pregnancy weight loss why | Project Parenting

pregnancy weight loss why

Bear with me...

I love Project Runway. I love watching people pursue their dreams and have an opportunity to let their creativity run wild, to focus solely on their passion. (When, as adults, do we have a chance to be thrown in neck deep to forget about the rest and just do what we love?) As I was watching Project Runway this season, I started thinking about a common theme through all the seasons of Project Runway, creating that moment. Runway fashion is about that moment when the model turns the corner on the runway and the audience gasps at the design and innovation of the created piece. It isnt about practicality or what went in to the outfit or the budget or any of that; it is that elusive moment of excitement and intrigue over what you are witnessing for that brief period of time. The model walks down the runway, pauses, lets you take it in, and then turns-- vanishes-- poof! She has gone back stage and the moment is gone. You are left thinking about what you saw. You only have your impression, what you remember, nothing in your hands, nothing tangible. How did you feel about it?

Recently Project Runway shows when the judges have the models come down to their judging area after the show, while the contestants wait to hear what was decided and who will go home. One by one the models come before the judges to have the pieces they are wearing inspected. Sometimes a piece that was mediocre on the runway suddenly blossoms in front of the judges eyes-- "Can you believe the amount of work and technique that went into this? It looks so simple and, yet, look! The fine detail..." Sometimes wow pieces are exposed for what they are-- prototypes. It walked down the runway amazing and was beautiful, but under their prying eyes they can see the stitches coming unraveled, seams that werent finished, details glued on haphazardly right before the show. It was never real-- never a finished piece, just an illusion.

I have been mulling this idea over in my mind. Parenting has been a challenge for me lately. I feel stretched and empty. I feel like I simplify and still I have twelve hundred things to do at one time. I try to go back to the basics, the things I must complete each day and allow the space and time to get those things done yet the children, through no fault of their own, keep finding ways to stretch me. And this is where I tie in Project Runway. I have times where I feel like those designers. They are working with this limited budget to create something in a short time, to get it done, to make it work, to put on a show. The workroom is a mess. Everyone is at their table doing the best that they can, cutting, sewing, dreaming, believing, doubting. "Is this good enough? Is this right? This is what Im trying to showcase." Last week a designer hovered over his material, doubting if he was ready to commit to the cuts he was about to make. Once he cut the fabric, there was no going back, no changing his mind for a different design; he would be committed to that path. Was he ready to make that choice? As a parent, I relate to those feelings of doubt. That desire to do the best that I can, to make it work. While I do not have a panel of judges watching my parenting and critiquing me, but I do have times where I feel judged, whether I actually am or whether I perceive to be. I relate to taking all of these busy aspects of life and tying them together to make a cohesive look, a finished product, a child that has all of these different elements of myself, my husband, and our life together working inside of him.

Parenting has those moments. The moments where you dont see whats going on backstage or the craziness in the audience-- the cameras, the crew, the people, the noise-- and all you see is the model coming down the runway. Yesterday my husband and I felt like having a movie night. We blew up the air mattress in the family room and snuggled on the couch all day watching Tim Burton movies with the children. We made "mummies" out of hot dogs and crescent rolls. We had popcorn and candy. It was great doing nothing. I wasnt thinking about the laundry that had to be finished before the week started or the sink full of dishes that would need to be done before breakfast the next day. I wasnt thinking about the sour sugar all over our floor or the ketchup stains the baby made on the blankets. We had our moment. It was sublime. Of course it didnt last. The baby got bored and dedicated his time to climbing on the table and knocking over our drinks and popcorn. The older boys started wrestling on the air mattress. My husband fell asleep. I was pinned in a corner of the couch with a baby hitting me with a remote control. We finally pried ourselves off the couch to put an end to the wrestling and finish the dishes, start the laundry, get the boys to clean their toys in the loft. We did pajamas, medicine, dinner, and got the house ready for school and work the next day. The boys ended up having an early bedtime due to meltdowns. Our oldest desperately finished up his Boy Scout project. It was chaos. But when we got in bed that night, my husband and I remembered that moment when we were all on the air mattress watching movies, when our four boys were snuggled up under one blanket, eyes glued to the silly songs, and we had this whole lazy afternoon stretched before us, nowhere to be but here, now.

Lately I feel like Ive been focusing on the chaos. Not the good chaos of parenting, but the bad chaos. The meltdowns, the repeated battles, the same old story day in and day out. I have been letting little things get to me in a big way and I have forgotten about the beauty and magic of parenting. How children can get so much joy from a rainy day (even if they throw a massive fit when it is time to go inside). How fun an air mattress is (even if it ends with a bloody lip and a crying baby). How long weekends are (even if it flies by in a whirlwind and you never make it to the trains, the pumpkin patch, the movies, wherever you wanted to take them that weekend). How sweet sick days can be (even if you still have three other children to take care of plus all the house responsibilities you always have to accomplish). Ive turned away from the moments and been caught up in whats going on backstage. I feel like that lately Ive been trying to make this wow piece-- getting our house on schedule, figuring out how to transition activities without meltdowns, organizing our spaces, working on manners-- but that it is all an illusion because upon closer inspection it is all falling apart. Im stressed doing it. Im not taking the time to enjoy the finished product. Im still thinking about what the garment should look like, what I didnt accomplish, what I intended to do. And parenting is much more about the simple look, the one that upon closer inspection you see those fine details. It may not be a wow piece to anyone else, but you see the effort and you know what went into that moment. When I dropped our 4-year olds off at daycare and they didnt throw a fit-- that was huge for them. When my husband went to work and they trusted that he was coming home that night instead of going underway-- they have been so worried about Daddy leaving again. When the children play quietly in their rooms in the morning instead of running wild-- I have been working so hard with them on that and they are finally getting it. When our oldest packs his lunch each morning for school all by himself, without my help. When one of our boys takes it upon himself to clean his space and tidy up their shared bathroom-- on his own-- because he wants to help. When our boys find a game that includes all of them, even the toddler, and play together upstairs. When our oldest picks a book at school specifically to read to his brothers when he gets home that afternoon, "I really thought they would love this one." These are small but beautiful things. These are the moments of parenting to look at and focus on. Not the times where I dragged them out for an entire day at the doctors office and ended with us all crying in the car on the way home because it was so exhausting. Or the times when strangers felt the need to tell me what a bad job Im doing. The moments I need to focus on are the ones where I see these small and beautiful blessings in our day to day life, when hard moments become slightly easier moments, or when new skills are developed and eventually perfected. When new interests take root and when family moments happen in the middle of normally busy times of day.

I need to focus on the moments of parenting where it all comes together harmoniously, to reflect on them and the feelings I had during them. I need to stop judging myself so harshly on what went into creating those moments and let them stand on their own, because when it all comes together, even briefly, it is beautiful.

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is weight loss good during pregnancy | Dual parenting while on hold

is weight loss good during pregnancy

We moved to South Carolina at the end of August for my husband to go through the pipeline (again). The first class up date for power school, October, my hubby did not get picked up. This week they put out the list of who will be classing up this time and my husbands name was on the list.

This morning when he came home and told me he was classing up, I was very surprised by my disappointment. Weve never been "on hold" like we have been here. He has had to muster twice a week while on hold, but he was home before 8 am every morning. By the time I got out of bed, he had already fed the boys breakfast and was cleaning up the kitchen, even on muster days. That was a definite bonus. By mid-November, I think we started grating on each other though. I really wanted him to class up soon. I told my mom, "If he doesnt class up this time, we are going to kill each other!" We dont have a busy calendar here and so we were all spending a lot of time at home together-- all.day.long. Wonderful for a month or so, but it is now December and we have been doing this since he graduated college in August (granted we did move from North Carolina to South Carolina during that time and he completed indoc, but, still, mostly just spent here at home). It is amazing how irritating little things can become when you spend all day, every day with someone.

Then we went on mini-vacation during Thanksgiving weekend. We spent four days at the beach with no plans, just hanging out as a family, away from our house and the day to day routine. We had so much fun. It was so refreshing coming home after that. And we talked about things we could do if he didnt class up this time... And I started thinking, "Oh, it would be nice if we could do this and that..."

So this morning I realized how much things will change around here. He fed the boys, as usual, this morning. While I got ready, he got the boys ready. While I was out of the house with the boys, he cleaned up the house and did the dishes. It really struck me just how much of a help he has been around here and how petty and silly the little things are. He would get irritated with me taking so long to get ready-- reading and talking on the phone to my sister while getting ready. I would get irritated with him for filling up the hamper after making a trip into his closet or not having the boys clean up their messes as they went. Today, that stuff all seemed silly. He gladly played with the boys while I chatted with my sister this morning, telling me to enjoy my last couple leisurely mornings. (Can I even emphasize how nice it is to have two parents home in the morning???) And when we got home, I noticed all the stuff he did do instead of all the stuff he didnt do and how much I appreciate him doing those things.

As for my feelings now that it has sunk in that hes classing up, Im fine with it. We came here for him to go through the pipeline and now hes started. Im surprised at how stressful it was to find out when he was classing up. For the October class he was told yes and no all the way up to the day school started. The next classes will probably be more of a roller coaster, SOBC and prototype. SOBC is unaccompanied in Connecticut. Prototype is either here or in upstate New York. I think Ill have a Navy wife heart attack if they tell him, "Oh yeah, you are classing up next week for prototype... in upstate New York." But I wont will do my best not to stress out about that until power school is over.

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vomiting during pregnancy weight loss | Baby 5 is a GIRL!

vomiting during pregnancy weight loss

I always dreamed about having a daughter. After two miscarriages (one of them being a molar pregnancy), 4 boys (including a set of identical twin boys), and a rough start to our 6th pregnancy, I felt that our chances of having a girl were pretty low. Ive heard throughout this pregnancy:

"Oh, my old neighbor growing up had seven boys! Then they had their girl."
"My moms best friend has five girls."
"Our cousin is pregnant with her fourth boy. They are stopping after this one! No more boys for them!"

And then myself. I have two friends with four boys: one just had her 5th and it was a girl, the other just had her 5th and it was a boy. Ahh!

So I scheduled my 20 week anatomy scan at my last OB appointment. The earliest they could get me in was 4 weeks away, when I would be 22+ weeks. I really thought I could wait that long. It would be torture, but I figured I just needed to hunker down and wait. I called my mom and told her to mark her calendar for the end of February when I would be getting the scan. She called me back and said, "Hey! I was on Google and found some places for you to go get a gender ultrasound done..." I was instantly sold and called immediately to get an appointment; they could see me the following week when I was 19 weeks.

I decided to surprise my husband. I made the appointment for while he was at work. I called my girlfriend and asked if she would go with me to help keep the gender a secret from me as well. Then I ran a few errands. I went to a baby boutique and put a boy outfit and girl outfit on hold. I told them my girlfriend would be coming in to pick up the appropriate genders outfit after my scan. Then I wrote on a notecard, "Congratulations! Its a ________!" I put the notecard in an envelope and set out to get my scan as soon as my husband left for work.

What a surprise this all was! My girlfriend did AMAZING. She never once let slip what the gender was. I have no idea how she kept that secret in. We got lunch together after the scan and while I babbled she kept her lips sealed, no slips of the tongue, no knowing glances, nothing. She told me later that she was worried she was smiling too much, but I never noticed anything. I think she did a fabulous job of keeping the secret and I was very caught up in the excitement of all of it.

After lunch, we drove by the baby boutique. She ran in and picked up the girl outfit. They triple wrapped the adorable set. My girlfriend told me she instructed them to do so, just in case I was tempted to peek before my husband came home from work. The put pink and blue tissue paper peeking out of the top of the bag. When she came to the car holding the package, my heart skipped a beat. I had tried preparing myself to wait for 4 weeks before the anatomy scan, but the couple hours before my husband came home from work now that we were so close to finding out were going to be impossible! When I dropped my girlfriend off at home she made me promise not to open the package. I reassured her I wouldnt, but, man, that package was quite tempting. I tucked it in a corner on the kitchen counter to keep it out of sight until my husband and I could open it together.

Thankfully I did not have long to wait. I immediately had to leave to pick our first grader up from school. While I was doing that, my husband called to say that he was on his way home for work-- early! Yay! I was ecstatic. I told the boys over and over again, "Hes on his way home! When he gets home we get to find out if you are having a brother or a sister!" The boys were caught up in the excitement of all of it. Our 4-year olds kept saying they hope we have a sister to name "Batman Girl." Our oldest insisted he wanted a brother. One of our 4-year olds asked if he would name the baby "Batman" if it was a boy. I thought of how I would surprise my husband when he came home. Im not very good at keeping secrets, so this was big for me. I wanted to play the whole thing out and act somewhat casual when he came inside, saying something like, "Oh, whats this? Maybe we should open it up together..." Instead, the moment his Jeep pulled in the driveway, our boys sprinted over yelling, "Dad! Mom found out what the baby is today! The baby in her tummy! It is a boy or a girl! Come inside and see!" My husband was still sitting in his vehicle looking very confused. He looks at me quizzically, "You found out today on your own? I didnt know you had anything scheduled." I couldnt help but laugh. I told him, "No, no, no. I went somewhere to have it done, but I didnt find out. We will find out all together when you come inside." It seems our boys have my ability to keep a secret.

He dutifully came inside and set his things down. Our boys swarmed him with the package and the envelope. We all went to the family room and quickly opened it up. They all leaned over his shoulder as he opened up the envelope. I took a video of him pulling the card out and holding it open for our first grader to read. Our oldest read, "Its a.... GIRL!" and that is when I stop filming. I asked my husband, "What? Let me see! Is it really?" He hands me the card and the ultrasound pictures tumble out. Two of the pictures are marked saying, "Girl," and the card clearly says, "Congratulations! Its a GIRL!" I started bawling. My husband then opens the package and hands the pink sleep and play with the delicate pink flowers and an adorable crotchet crown to me. I hold the little items and cry. He crouched down next to me and puts his arms around me, tears in his eyes as well, "We are having a girl! 4 amazing boys and a little girl!" I hugged all our boys and they danced around, "A girl! A sister!"

After that came phone calls and pictures and posts and text messages and hugging and more crying. One of my girlfriends drove over that night with an adorable red dress coat and a sweet play set for our baby girl. I opened the door and she had a big box in one hand a huge bouquet of pink balloons in the other.

It was all so exciting. It ended up being a great surprise. I loved finding out together as a family at home. I was a little worried my husband would be a little caught off guard by my early surprise-- when we werent expecting to go in for weeks-- but he was as excited about it all as I was. I dont know how many times we hugged each other that day (or since then... it is still a big shock!).

The other day a gal asked how many boys we have. I told her we have four boys. She nods to my round stomach and says, "Well, we know what that means! My girlfriend has five boys." I smiled and said, "This one is a girl!" I dont know when the novelty of having a girl will wear off. I think Im going to start crossing off the days until this summer when I can finally hold our last baby-- our daughter-- in my arms!

The other great part about knowing now that we are having a daughter is that I can finally do some girl baby shopping! Omigoodness... it is so much fun!

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fat weight loss during pregnancy | Having friends with a busy family

fat weight loss during pregnancy

As luck would have it, the Navy brought an old friend back into our lives! I love that aspect on military life, the possibility of being stationed with friends again! Our neighbor from Hawaii just moved to South Carolina and now lives basically down the road from us. The last time I saw her, my oldest was about the age of her little 1-year old son. Now I have a 5-year old and 2-year old twins. She has a sweet, bubbly 1-year old who was content snacking on Plum Organic Puffs in a high chair while her and I caught up. As you can imagine, my boys were less than agreeable.

2 and a half is just a straight up hard to manage age. It is difficult to deal with when you have one child. It is even more difficult with two 2 and a half year olds. Even more difficult than that? When you also have an older sibling in the mix. The toddlers want everything their older brother touches. They take his toys, they try to climb in the chair hes sitting on. If hes playing on the floor, they want to climb on his back, wrestle with him. If hes outside, they want to go outside with him. And, of course, he can always get an argument going. They will be sitting at the table and hell walk over and say, "No." Out of the blue. No context. Nothing to do with what they are doing. Just, "No." Immediately their panties get in a knot, "Yes!" they scream. He counters, "No." And so a heated debate ensues, "Yes!" "No." "Yes!" "No." "Yesyesyesyesyesyes!" "Nononononono!"

To quote the Grinch, "Oh, the NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE!"

I feel like the boys were so badly behaved during that whole playdate. Im definitely not saying that normally they are extremely well behaved, but things that normally arent such an issue were really difficult. Like, for some reason, our 5-year old started throwing his napkin in the air while sitting at the table eating lunch. He has literally never done that before. I was sitting with my girlfriend in the playroom, chatting, and we heard the loudest clanging coming from the family room. One of the toddlers had filled a bucket with blocks and dumped it upside down all over the floor. There were toys strewn everywhere. The toddlers screeched, "Noooo," when I told them to do something (honestly, so did our 5-year old). Our toddlers normally get tired and grouchy around 1 or 2, signaling naptime. They were behaving like they needed a nap at 12:30 pm! Omigosh, I think I apologized for interrupting our conversation to mediate arguing, screaming children like 10 times. When my husband came home that evening, I told him that it was just embarrassing.

My girlfriend, of course, was super sweet and didnt seem phased at all by our boys behavior. It is times like that that I wish I had a video of how things "normally" are around here, just so I can say, "It really isnt normally like this." Yes, things are normally busy. We normally have some degree of brotherly disagreements. We normally have a couple accidents, someone fell or something broke. We normally end up slightly off schedule or slightly late. We normally eat dinner a smidgen later than I wanted to. The toddlers are normally unpredictable at meal times-- will they eat today? Our 5-year old is normally extremely curious-- which has led to experiments gone awry. But normally it is just the right amount of chaos to keep each day exciting, keep me on my toes, keep things fun. Normally I dont need a referee whistle.

As a mom, it can be hard when your kids dont behave. In this instance, I really wanted them to put their best foot forward. I think I feel most self conscious of their behavior when hanging out with a mom who has younger kids than ours, when they havent "been there" yet. Now that our oldest is 5, some of the behaviors that I disagreed with in older children when he was an infant, I have found are just 5-year old behaviors. Some things I felt we would be strict on, we arent. Some things I thought we would be relaxed about, we arent. Some things I felt were signs of bad parenting, I dont anymore. Some things I felt were signs of good parenting, I dont anymore. It still can be hard when our kids arent being the sweet boys I know they can be, when they dont show the charming sides of themselves that we see. When the only glimpse given to a new (or new to them) friend isnt the glimpse I would have chosen.

This is why Im grateful for the friends in our life. Yeah, my girlfriend was probably a little overwhelmed yesterday. A 1-year old is seriously adorable, especially her sweet little boy. But she was understanding and actually wants to meet up with us again soon! :) Im not just grateful for our non-judgmental mommy friends. I mean all our good friends, our married friends without kids who truly enjoy hanging out with us and who always are exceedingly sweet to our boys (seriously, who wouldnt love people that not only say they love our boys, but who also play with them while I clean up dinner? Yeah. Fabulous). Our adult friends-- single, dating, engaged-- that find our busy family fun. My girlfriends that chat with our kids on the phone, that have special treats for them when we come to visit, that are available when we come to town for a girls night out (I love when my girlfriends love my kids and I love when my girlfriends take me out without my kids! Lol!). I love our friends who also have big families, like the friends I made in North Carolina with kids spaced like ours, twins and a singleton, or families with kids similar ages as ours, like a new friend made here in South Carolina. It is nice to be able to tell someone that the kids went nuts when company came over and they truly relate. Haha! :)

 

And, of course, friends like the gal I met up with yesterday who have littler kids than ours, who are accepting of our boys-- the good, the bad, and the downright toddler tantrums. I know from first hand experience how it feels to hold your sweet, well-behaved infant and watch a toddler have an epic meltdown over, say, a napkin. I know how it feels to think, "I will handle that much differently." I know how it feels to be absolutely surprised when my adorable toddler is face down and red-faced when company comes over or snatching toys at a playdate (or worse, snatching toys and then hitting his friends with those toys). I think that is part of the reason why I feel so self-conscious of the boys behavior in those situations, because I was that gal with the little guy before and I know what I thought on many occasions.

It really has been a humbling experience for me being on the other side of this scenario, the one with more kids, older kids. I hope that I can be the friend to these gals that my friends with more and older kids were to me back then.

What do you do when your kids misbehave?

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weight loss early pregnancy no vomiting | Disenchanted

weight loss early pregnancy no vomiting

 

9 years now I’ve been married to my submariner. In a lot of ways, I thought that being married for 9 years would feel… different, maybe better. I thought we would have a lot more of life figured out. I thought that I would really grasp submarine life by now and feel like “an adult.” When I think back to when we first got married and how green I was then—yes, I am an adult and we have grown and, dang, submarine life has a lot of twists and turns, you know? But really this year has left me feeling blah. Returning to life on an active submarine after his break with the STA-21 program was a lot like I thought it would be. However, I thought it would be “crazy, shocking, and a real eye opener.” In all of those ways, it has been. His schedule on the boat is different than what they told us it would be when he got his orders before we moved from South Carolina. I will say that the schedule changes have all been in our favor—more time home, less time at sea—but these changes weren’t all handed to us in a neat little folder that I could mark on my calendar. They’ve slowly unraveled over weeks and months, always uncertain and always unsure of what was coming next, never sure what to tell the children or what to set my hopes on. I’ve now put his boat schedule in a bubble that I let float over my head, never letting it rest too long on the forefront of my mind or else I start stressing about “what it might be,” “what it could be,” “what it will mean,” and “how it will unfold.”

The children in turn have dealt with a return to boat life how you would expect a first grader, preschoolers, and a baby to handle it. They feed off of their parents’ nervous energy and all of the changes that have come their way in the past several months. They have regressed in areas that are normally in their control and have accelerated in areas that have surprised us. They have been resilient and exhausting and full of excitement and worry. “Knowing” or “anticipating” how children will behave in these sort of situations is very different than walking it day in and day out with 4 little faces making demands of you.

Living so far away from family has, again, been close to what I expected it would be. We knew we were putting west coast choices down for our top 4 when our family is on the east coast. We have a strong desire to make the most of his military career, to live in places we wouldn’t live otherwise, to venture out of our comfort zones and really live life to the fullest. But, dang, living life to the fullest is exhausting sometimes. I don’t feel like I’m anywhere near enjoying myself to the fullest here. I love the northwest and feel a peace in it. Our home is beautiful. The area is beyond beautiful. It has been family friendly and I’m met a handful of good friends. Yet, I feel so far away from my family and some of my best friends. I wish that I could compress all the best things from all the places we’ve lived and move all my favorite people there. While I think longingly of North Carolina, when I have that wild fantasy of getting out of the Navy life and moving all of us there, it still doesn’t have all my favorite people there or some of the elements from various states we’ve lived in. I feel like a wanderer, trying to figure out where it is we belong and all the time wishing that the people we loved could take every step of this journey with us.

The military life has left me feeling restless lately. There are so many elements of boat life that are exactly the same as the last time we were on a boat. They were hard then and now we are walking through them all over again. It makes me think, “Really? Again? Will I be facing those exact same things on his next boat tour too??” It is like Groundhog’s Day but in real life. We keep growing and our family is growing yet the boat life is always the same—different boat, different duty station, same old Navy. It hasn’t seemed to phase my hubby much. He’s glad to be back on a boat after so much time spent at school. I have to say, his enthusiasm for his job often leaves me feeling guilty. I am so glad that he has a passion for what he does—obviously—or else this Navy life would be exceptionally pointless and exhausting, but it is hard when he seems to be finding a level of satisfaction right now and I am focused so much on the hard points. He can’t share with me all the “cool” things he does at work and they take so much time—14 hour days, 3 day duty sections. And after hearing all these amazing stories of what “off crew” would be like, I’m left disappointed. I don’t know if we are dealing with a strange schedule or if having 4 children makes it feel like there just aren’t enough hours in the day, but we haven’t yet had the experience where off crew is this smooth sailing period where he is home before our son’s school lets out.

I know I’m not the only one who has had periods of time where they are disenchanted with the Navy. When we first got married, it was a rough transition from being single and dating to being married to a submariner (all the way across the country from my family). It was rough. I’m not struggling to the same degree as I was then, but I do struggle to find the joy in the midst of all these changes and the new patterns being imposed on our life. I’ve struggled hard with duty days, which surprised me because I didn’t struggle with them so much the first time we were on the boat. They didn’t bother me as much then. We only had one baby then and so I’m not sure if being pregnant with our fifth and having four bouncing boys is what is making it such a struggle, but I miss him. The children and I rely on him. He makes me laugh and makes the bedtime routine fun. The boys miss their dad. I miss his company and clearly his help. With a tight duty rotation it feels like he works, works, works and then is sleeping on the boat only to start work, work, work again.

And there are so many people that I just miss living here. I wish I lived next door to my best friend again. I miss my family and my sisters. I miss the warm beach. I miss his schedule in North Carolina. It was a beast then, but I knew even then that when we left it would be something I looked fondly back on (and here I am! Looking fondly back on it…). I think one of the biggest lessons I have learned being a submarine wife is that I need to be able to find my joy and my heart even if places where it isn’t easily found. It is hard to be upbeat and look at the bright side when you feel lonely and isolated. It is hard to feel involved and supportive when you are left on the sidelines, especially after so much time where it felt like a team effort. One of the hardest things has been that the list of “goals” I made for myself have to materialize since we’ve been here. My time has been stretched and things I planned on doing aren’t going to be possible for the time being. I have to trust God and find the patience to wait(but, God! All I do is wait!). There have been more than a few moments here where I’ve wondered what my place will be over the next couple years we are stationed here. I’m still not sure. I don’t know. Maybe I won’t be sure at all and then when we move from here it will click what I’ve been doing all this time. For now I’m plugging away in all the ways that God has brought to my attention. My family keeps me busy and I’m not sure that there is anything else that God has revealed to me at the moment. I just have to trust.

Have you ever felt disenchanted with the Navy? How did you get through that period in time?

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