Showing posts with label olds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label olds. Show all posts

Saturday, April 9, 2016

baby losing weight weaning | Motherhood Nobody said it was easy

baby losing weight weaning


You know whats hard? Life. Marriage. Being a parent.

All of that.

Ive been feeling like a failure lately in my endeavors. People say things to me like, "I dont know how you do it!" and "You are a supermom" and "4 boys? You are amazing."

Most of it is lip service from strangers, the go-to things that people say to moms (and moms for 4 boys). It goes in one ear and out the other most of the time, but lately those comments have been giving me stress. This was a crazy move for us, a big change returning to boat life and living across country from my family. I feel like Im barely holding on and that Im frequently dropping the ball with our kids. We wrestled with our decision to send our oldest to public school instead of continuing homeschooling him. We wrestled with the decision to homeschool our 4-year old twins instead of re-configuring the budget to send them to preschool. Weve been wrestling with the decision on whether or not I want to go back to college (and all that entails-- registering, student loans or GI Bill, childcare, time commitment, yadda yadda). Just life decisions. It is all life and it is all normal and it is all good, but it has been a lot all at once.

But through all of this, I have felt like I have been stretched as a mother. One of our 4-years has been struggling with his asthma. Our baby had bronchiolitis and is taking a long time to recover. I am s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d. The other day, our 1st grader wanted me to come see the DinoTrux he built out of Legos and one of our preschoolers was babbling and the baby needed a nebulizer treatment and the dog was barking because the delivery man dropped a package off at the door and who knows where the other preschooler was... and I snapped, "Go to your rooms! Go, go, go!"

I want a break.

When I hear the lip service from strangers, I think, "Is this really as good as it gets?" It makes me feel like they dont really know how it goes at home. They may see a glimpse of our life-- the boys darting around happily at the park-- but all I can think is that the boys will be so tired leaving that 2 of them will be crying, one will be hitting another, and another will be taking off down the path on the way to the car instead of listening to me... and that once we get home I will have to wrestle them all through the bedtime routine. I feel like Im yelling all the time. I feel like Im sneaking to my room all the time to let the stress go, to say a prayer, to plead to God for some mommy courage, to vent to new friends who probably think Im nuts. And so the kind words from strangers, most likely meant to be encouraging, often make me feel like Im falling short from what they "think" of me, that Im not portraying our true selves, and that surely motherhood has to be more than where we are right now.

I know motherhood is more than this. We have days and strides where I am overwhelmed with joy from my our children. We have moments where I cant imagine being anywhere else in the world. And then the last couple weeks have left me feeling burnt out. BURNT OUT. Like, flame extinguished, running on fumes, headache, heartache, tears, sleepless nights, BURNT OUT. My face feels like it is in a constant frown and I swear Im getting wrinkles from worry lines. Im sure that my far away friends and family think Im a nut. Im texting everyone too much and calling too much and writing too much and in general, being a hot mess. Im venting to new friends about potty training woes, 4-year old woes, back to school woes, moving woes, Navy woes, woe, woe, woe... and I wake up in the morning feeling defeated before my feet hit the ground.

I finally opened up a devotional I got from MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) last year and find myself nodding "yes" to every page. Known & Loved by Caryn Rivadeneira has been such a comfort. This morning I made everyone breakfast and eagerly opened up my devotional, ready to dive into the Word and feel like Im finally getting my feet back on the ground. My parents recently flew out for a visit and it was so good, so good having my mom get us on schedule and making me feel like I wasnt losing my mind. Reading this devotional is a lot like that feeling, the rope guiding me through this dark tunnel where Im not sure what lays ahead or if other people feel this way. The best part of this devotional, to me, is discovering, yes. Yes... other moms do feel this way. It is a day by day journey. There are hard times. Change is hard. Change is hard on the children. It is hard on the parents. It is hard on me-- I feel like it all is falling on my shoulders to guide each of them individually through this time of transition and that somehow, from somewhere, I need to have all the answers. It feels like our world has been turned upside down and that all these little eyes are looking at me for guidance and Im just as confused-- yet somehow in charge of the ship. I have to balance their physical needs with the clockwork schedule of our house and now this crazy range of emotional needs as well. How do I get it all done?

Ive struggled with this blog post because I havent known all the words I wanted to put in it, the feelings Ive wanted to convey. There are so many moving parts when you PCS, when you check into a new command, when you arrive in a new duty station, when your kids are going to a new school, when your children grow from preschool and kindergarten to 1st grade (so big!). And cold and flu season approaching, managing asthma in a new climate... another one of our children diagnosed with reactive airways, 2 children on Albuterol, doctors appointments, trips to the hospital, nights up worrying and monitoring breathing... my head spins thinking about all of the things that have gone on during this PCS. What finally motivated me to get this blog post in writing was our sons first day of 1st grade. I was so proud of myself for holding it together that morning, proud of our 4-year olds (who have been struggling with all the changes) for behaving like gentlemen dropping off their big brother, and proud of our 1st grader for being brave when he was so nervous. Most of all, I was proud of all 4 of our boys for having listening ears on as we wandered around the school hallways trying to figure out where to go and what we are doing and how we do school pick up. I left the school feeling like, "It is getting better. We are putting one foot in front of the other and moving in the right direction." We went to a coffee shop to celebrate the occasion; I bought our younger 3 boys each a chocolate milk and myself a pumpkin spice latte. We sat in the sunshine and chatted with other parents doing the same thing. The 4-year olds were right back at their busy behavior-- they have been keeping me busy, like gray hair busy. As I chatted, a lady at the coffee shop felt the need to interrupt my conversation with a fellow momma to let me know how I was parenting wrong. Can I even begin to tell you how defeated, deflated, and embarrassed I was at that moment? This happened in front of a couple that I had met just that day, fellow parents at our brand new school in our brand new duty station. I ended up bustling my boys out of there and walking them to the park so I could get fresh air and not cry at the coffee shop. I was so embarrassed. So embarrassed at how the couple must perceive me and that my children were such a nuisance that someone had to dive into the middle of my conversation to inform me of how she feels their behavior should be corrected. I looked out over the water by the park and wondered if we were making progress or if we were just sitting at square one.

That is when words from the devotional came back to me, Psalm 94:18-19, "When I said, My foot is slipping, your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." Ive also had Coldplays "The Scientist" stuck in my head the past couple weeks (parenting: brought to you by the Bible and Coldplay... dont worry, I know my life is a mess): "Nobody said it was easy/ no one ever said it would be this hard/ Oh, take me back to the start."

It isnt easy. Im not sure when I will hit my stride and feel like, "Ive got this." Perhaps I will always feel like we are a hot mess and maybe the dull headache will come and go over the years as these children try my nerves at every turn. Perhaps God has me where he wants me-- calling out to him hour by hour and day by day. Ive said it before that one thing I love about life as a submariners wife is that I have to opportunity to see my faith come alive in every day life; I am there again right now.

For any strangers or friends who light-heartedly want to say, "You are a supermom." No, not a supermom. I am a mom that has no idea what shes doing. Im a mom that makes mistakes, big and small, every day. Im a mom with a heart full of love for friends and family and doing my best, just like every other mom out there. Im a mom that says sorry and who leaves coffee shops crying after people judge my parenting, perhaps harshly or perhaps for good reason (though that ladys timing could have been better). Im a mom that has super long evenings and super stressful mornings. Im a mom that ends honest tries at involving the kids in projects with a headache, wondering if it was worth the effort, but always trying again, hoping that this time will be more fun or a little easier. Im a mom that always stresses about if a bone is broken or if that is normal breathing or labored breathing or if we should call the doctor (how about we just call to be on the safe side...). Im a mom that packs lunches that are never eaten or are only picked at, that has a mini van covered in snacks and chicken nuggets. Im a mom that wears shirts I thought were clean, only to find them caked with oatmeal or whatever else life throws at me. Im a mom that swears, sometimes intentionally and sometimes on accident. Im a mom that doesnt read directions and then wonders why I cant get new batteries in a Lightning McQueen flashlight. Im a mom that calls my mom for every problem and my best friends for all the other problems that arise in between phone calls to my momma. Im a mom that loves each and every moment with my children and is also surprised and exhausted over how freaking hard each and every moment with my children can be.

I think all parents are super parents. Life is hard and we are all doing what we can. Treat each other with love. Because that mom that you chewed out at the coffee shop is having a super rough couple of weeks. She may look like she was gossiping with friends while her kids ran amok, but Im telling you, she wasnt. I went back to talk to that lady, but she wasnt there. I tried to picture what that glimpse in my life looked like to her and wanted to give her a bigger picture. In my 7 years of parenting, she is not the first person to offer "insight" as to how I should be parenting. This one just happened to fall at a tender, vulnerable moment in my life. I know that we will have many more comments made to us in this parenthood journey and I hope each time God reminds me of his Word and his promises just as I feel myself falling apart.

"When I said, My foot is slipping, your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."
Psalm 94:18-19


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Wednesday, March 30, 2016

baby losing weight with breastfeeding | Baking with twin 4 year olds

baby losing weight with breastfeeding



For our boys birthdays, I love baking them a cake... or ordering a cake from Coldstone. Our 4-year olds lucked out and each got a Coldstone cake this year. Our baby lucked out since we were living in the Navy Lodge during a military move (a friend actually baked him a cake though, which was super sweet). Our oldest on the other hand managed to have his birthday fall right in that rush of "so glad we are FINALLY in our OWN house with our OWN things" and there was no way in Hades I wasnt going to bake his cake.

On top of that, our other 3 wanted to help (the baby did not actually say he wanted to help, but he is a new walker and in that "requires constant supervision" phase).


Since our 4-year olds wanted to actually make the cake, I measured out all the ingredients beforehand. This made it much easier when actually mixing because their attention spans fall in the category of, "Oh! Look! Shiny!" We also had a lot of discussion over taking turns... they both seemed to feel that it was always their turn and never their brothers turn, "You let me put that in. Not that guy. That guy cant help anymore." "That guy" being the twin brother.


Once everything was measured and hands were washed, it was time to bite the bullet and make the cake.



I decided it would be easiest to go back and forth between pouring in ingredients. One of our 4-year olds started by pouring in the flour...


...and then the other poured in the rest of the dry ingredients. Do you see how the other supervises his brother so closely? In the pictures it looks like he is just interested in the cake making, but they were actually making sure the other only did one thing because it my turn now.


I let them both crack one egg each (a total of 4 went in the cake). I had them crack their eggs into a large measuring bowl so I could either discard the egg if it was completely destroyed or pick out any stray egg shells. Much to my surprise, neither preschooler exploded an egg on the counter and there were no egg shells in either bowl! They were so proud of themselves. To show them how to crack an egg, I cracked one egg into a measuring bowl myself. The tutorial was useful because when I initially handed them an egg, one of our 4-year olds asked me if you just squeeze the egg really hard to crack it.


Luckily only one of our 4-year olds wanted to turn on the mixer. The other thought it was a scary robot and did not want to start it up each time after adding the eggs.


I was going to let each of the preschoolers smooth out the cakes that I poured into the pans. However, one of them was only interested in the beater, so that left the job to this guy who took the duty quite seriously.



He took the job quite seriously until he realized there was cake batter on that spatula. Then he decided the cake was smooth enough.

I intended on having them help make the frosting for the cake, but by the time the cake cooled so had their interest in baking. I actually forgot to take a picture of the cake once it was finished (I was making dinner, finishing the cake, and dealing with a 1-year old who had been woken up from nap far too early by 4-year olds fighting over costumes). I did snap a picture on my Galaxy S5:


He was very pleased with his Batman birthday cake and our 4-year olds were so proud that they had made the whole cake "by themselves." In fact, they were so pleased with themselves that they asked where my cake was. They actually got mad at me and said that I promised to make a cake today and they wanted to eat my cake... I pointed out we did make a cake, to which they said, "No, we made that cake. We want your cake too." Im not sure if they actually thought they were making a cake + I was making a cake = giving them 2 cakes to eat today for their brothers birthday, or if they were just testing to see if they could get two cakes out of the days celebrations.

Baking with children is not always easy. I love having our boys help me in the kitchen though. I find that prepping the ingredients when cooking with our 4-year olds really helps, cutting down on the time that they have to wait in between "helping." I also like having ingredients separated in case of contamination (such as, not sticking their hands in my Tupperware container of sugar). Cooking with our (now) 7-year old is different; he enjoys prepping a lot of the ingredients himself, such as cutting vegetables, measuring ingredients, and operating small kitchen appliances. The biggest key to successfully cooking with children is wine a good attitude. Spills happen. Eggs explode when being cracked. Flour gets dumped on the floor. Little fingers find their way to the sugar bowl. Having a safe workspace is also key. This doesnt have to be a big kitchen counter, but does need to be a sturdy stool they can firmly stand on or a bar stool they can safely sit on. This helps make the whole process just slightly smoother.

What are your tips for baking with little ones?

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Monday, March 28, 2016

baby losing weight when teething | Navy family united we stand

baby losing weight when teething


One of the things I hear about all the time is the idea of a "Navy family," not as in my blog title, Kimbers Navy Family, which refers to our nuclear family, but a temporary family comprised of military members and their families supporting each other. People post pictures about how they love their Navy family, "Dont know what I would do without these girls! Love my Navy family!" Or make comments about how their Navy family helped get them through certain times in their life. I myself talk often about our Navy family. The past couple weeks, the concept of a Navy family has materialized once again in real and practical ways in my life. While we were away from the Navy community during my husbands years at college, I almost forgot about how present a Navy family is and just how much help our Navy family offers. Our Navy family truly becomes far more than just people we meet, but family, people that step into our lives and lift us up, people that bring light to times where you feel alone and lost. People that years after they entered into your life, you remember and cherish. Who is this Navy family?

1. The people that never leave.

While we were still newlyweds, I had our first miscarriage. It was a very hard time. I was far away from my friends and family at a duty station where I hardly knew anyone. The few people I knew drifted out of my life when it happened; I dont think they knew what to do or say and so they avoided me. I was alone and heartbroken. And then these two women burst into my life, one of whom I had met a few weeks before and another I had only had polite conversations with in passing-- a JOs wife and our chiefs wife. Our chiefs wife headed up the Sunshine Committee with our FRG; she coordinated meals for families that needed them and baby gifts for new babies-- things of that nature. When I had my miscarriage, she started bringing us meals, then she started driving me to my doctors appointments. From there, she became my go-to person for all things Navy related. When our boat changed homeports, she came with me to the housing office and walked me through the check-in process since the boat was gone, I had no clue what I was doing, and I was sitting there with a baby and a power of attorney. Her and her husband have guided me and my husband along in our marriage, to raise a Navy family with emphasis on family. She has listened to me, counseled me, and loved me like a sister. Amazingly, we are now stationed near each other again. All these years later and she is still the person I call when I dont know what to do raising our boys or I need prayer or someone who will listen, cry with me, laugh with me, or just be there for me. I pray constantly to be the type of friend she has been to me and to love as openly and beautifully as she does. She is the person that embraces the good and bad in life and allows God to work through her to turn it into a beautiful masterpiece (while I am in the corner worrying, complaining, or crying). I love her and her family with all my heart. If nothing but this family ever comes of my husbands Navy career, we will have been blessed immeasurably.

The JOs wife has been another one of those friends. Her and I hit it off at a "mandatory fun" event put on by the boat. We are both from California. We both enjoy literature. At the time, our due dates were just days off from each other. When I had my miscarriage, our slow building friendship was thrown into the fire where something pure and beautiful emerged. I didnt expect anything from her-- a person I just met-- but she called me and said, "Listen. I really enjoy this friendship with you. I understand if you need space or time or if my pregnancy is painful for you right now. I want to support you. Please let me know what I can do and I am open to it. If you dont want to discuss my pregnancy, I am happy to do that." Since the other people I knew backed out of my life, her straight forward and honest approach was reassuring. Our friendship has grown like that over the years, strong and firm, honest, true, and loyal. We can talk about anything and everything and love the heart and soul of each other. We havent lived near each other in awhile, but I think about her and her sweet family every day. We use social media and Skype to keep in touch with each other. When we get on the phone, we pick up right where we left off, laughing and letting our children say hello. I will be honest-- I hope that one of our sons marries her daughter-- but even if we do not become family in the legal sense, they will always be part of my chosen family.

2. The people that do not stay.

A strange phenomenon that happens with your Navy family is people you do not know helping you in deep or personal situations, some of whom you never get to know better past that point, but who you would equally support if the tables were turned. I have had neighbors bring me meals when I had sick children and my husband wasnt home. Neighbors come over and insist on watching my children so I could go to the ER or support a sick relative. I have had people drop off groceries, run errands, give support, offer much needed words of encouragement or an ear at moments where I felt alone, alone, alone. I have had neighbors add me to their family meals, dropping off food for me regularly because they know my husband has strange hours. I have had wine nights that lasted well into the wee hours of the night with women I do not know, but who I sat and talked with for hours because we both needed a friend. I have had people offer to pick up my mail, walk my dog, watch my children, or do any small errand for me because they knew I needed help-- and these werent just offers, but people truly saying, "Let me help you. What can I do now? Tonight?" These are the people that I forever feel grateful for, these fleeting angels in my life. For one reason or another, a deeper friendship doesnt grow-- our schedules, the distance between each others houses, or someone PCSing right at the start of a budding friendship-- but they are people who know what you are going through and who know how to help, who want to help, and who roll up their sleeves to lend a hand to a fellow Navy family simply because they are looking after their own.

When I think of this group of people, I get the warm feeling I had sitting on someones back porch-- I dont even know who-- drinking wine out of a plastic cup and chatting about books. There was a Scentsy lamp on the patio furniture and everyone was talking, laughing, fireflies dancing over the playground. I had gone for an evening walk with our dog and ended up crashing someones going away get-together. I felt accepted, part of a larger group of people, and content. We all lived vastly different lives yet we were the same-- all married to sailors and all in this together.

3. The people you just met.

Often times, with Navy life, we are forced to ask brand new friends for help. Many of the Navy families I know are fiercely independent (or maybe just stubborn and slightly introverted). We build ourselves a little fortress, barricading ourselves inside with a small support network of carefully chosen friends and family, power of attorneys, and the Internet, hoping we can find our own answers or hunker down until the hardships are over. We can ask in chat rooms or text friends from past duty stations, but when it comes to asking for physical help-- GASP! Our insides turn to mush and our legs become shaky. We thank people excessively for performing the smallest tasks and send over meals and baked goods for weeks afterwards, "Just wanted to say thanks!" I recently had to text a gal I met days before to ask if she would walk over and sit at our house while our 3 older boys slept so I could take the baby to the hospital for his bronchiolitis. The baby was having a hard time breathing and our older 3 were asleep and I felt horrible asking. I was two steps away from loading everyone up into the van when I thought, "Im just going to do it... Im just going to text her." I did. I stared at the phone with a knot in my stomach, guilt washing over me, when she texted me back moments later, "Of course! No problem. Be right over." Why is it so hard? I dont know. But frequently moving-- between you moving or your friends moving-- means that no matter how you try to feather your nest, there are those moments that you need to ask for help. People I barely know have asked me for help-- from using my washer and dryer to baby-sitting to rides-- and Im always happy to give it. The Navy family extends to these brand new friends we make, people who you click with instantly, like the JOs wife when I had my first miscarriage, who you know will become a great friend, but arent yet. One of the big differences about budding friendships in the Navy is that often these friendships are started during times of great stress and turmoil, periods of your life where you do not feel like yourself, where you are asking for help all the time, where you are emotionally exhausted or spent and do not feel you are presenting your true self. Your Navy family can see past that. They see you. They have walked that road before and know that moving with children is hard. They have had the move where everything is broken and everyone gets sick the week your household goods are delivered. They know what it is like when your vehicle arrives at your new duty station a month later than expected or you are sitting on the housing wait list for months on end. These brand new friends think nothing of having you over for dinner, of moving your laundry to the dryer while you nap on the couch, of baby-sitting in the middle of the night. They are there through the storm and there when the dust settles. Ive found often with these friendships that these are the friends who are in it for the long haul, that will be lifelong friends (read, "Saying good-bye").

One thing that makes me laugh about this category of friend is that sometimes huge basic gaps are missing in these friendships. These gals are throwing my cloth diapers in the washer for me, Im scrubbing their kitchen, were wiping each others tears, were at each others houses past midnight, theyre driving my vehicles and picking up prescriptions at the pharmacy for each others children, but if we mention our husbands names we have to remind each other, "Yeah, that is my husbands name." These gaps definitely fill in later, but it is always funny to discover what basic things we do not yet know about each other when we feel like weve walked through fire together... in our 2 week friendship that already feels like years.

Do you have a Navy family? How have they helped you?

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