baby losing weight during teething | Cloth diapering a newborn logistics

baby losing weight during teething

Baby #4 is now 2 and a half months old. Weve been cloth diapering him since he was 1 or 2 weeks old and it has been going great! I posted when we had been cloth diapering him for 2 weeks and weve made a few changes to our regime. We are still using covers and prefolds, but we had to change our overnight solution and adjust our prefold fold. We also dealt with our first "diaper rash."

Overnights

 

The biggest change has been dealing with overnights. Baby #4 has been an excellent sleeper. I feed him around 9-10 pm and he routinely sleeps until 3-4 am. He has even done a few all nighters, eating at 9-10 pm and going all the way to 5:30-6:30 am. This has been great for me, but not the best for just a cover and prefold! We switched him to a Thirsties Fitted Diaper Size 1 and our same Thirsties Size 1 covers. Again, this worked well for a couple nights until every single morning he was leaking out of the same spot on the front of his diaper, no matter how carefully we adjusted the cover over the fitted diaper. I talked to the gal at our local baby store and she recommended that we switch to a larger size cover, like the one size Flip cover. The Flip cover is larger than our Thirsties Size 1. It has snaps on the front to adjust the size, just like all our other snap covers, and so it easily fit him. It did the trick! Now we have no leaking issues at night.

 

This is what a Thristies Fitted Size 1 diaper looks like. The entire diaper is absorbent, which is ideal for night. You must put a cover over a fitted diaper.?

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We use a Flip cover over our Thristies Fitted diaper. Just like with a prefold and cover, you need to make sure that the entire fitted diaper is covered by the cover or it will leak. We have really liked this solution for night. Baby #4 tends to wet more after his first feed in the morning, not during the night or at his night feed, so I usually change his diaper at the 9-10 pm feeding and after his first morning feed at 5:30-6:30 am, even if I feed him in the night at 3-4 am. When Ive changed him at the middle of the night feed, his diaper was dry. In the mornings, I put him in a cover and prefold after his first feed and then change him about an hour later because that is when he wets the most.

 

 

The one size Flip cover is much larger than the Thirsties size 1 cover. We only have one Flip cover right now. The Thirsties size 1 covers have still worked great for us during the day with the prefolds.

 

 

 Daytime {Covers and Prefolds}

 

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?We havent had issues with leakage at all during the day... until the poop blowouts. It started becoming a problem around 8 weeks that he would leak slightly in the leg holes after he pooped. So we adjusted the fold of our diaper and it has worked perfectly for us. I know that people use the Snappies for a traditional cloth diaper fold, but I didnt buy the Snappies and so we modified our fold. Now, with this fold he does not leak out of his cover when he poops. However, he does tend to get his cover dirty when he poops, meaning we change the cover. Everything is contained inside the Thirsties diaper cover, we just need to change the cover.

 

With prefolds and covers, you usually just change the prefold when you go to change the diaper. With this fold, we only change the prefold when the diaper is just wet; when he poops, we sometimes have to change the prefold and the cover. This fold has been working for us just great and this hasnt been a problem. We use 2-3 covers during the day and we have no leak issues.

 

We dont do anything crazy or fancy with this fold. All we do is fan the back and bring the prefold to a point in the front, like so.?

 

 

We then fold the front over so it is more absorbent where he needs it to be.

 

 

Bring the prefold up.

 

 

We cover the prefold with the Thirsties size 1 cover, which is still working great for us during the day.

 

Now that baby #4 is 2 and a half months old and 12 lbs 14 oz, we like to make sure we snap the wings down on the side of our cover. It helps keep everything in place.

 

 

And then we snap the cover on the front! Finished! :) It really isnt that different than how we started. The fanning in the back has helped with the blowouts though.

 

 

Diaper Rash

 

So baby #4 has not had diaper rash like how you think: open sores, welt looking areas, etc. Because we use organic cotton prefolds, the moisture is not wicked away from his skin. During the day, we change his diaper every 1-3 hours. The night diaper is microfiber and wicks the moisture away (plus he doesnt wet much at night), so we havent had issues then. It has just been during the day that weve noticed him having some issues. I talked to the gal at our local baby store and she recommended fleece inserts. I wondered how well this would work, but, Im telling you, it is fleece magic. Whenever we notice his diaper area getting red or rosey, we throw a fleece insert into his diaper to help wick that moisture away from his skin and the next diaper change he is back to normal!

 

This is what the fleece insert looks like. I fold it in half before putting it on him.

 

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We just lay the fleece insert over his diaper area.

 

 

Diaper as usual.

 

 

Good to go! For good measure, we usually stick a fleece insert in his overnight diaper just to make sure that the moisture is extra wicked away from his skin at night, though the microfiber really pulls it away.

 

 

 

Laundry

 

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The first response I hear when people ask me about cloth diapering is: "What about all the laundry?" I said it in my last blog post too, but I havent had issues with the laundry. Since that post, I have made some adjustments to our laundry routine.

 

I like to do our diaper laundry first thing in the morning. The fitted diapers are usually dry by the time we need to diaper baby #4 for overnights (if they arent dry by 7 pm, I do toss them in the dryer on low while we bathe his brothers just to be sure they will be completely dry by 9 pm). I was rinsing the diapers with our diaper sprayer before throwing them in the wet pail. Then I had a conversation with the gal at our local baby store. She said breastmilk poop is water soluble, so she does a rinse cycle in her washer before the wash cycle. Now I throw the soiled diaper in our wet pail after changing baby #4. I empty the wet pail in our washer every morning after the morning feed and put the washer on rinse/soak. After the diapers rinse, I wash them on hot with our cloth diaper detergent.

 

I cant seem to find a straight answer on cloth diaper detergents. It seems some people think that having to use a special cloth diaper detergent is baloney. Other people think the regular laundry detergent is best, like original Tide or original Gain. I dont know. I make our laundry detergent, but I have found mixed reviews on using Borax on cloth diapers. Im nervous about ruining all our cloth diapers, so I havent braved washing them in it yet. For now, I use Babyganics laundry detergent on our cloth diapers. After washing the diapers, I then hang everything to dry. Since it is usually a smaller load (especially for our house), Ill hang everything-- the wipes, diapers, covers, fitted diaper... hang it all. I put this outside in the sun to dry most days. On rainy days or when we are out of the house, I leave it in the laundry room (dont want my covers and wipes to blow away!). The sun has also been great for sun bleaching out the breastmilk poop stains on the covers, prefolds, and wipes.

 

 

 

Do you have any great cloth diapering tips?

 

Check out my other cloth diapering posts under Popular Posts. ?

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baby losing weight when teething | Navy family united we stand

baby losing weight when teething

One of the things I hear about all the time is the idea of a "Navy family," not as in my blog title, Kimbers Navy Family, which refers to our nuclear family, but a temporary family comprised of military members and their families supporting each other. People post pictures about how they love their Navy family, "Dont know what I would do without these girls! Love my Navy family!" Or make comments about how their Navy family helped get them through certain times in their life. I myself talk often about our Navy family. The past couple weeks, the concept of a Navy family has materialized once again in real and practical ways in my life. While we were away from the Navy community during my husbands years at college, I almost forgot about how present a Navy family is and just how much help our Navy family offers. Our Navy family truly becomes far more than just people we meet, but family, people that step into our lives and lift us up, people that bring light to times where you feel alone and lost. People that years after they entered into your life, you remember and cherish. Who is this Navy family?

1. The people that never leave.

While we were still newlyweds, I had our first miscarriage. It was a very hard time. I was far away from my friends and family at a duty station where I hardly knew anyone. The few people I knew drifted out of my life when it happened; I dont think they knew what to do or say and so they avoided me. I was alone and heartbroken. And then these two women burst into my life, one of whom I had met a few weeks before and another I had only had polite conversations with in passing-- a JOs wife and our chiefs wife. Our chiefs wife headed up the Sunshine Committee with our FRG; she coordinated meals for families that needed them and baby gifts for new babies-- things of that nature. When I had my miscarriage, she started bringing us meals, then she started driving me to my doctors appointments. From there, she became my go-to person for all things Navy related. When our boat changed homeports, she came with me to the housing office and walked me through the check-in process since the boat was gone, I had no clue what I was doing, and I was sitting there with a baby and a power of attorney. Her and her husband have guided me and my husband along in our marriage, to raise a Navy family with emphasis on family. She has listened to me, counseled me, and loved me like a sister. Amazingly, we are now stationed near each other again. All these years later and she is still the person I call when I dont know what to do raising our boys or I need prayer or someone who will listen, cry with me, laugh with me, or just be there for me. I pray constantly to be the type of friend she has been to me and to love as openly and beautifully as she does. She is the person that embraces the good and bad in life and allows God to work through her to turn it into a beautiful masterpiece (while I am in the corner worrying, complaining, or crying). I love her and her family with all my heart. If nothing but this family ever comes of my husbands Navy career, we will have been blessed immeasurably.

The JOs wife has been another one of those friends. Her and I hit it off at a "mandatory fun" event put on by the boat. We are both from California. We both enjoy literature. At the time, our due dates were just days off from each other. When I had my miscarriage, our slow building friendship was thrown into the fire where something pure and beautiful emerged. I didnt expect anything from her-- a person I just met-- but she called me and said, "Listen. I really enjoy this friendship with you. I understand if you need space or time or if my pregnancy is painful for you right now. I want to support you. Please let me know what I can do and I am open to it. If you dont want to discuss my pregnancy, I am happy to do that." Since the other people I knew backed out of my life, her straight forward and honest approach was reassuring. Our friendship has grown like that over the years, strong and firm, honest, true, and loyal. We can talk about anything and everything and love the heart and soul of each other. We havent lived near each other in awhile, but I think about her and her sweet family every day. We use social media and Skype to keep in touch with each other. When we get on the phone, we pick up right where we left off, laughing and letting our children say hello. I will be honest-- I hope that one of our sons marries her daughter-- but even if we do not become family in the legal sense, they will always be part of my chosen family.

2. The people that do not stay.

A strange phenomenon that happens with your Navy family is people you do not know helping you in deep or personal situations, some of whom you never get to know better past that point, but who you would equally support if the tables were turned. I have had neighbors bring me meals when I had sick children and my husband wasnt home. Neighbors come over and insist on watching my children so I could go to the ER or support a sick relative. I have had people drop off groceries, run errands, give support, offer much needed words of encouragement or an ear at moments where I felt alone, alone, alone. I have had neighbors add me to their family meals, dropping off food for me regularly because they know my husband has strange hours. I have had wine nights that lasted well into the wee hours of the night with women I do not know, but who I sat and talked with for hours because we both needed a friend. I have had people offer to pick up my mail, walk my dog, watch my children, or do any small errand for me because they knew I needed help-- and these werent just offers, but people truly saying, "Let me help you. What can I do now? Tonight?" These are the people that I forever feel grateful for, these fleeting angels in my life. For one reason or another, a deeper friendship doesnt grow-- our schedules, the distance between each others houses, or someone PCSing right at the start of a budding friendship-- but they are people who know what you are going through and who know how to help, who want to help, and who roll up their sleeves to lend a hand to a fellow Navy family simply because they are looking after their own.

When I think of this group of people, I get the warm feeling I had sitting on someones back porch-- I dont even know who-- drinking wine out of a plastic cup and chatting about books. There was a Scentsy lamp on the patio furniture and everyone was talking, laughing, fireflies dancing over the playground. I had gone for an evening walk with our dog and ended up crashing someones going away get-together. I felt accepted, part of a larger group of people, and content. We all lived vastly different lives yet we were the same-- all married to sailors and all in this together.

3. The people you just met.

Often times, with Navy life, we are forced to ask brand new friends for help. Many of the Navy families I know are fiercely independent (or maybe just stubborn and slightly introverted). We build ourselves a little fortress, barricading ourselves inside with a small support network of carefully chosen friends and family, power of attorneys, and the Internet, hoping we can find our own answers or hunker down until the hardships are over. We can ask in chat rooms or text friends from past duty stations, but when it comes to asking for physical help-- GASP! Our insides turn to mush and our legs become shaky. We thank people excessively for performing the smallest tasks and send over meals and baked goods for weeks afterwards, "Just wanted to say thanks!" I recently had to text a gal I met days before to ask if she would walk over and sit at our house while our 3 older boys slept so I could take the baby to the hospital for his bronchiolitis. The baby was having a hard time breathing and our older 3 were asleep and I felt horrible asking. I was two steps away from loading everyone up into the van when I thought, "Im just going to do it... Im just going to text her." I did. I stared at the phone with a knot in my stomach, guilt washing over me, when she texted me back moments later, "Of course! No problem. Be right over." Why is it so hard? I dont know. But frequently moving-- between you moving or your friends moving-- means that no matter how you try to feather your nest, there are those moments that you need to ask for help. People I barely know have asked me for help-- from using my washer and dryer to baby-sitting to rides-- and Im always happy to give it. The Navy family extends to these brand new friends we make, people who you click with instantly, like the JOs wife when I had my first miscarriage, who you know will become a great friend, but arent yet. One of the big differences about budding friendships in the Navy is that often these friendships are started during times of great stress and turmoil, periods of your life where you do not feel like yourself, where you are asking for help all the time, where you are emotionally exhausted or spent and do not feel you are presenting your true self. Your Navy family can see past that. They see you. They have walked that road before and know that moving with children is hard. They have had the move where everything is broken and everyone gets sick the week your household goods are delivered. They know what it is like when your vehicle arrives at your new duty station a month later than expected or you are sitting on the housing wait list for months on end. These brand new friends think nothing of having you over for dinner, of moving your laundry to the dryer while you nap on the couch, of baby-sitting in the middle of the night. They are there through the storm and there when the dust settles. Ive found often with these friendships that these are the friends who are in it for the long haul, that will be lifelong friends (read, "Saying good-bye").

One thing that makes me laugh about this category of friend is that sometimes huge basic gaps are missing in these friendships. These gals are throwing my cloth diapers in the washer for me, Im scrubbing their kitchen, were wiping each others tears, were at each others houses past midnight, theyre driving my vehicles and picking up prescriptions at the pharmacy for each others children, but if we mention our husbands names we have to remind each other, "Yeah, that is my husbands name." These gaps definitely fill in later, but it is always funny to discover what basic things we do not yet know about each other when we feel like weve walked through fire together... in our 2 week friendship that already feels like years.

Do you have a Navy family? How have they helped you?

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baby losing weight while breastfeeding | Why I have 4 children

baby losing weight while breastfeeding

Im super tired and working on my second latte of the day. Fairly certain the plans I had today (i.e. get dressed) are going to go out the window, so why not just throw in the towel now, curl up on the couch, and write a blog post?

I wrote a post awhile ago called, "Why do I feed our toddlers?" Since we recently moved and Im introducing myself to new people in a desperate attempt to make friends, I have been hearing a lot of comments like, "4 boys! Wow!" and "I dont know how you do it with 4." If you read my last blog post, I dont know how we are doing life right now either, so heres my response:

Why I have 4 children

10. I enjoy mess.

Unless Im picking Play-Doh, Legos, sand, or small rocks off my feet when I walk on our hard floors, Im not happy. Thankfully our children provide me with that lovely experience daily.

9. I enjoy mess.

Lets not leave off the carpeted upstairs. Who likes walking in the dark unless it is a challenge? When I head to bed at night I prefer to trip over action figures, toy bins, and unexpected booby traps.

8. I enjoy mess.

Guests coming over? I only enjoy company when I have that sinking embarrassed feeling when they sheepishly come back out of our hall bathroom moments after entering to tell me, "Um, I think someone may have had an accident on the floor...?"

7. I enjoy mess.

And lets not forget the diaper blow outs. If our potty training preschoolers arent having accidents, I can always count on the baby to blow out his diaper during a dinner party with my spouses co-workers.

6. I enjoy mess.

Detailed vehicles are boring. Who wants to look at beige car carpet? No, life is more adventurous if you are curious if that is barbecue sauce or diaper blow out on the WeatherTech floor mats. When your girlfriend casually says, "How about I ride with you?" I love muttering, "Derp, I promise my Honda Odyssey is usually cleaner than this..." because you know she believes me...

5. I enjoy mess.

Anyone can put an outfit together, but it takes a certain finesse to head out the house wearing a shirt that has a diaper blow out imprint on the hip, oatmeal caked on the front, and someone elses snot dried around the neck.

4. I enjoy mess.

Speaking of heading out of the house, dining out is a much more enjoyable and relaxing experience when at the end of the meal I get to scoop up infinite amounts of mushy food with tiny, thin napkins, flung by children who spent the meal pelting me with silverware while whining that they werent hungry.

(I also like herding said children out of the restaurant as I apologize to fellow patrons to load them up in the mini van as they whine they are now hungry...)

3. I enjoy mess.

But lets not forget the joys of eating in. Who doesnt like cooking a meal with 4 children underfoot, whining they are hungry, hitting each other over whos turn it is to help, and struggling through putting a meal on the table as you finish cooking with one hand/a baby in the carrier on your back? And then no one eats because they dont like whatever it is you cooked... despite the fact that they devoured that exact meal at your friends house the other day.

2. I enjoy mess.

Which brings me to friends... those people that you try to have conversations with as your children pull out every toy bin in their playroom, hit each other on their couch, or divulge how you inadvertently ate baby vomit the other day while you were only wearing underwear. Yes, we would love to do this again sometime.

(Please invite us back, please invite us back, please invite us back...)

1. I enjoy mess.

Nothing says joy of parenthood quite like naked children 10 minutes past when you were supposed to leave the house ("But you were all dressed 2 minutes ago!") or a complete lack of privacy ("Im showering!") or crawling in bed only to find Matchbox cars and plastic spiders (and those same things in your washer and dryer). And the pleasure of these encounters is only multiplied by the uplifting comments you receive when you finally do leave the house for caffeine/adult company ("Back in my day, we disciplined our children/didnt have electronics/respected our elders").

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baby losing weight during pregnancy | Boosting our immune systems through diet

baby losing weight during pregnancy

I may be a mom, but I still like to party. And by party, I mean spending my Friday night Googling natural ways to boost your immune system through your diet.

Ive posted before about our sons reactive airways. Because he is so young, his reactive airways are constantly changing. There is the hope that he will grow out of having such a hard time. However, due to family history, his pediatricians proceed as if he has an asthma diagnosis.

Each year, we try to wean him off of his daily regulator, Pulmicort. Last year, he was doing great through the first half of the cold and flu season so we started weaning him off of Pulmicort, from twice a day to once a day. Then--bam!-- he caught a cold and he ended up on Orapred twice in a row. He stayed on Pulmicort until May/June, when we had weaned him down again to one dose before stopping all together. He spent most of June, all of July, and all of August off Pulmicort. Then this past week he caught his first cold of the season and we ended up at the pediatrician where she decided against oral steroids, but put him back on Pulmicort twice a day and he spent 3 days on Albuterol every 3-4 hours. He is doing better, but is still needing Albuterol in the morning.

As an asthmatic myself, I know what my triggers are. For our son O, his main trigger is getting sick. And then once he gets sick, his lungs have a hard time recovering, making him susceptible to other colds and dragging colds on for long periods of time. I also notice, like myself, that he tends to start having more issues during the time when the seasons start changing. I havent noticed him to have any allergies, though he tends to get rashes and dry skin.

One of the big ways to help manage your asthma is avoid your triggers. When I think about Os major trigger-- getting sick-- Im not quite sure how to avoid it. He is one 3-year old in a family of six. His dad is in the Navy, meaning the sailors dont get sick days and he is often working with people who are under the weather, putting him in contact with lots of germs. On top of that, our boys are all very active and enjoy playing outside, going to the park, and meeting up with friends. How do I keep a 3-year old from getting sick?

When he was a baby and a beginning walker, it was much easier to control what he came into contact with and where. I loved Touchy Tags and hung them everywhere. I had hand sanitizer sitting all over our house and insisted everyone used it all the time. We washed hands like it was our job. Now that hes older, my husband and I wash our hands all the time and we are always washing our boys hands and instructing them to go wash their hands, but it is harder, different, then when they were babies. I also cannot hang a Touchy Tag around Os neck and stick him in a bubble, as much as I would like to at times.

This is when I started thinking of other ways to help him out. Ive posted several times regarding our family diet as well. I cook most of our foods. We really try to avoid processed foods and artificial ingredients. We make the best choices that we can (and can afford; read "Organics vs family budget"). We follow the 80/20 approach when it comes to eating healthy. So I started Googling: how can I boost his immune system through our diet? I came across several blogs that helped me put together our list on how to do this.

The first blog post that really helped direct my focus was MindBodyGreens post, "6 Ways to Boost Your Childs Immune System." From there I did a little reading on elderberry and decided against that. While on WebMD, I read about "Immunity Boosting Snacks for Kids." And then somehow I ended up on Dr. Sears website. I read his articles on "8 Foods that Boost Immunity," "Boost Your Childs Immune System," and "4 Habits that Weaken the Immune System." I also looked up "26 Foods High in Zinc for Overall Good Heath" and "Top 7 Vitamin C containing fruits."

I read a whole bunch of other articles on boosting the immune system through your diet, but those are the articles that I printed off and used to compile my list of foods to boost our childrens immune systems.

There are a few obvious things that I have not presented our children-- like oysters, watermelon seeds, and beef liver. However, when looking over the list, the biggest change in our diet is going to be adding a fish dinner once a week (read, "Should your kids eat fish? How they can avoid mercury and still get their omega-3" posted by BabyCenter). Since I do most of our shopping at Costco, I like to stock up in bulk, thus buying fresh fish tends to slip off our menu. Im also going to focus a lot on serving foods high in Vitamin C for their afternoon snack and really try to make the shift from store-bought wheat sandwich bread to homemade whole-wheat bread. The complete plan is to boost all of our immune systems through our diet, hopefully cut down on the amount of colds O catches this year, helping keep his asthma under control. Id like to cut back on his Albuterol usage and keep him on his current dose of Pulmicort or lower it.

Here is the list that Ive put together:

Boosting our childrens immune systems

 

Immunity boosting snacks

1.       Yogurt

2.      Kefir

3.      Walnuts

4.      Fruits and veggies

5.      Lean meats

Zinc

1.       Spinach

2.      Beef

3.      Shrimp

4.      Kidney beans

5.      Flax seeds

6.      Pumpkin seeds

7.      Oysters

8.      Watermelon seeds

9.      Garlic

10.   Lima beans

11.    Peanuts

12.   Egg yolks

13.   Turkey

14.   Salmon

15.   Lobster

16.   Pork

17.   Dark chocolate

18.   Chickpeas

19.   Beef liver

20.  Brown rice

21.   Peas

22.  Sesame seeds

23.  Lamb

24.  Cashews

25.  Crab

26.  Mushrooms

Omega-3 fatty acids

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weight loss during pregnancy safe | To stand

weight loss during pregnancy safe

I recently posted about how difficult things have been at our house with one of the harder 3-year old phases. Then last night my husband rented "Moms Night Out" on Redbox. (By the way, if you are a parent, you must watch that movie!) This all got me thinking about motherhood...

1. Talk about your problems.

I think so much of the time we dont talk about our problems. There was a scene in the movie where the lead character slowed down and talked to another struggling mom about how hard motherhood is. The struggling mom looked at the main character, "You dont have it all together?" We had spent the majority of the movie watching how this main character was struggling with motherhood and balancing life and happiness and marriage, yet this other struggling mom perceived that the main character had it all together. Not saying that we need to walk around with a sign and tell every Tom, Dick, and Stanley we meet that "I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IM DOING" but it is so important to be open and honest with your friends.

Why?

2. Because no one has it all together.

I think sometimes we think that there are people out there that "have it all together." I loved in the movie when the mom pulled up to church and saw these other moms standing outside dressed beautifully, hair done, and she mutters, "They must have nannies." The other day we took the boys to Monkey Joes. We had another long day in the house staring us down and we thought it would be nice to take them somewhere where they could be kids-- run and jump without getting in trouble. Apparently there was a birthday party going on there because a parade of well-dressed children poured out of a party room. I mean, coordinating Janie and Jack type children. I have never seen so much embroidered seersucker in one place. There were mothers hovering outside the bounce houses in jeweled flip flops, silk shirts, and chunky necklaces waiting to fix ginormous bows perched on their little girls heads. Dads wearing boat shoes, pressed shorts, and collared shirts followed after siblings proclaiming their siblinghood, "Big brother" written in checkered applique next to matching "Little brother." I took a look at our boys and hoped they looked decent....before wondering why I cared how they looked next to these kids. I wondered how these parents had it all together. Did they have it all together? They certainly looked like they had it far more together than our boys. When we leave the house in coordinating, clean outfits it is after a good solid 30-minutes of negotiating and threats.

3. Because we need support.

I cannot tell you how horrible last week was for me. It really did end in tears. I had organized dinner with my girlfriends earlier in the week because I was needing a night out, but by the time the night came I didnt want to go. I was emotionally exhausted. I felt like a drained, failure of a parent that didnt deserve a night out. The thought of making small talk made me cringe. I wanted to go to dinner and have a glass of wine... followed by the rest of the bottle. My husband came home from work and said, "Go. You need it. At the very least, go and listen to the conversation and enjoy a nice meal out." So I went and, guess what? It was amazing. It was so nice to chat with my girlfriends and hear about their problems as well. Listening to them drove home the point IM NOT THE ONLY ONE. I felt myself relaxing at dinner and really enjoying myself. It really was what I needed to unwind. The next morning I woke up feeling like I could handle the day, the first time in a week or so that I didnt wake up thinking, "What fresh hell is going to happen today?" Talking to others isnt just a way to get support for ourselves, but to offer support to our friends. On the drive home from dinner, my girlfriend told me that shes been struggling with a phase with her little one and she tells herself, "I just have one right now and Kimber has four!" And when Im balancing all my things at my house, I tell myself, "She has a toddler, is pregnant, and is finishing her degree!" It is so nice to lean on each other and get that support. It is so nice to hear that you arent alone, that you arent the only one struggling, and to hear how other people have dealt with similar issues and how they got through it.

4. Get the help you need.

The week before last was rough. Last week was a horrible, no good, very bad week. I cried a lot on Friday. I felt fried and tired and alone. I missed my mom. I missed my far away friends. I missed our old duty station and all our playdates there. I missed my husband who is working a lot. I felt like I had nothing else to give. So I started filling my calendar. I need interaction time with friends. I need quality time with my kids. My husband and I have been reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Through that weve discovered my love language is quality time. I really feel that is part of the problem why these days are so draining when they are going through these phases-- I dont feel like Im getting any quality time with them since each day is so stressful and full of tantrums. On top of that, when my husband gets home we arent getting much quality time since hes exhausted from work and Im exhausted from dealing with the 3-year olds tantrums all day. Filling up my calendar has helped a lot. I am getting face time with other moms who tell me, "Girl, me too! I hear you!" Im getting the kids out and about so they can stretch their legs somewhere new (or throw a fit somewhere new). When my husband gets home, we all have something to talk about other than tantrums. The kids tell them about the new park we went to and I get to tell him about the overall adventure. It has been important to me to reach out to others and get that support. Another "guess what" moment: when I reached out to my friends and said, "Hey, the kids are going through a really rough phase right now and I really need to meet up with you. Lets put something on the calendar," they have all been responsive! "My kids too. I would love to meet up with you!" We are all in this together.

5. Remember-- it is only a phase.

For me, it really helps to remind myself over and over (and over and over and over) again that it is only a phase... it will pass... this wont go on forever... Because it is true. It wont be like this forever. That doesnt make it easier in the midst of it, but it does help me find the strength to dig my heels in and pray, to not cave when I need to stand strong. It might sound a little dramatic, but the other day in my Love God Greatly devotional, we got on the subject of the full armor of God. I love the verse in Ephesians 6:13, "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." How often does this happen in motherhood? You nicely identify the behavior your 3-year old needs to adjust, "We dont put stickers on the table. Stickers go on paper." You redirect the behavior, "How about you put your stickers on this piece of paper instead of the table?" You give the warning, "If you dont put the stickers on the paper, you cant play with them." You give them the last chance, "This is the last time Im going to tell you that stickers must be put on paper. Next time Im taking the stickers away." And then you follow through. There is flailing, gnashing of teeth, wailing... and so you follow through with time to rest in their room and pull themselves together. Yet while you are doing that the other 3-year old is busy "writing" with a permanent marker on your handmade kitchen table and your kindergartner is asking over and over again if you can play Uno with him now and the baby is starting to fuss because it is time to eat... and then the dog is bumming at the door to go potty and the pot on the stove starts to boil over. Those are the times that I think of the armor of God and standing firm. When I have done all that I can, all that I know how to do, when I have gone through my Rolodex of good parenting, I stand firm. Ephesians 6:18 tells us, "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests..." Turn to God, mommas. Turn to each other. Put on the armor of God so that when you have done everything, you can stand.

I loved that the movie "Moms Night Out" concluded with a heart to heart from Trace Adkins where he told her how hard she was on herself. It is true. We are hard on ourselves. What standard are we trying to live up to? Our perception of the seersucker kids at Monkey Joes? The mom who shows up to church in heels and a clean dress? Or that we think our friends will judge us if we open up to them? As the main character sits with her husband at the end of the movie, she watches her kids and says, "It is hard, but it is worth it." It is so worth it. It is hard. Life doesnt slow down so we can figure out the hard moments with a clear mind.

If you continue reading in Ephesians, Paul says in 6:19-20, "Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." Have you ever left a church and seen the sign at the end of the parking lot, "You are now entering the mission field?" What a great reminder. This is our job. We often question ourselves, doubt ourselves, cave when we should stand, cry because we dont know what to do... Paul asks for prayers so that he will have the words and that he will fearlessly deliver them. We are witnessing to our children. We are ambassadors of Christ, in chains to the gospel, delivering the Good News day in and day out. Its time to lean on each other, lift each other up, put on the armor of God, and fearlessly parent through Christ.

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baby losing weight while teething | Good enough

baby losing weight while teething

 

As a blogger, I tend to try to read blogs posted by sites I follow.

As a mother and Navy wife, ah! This can be exhausting.

Why?

It seems a lot of blogs tear people down. One of the ones I just read talked about how life as a military spouse really isnt that difficult. Another talked about moms make their own lives difficult. These two blog posts really struck a nerve with me. I know that lately Ive been over sensitive and taking things personally, but, man. Come on now, mommas. Can we build each other up?

What bothers me about these posts?

Immediately after reading them I felt defensive. I wanted to explain so much-- why I agree on some level and why I disagree on another. They felt like attacks on me. Because Ive been struggling so much lately with all the different responsibilities in my life and then throwing my husbands return to submarine life-- going underway and now a shipyard schedule. The whirlwind of reasons why it all feels like a lot to me right now left me feeling deflated and lost reading these posts, these posts that are telling me that I am the one failing right now. Me. I already feel like Im failing and now these posts are basically proof that Im failing.

When a different thought hit me: I do not think I have it worse than other people. I just think that-- for me-- this has been a lot of changes all at once. I dont think we have a bad life. I think I am struggling right now.

There are other things I know:

This is a season in my life.

It will get better.

The children are going through a phase.

I need to be present.

The biggest thing for me to remember:

I need to bring this all to God.

Our twins are 4-years old, an age I have come to realize is not my favorite age; I did not enjoy 4-years old with our oldest son either. I feel stressed when dealing with them, when managing the day to day life with two 4-year olds in tow. I understand that they are in a phase and that it will pass-- I loved 5-years old with our oldest-- but, man, right now... Right now I am tired of the arguing, the meltdowns, the drama, the bedwetting, the tantrums, the tears, the whining, the moping, the constant conflict over each and every aspect of our lives. The sass. Even worse, I have a really hard time handling the input from strangers when it comes to our childrens behavior. They seem to have completely dropped any semblance of manners and when strangers jump in to inform me they should use manners, I feel instantly judged. I feel 5 inches high. I dont understand why all these things that I have spent the last 4 years teaching them have flown out the window. I am trying my best. I am praying all the time. I am struggling.

And when people pat me on the head and say, "It is just a phase. Enjoy it before they..." or something equally dismissive, I feel alone. Like I am failing as a mother for not loving the small things, the in-between moments. I feel horrible for dreading the day before it even starts. I love them to pieces and I love being their mother. I love staying at home with them and I love being the one to teach them new things. I just need a break.

The mommy martyr blog definitely hit me like a ton of bricks. Is that what people think about me? We just moved to a new area. We have four children. We have two children with breathing issues, one with anxiety issues. Baby-sitters are hard to find and not inexpensive. I know in my bones that so many of the behaviors that we are struggling with right now are due to our recent changes: moving, Daddy going underway, starting at a new school, missing their old friends and their old favorite places to go, Daddy coming home and working long hours. It is all a lot for such little people who dont really understand it all. When you are just meeting people and just making friends, it is hard to find people willing to take on four children who are adjusting to a new place. I dont feel comfortable imposing on new people. I dont feel comfortable leaving children Im concerned about with people I dont know or who Ive barely met just so I can go to coffee and take a break by myself-- in a town I dont know. It feels selfish. And imposing.

What I would love is to be living next door to my best friend again. What I would love is to drag all my kids to her house and let them destroy it while she makes me tea and lets me cry on her shoulder. I would love to give her children some love. I would love to feel at home. Connected. Like Im not a burden or intruding or annoying or all over the place. That my mess is welcome. That Im not being judged. That struggling for now is okay.

Of course I call and write to my friends. And of course I reach out to the new and old friends that I have here locally. But everything here is different. As a military spouse-- a submarine spouse-- we move and adapt. I am in that hard phase of adjusting to a new place. The coping mechanisms that I had at our last duty station dont work here. I dont have a long list of easy places to take the kids or know where to grab a quick cheap meal when dinner fails and my husband is working late. My relationship with my husband is also under strain from an entirely new schedule because, as a military spouse, a PCS means a new job.

No, I dont think we are alone in those pressures. No, I dont blame my spouse for these struggles. No, Im not angry at him for moving us or any of that. But there is so much comfort in finding support within a community that understands what you are going through. Just like the support networks we have made through our entire lives: peer friends as I went through high school and college, making friends with other young married couples after I got married, making friends with babies after we had our first son, making friends with fellow parents of multiples after we had our twins, reaching out to other families that have had miscarriages and loss after our second miscarriage, joining homeschool support groups when homeschooling our oldest in preschool and kindergarten and now our twins in preschool, finding other large family friends after we had our fourth son... It isnt strange to me to desire to find support within the military community when dealing with all these changes.

So, for me, this past underway when our oldest was struggling, I gave his teacher a heads up that his dad was away, not so that he could have a free pass, but so that she knew where he was coming from. When I had a hard time from comments I received while my hubby was gone, I would say prayers and seek a local support network. I do not believe that if my husband had a different job our life would suddenly be worry free. I feel that this is the job he has and this is the community we were given. There are unique challenges with this job-- just like any job has its own unique challenges-- and some of these are easy to identify and some of them are hard to explain to people who dont live it. I may fail as a mother in the eyes of the world everyday. I may be judged by strangers for how my children are behaving and I may struggle to find the enjoyment in certain ages and stages with our children. I may struggle with certain aspects of my husbands career right now. I feel all of this makes me exactly what I am: human. I dont have all of the answers and I dont know what Im doing. This is exactly why I depend on God, why I pray, and why I spend time in his word. I fail-- constantly. I feel weak and vulnerable lately. I feel judged. I feel burdened. I feel weighed down by the smallest aspects of our day.

But Lord knows I am grateful. I am grateful for this family, for my husband and our four beautiful boys. For the friends that I have-- near and far. I am grateful for my family, that is so supportive. I am grateful for Gods mercies and grace. I am grateful for my story and testimony.

I dont know where those two blog posts I read fall in my story (the Military Spouse blog and BluntMoms blog), if they are supposed to be convicting or if I should just move on past them. I wont forget how they made me feel reading them though, that someone out there thinks that people like me arent good enough. What I think is important to remember is that God says you are good enough. God is enough. I am not called to have my act together. I am called to depend on Christ. 2 Corinthians 12:9:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christs power may rest in me. That is why, for Christs sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I am not at the point of feeling strong yet. I am sure that looking back on this time I will be able to see how strong we were in Christ. Right now I feel like Im hanging on by a thread. His grace is sufficient.

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