alley you turn down in Charleston has yet another amazing restaurant tucked in it. But we had a 5-year old and 2-year old twins when we moved there; a 6-year old, 3-year old twins, and an infant when we moved away. There is no way we were going to Halls Chophouse and asking for 2 highchairs or waiting on the street for a table for 6 with 4 children at Hymans. A lot of the restaurants there do not take reservations and are only open during mealtimes (opens at lunch, closes between lunch and dinner, then opens for dinner), making it very hard to hit those places at off-peak times. We loved Monza Pizza downtown, but the only table that could seat us was the community table that had barstools. Yes, we sat at barstools with 2-year old twins... that was an adventure.

This was one of those times that I really noticed a difference between having a smaller number of kids and a larger number of kids. We had a restaurant recommended to us by a family of 3, but when we showed up at this tiny local dive, they had no clue when they could pull together a table for 6, "Maybe 45 minutes? Or an hour? Could you guys wait outside?" (It was not only raining, but also in the middle of winter.) Also, a meal that would have been fairly pricey for just my hubby and I to go to was extremely expensive taking all of our children, not to mention not always enjoyable because they had to get up to go potty, they didnt want to eat that, when are we going home, he took my crayon... on and on.

It took awhile, but we finally found a number of restaurants that worked for us. We like going to places where we dont feel we dominate the entire restaurant (places that are super small tend to be less friendly toward us and tend to rush us along). We also like places to be reasonably priced; we dont mind spending more for good food, but we also have to a balance what price is worth taking our entire family out. While many places in Charleston work on a no-reservations policy, we need places that we can comfortably wait at. Sitting on a narrow sidewalk downtown for 45 minutes is a no go for us. Most of all, we like good food and a good vibe. Here are the places that were our family favorites:

• Pages Okra Grill
  This is our absolute family favorite; we love eating here. This place is perfect to bring out of town guests to as well because it gives a taste of Charleston while still being exceptionally family friendly.
• Reds Ice House
  This was a really easy place to go to with our family. It is open all day so we could hit it at off peak times. It is also ideal if you plan on lingering for awhile since you can go to the dock on the back and watch dolphins jump by the paddle boarders in Shem Creek.
• Charleston Café
  Delicious brunch spot! This place is in a strip mall, but they do have a comfortable sitting area out front. The line moves along quickly. They were short on high chairs, though they had decent chairs that worked fine for our 2-year olds. The staff was nice and attentive to our family, even though it is a pretty busy place.
• Liberty Tap Room
  This place we found really late in the game, when we were getting ready to move. I was pretty disappointed we found it so late since my hubby and I love beer and family friendly. Delicious food, great beer, and really fun for all of us.
• Poes Tavern
  This is at Sullivans Island. We sat outside on their big picnic tables and had an absolutely wonderful time. The boys loved people watching. My hubby and I loved hanging out all together. After we had our delicious burgers, we took a walk on the beach where we actually saw a shark in the surf-- no joke. This was quite possibly the most exciting beach trip for our boys.

Of course we ate at more restaurants than just this list. One of the small places downtown that we loved was Queology, a super small BBQ place that was not stroller friendly, though the food was great and the staff was so nice and accommodating. So there were other places we liked than this list, but these were the places we could count on when we wanted to go out to eat as a family-- that would have high chairs, that would have a decent wait, that would have a table that could seat us, that we wouldnt pay a fortune to eat at. My favorite meals were from S.N.O.B. We even took all of our kids there for lunch one day and I can tell you, that place is borderline when it comes to eating out with children. The staff was beyond amazing and friendly and warm, though I could tell that some of the patrons questioned why we were there with all our kids.

4. "There is so much to do there. The beaches are amazing!"

I admit, I pictured us moving somewhere similar to Hawaii where the beaches were almost at our back door. It was a little different than that. It took us about 35-40 minutes to get to the beach. We had a park pass and went to Isle of Palms beach as often as we could. I took us over to do beach walks, let the kids run, and for all day beach trips. I even loved going in the evenings in the summer, since it was usually much cooler and far less crowded. Even though it wasnt as quick of a drive as living in Hawaii, I loved Isle of Palms. This was a great beach for us because the parking lot is right on the beach; you never have to cross a road to get to the beach, perfect for managing a beach day with children. There are bathrooms. During the summer, there is a concession stand and a beach stand selling the basic necessities, like sunscreen and hats and shovels. There are vending machines and drinking fountains. The beach itself is mild enough for children and has a shelf, creating tide pools when the tide changes. We hunted for starfish on this beach. On the way to the beach, I would drive through Raising Canes off Hwy 17 for sweet tea and chicken fingers. It was all perfect for taking 4 children to the beach (or 3 children while being pregnant). Because of the convenience of Isle of Palms, the only other beach we went to was Sullivans Island with my hubby that one time. The other beaches were too much of a drive, didnt have bathrooms, had to cross the road... too many challenges for me to want to head over there with all the young children. In my defense, we were at Isle of Palms all the time though. (The one beach thing was also very different than Hawaii-- there are so many to choose from there!)

The Charleston County Park Gold Pass is a must have. It includes free beach parking, free admission to James Island Festival of Lights, and free admission to Wannamaker Park. Living in Goose Creek with young children, Wannamaker Park was our go-to place on any given weekday. During the summer we would time our Wannamaker Park trips so we could hit up Sonics Happy Hour, which has half priced drinks. I would get all the boys small slushes after playing at the park. Wannamaker is so much fun because it has a great playground for all different aged kids, including woods (a favorite for our boys) and a hill, plus it has a splash pad, a pond, walking/bike trails, and a perfect picnic area. It was big enough to offer different activities each time we went and close enough to go all the time.

But there were a lot of other places that I just didnt get to. I never took the boys antiquing and while we did take them to the fountains downtown, it was stressful with the little boys having them running by the road. So I felt like we really had to seek out what worked best for us there, while I felt like it worked a lot better for some of our friends with less children or no children. We usually got out exploring when my hubby was off work or when family came to town and we had extra hands. Otherwise, it was just too much with the littles and me.

5. "Charleston is my favorite city."

I mentioned in my previous blog post how we made the choice to live close to power school and prototype by living on base instead of out in town. Everyone we spoke to recommended we live in Mt. Pleasant or West Ashley. We even had people say Summerville was nice. We took their input into consideration and decided that because we were living there for such a short time (it ended up being a year and a half) and because we were planning on having another baby there (we had baby #4 in Charleston) that we definitely wanted to live close to base. After living in Goose Creek for a year and a half, here are the two thoughts I have on Goose Creek:

1. If we get stationed in Charleston again for a "real" tour (instead of going through the officer pipeline as a student), we will live out in town.
2. Im glad we lived in Goose Creek while going through the officer pipeline because we were so close to power school and prototype.

I had a hard time adjusting to Goose Creek after living in North Carolina where everything we wanted/needed was within 5 miles of our house. In Goose Creek we had...base. And that was it. It took me 15 minutes just to get off base. Everywhere I went was a 30-40 minute drive. Harris Teeter was a 30 minute drive in one direction and Costco a 30 minute drive in the other direction. I did so much online grocery shopping in North Carolina and it was really frustrating now not only shopping in store with 4 children, but also having an hour round trip for those outings. We did have a commissary close by and I loved that. We went there a lot, but the hours sometimes made it difficult. We also had our childrens events on the calendar, like homeschool co-ops and sports classes. It was frustrating driving 30-40 minutes for a 30-40 minute soccer class or piano lesson only to drive the 30-40 minutes back home. It was a big change in our routine and any parent with a 2-year old knows what an hour round trip can do to a nap schedule.

What was great about where we lived was the housing was beautiful. I loved our house and I loved our lay out. The house suited us well and was the nicest place weve lived so far in my hubbys Navy career. I also loved how close we were to his schools. He came home often, especially in power school when he just wanted a break from studying. One day when he was at prototype I came down with a horrible migraine. I called him and told him I really needed him home (he was in studying, not on watch) and he was home 10 minutes after I called, including walking out of the school to the parking lot and riding his bike home. I loved the parks in our neighborhood and there was a great sense of community with our neighbors. In that regard, I do think that at that point in our lives, choosing the housing in Goose Creek was the right choice for us. Overall though, the location did skew my perspective towards Charleston and I do think I would find greater enjoyment living somewhere like Mt Pleasant that was more centrally located to the activities our family enjoys doing.

Since we have moved away from Charleston, I find myself missing a lot of things about the place. I loved the warm, mild weather. I loved our evenings spent on our driveway while the kids played. I loved Isle of Palms and Raising Canes (the two will always go hand in hand for me! haha!). I loved the pineapple fountain downtown. I loved how often my hubby would take us downtown for ice cream at Kilwins; it was one of our favorite treats. While Charleston was very different than I expected and had many challenges for our large family, there was a lot of good there too.

So that is my post on Charleston, South Carolina. Have you been stationed in Charleston? Did you enjoy it? Where did you live and what things did you like doing with your family? If you have a large family, what were some of your favorite "big family" hang outs?

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baby losing weight when crawling | The Silent Service

baby losing weight when crawling

Picture taken by Liz Benroth Photography

Back to life with my husband on submarines.

Ive been posting about our STA-21 journey for a couple years now, since I started this blog. And now we are here-- our household goods have arrived, we are settled in a new house in a new state, and we are at our new duty station.

It was brought to my attention a little while ago when a civilian friend of mine-- a friend whos husband is not in the military-- that when I say we are "back on submarines," people dont have any idea what that means. (Or for that matter what STA-21 and duty stations and PCS-ing mean.)

So for everyone who is curious, welcome to Kimbers Navy Family.

What does it mean to be married to a submariner?

Submarines are called the silent service. They run secret, classified missions and operate undetected in the waters. As such, they have stringent operations security (OPSEC) measures. The exact dates they leave and come home are classified. Where they go is classified. What they do is classified. Even elements of the submarine itself are classified. As a spouse, there is a limited realm of knowledge I am given regarding my husbands job.

We have clear rules regarding OPSEC:

• We cannot discuss over social media, text or email, written communication, or over phone calls (video or voice) boat movements. We can only pass information face to face.
• We cannot give hints or codes over those same forms of communication, such as, "The day I went into labor with our oldest minus one and plus five..." Nope.
• Some submarines have 24-hour rules, meaning boat movements are no longer classified within the 24-hour window of it coming or going. If a submarine has this rule, we can communicate boat movements once we are notified by the ombudsman that it is no longer classified. This is when I would call my mom and say, "The submarine just left" or "My husband comes home today!" However, if notifying her of the boat leaving, the arrival date is still classified and so, while she now knows that my husband has left, I could not tell her for how long.
• Some submarines have entirely secret operations and boat movements are not to be discussed over those forms of communication at any point-- coming or going. No calling your mom even within the 24-hour window and saying your husband left. No calling your mom within the 24-hour window and saying you are on your way to pick up your husband. No posting on social media that today is a rough deployment day. No writing your best friend and telling her how hard of a time youve been having while the boats gone. Boat movement is not to be discussed at all over any forms of communication.
• Passing boat movement information even face to face is to be done only to a select group of trusted individuals-- not to the grocer or cable guy, but to friends and other people who understand boat security. The individuals informed of boat movements must also respect OPSEC. This means that if you tell your mom face to face that the boat is expected to leave around a certain day that she doesnt go and post on her Facebook page that she is proud of her service member who deploys soon; all persons privy to boat information are bound by OPSEC.
• The Family Readiness Group (FRG) attached to your submarine is a lifeline in these situations. This is where you receive all communication regarding boat movement. Your spouse cannot email you and tell you when he is coming home. (And, depending on boat activity, your spouse may not even be able to email you at all.) You must attend in person these FRG meetings to get an idea of boat movements or else you have to wait until information is no longer classified to hear what is happening, meaning you get a phone call once the boat is at the pier, "Honey, Im home! Come pick me up."

OPSEC can be hard to live under with a spouse on the submarine. It is isolating. It is hard when you see other people from other branches of service or with different duty assignments posting on social media about having a hard deployment day. You see their friends comment on their status, "Hang in there! Let me know how I can help." "Can I bring you dinner today?" "Let me pick the kids up for you tomorrow." It is hard when your friends and family are all over the country and you cant talk to them. It is hard when you know your spouse is getting ready to deploy and you cant vent to your best friend about the frustrations leading up to a submarine going underway or about all the small errands you have been running or how many times youve had to pack the seabag. It is hard when you cant proclaim to the world that your spouse is finally coming home next week. It is lonely.

Outside of OPSEC, submarine life is unique in other ways from sailormail to actually getting underway. From a spouses point of view, the boat actually leaving when "scheduled" is an emotional rollercoaster. Your spouse comes home on Wednesday and says he is leaving on Monday. By the time Sunday comes, he says he is leaving Tuesday but standing duty on Monday. You say your good-byes at 4:00 am Monday morning, only for him to come home on Tuesday morning and say they are leaving on Thursday and he has Wednesday off. Wednesday morning he gets called in and works until Thursday morning; you say rushed good-byes before he leaves. He comes home Thursday afternoon (after staying up all night) and says there is little to no chance of them leaving before the following Tuesday. He sleeps for much of Thursday, waking up around dinner when he gets a call saying they are leaving Friday morning. You say your good-byes Friday morning and carry your phone around with you all day Friday, hoping to hear from him, only to find out that they did indeed go underway late on Friday. Seasoned submarine spouses say, "Welcome to the lifestyle." It is true. This is life being married to a submariner. However, it never gets easier. Every underway is different and some are easier to handle emotionally than others. You may say good-bye on Monday stoically, collapse in a puddle of tears Wednesday, jump for joy Friday, and then sob all day Saturday. You may be frustrated each time that he comes home, only because you had prepared yourself emotionally for, "Okay, today is the day," and now you have to psych yourself up again. You may feel stressed because it is another hello and good-bye that you have to guide your children through or you may feel relieved that it is another day as a family. On top of that, depending on what the hold up is, your spouse may come home happy that he is home, angry they are delayed, or exhausted that he has been awake for a day and a half and still not deployed when they have been working their tails off. Adding to this stress is that you cannot call far away friends and family this whole time for support, "Hes left today! Hes home today! Now he has actually left today!" You are alone, depending entirely on the local support you either have or do not have.

Regarding communication with your spouse while they are underway on the submarine, sailormail (the boats email system) is sporadic. The email system is one of the lower priority systems ran on the submarine and so if it breaks while underway, especially on a shorter underway, it may not be fixed until after the boat arrives back at the pier or the boat surfaces, meaning you may have no emails from your spouse for weeks and then your inbox is flooded. The emails are also screened before they are sent, generally by the Chief of the Boat (COB) or Executive Officer (XO). This creates a delay in emails, since emails coming and going must be read (and possibly censored) before they reach you or your sailor. Depending on boat activity, there may also be a limit on how many emails your sailor can send or receive at a given time, meaning they may have a 2 email limit during certain operations. Emails received are often missing words or phrases and could be out of order, making conversations or lines of communication difficult. Many couples employ numbering systems to help keep emails straight and to help their spouse know if emails are missing, such as Day 1 Email 1, Day 1 Email 2, Day 2 Email 3, Day 3 Email 4, but the spouse only receives Day 1 Email 2, Day 3 Email 4; now the recipient knows that Email 1 and Email 3 have not come through yet. While he is underway, there is no other form of communication with your spouse outside of sailormail-- no live chat or social media or texting, nothing.

There are also various types and classes of submarines. To put it in the most simple terms, some submarines are homeported where the family members are living. For instance: sailor, family, and submarine are all local and homeported in Hawaii. Some submarines are homeported on one base with two crews (on crew and off crew) and the family on another base. For instance: the submarine is homeported in Italy and the family living in Georgia. When the sailor is on crew, he flies with his crew to the submarine in Italy and the family stays in Georgia; when the sailor is off crew, he is living in Georgia with his family and working on the Naval base in Georgia. The two crews rotate who is on crew and who is off crew. When they are home instead of underway, we have rotating shiftwork to contend with or duty days (spending the night on the boat every certain number of days).

It can be hard dealing with a spouse stuck in Guam or Italy with a submarine, him calling you frustrated, "I cant wait to come home." It can be hard dealing with your hubby coming in and out on the submarine; you dont expect him home for weeks and suddenly he is home for two days when you least expected him and all your plans fly out the window. You never know what to plan, if your spouse will actually be home for a vacation or dinner or weekend or birthday. You never make plans you cant change or refund. You never talk about whether or not your spouse is home or away. You never know if your spouse will actually leave when he says he will. You are always making excuses or changing the subject or explaining OPSEC when family asks if your spouse is home over the phone, "I tried calling him on his birthday. Is he home or underway?" You carry your phone with you everywhere, waiting for the random phone call they make when they happen to go topside (and why does that phone call always come when you are in the shower or at church?). You check your email hourly, daily, waiting for when his first email might come. Despite your vigilance in carrying your phone everywhere and compulsively checking your email, you rarely receive news from the depths. You attend every FRG meeting, hoping to hear any updates on boat movement or a mail drop or a port call. You talk vaguely to your children about what their Daddy is doing, knowing they wont know when to censor themselves on boat movements, but trying to give them enough information that they feel secure. You try to explain that their Daddy is on a submarine, even though he left for his underway in the middle of the night or you dropped him off at an airport or shuttle stop or a friend picked him up. You hold them close as they sob at the front door or run to the window at every sound that might be Daddys car, reminding them that Daddy is gone on his submarine, "When will he be home, Mom? What day? How many days? Can he please come home tomorrow? Can I call him?" You remind them when they say too much at the ice cream shop that they cant tell people about Daddys submarine and if they want to tell someone, they need to ask Momma first. You feel heartbroken when an email comes in for the children but not for you but more heartbroken when an email comes in for you and not the children. You wipe their tears when Daddy leaves and comes home again, and again, and again, "Does this mean he is staying home? Why is he leaving tomorrow? Why did he come home today? You said he left? Why does he have to go?" You comfort them and entertain them when Daddy walks in the door exhausted and barely makes it to bed after you filling you in on yet another schedule change, "Why cant Daddy play with us?"

And through all of this, you have a handful of people you know locally that you can talk to. All you want to do is call your best friend, your mom, your sisters and cry or vent or find support. Instead you are alone, alone wondering what to tell the children, alone wondering if you can handle another good-bye, another hello, another uncertain departure. Alone wondering if today you will get a call or if you will miss a call since you accidentally left your phone at home ("Should I turn around and get it? But I will be late! Who cares? I have to go get my phone..."). Alone navigating fellow spouses who got emails when you didnt. Alone navigating fellow spouses who got calls when you didnt. Alone feeling overjoyed when word from your spouse finally comes and you lay awake re-reading every word he wrote. Alone navigating weeks without word from your spouse. Alone navigating your spouse calling you every day from a fabulous port call while you are home with sick children and a van with a flat tire and nothing to make for dinner. Alone hearing news that your orders changed. Alone planning a move or receiving your household goods. Alone taking your baby to the ER. Alone.

And at the same time, surrounded by a military family. It is hard to explain the gratitude and love you feel towards a fellow military spouse who watches your children so you can take the baby to a check up or brings you dinner when you are sick. There is such a feeling of solidarity attending holiday events with the other spouses at home while the boat is gone, each of you relying on each other, alone together, getting through the hard times, the bad news, the long days, the distance, the unexpected-- together as a military family. The spouses who know exactly what you are going through, who feel the same disappointment and frustration, who have the same struggles, the same expectations, who just know. They truly become family. They see you at your worst days and best days. They have all been there and gone through it.

I hope this blog post helps shed a little light on what it is like to be married to a submariner, especially to my readers who are either not military or who are in different branches/lines of duty than the submarine force.

Please feel free to share this post with your friends and family or to share your experiences as a submarine family with me!

For more reading on submarines, check out this link by Navy.com: "Explore the Four Classes of Submarines."

 

Check out my "Military Resources" tab for past posts on our life as a Navy family.

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